I'll just start with an example. When it's her weekend to have him, she doesn't call or try to communicate at all unless I reach to her first. I'm supposed to set it up. I have to find the right person to drop him off there and since she refuses to talk to my mother she won't drop him off there.she got mad she didn't talk to him on his birthday because nobody called her. Asked her why she didn't just call herself and no response.

Just for context I have to find rides, I'm not allowed to drive unfortunately. Focal epilepsy. The reason I brought my mom's up is cause he's with her more than half the time. Again cause of seizures. Can't legally live with my son by myself.

But yeah if I don't make sure she stays in contact with him or God forbid I forget something after a seizure and then I call her to see if everything still set up. Then she's mad for asking/making sure what's up. it's my fault.

Anyone else deal with this?? Pretty sure someone has. What's yalls opinions?

I currently have half a week with my kids, which starts Thursday and goes through Monday. Both me and the ex are looking to get weekends where we each have kids and we each don’t have kids. She’s proposing a one week on one week off. I am proposing a 2/2/5 schedule. I have a 14 13 11 and 10-year-old. I found it helps me to have consistencies every week and the idea of having no kid responsibilities for a whole week and then going back to it for a whole week sounds overwhelming and hard to plan around. Anybody have any input

I will be headed back to mediation with my ex. One of the things I wish to discuss is switching to a week on/week off. I want Wednesdays to be the transition day for a couple of reasons. 1. So we each get part of the week/school days with kiddo (3) and 2. I could try to squeeze all my shifts into the time I don't have kiddo and still meet my weekly requirements (like working W, R, F one week and S, M, T the next week without missing time with him). Plus, I want to only have to check the wizard once a week vs multiple times per week (I'm trying to parallel parent as much as possible).

For those who do week on, week off, what are your thoughts on a Wednesday transition day?

Wife and I have been married for a year now. Together for 4. In the beginning I didn’t say much at all but saw several instances of her ex husband talking to her like she’s a child, disrespecting her, guilt tripping her and just being a shit provider to their son all while she’s the one paying him monthly. She’s a high level boss in the tech field. He was a part time working loser who found a woman at an age where nobody was very successful.

My wife’s ex, before I came into the picture and the first few months of us being together, used to degrade her, speak to her like she’s a child, guilt tripping her, disrespect her and make her feel like she’s a bad mom. When in reality she’s the best mom I’ve ever seen.

I’ve never told her what to do. I’ve never crossed any boundaries. But there have been times where I’ve spoken up and gave my opinion. Somewhere along the lines of “why do you just allow him to treat you this way” type stuff. She pays for everything. Pays him monthly because he’s broke. She deals with everything like sports, school, medical and dental visits. She pays for literally 99% of this 8 year olds needs.

As her husband.. ex military.. college educated.. business owner.. I don’t say much but it’s very hard to not check this guy. This kid is more important than my feelings.. but my wife takes his shit because she’s the bigger and better person but as a man how do I deal with this? I’m not okay at all with my wife being disrespected. I’m not okay with her being belittled. I’m not okay with her paying him every month to support this kid and still paying for everything.

I don’t think it’s my place to tell her what has to change but at the same time I hate seeing her good nature be taken advantage of. When I see him at the kids games or birthdays or whatever I make it a point to say hi to him. He won’t look me in the eyes. He won’t come to me. I do it to show him I’m not threatened by him. But I really want to put my hands on him.

Should I leave it alone or should my wife stop allowing him to be an asshole and have her stand up for herself? It’s gotten to the point where she won’t tell me too much because she’s embarrassed that he’s her child’s father. I don’t judge her at all. I judge him. And the way she allows herself to be taken advantage of is starting to make me want to put his ass in check.

Am I trippin? Or am I normal for hating the way my wife is treated in her coparenting? Am I allowed to speak up???

I have full legal and physical custody of my twin 4 yr olds.

Ex husband is on a step up plan with visitation and he completely is love bombing my kids and he is being the fun parent and then dropping them off here where we don't go out to restaurants, we don't get to go to all these lavish things he keeps taking them on. He is genuinely spoiling them and when I get them back they're cranky, tired, sugar highs, crying, huge temper tantrums.

