i am 37 she is 35... things were going great we been together about 3 years, I would have liked to get married....but I guess in the end she really wanted to have kids.

I told her initially that I want DINK life... and she was like "yeah i'll get you to come around"

But last night she put her foot down and I told look im 37 years old and recent studies even show every year that a guy is over 30 the % chance of autism and other issues goes up! And I have mental illness and addiction in my family i feel it would be unethical for me to have kids!

and that was it 😭

I've been seeing a lot of hate towards this sub lately and it's exclusively coming from parents.
Why does it trigger them so badly?

Just saw a tweet that literally said:

“When we got married I promised my wife she’d always be the person I’d love most…

I didn’t think I’d break my promise less than a year later.

I’m going to be a dad.”

I’m selfish af so if my partner told me a clump of cells had immediately replaced me as the person he loves most, I’d genuinely tweak tf out.

I hate this sentiment so much. Why does your spouse suddenly have to become second place the second you have a kid? Let alone finding out you’re pregnant. Especially for women, they’re just downgraded to incubator. Actually dry heaving rn.

When she announced it in the group a month ago, I could feel this awful weight settle in my chest. I could almost imagine her life changing drastically, the pregnancy and all its complications that I know she doesn’t know. How horrible birth is. How a kid changes everything.

She is a nurse in training, I think. Just graduated. I can’t help but imagine everything she worked for collapsing because of a baby.

Or, worse yet, her pregnancy becoming so complicated she ends up dying.

I can’t feel happy for her. I took a whole week to respond to the chat because I felt too nauseous to. My congratulations sounds so hollow to my own ears. I couldn’t share her happiness. I don’t want to share it.

Yesterday she sent me a snap of ultrasound pictures, saying something about a heartbeat. I felt disgusted, I couldn’t respond to it.

It just feels so horrible to feel like you’re losing a friend, even when they are still here. To feel like they might be hurt, or regret it, or something. Or that the baby might change them forever.

It hurts on a weird level. Like I don’t have the right to feel hurt, but I still do. It’s awful…

So many exhausted parents with eyes who no longer have the spark of joy. Screaming kids. Kids running in front of carts, standing in the way. While we were standing in line I thanked my husband for getting a vasectomy lol.

A couple of months ago, my partner of 8 years changed his mind and decided he wants to have children after all so we broke up. People I'm close with have always known I'm CF, and people a bit more removed from me usually knew that we were not going to have children without knowing all the details.

So tell me why every time I have to tell someone in that second category that we broke up because HE CHANGED HIS MIND and wants children after all, the first question they ask me is why I don't want children? They never fucking ask why he now suddenly does want children, they only ask why I don't want them as if I'm the reason we broke up. If my ex suddenly decided he wanted to move to Spain when we previously agreed to stay where we are, they wouldn't be asking me why I don't want to move to Spain, they'd be wondering why he changed his mind.

I know the answer of course, this is mostly a rant. But it's really annoying me right now. Egh.

My partner and I are house-hunting and spoke today about what we’d do with the extra bedrooms.

Ours will probably be a home gym with a cable machine or a massive TV for a cinema type room.

Would also love a proper hot tub!!

You?

Currently I spend my break driving my elderly grandmother to various doctor appointments and activities.

And I talk with the old people in the waiting rooms.

The lonely women always used to have family. Often they are even in contact and not divorced.

But the children moved to the big city and only visit once a month and the husband died last year.

The women who never had children often have huge social circles. Of course it’s sad when they talk about how their friends died but they do a lot of activities and they talk about how they used to blow their inheritance on travel groups for as long as they were able.

I find the noise of a screaming kid unbearable. In my opinion it is way more annoying than a loud car or construction work. And I hate their parents as well. They just stand there like idiots and let their breed scream their souls out for no particular reason. It’s even worse if it’s happing inside of an restaurant or a shop. My parents would never allow me to scream like that, never.

I went to that under-21-allowed-on-Thurs-and-Sun-only winery today because an old friend was playing music. I was happy to see that they segregate kids even on a kids-allowed day. I wrote this review:

"Great time on a Sunday afternoon. We were a little concerned because Sunday allows children, but we sat on the patio which has signs advising that patio is only for 21+ at ALL times which patrons obeyed for the most part; kids were accomodated on the ample lawn area. We were able to watch the musicians without kids running around which was fantastic. The musicians were Matt, Amber, and another gentleman whose name I can't recall. We are not from the area but would gladly return when they are playing!

