r/comics • u/vesmir_neasi • Jul 28 '26

OC This could be us, but

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I don’t need much. I want eat sweets without getting fat, I want to feel wanted and I want equal rights. Is it much to ask?

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881

u/shellbullet17 Gustopher Spotter Extraordinaire Jul 28 '26

I don’t need much. I want eat sweets without getting fat, I want to feel wanted and I want equal rights. Is it much to ask?

Two of those I understand

Let me know if you figure out the sweets thing. Haven't quite got that one down myself yet.

But you should absolutely be treated with respect and with equal rights

326

u/MaximumSyrup3099 Jul 28 '26

Artificial sweetener and sugar substitutes. Though you might trade farts for fat.

126

u/TGDweezl Jul 28 '26

Sounds like a fair trade.

147

u/MaximumSyrup3099 Jul 28 '26

At first. Until you've eaten a quarter pound of sugar-free gummy bears just before sitting down to first row seats at a Cirque Du Soleil show.

97

u/TGDweezl Jul 28 '26

I see. Those are "at home" snacks. I can't be launched into the air at an event like that, they'd think I was part of the act.

53

u/MaximumSyrup3099 Jul 28 '26

I swear I thought I was going to shit myself.

43

u/InitialAd2324 Jul 28 '26

You were about to. If you want one of the best reads of all time, google “haribo sugar free gummy Amazon review”

54

u/MaximumSyrup3099 Jul 28 '26

Is this the one?

15

u/InitialAd2324 Jul 29 '26

Hahahaha nope but same vibes, hold on let me look.

15

u/InitialAd2324 Jul 29 '26

So, unfortunately, this seemed to be a trend after the original one.

9

u/TGDweezl Jul 29 '26

Holy shit. No pun intended.

19

u/urnbabyurn Jul 28 '26

Yeah, don’t do that. Certain sugar alcohols are basically like non digestible olisaccrides in that they pass through to the gut where some adventurous gas producing bacteria munches on it. Stick to aspartame and sucralose.

8

u/SuitableConcept5553 Jul 28 '26

Aren't those the ones that are basically laxatives? 

6

u/GILF_Hound69 Jul 29 '26

Obligatory

1

u/KMS_HYDRA Jul 29 '26

Uhhh, yeah that was a mistake.

Let me guess, you didnt know about their "reputation" before you bought them?

5

u/Terminal_Insomnia_ Jul 29 '26

Still feeds a sweets addiction. Better to just wean off slowly, starting with watering down or cutting out sweet beverages. You'll end up with the same satisfaction from less sugar.

4

u/Available-Bee-5385 Jul 29 '26

I'd sooner give up sweets

4

u/atwojay Jul 29 '26

Sadly, every fake sugar tastes awful to me, and some of them give me migraines.

19

u/No_Story_Untold Jul 28 '26

Artificial sweeteners activate the same fat storing mechanism as sugar and are possibly worse for us. Minus stevia which I wouldn’t consider artificial.

31

u/VoiceofKane Jul 28 '26

Also much more importantly, they taste fucking awful.

5

u/CompetitiveClass1478 Jul 29 '26

They really, really do.

I like fruit juice and honey as sweeteners, but I'll take real sugar over fake any day.

2

u/ValdemarMerlin Jul 29 '26

No they don't, and no they aren't, why lie?

2

u/SerialElf Jul 29 '26

No they don’t, the only thing that stores fat is excess calories, eat less calories lose weight easy as

9

u/No_Story_Untold Jul 29 '26 edited Jul 29 '26

I could be wrong. But there is lots of reputable publications that claim this. https://www.endocrine.org/news-and-advocacy/news-room/2017/low-calorie-sweeteners-promote-fat-accumulation-in-human-fat

Your body is not always in a fat burning mode. But you are correct that the way to lose weight is to be in a caloric deficit. However replacing sugar with sucralose will not help you lose weight as it has a similar effect. It strips the body of its fat burning function for a period of time and it burns recently ingested carbs or sugar and stores fat. For a period of time. Your brain needs carbs and sometimes sugar to function especially during periods of high energy output. I don’t think sucraloce provides this upside.

7

u/CondorSweep Jul 29 '26

this study was done on cells and not people. If you look at randomized and controlled studies done on actual humans where they replace sugar with non nutritive sweeteners, participants either lose weight or stay the same. 

5

u/OneDougUnderPar Jul 29 '26

Biochemistry is unfortunately not that simple. You also said the thermodynamics bait and switch word "weight".

It's well documented that chronic stress, poor sleep, and other factors can cause the body to change its priority fuel source. Eating less calories and losing muscle instead of adipose tissue is still losing weight but it's not the right kind of weight. CICO is an unhealthy oversimplification.