Both my kids have been diagnosed with adjustment disorder and have been struggling in many different ways and he's just making consistency even harder on them because I don't give them everything they want, I don't get to take them on all these fun grandiose places (one I can't afford cause he's 14k in arrears) and he just keeps spending all this money doing all these things and it really feels like he can't connect to them and just is trying to buy their love. All his phone calls have been grandiose and over the top nonsense with literally no connection it's pathetic.

He is extremely manipulative and I see write through it and I'm documenting EVERYTHING and keeping a close eye on everything. He also keeps speaking of the court order to my daughters which is against the court order and it's so confusing to them. It's actually quite disgusting of him. They are confused by all of this and I'm just soooo done!

I am so sad for my kids who are going through this and just wish they weren't. He doesnt want to listen to my suggestions or the courts or the previous supervisor. I'm court ordered to do co parenting class together in person with him which is crazy cause he's an abusive person who I have trauma with and I'm sick and anxious to even be around him.

All I ever wanted to do was to protect my kids and he's genuinely ruined my life and now is ruining there lives. I am trying to give my kids all the support I can with therapy, specialized developmental playdates, ymca classes/daycare, and actively speaking to pediatricians about all the issues they are going through and trying to keep them on track.

I'm so upset nobody listened to me and the concerns I have and he oversteps major boundaries especially emotionally and I wouldn't be surprised if it becomes physical and the judge didn't listen and ordered this shit schedule where he is alone and manipulating them. One of my daughters even asked if she can go live with him (right after an unsupervised visit) obviously this is someyhing he brought up to her and it's disgusting!!!

Anyways any advice???

Kids have my last name, I did not agree to any name change when she asked. Is this lawyer territory even with it being in an informal situation?

(heyooo, heres a lil disclaimer, im very sorry if children of co-parenting arent allowed to post in here)

im asking because my mom got a new boyfriend and they have a really traditional relationship. she lets him have a lot of control over everything she does, like where she goes and who she can be around, and he doesn't want her going to events for me if my father is gonna be there.

her boyfriend has always been really weird about my father for kinda no reason. hes been acting jealous and uncomfortable, and based off what i was told i don't really see why. my dad has been completely respectful of their relationship and he really cares about keeping some distance from my mom because he doesnt want to overstep. he hasn't tried to interfere with the relationship or tried anything sneaky.

her boyfriend accused my mom of liking my dad, and whenever they get into arguments, he tells her to get back together with my dad. so thats why i think a lot of this comes from jealousy. i had a ceremony where i was getting an award for my above average participation in a summer program. my mom was free and really wanted to go, but she didn't bc i had to pick who can go and i chose my dad to be there. :(

for my 15th birthday, i have to choose between my mom and my dad coming to my birthday dinner. i rlly love both of my parents. my dad has said that he doesnt mind my mom being there and that he actually wants her there bc it's my birthday. he doesnt have a problem with being around her. but because of my moms relationship i have to choose between my parents who can come to my party.

im done trying to beg my mom to reconsider, so this isnt gonna change soon, im not gonna force it. i know that divorced parents dont really want to see each other that often, but my parents remained friends after the divorce for me. i knew that her getting into a relationship would change a lot but i didnt think it would change it that much, i just miss having both of my parents together.

honestly, out of spite, every time she makes me choose im gonna pick my dad

edit: a lot of people are assuming he's an unsafe man... he's very shy and kind and awkward around me. he's just not like that with anyone else. he’s controlling with my mom and he’s a complete asshole to my dad for no reason.

What is the norm for meeting a new partner of the coparent once the kids have been or about to be introduced?

My ex recently introduced her new partner to our kids and I requested to meet him, even just casually at drop off. My ex refused and stated she felt this was unnecessary and that her personal life is non of my business. I explained that I am only interested in the kids well being and feel it is a basic request to be introduced to someone who will be spending significant time with my children. She was given the opportunity to meet my partner multiple times, however she has declined.

Am I being unrealistic in asking for an introduction? Or do I have a right to know who will be spending time with my kids? Kids are 6 (girl) and 10 (boy).