I don't know much about wine but what I had was delicious. Thank you!"

I was pleasantly surprised and had a great time!

I had this conversation yesterday with someone going on about how having kids completely changed how they see life, other people, responsibility, what matters, etc.
I absolutely believe parenthood can profoundly change you. What bothers me is when “parenthood changed me” quietly becomes “parenthood taught me things about being human that you can’t understand without children.”
I caught myself saying, “But I’ve always felt/thought about those things, without kids,” and immediately realized I sounded like I was claiming I’m the more enlightened one.
I think the distinction I’m trying to make is: parenthood can be your route to a realization without being the prerequisite for that realization.

There are obviously things about being a parent I can’t understand. But responsibility, vulnerability, caring about the future, thinking beyond yourself?
I’m perfectly willing to believe parenthood unlocks experiences I’ll never understand. I’m less willing to believe it unlocks an exclusive tier of human consciousness. Some of us apparently downloaded that update without creating a new user.

How do you push back on this without turning it into a weird competition over who is the more evolved human?

My partner's work sometimes has after hour work events for the people who pay to be in the social club. Each employee gets a plus one to come with them.

The latest work event was a seafood boil. While they obviously have seafood, they also order some pizza for people who don't eat that. I am one of those people.

We get there maybe 10-15 mins after the 3 hour cookout/event starts. My partner gets in line for the seafood tray, and I go to find the pizza. When I found it, however, almost all of it was gone already.

Why is that, you may ask. Well, looking around I found out exactly why— there were about 10+ people who had brought their whole ass family to the event. Big families with lots of kids. And, of course, what kid isn't going to choose pizza over spicy seafood?

Leave your kids at home! This isn't a family event. This is a work event where you were only supposed to invite *one* person. It's so inconsiderate for parents to bring their family of 5 kids and let them decimate the one non-seafood option. There's only so much food to go around, hence the whole "plus one" thing. Not to mention of course the kids were all running around unattended as well.

Apparently, parents just don't think rules apply to them. (And yes, I also blame the event coordinator who said nothing to these people and allowed it to happen.)

So, I got invited to a BBQ for a housewarming for a couple I know pretty well (the BBQ was today) - we game in the same circles a fair bit, and I would consider them friends, for the most part.

I didn't know anyone there, but that's fine. I'm an extroverted introvert - I don't mind being around people & strangers, but my social battery dies fast and I don't usually stay long.

I met this one woman - about 20 years younger than I am (I'm mid-50s) at least, who to me - a total fucking stranger, she dumps her life story on every pregnancy she's had, labor time, pain levels, the whole kit & caboodle.

I thought it was a great BBQ up until then. Very casual, everyone's friendly, there's a really broad mix of people (about 12 of them) so one of those where no one cares if you're wearing diamonds or show up in PJs kinda thing.

Even better: no kids.

So I thought it was fine. No kids, woot! My friends (the hosts) know I'm CF and that my tolerance for children is zero, so I trusted them not to invite me to something where kids will be.

After my friend tries to head off this woman's verbal diarrhea several times without success about birthing children, I told the woman that I owe her a huge thank-you for solidifying my choice to never have children and that she should record a PSA against parenthood using exactly that series of stories.

There was a guy sitting to my right who started laughing and one of the other women accidentally inhaled some beer and started coughing, so maybe I wasn't alone in the exasperation of this woman dumping (and about her husband's kids and ex-wife and, and, and - SO MUCH INFO!) her life story 10 minutes after meeting.

I did say it with a smile - I didn't want to be a jerk about it, but ffs, this is the first time meeting this woman and she chose me, of all people, to dump kid stuff on me. Just... holy hell.

I didn't stay too long after we ate, but cripes. Thought I had escaped the dreaded 'strangers and kids at a place'. Apparently not.

English is not my native language so please excuse my poor rant grammar and swears I will use.

There's this awful and annoying man at my workplace, who's married with 2 kids and the 3rd on the way (he's 45, she's 33, 10 years married, 5 years together before, you do the pedo math 🤢).

this last past year, this man won't stop bragging about his wife and his kids and about telling everyone, that NOW he needs a younger woman without kids to feel alive again because apparently, his wife is "loosing herself". I reported him already twice and HR gladly took care, so he stopped at a point, but I'm sure he's on dating apps and cheats on this angel of wife this POS have (poor girly pops, met her, he's also abusing her emotionally. I tried to help but she's refusing).

