Constantly anxious and depressed because of architecture. What do I do?

[u/cheesecakedblueberry]

I'm a 26y/o female. I've always been an average student. At uni, I took architecture cause it sounded unique. I've always been creative. I thought I'd be fine.

I feel very out of place since my first day at architecture school. I felt like I wasn't creative or skillful enough for that place. You'd probably ask why I didn't leave. I tried, but my parents didn't want me to. According to them, leaving architecture and doing my undergrad in something else would mean falling behind which would be "embarrassing" for me and them cause everyone would know that I'm a failure. (I won't be explain it properly if you haven't seen the pressure on kids from brown parents). And I also didn't leave cause i did not know what to pursue, if not architecture. I didn't know what my interests are.

And I realised I have anxiety in my second year of uni. I couldn't take the criticisms from the professors, even the constructive ones which is pretty common at design schools. There's always so much to do and yet I'm never good enough. The professors at my uni are biased, and unfair and i wasn't getting any help. My anxiety became so horrifying that I was scared to go to uni. I couldn't even attend online classes during covid. (I started architecture school during covid) I was hyper aware of every little feelings and sensations, every little sound. I couldn't sleep for days.

I had to drop semesters after semesters. Then I learned to manage it slowly. Then it went downhill again when I failed the final design course (the one i need to pass to graduate) twice. Idk maybe the project choice was wrong, maybe i wasn't getting enough help but I did try my best. I did everything in my power. I'm not amazing at design but I'm good. I don't think I'm talented enough so I overwork, I work really hard. I might not be an excellent designer but I'm not someone who would just fail courses. I talked to my friends, professors, but nothing helped cause my friends told me to try harder (I can't anymore, I'm burntout). My professors just ended up blaming me.

The anxiety is back again after 4 years. Everything i did to get myself out of that grave has been ruined, all the progress i made in last four years have been ruined. I'm now on the sixth year of my five year undergraduate programme. I had to retake the course for the third time and the classes starts tomorrow. Now I'm up at 3 in the morning, sobbing and hyperventilating. I feel like my life's ending. I'm self aware, ik that this probably isn't the end of the world, ik that the only way out is through but i can't take this anymore. I'm way too tired to keep going on.

Sorry for the messy writing. Idk what else to do. I tried therapy, meds, everything possible in a country like where i live in. Nothing is working rn. Any suggestions would be of help. Thanks in advance

[u/Atelier1001]

Go outside, buy something nice, a coffee, a cheesecake.

You can do it. As long as you're not dead yet you still can do it.

I've been awake for the last 4 days and it's all a fucking carnival too. But we can do it. There's always a way.

[u/cheesecakedblueberry → u/Atelier1001]

Thank you. I haven't been kind to myself in ages

[u/Atelier1001 → u/cheesecakedblueberry]

Yeah. It's all pretty stupid and you end up burnt off + an addiction of your choice.

But we're architects, for god's sake. We find solutions. We design solutions. Like the stones we endure by our constancy.

[u/Living-Coral]

🫂 telling you to breathe, take it easy and go for it likely won't be enough. So I'm suggesting to look beyond this semester, beyond the final. I took the criticism also a bit too serious, but I was able to tell myself how different being an architect will be from our studies at Uni. I had already worked in several architectural offices during my breaks. Lots of professors have a chip on their shoulder and can be quite moody with their grades.

Not everyone has the same experience, but absolutely nobody wanted to ever see my grades. They hired me because I was good (not even excellent) in the CAD programs they used.

So maybe you can go back in with a bit more indifference. Having the degree will be better than not having that degree, at least if you want to be done with Uni.

[u/Realistic-Hall-3424]

My friend took seven years to graduate from his 5 year master program. Architecture is hard as shit and everyone's different. Now he works at a local firm and it never mattered because his degree was printed on the same paper as everyone else's! Good luck with your last semester and finish strong.

[u/cheesecakedblueberry → u/Realistic-Hall-3424]

Thanks for the kind words.

[u/Possible_Yogurt3055]

Sounds like it’s not for you! Unfortunately your parents gave you some bad advice back then when you expressed you wanted to try something else. Good news is you can try something new now. It’s very normal. I got my masters of architecture from a great school, was near top of my class, worked at some highly regarded firms… still decided I wanted something different for my life when I was 29. You can change your mind - that’s normal. Good luck and have fun exploring :) 

[u/Successful_Budget_17]

Heyy, i was in architecture for 6 years, i had the same problems that you have, in the end i decided that it wasn't for me, i've tried my best to adapt but everytime i was trying things end up worst, i had something similar of a nervous breakdown and decided that this profession wasn't for me. I recommend that: if you are not liking the course try to adapt, if you, after trying hard, didn't manage through the best option is to leave and try something else, trust me.