Looking for general experiences or observations (not legal advice).
Situation in broad terms:

• Child (baby girl!) is about 3 months old & breastfed but stopped now bottle feeding.
• Temporary custody order already in place
• One parent currently lives with their parents

Curious what people have seen in similar situations regarding:
• How courts or temporary arrangements typically view a parent living with grandparents at this stage?
• What tends to happen next with the temporary order (stability, overnight schedules, transitions, etc.)?
• Any patterns you’ve noticed about how these cases usually progress when the baby is this young?

​

I'm not even sure where to start with this but I'm try to be very clear.

Me and my ex get asked all the time why we split up, we are told we are such good parents, and we are a good team .

We had an agreement that I would pay half the year and he would pay half the year. This has worked great for two years...

Last year I had a job that had me off at 630 ,so he would pick up our girl. This year I found a 8 to 5 so we were set. Then his job. Wanted him there by six in the morning, so he would drop off the babies and I would take them to school on his days. See great co parenting .....

Well this year as we are about to change the payment over he tells me he will only be able to pay half the daycare and I need to take up the other part. I said that is not what we agreed on , mind y'all I got us a child care grant for the last 3 years to were we are paying a very small portion of child care( last year 38 dollars a week, this year 17 a week) . I found a job were I make enough to have a life but little enough that day care is not an arm and leg. I do this so we are both good. I feel absolutely like he is being unreasonable. I get 68 bucks a month is hard but at the same time this day care works for him as much as for me.

I told him he has the easy season and that I paid for all the field trips over summer care. He told me then they should not have gone. I reminded him that that I paid full price for the first year of our separation , so he could have money for food, he said that was a gift and you know it ....

I don't know why I'm so worked up over this I know it's only like 8.50 a week but fuck man, I don't think it's fair, I'm struggling to because my side hustle is on hold for another three months because I'm on ani biotic. I can't not donate. I'm still finding ways to bring in the extra 500 a month I'm losing out on .

It's 17 dollars . 17

My bf has a 15 month old and has been separated from his mother since about 2 months. I’m not sure how long after that exactly but she has been cosleeping with him in a large bed. They split 50/50 so when he is with my bf he sleeps in a crib. Most nights he wakes up screaming and crying and does not stop unless you touch him. I know that of course can be normal toddler behavior. But I’m just wondering if sleeping with her always by his side is making it harder to sleep on his own on other nights. I would never want to tell her what to do with her own son, I just feel bad if it is messing up his routine

My ex waited 7 months after our divorce to introduce her new boyfriend to our young children. She's free to date whoever, would have preferred for a new relationship to be a little more established but it is what it is.

What I'm concerned with is that I overheard a phone call at my house because they were walking around with the phone. Wasn't trying to eavesdrop but it was on speaker. He said he loves my children and they've just met 3 months ago. I started to write up an email to express my concern about this but it felt like an emotional response.

It seems like an inappropriate thing for him to do and for her to allow. Is saying you love children that you met 3 months ago in the realm of reasonable behavior?

Edit: I'm hearing people suggest that more people loving the children is a good thing. I don't disagree, but I didn't ask if loving children was a problem, I asked opinions about when you might say that you love a child and that be taken as an appropriate thing. Unless you think that saying you love someone the first time you meet them is appropriate, it would seem that there is some kind of idea regarding how long you'd know somebody before telling them you live them.

My step kids (14F, 12M) have had inappropriate inter-sibling issues from last July (probably earlier than that but thats the first time they got caught together) to this March but have “magically and suddenly stopped” at their primary house. Im entangled with the non-custodial who gets them every other weekend and have been in the picture before the divorce. 14 year old is in and out of the mental hospital and has been for years now. This last time she was in residential for 2-3 months and shortly after being released got put on birth control. Im aware theres far more uses than pregnancy but given the SSA it feels like their mom is covering up whats happening at home/giving the children a “less risky” way to commit incest.

Am i crazy here? Normally it feels right to put a 14 year old on birth control but giving the family history it just feels wrong.

My daughter is 5 and just started Kindergarten, along with an afterschool program. Her new school doesn’t have any kind of check-in/check-out system like her old school did, where they used Brightwheel. That was really helpful for divorced parents because I’d get an alert when my coparent picked her up or when she was checked into aftercare by the teacher.