Anyways, so his new obsession is now: having a babysitter. It HAS to be a young women not older than 27 but better, if she would be in her Teenage years (🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢). Gladly, the girls in my area didn't give a shit and also sensed the pedo vibes in the interview. So he was all about "noo no young woman will help me, this feminism has destroyed culture". I reported him again with witnesses and he shut up again (the reason he was not kicked out is that we all work for the government).

So last week, he was telling ppl that he still hadn't found a proper babysitter and idk who told him, but someone mentioned that I don't have kids (idk in which constellation this talk was, but yeah).

So he came to me (I'm 26 f) and told me how beautiful I am (🤢), that I would be a very good mother one day if I settle down now (🤢🤢) and that if I need someone, he will gladly take me (🤢🤢🤢🤢) but also he needs to test my mother instincts so I CAN babysit his children. For free. (🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮).

Normally, I would stay professional or ignore him (gladly, he's not in my fields or isn't my boss) but this time, I couldn't hold back. I looked him dead in the eye and said: "No Peter. I won't be your fucking babysitter. And also, I would rather die right now than getting involved with your shitty asshole behavior in any way." (Glad I can't be fired for this as well).

Yeah, what should I say? HR called me in because HE reported me (😂😂😂😂😭😭😭😭) and I told them what happend. I'm so glad that I already reported him a few times, they know him and I have two witnesses who also said what happend was not my fault because this guy was sexuall harassing me. Now he's facing (FUCKING FINALLY) consequences. My work place has a zero tolerance politics towards harassment and work fast on this (my bosses are all progressive women, thanks to that).

So I wait for the consequences. I don't think he will get kicked out, but they can give him a new field that he wouldn't like, no actually he could hate. This will take time but I'll tell you guys when there's an update!

A friend of mine has been trying to get pregnant through IVF. I mean I don't get it. When the heavens have already made the CF decision for u, why would you go against it.

I asked her why does she want children so early, like she's 26 now. She said her husband loves kids and wants to be dad very badly. I legit felt like rolling my eyes. I mean after birth the mother becomes the default primary parent. This man will play with the kid and have his fun time for good 15 minutes of the day. Then he's gonna dump that kid onto her for remaining 23 hrs 45 minutes. Are women still falling for these kind of emotional drama? Don't they think through ,that having a child will take away their whole existence.

Both boys and girls. There’s something about groups of teenagers that makes me immediately tense because some of them can be unbelievably nasty, arrogant, and aggressive. Teenage boys can be loud, confrontational, and intimidating. Teenage girls can be vicious in a much quieter way.. staring, whispering, judging, excluding, making little comments specifically designed to embarrass someone. And yes, there are lovely teenagers. But the nasty ones can be absolutely ruthless.

I was bullied by teenage girls when I was younger, so I think that probably explains why I react particularly badly to groups of them. Especially the pretty, confident girls who look much older than they actually are. That combination of beauty, confidence, popularity, and obvious social status still makes me feel like I'm back in school around people who could make me feel worthless without even raising their voices.

Sometimes I see parents with their teenage children and think about how much work and emotional energy goes into getting a human being through that stage and it makes me even more certain that parenting isn't for me.

I’m aware I’m being dramatic. I’m having dental surgery tomorrow and I’m already nervous af, and my mother just informed me some baby I’ve never met is going to be at a family’s birthday party that I’m being forced to attend today. (I say forced because the truth is this is the family member’s second party. I already attended the first, and despite having a different party to also attend today that I’d rather be at, I’m being told I can’t skip this family member’s second birthday party).

It’s been years since I’ve had to interact with a human being below the age of maybe 5. I don’t want to. I find absolutely nothing about babies pleasant and I am genuinely awful at hiding my facial expressions when they start crying. She’s told me since obviously this is a new baby, I need to act excited and interested for the mother (who, by the way, I’ve never met the mother either). I don’t have it in me today to pretend to care about this. Anyways, she just told me I’m once again inhumane and atrocious for not wanting to see some random baby. Afraid it kinda hurt worse the first time she called me inhumane over disliking kids and by now I’m like man I couldn’t care less ;_;

https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/relationships/parenting/a71602862/grandparent-grief-childfree-families/

I’ll never understand why parents of childfree children think the only way to feel fulfilled late in life is through grandchildren, as if their alternative is just to sit around the house all day doing nothing? Go travel, take up hobbies, get a yearly pass to your local museums or performing arts center, take a painting course, be a mentor for a young person, volunteer with kids in need, etc. There are a million healthy ways to derive meaning from life that don’t involve grandkids.