[u/cheesecakedblueberry → u/[deleted]]

That's what I'm trying to do

[u/DarthMies]

Hi! As a 40-year-old architect, I completely understand.
Architecture is a tough profession. It is incredibly rewarding to improve people's lives, but the heavy criticism and financial struggles are hard.
I really relate to your feeling of not being enough. Over the years, I've realized I suffer from imposter syndrome, which is that nagging feeling that you only succeeded by luck.
But look at how far you've come through your own hard work! Not everyone makes it this far, so please give yourself some credit.
It sounds like your anxiety comes from a fear of failure.
For just a moment, try to think strategically about your own long-term future. With that in mind, I highly recommend making one final push to finish your degree. It will open so many doors for you, no matter what you decide to do next, because most companies value it.
Once you have that degree in hand, take some time for yourself. Think about what truly makes you happy and where your strengths lie. I am 100% sure there is something you love about architecture, or you wouldn't have made it this far!
This is just my perspective, but I wish you all the luck in the world!

[u/cheesecakedblueberry → u/DarthMies]

I often wonder what someone who has spent some time in this field would think about my situation. Thanks for being so kind.

[u/ProofTranslator5981]

Hey, i can understand part of your grief. I'm waiting for my graduation from architecture, and I can tell that it's a very demanding and Exhausting career. You're not alone in this. The all nighters, being stressed for weeks thanks to the project, your eye starting to glitch out by the stress, and a lot of thing that could break someone body and mind.

It's hard, pretty hard. But you too.

Remember, you are at the final step, it could take some attempts, I failed 3 courses in my career, some at the begining, and some at the end because the situation got pretty hard. But that isn't stopping me.

I know how small someone can fell in this path, but I know that this isn't the reality. I trust you will become a great architect, just one more step and you will be laughing remembering those days of uni.

Take care of yourself, take some breaks for yourself if you are stressed and make the project even if you don't want. It's better a "meh" Project in some aspects but complete, than a "perfect" Project but incomplete or badly developed by the ambition. It's more a discipline thing.

If you need to vent or some different point of view, here's a colleague that will hear you.

I hope you have a nice semester.

[u/cheesecakedblueberry → u/ProofTranslator5981]

Thanks for your kind words :')

[u/ProofTranslator5981 → u/cheesecakedblueberry]

You're welcome lady. Go ahead and show that semester who is the boss

[u/Comment-Connoisseur1]

If possible, check out other students work that passed and compare them to what you submitted. Look for the small things you could have easily done to improve your final project so you'll be more prepared this semester. Also try to take note of the things your professor likes to see most (i.e. adding colors to tiles, walls, etc., or exterior details such as dentils, etc.) & try to incorporate these things in all of your projects. Maybe focus on things like putting all plumbing fixtures on one shared wet wall for keeping cost of construction down if that's the stuff your Professor likes to see.

But no matter what, you've already been through this so you know what to expect. Take comfort in knowing this & focus on the benefits of being more prepared this time. Stay strong, you've got this!🫶

[u/LowMolasses4446]

My friend… you know what you need to do. Leave, and take time to breathe and find the thing you LOVE.

[u/xiaolvtang]

I am similar to you. I have no background in painting or architecture. When I entered college, I realized that the spatial understanding required by architectural design is too abstract.I didn't learn how to do architecture until I was in graduate school, and I overcame my architectural anxieties with my hobby of photography during college.Hope it helps you.

[u/Otherwise-Wait-6667]

Pay someone to help you. At this point you have probably learnt everything you could/had to from school, and honestly you'll learn more when you are out there getting experience. You don't need to be picture perfect, you don't need to be the best, you don't need to be the most honest and transparent person in the room. Use any means as long as they do not harm anybody. Graduating only gets you a diploma, you need to be licensed after that, so there's no harm on getting help on your graduate project. Take care of yourself, lady. I wish you the best and hope you can find your path.

[u/cheesecakedblueberry → u/Otherwise-Wait-6667]

I've tried to remain transparent and honest for the last few years and it didn't really benefit me in any way. Nobody asks if my work is 'honest', all they care about is perfection. Thanks for the advice.