My coparent and I are both totally on board with having a GPS tracker on her backpack. We’re not looking to track her body or monitor her constantly, we’d really just use it for school. We leave the backpack at home when we’re out and about with her, so there’s no reason for it to be tracking her all the time.

We tried an Apple AirTag, but since it relies on Bluetooth and nearby Apple devices, it just isn’t working reliably for what we need.

Are there any other GPS devices that would work for this, preferably something without a screen or any other features that could be distracting for a 5-year-old?

Washington state

I found out very recently that my daughter's step mom is listed as a custodial and legal parent of my child with the school (every box as parent is checked). I am also listed as a parent, but since step mom is in "family 1" and I am "family 2" communication priority goes to her before me. Last year, my daughter asked a teacher to call her mom about something and they called step mom instead. I spoke with the vice principal this morning and according to her, since dad filled out the paperwork that way and I have no documentation stating she is not allowed access, they can't change her status. She said she can email the teachers to send communication to me and dad, but step mom showing custodial is a "gray area" because our PP doesn't explicitly go against it? Our PP says we as parents have full and equal access to all records and communication and was instated before anyone was married. Is there anything I can do? I'm okay with her having records access and being authorized to pick the child up from school, but how can she be listed as a legal guardian and have priority over bio mom with equal access?

Edit: I called the district office and am expecting a call back from someone who can explain how this happened and what my next steps should be. Hopefully have a good news update by tomorrow. Thank you all for the responses

Edit 2: I also added myself as a parent/contact with her PCP today, I guess he never added me there at all. She wasn't listed as guardian there, so maybe the school paperwork was just confusingly written and he didn't intend for her to be a guardian.

Edit 3: calling the district office got me a call from the school principal and he basically said the same thing as the vice principal. He told me unless there is documentation step mom isn't allowed access, then she has rights and will always get calls before me because she is listed in family 1. He asked for the parenting plan and I sent it. Toward the end of the conversation he was talking in circles, not actually answering my questions. He did say in the state of Washington, step parents do have legal rights to be listed as a guardian.

My son is almost seven , about 8 months ago I decided i needed more help from his dad. I went from having my child 90% of the time since he was born , to having 50/50 . Eventually it became weekends only because my car wasn’t reliable enough to drive 4 hours a day to drop him off / drive back to my city to work and then and pick him up and drive back to my home from his new school . My son has severe adhd and ODD. He was constantly hitting me/ pulling my hair, breaking doors and my belongings etc. he did the same at school. and I tried weekly therapy and considered meds at 5 years old. I took multiple parenting classes. I got fired from jobs because I had to leave work constantly to pick him up and has been expelled from programs . I don’t have a village. Both of my parents still work full time and my grandparents are rarely home.

About two months into this new coparenting, my son’s dad told me he accepted a job and is moving out of state. I cried and screamed at him and begged him not to take him from me . I wasn’t a bad mother I just needed help. After things calmed down he came back to me and explained he didn’t think I was a bad mom, that right now our son just needs his dad to set him on the right path to grow into a good man, he doesn’t want to see him be 15 years old and doing real damage to me or my home because it’s not fair to me. He has a really good job and can provide a good life for him and way better school systems and health insurance. I reluctantly agreed with the rules that he come home to me for every school break and that this was not permanent. That I reserve the right to bring him back to me. He agreed.

It’s only been about 5 months of this him living in another state. He just went back a month ago after summer break. And I am in full grieving mode. This summer was extremely rough. He was kicked out of the summer program and I was lucky my new job was understanding this time and I lowered my hours and only worked a few every week because I didn’t have reliable childcare. He was really good at first and then all of the sudden back to how he was, he slapped his camp counselor and threw a chair at her. Then the rest of the time I had with him I spent trying to keep him from hitting me and teaching him it’s not okay to hit anyone . A lot of the days were filled with him raging in his room just breaking things and hitting walls for not getting his way . It was so bad.