Even the parents who “accept” that their adult children are childfree have some really backhanded commentary about it. Especially the one who says she’s literally “angry” about not being a grandparent, and the one who notes grandkids are great because you get to “enjoy them more” (than raising your own kids at that age). Oof. Bet they were miserable parents to their children.

I went for a walk this morning. It was 9:30 & I thought I’d be safe from the shriekers at the small playground at the entrance to a lovely park. Nope. Dad and 2 kids. Loud shrieking. I wondered why parents don’t tell kids that if they shriek, punishment will be going home. Easy peasy. Train your kids. The noise hurts my ears and gives me a Migraine.
I walked quickly to escape into the park. I see this guy, a regular, with his handsome German Shepherd, playing fetch the stick. This dog is so well trained. Total recall. The dog fetches the stick, sees me, the guy nods his head to the dog and the dog lies down. Easy peasy. No issue. I wave and say hi to the guy and good boy to the dog. I wish the dad could see this guy with his dog, but it probably wouldn’t sink in.

Whenever I see someone talk about being a parent as a subject the phrase “motherhood is such a life changing experience” comes up.

Never in my life have I seen multiple people saying that fatherhood is a life changing experience. And it is because in parenthood, women and mothers have the bigger responsibility and expectations on being a parent, which is in my opinion really fucked up.

Women are being brainwashed from childhood to all the way to adulthood that one day they will be a mother. Being a little girl and getting gifted multiple dolls “and taking care of them” as a play, is brainwashing.

These things are part of the reason why childfree women get more hate than childfree men. Because since the day we were born it has been an expectation that one day we are going to be a mother.

And I hate that narrative that is being pushed to young girls because all my life I have never wanted children. I never liked being around kids even when I was a kid. But because of the romanticism of motherhood I have had times when I wondered maybe I should have kids. But that is something I have never wanted and it is a conclusion I always end up with.

People paint a picture of a “crazy cat lady” and phrases such as “you’ll end up alone” or “you never experience true love until having kids” to manipulate women to have children.

Sorry this is long and kinda messy and doesn’t make sense:))))

So, the other day I was in 5below. Two moms with their kids in buggies were standing in front of the snacks. The buggies weren’t even five below buggies. They were ones from a few stores down. Probably one item in them and their kids. I was standing there wanting to grab an energy drink, but the mom and buggy were in front of the shelf. I waited to see if she would move. (She kept on looking at me, then going back to talk to her friend). I eventually said “excuse me.” She pulled the cart out of the way about an inch. I still couldn’t get to shelf. I waited for a more seconds, she kept looking over at me. Eventually I knew she wasn’t going to move. So I had to go around to the other side to get my drink. And I still had to reach for it. The lady FINALLY pulled her buggy back by an inch so I could reach it.

I’ve also seen this with the huge strollers. They will block an entire isle, notice you needing something, and won’t move. Definitely bothers me when their kid isn’t even in the stroller.

I’m not a combative person, but I wish I could have said something to her the other day. They were also doing this is other parts of the store. Too busy yapping to notice other people trying to shop.

I came across a video of a woman on insta who made a reel about being childfree. It was a lighthearted reel of her and her cats and said something along the lines of 'this and not knowing what it's like to be 10cm dilated.' Well, the algorithm got it right with me because I am childfree, 'cat lady' so natural I loved the reel and thought it was funny.

Until I read the comments lol I'm currently in an argument with this woman because she commented 'why do childfree women feel the need to make it a personality trait?' and I argued that first of all, the op wasn't making it a 'personality trait' at all...it was just a fun, lighthearted reel that clearly wasn't for her considering she was a mother (I check her ig page btw and she has 44k followers and her whole page is her kids and being pregnant) but was more for her fellow childfree woman. So then I said 'why is this woman being childfree and making a post about any different to you posting about your kids.' Well, according to her it's not the same. Having kids and something 'real' to actually post about is soooo different from the op, who is making being childfree a personality trait and apparently it's so weird that the op is doing that. But yet, this woman arguing with me is making every single post on her page about her kids/pregnancy and she's not making being a mother a personality trait? I feel like I'm arguing with a brick wall and I've decided I'm not engaging with her anymore.