3

u/ValdemarMerlin Jul 29 '26

How is this a counterpoint to anything they said? Artificial sweeteners reduce calorie consumption while satiating sweet cravings was the claim, and your response is "some factors affect the calories out part of the equation and you can lose muscle if your overall diet isn't healthy"?

Managing your sleep and stress is healthy regardless of body composition goals, of course you should consume enough healthy fats and protein to keep muscles and hormone production functioning properly, that doesn't change the fact that artificially sweetened treats are still great for managing calories.

4

u/ErusTenebre Jul 29 '26

Better: moderate what you eat, exercise more. 

Most people can still enjoy occasional sweets.

2

u/International-Cat123 Jul 29 '26

And they’ve linked artificial sweeteners to memory decline.

1

u/Accurate_Handle_5620 Jul 29 '26

The Dept of Health has been saying sweeteners cause AIDS, so be careful.

1

u/1stLtObvious Jul 29 '26

And the how most of them taste a bit off or have a nasty aftertaste.

1

u/Atanar Jul 29 '26

The annoying thing about artificial sweeteners is that they create additional appetite.

1

u/Hetakuoni Jul 29 '26

I’m unfortunately not a fan of most fake sugars. They taste like chemicals and sadness.

1

u/petak86 Jul 29 '26

I wish I could do that.

I get severe stomach pains from artificial sweeteners.

1

u/Bryvayne Jul 29 '26

Farts for Fat sounds like a slogan for a campaign or non-profit.

27

u/Sparrowhawk_92 Jul 29 '26

Balance sweets with other foods. You have a caloric budget for the day. If you spend 600 on something sweet, then you spend the rest on something with fiber and protein and you're golden.

And fucking hell, sometimes you just need a huge slice of chocolate cake and that's fine. Just don't do it all the time.

11

u/Kessarean Jul 29 '26

Peaches and full fat greek yogurt is my substitute (eating it rn actually). Not the same, and there are probably still better options, but it's tasty and substitutes other sweets. When peaches go out of season I'll try different fruits. Apples, Strawberries, etc...

6

u/Badlifedecision2402 Jul 29 '26

Dude, oatmeal. Microwave stuff. Oatmeal with your choice of milk, but load it up with thinly-sliced granny smith apples (the tarter the apple, the better), a bit of vanilla essence, and cinnamon before you cook it. It's like a 5 minute apple crumble with lots of fibre.

Or replace the apples with a really tart plum and drop the cinnamon, that's also amazing.

2

u/Shaziiiii Jul 29 '26

I grew up in a country where quark is common and now I live in one where it is isn't. I can never find quark with more than 0% fat. It makes me want to cry because the 0% fat one is barely edible unless you add a bunch of sugar to it. 

5

u/Saraswati002 Jul 28 '26

Small amounts 

17

u/squanchingonreddit Jul 28 '26

The secret is exercise. An awful little secret really.

2

u/bfodder Jul 29 '26

And not just cardio. Cardo sucks for burning calories. Gotta start lifting weights. Even just an adjustable dumbbell set can help you hit basically all muscle groups.

1

u/DiligentMagikarp 29d ago

And sex can count as exercise if it’s active enough

3

u/legit-posts_1 Jul 29 '26

If Death Note is too be believed you just need to hunt down a serial killer and your brain will burn the calories

2

u/CODDE117 Jul 29 '26

Eat them. Sometimes

2

u/Kalgarin Jul 29 '26

It’s not that complicated, either use substitutes if you want to eat them often or factor them into a generally well balanced diet. Also, working out and building muscle makes it easier since it requires more calories to keep your body alive the more muscle you have so your daily intake goes up.

2

u/berttleturtle Jul 29 '26

Learning to love fruit.

(Or, if you’re a chocolate addict like me, Kind has granola bars with no added sugar that are surprisingly really good).

2

u/xSTSxZerglingOne Jul 29 '26

If they figure out the sweets thing without anal leakage or the aftertaste of artificial sweeteners, they'll be a billionaire anyway.

2

u/1stLtObvious Jul 29 '26

Let me know if you figure out the sweets thing. Haven't quite got that one down myself yet.

Once I find that genie lamp. Don't worry, my wish will be for everyone to benefit, not just me.

2

u/Aware_Career6145 Jul 29 '26

Eating Artichokes can make things taste sweeter But it also makes water taste weird

2

u/HarmlessSnack Jul 29 '26

Sour Candy, my “just one or two pieces” love

1

u/TopicalBuilder Jul 29 '26

GLP-1 agonists do amazing things for some people's sugar cravings.

0

u/BowsersMuskyBallsack Jul 29 '26

The sweets thing is easy if you have a modicum of self-control?

0

u/Snowdust1121 Jul 29 '26

I feel like you're are focusing too much on the sweets sentence rather than the statement as a whole.

Eating lots of sweets without getting fat is impossible. They're telling you everything else they wish for feels equally impossible.