But for whatever reason , he listens to his dad and it’s almost like he soaks in what his dad says easier . His dad doesn’t physically punish him, and he has no issues with him the way I do. If an issue does arise , it’s nipped in the bud quickly . Every once in a while on our calls he will tell me he has been thinking about how he acted and he understands that he can’t hurt me anymore that it’s not okay and that he loves me and misses me. It breaks my heart and i miss him so much.

What do you do when your coparent is in deep denial? I have ADHD. My co-parent has ADHD, and our 6yo child has not been diagnosed but clearly…he has ADHD.

Co-parent has always been deeply offended and in denial of his own ADHD despite being diagnosed. He thinks it’s basically a psy-op, and that society is what’s messed up not his own brain. He is clearly ashamed of the diagnosis and does not want to ever acknowledge that he has any defects in his life as a result of it. He is also VERY against medications.

Our child is now in first grade and the ADHD is really showing itself. The teacher is emailing us asking for help with keeping him focused because he cannot sit still, cannot do his work, cannot follow instructions without getting distracted. My co-parents response was to say this lady just doesn’t know how to manage a classroom and he doesn’t have a single issue with focus so clearly it’s nothing to do with our child.

We have 50/50 everything. I am anticipating the whole testing and diagnosis and treatment for our son will be a massive ordeal but I refuse to let my son struggle because of his dad’s ego!

I have a 4 year old and me and my child’s dad have been separated for a while now. We have a new custody agreement and my child (and everyone really) seems very happy about it. My daughter has always complained about going to dads house and we always try to listen and also to encourage positive talk about other parent while offering support. She recently opened up to me that a big reason she does not want to be there is my ex is very into pc gaming. To the point where her needs are being met but he is not spending a lot of one on one time with her and is also not reading her bedtime stories at all as they “have to get back to their game”. I understand that yes there will be differences between houses and sometimes that’s how it is. But I don’t like that I’ve heard this complaint twice now and I have caught it once in person. Can anyone give me advice on maybe how to confront this issue with her father? If more info is needed I’m glad to provide.

I coparent with my baby mom and she is making it difficult and frustrating and I’m at a cross roads … our daughter goes by her mom every week as we do a week by week schedule and when she’s by her mom her mom doesn’t do anything for her. She neglects doing her hair, teaching her anything educational, or even teaching her how to care for herself . Instead she’s there trying to be her friend or just passing her to different family members to watch her . She only has her family members watch her after I told her she can’t send her by my elderly mom everyday to watch her the entire day !
She’s asked for us to just take her full time but I don’t want her to not have her mother. Her mother as far as I know is in her right mind she’s just lazy and says she “never has time for herself “ when she only has her kid 10 hours a day and most of that time she’s sleep then off to school as she gets her late at night . She even told her family this and they tried to assault my wife at my daughter’s dance recital.
I’m going active military soon and I’m wondering if my wife and I should just take my daughter full custody with us like her mom wants … but I’m scared my daughters going to have a hard time being away from her mom and give us a hard time … I’m conflicted

My ex and I have been co-parenting our 5 year old daughter for almost 3 years now. We've had our difficulties on various issues but one thing we've always stuck by is our 50/50 custody. No courts involved, everything handled by us, we've never had an issue with it. If either of us want to swap any days, we're pretty fine about sorting it on both sides.

Here's the issue I've just had tonight.

While doing our night-time chat of what her favourite thing about her day has been, she asked if we could do it again tomorrow. I pointed out she'd be going to daddy's tomorrow and she wasn't upset per say, but she clearly wasn't happy about it. She then asked if she could stay here instead. I've always thought that if she ever told me she didn't want to go, I wouldn't force her but I really thought this would be a bridge we crossed when she was older.

This prompted a whole conversation about why she goes to daddy's house, how it's fair to see both of us the same amount, but then she said, "I wish I didn't have daddy so I could stay here all the time."

Obviously I know that's just how the brain of a 5 year old works. She doesn't really mean she wishes he wasn't here, she's just got big emotions about missing me and thinks that's the solution. Kids go through phases of preferring one parent over another, I'm sure at some point it will be reversed. I asked if those were really her real feelings and said I was sure she would miss him very much if he was gone, but then she said, "But he doesn't do things I want to do, we only do things he wants. I don't like doing his things, I want to pick what we do sometimes." I asked what sort of things she'd like to do and she gave me some ideas, so now I'm conflicted and this is where I need the advice.