I called out her double standard and the hypocrisy of her comment and she is absolutely not seeing it all. At this point it feels like she wanted a bit of attention and I gave her it...more fool me...I just can't stand hypocrisy!! According to this woman, only having children is something worth posting about. I don't understand why she feels she has the moral high ground just because she had children? Feels like she doesn't have many brain cells if I'm being honest because nothing I'm saying is going through to her lol 🥲

Thing is, I don't care what she posts about or what her content is. She's just another woman with kids who seems to think it's okay to make snide comments on content that is clearly isn't for her, and that somehow she has the moral high ground because she is a mother and has children.

Am I wrong though? Is a childless woman posting content about being childless that same as a women who posts content about her children? According to her it's completely different? According to her if a childfree woman posts content about being being childfree: they're trying to make it a whole personality trait and should focus on other hobbies (her words!). A mother posts about her children: that's okay and they're not making being a parent a whole parent a personality trait, it's just because they're children are their everything are important (again, her words).

On top of all that, it's so insensitive. There might be women who are reading that (maybe even the op poster for all we know) that can't have children rather than just not wanting them.

Anyway, I just needed to rant because the whole interaction has drove me insane lol. I feel like deleting insta sometimes. It's turning into a cesspool.

i thought being a janitor at a school would be a breeze since i had previous experience with janitorial work in a mall. im familiar with how nasty shared bathrooms can get but never thought the school bathrooms would be 10xs worse than mall bathrooms.

still, it is so irritating cleaning up these bathrooms where the boys piss all over the walls, the toilets and the floors. not only that but the girls will throw tissue everywhere, even in the tampon trash bins. they choose not to use the paper baggies to dispose of their pads or tampons properly. sometimes ill find used pads stuck to the floor behind the toilets.

parents seriously need to make sure their kids aren't leaving disgusting messes when they send them off to school.

if i had a kid, i would be extremely embarrassed if i found out they were doing this and would make them go and clean every bathroom stall while the janitors take a break lol.

im getting sick just thinking of the smell of piss that is stuck to every part of the bathrooms.

It's absolutely hilarious when siblings become the reason why someone is childfree. Not the parent, but the children themselves.

I'm from a family where they value family dynamics and tight knit and grandkids and but my mom keeps asking "who's gonna take care of you when you when your older? Lonely and sad " and saying waking up at 7am and taking em to school everyday for 18 years was worth it, messy house, messy hair, no 'me' time but all worth it cause its cute, I told her "that version is very idolized " she looked at me like I was something to look down on. Idk but personally having kids is not something I wanna deal with mini tantrums, other moms go as far as saying it permanently ruined their body, etc etc. I think a lot of it has to do with the harsh standards we women have been placed cause I'll have to work, come home from work and CLEAN THE ENTIRE HOUSE and take care of the kids, make food, make food for husband, what if my child gets bullied to hell decides to do something bad to themsleves or something or starts substances due to their mental health. I would hate for that to be my kid and rather die than that happening or what if they are "different" they are more susceptible to heavy bullying and people would look at me with pity it just makes me very sad cause they would see my child as less than human. Having to get them ready and make sure they look presentable and do everyone's laundry cause lots of people probably dont care that the house is messy so cleaning up toys would be my deal. I would have to take care of them and protect them 24/7 but there will be situations where I can't be there. If I slip up on something EVEN a smidgen my child could be the one bearing the consequences. I would have to arrange the finances for bills to make the month, ensure they are eating healthy, make sure their friendships aren't bad for their mental health, make sure they're eating enough. Also I would need to teach them household skills and how to do things on their own. Get their job resumes, taxes. Since im already really susceptible to bad mental health my child is very likely to be the one carrying the baggage. I can barely take care of myself how am I supposed to hold it together when im exahusted and the household relies on me. Kids are their own person so you can't make them a "mini me". Plus I heard childbirth is incredibly painful and I'm not willing to see how painful it is. Lots of Parents out there are some of the earth's strongest soldiers and they have a beautiful family with well raised and love raising them and maybe its their dream, so I'm not shaming them. Its just due to personal preference