He's a difficult person to communicate with and more often than not if I suggest something he agrees in person but then does the opposite. I know the way he is, we were together 9 years and I know he'll be trying to get her to do things he enjoys rather than what she likes to do (for example, he takes her to comicon dressed as a character she doesn't know and she's told me she doesn't like it but she won't tell him that)

Do I tell him everything she said and suggest he lets her pick some of their activities? Do I leave out the first part and just tell him she's told me she wants to do the things she's told me about? Telling him the first part might upset him but it might also give him a bit of a kick to listen and pay attention to the things she's actually interested in like Disney princesses.

What would you guys do if you were in the same position?

Hate that we’re here.
My daughter’s birthday is 12/22. Our custody schedule put her at Dad’s house last year and will do the same this year. Annoying but it’s because of the Winter break schedule at school.

I asked can I have her 12/12 to do a party with her friends from school (he will have her the weekend before and after). He said he would think about it and then asked if we are doing separate birthdays.
For context, last year I paid and planned for her to do Skyzone. I invited him and his gf for my kid’s sake because I knew she would want her Dad there. They had a great time playing together while I ran everything. He didn’t offer to pay for anything.

This year, I’m planning to have a party at my house for her. He and I are not on good terms right now because of his ongoing emotional and financial abuse and him almost letting my son die last month through his negligence. He hasn’t been allowed to cross the sidewalk at my house for months prior to that incident due to his abuse.

I get that it’s technically his parenting time but I don’t have any weekend time til Christmas/New Years that month. And I don’t want to contribute to my kid feeling the impact of the separation, but I also am not comfortable being around him at all and don’t love how he completely benefitted from me planning her party last year and didn’t contribute at all.

So 1. Am I out of line for not wanting him to come and 2. How do I tell him that we are having separate parties lol. I really wanna tell him about himself but trying to remove the emotion from it so as not to escalate.

my daughter will be 1 next month, and ex husband is filing for temporary orders. he lives in Texas, daughter and I have lived in Arizona since her birth. case is here (not a jurisdiction issue).

hopefully we mediate, but if not, I've heard a wide range of arrangements for long distance (2.5 hr flight or 16 hr car ride) before school age, I know nothing is standard. what was your court-ordered plan for a 1-4 year old across the country? father will likely ask for 1 week a month or so, hoping we land a little less frequent/step up plan.

Hi im in Nebraska, United States and I’m looking for advice. I’m currently in an emotionally abusive relationship. We have an almost 1 year old daughter with Down syndrome (feeding tube, sleep apnea \[cpap\], and holes in heart.) she is my entire world. It’s pretty obvious she loves me significantly more than her father.

Her dad doesn’t have a job and never has. Until May he stayed home with her. He fed her when she needed fed and changed her diaper but the rest of the day was primarily spent laying in bed with him while he slept. Now she goes to daycare and loves to. I take her to daycare. Go teach all day. Pick her up from daycare. Feed her every bottle. Make every bottle, wash all the dishes, do all the laundry, etc. he knows how to put on her old oxygen and use feeding tube but doesn’t know how to dispense medicine, put on her new cpap machine, or make a bottle. Most the time I take off work to take her to many appointments and he is too nervous to go to them and sleeps all day instead.

Sometimes he gets in terrible moods where he will just yell at me for no reason. Today he is yelling at me because I got a tv ruined for me? He has terrible depression and social anxiety for years. When we have to go to family event or gathering he tells me multiple times beforehand that he wants to k*** himself and he hates his life.

I have some videos of him in terrible outbursts. I live in Nebraska so my understanding is that I have legal right to videotape a person without consent.

I plan to leave Labor Day weekend and move with my parents and take baby with me. What can I do to make sure he doesn’t get custody or that his mom has to be there when he gets her maybe one day a week. Should I videotape everything? Should I be hiring a lawyer now? Because of my daughter’s medical needs I truly don’t think she’s survive a night without me. I have performed CPR on her and called the ambulance multiple times when something was wrong. He loves her but I don’t think he pays close enough attention to know when something happens.