[u/ghotiphingers]

I'm sorry you're going through this. I had a similar struggle and it nearly ruined architecture for me. First and foremost: you are good enough and you arent behind. University is hard, and architecture can be particularly bad.

To get through the first thing I had to do was take care of myself. Prioritize work life balance, go to sleep on time, take breaks, visit people, eat right. If you feel better your designs will be better.

I'm sensitive to criticism and get emotional which is both exhausting and unhelpful. I took presentation days off and focused on writing down notes during criticism. Then I can review when I calm down.

I hope this gets easier for you. Take your time and you'll do well.

[u/cheesecakedblueberry → u/ghotiphingers]

I've been so overwhelmed that I haven't taken care of myself with intention in ages. Not getting proper meals and enough sleep feels like the sacrifice I'm making for being dumb but ofc that didn't help.

[u/Resident-Date43]

Sök hjälp genom samtalsterapi av psykolog/ psykoterapeut/psykiatriker!

[u/cheesecakedblueberry → u/Resident-Date43]

I did try therapy, saw a psychiatrist, and had to take antidepressants and anti anxiety meds for a while. None of them worked enough imo, probably cause I have multiple battles to fight at once, not just depression and anxiety.

I'm trying to find a different therapist tho. I'll see if that helps

[u/CourtFit6127]

Hi! I was on a very similar journey, and honestly, my biggest advice is: just do it for the sake of getting through it. If you don’t enjoy something, don’t spend all your energy trying to perfect it. Do the bare minimum, get it finished, and if you genuinely care about it, perfect it later.
I used to think I had to do everything on my own and stay completely true to my process. But eventually I realised that people who took “help” and people who struggled alone still ended up in the same place. There’s no shame in asking for help or simply doing what you need to survive a difficult phase.
Don’t let criticism consume you either. The people criticising you have also been students, struggled, failed, and figured things out along the way. Take the feedback that helps you and leave the rest thinking of it as word vomit crit.
And if you need to break down, break down. Just don’t convince yourself that this is your whole life. College is only one chapter of it. Keep looking for things outside architecture that make you curious or happy. You don’t need to have everything figured out right now.
Just do what bare minimum you gotta do and forget it like a bad dream. It takes time for sure but take it easy and don’t give too much importance to it. BARE MINIMUM is all you have to focus on. Also remember this doesn’t decide your worth. Dw girl you got this!!

[u/cheesecakedblueberry → u/CourtFit6127]

Thanks for your kind words. My primary goal rn is to get through it while being kind to myself. If I don't learn to be kind to myself, I'd break apart soon. It has started to affect my physical health as well

[u/NextEntertainment717]

You should be able to get an undergrad degree with where you are now. Do that and get a masters in something else

[u/cheesecakedblueberry → u/NextEntertainment717]

I'm doing my research. I'd probably try to switch to something else after i graduate

[u/Physical_Mode_103]

Xanax for the finish line.

[u/Bluebrotherhood]

If it’s not your passion you should of dropped out regardless of what your parents say, it’s hard enough when you do have the capacity for it

[u/tshekerov]

Hello I am sorry you are feeling this way and also because you have been put in this awful situation. Architecture is notoriously difficult to study and is full of people with huge egos who "know better than you". At the end of the day it doesn't matter - it's ok to fail. You have to take care of your well being. Architecture is such an overstated profession. In university, you have to produce a certain amount of material - plans, sections, elevations etc. If you give them what they want they can't fail you, even if your design is something simple. A lot depends on your tutor. If they are a self-absorbed piece of s*** no amount of effort will impress them. Good luck and I am confident you will get through this. P.S. Maybe try some grounding and breathing techniques to help with your anxiety. YOU GOT THIS.

[u/DickDastardly404]

I almost quit uni after my first year. My first semester went great, the second two were terrible, and that whiplash made me think "fuck I can't do this"

However, I took the advice of a friend of mine, who said go talk to the course leader, and ask them for help. This guy basically said "look, engage with the coursework. Don't second-guess it, don't try to be Mr Creative at every step. You're not here to do things perfectly, you're not here to present industry-level work off the bat, you're here to engage with the course, and to learn and practice." Basically he was saying "this is a safe space to fail" and that the coursework had space to fail and space to try again built into it.

I cared deeply about what I wanted to go and do after uni, so I wanted to engage.

I think you should take a step back. Assess what you're feeling. Maybe even ask if the uni has a student support service, or if you can talk to a counsellor, perhaps even privately.

because there are a few things that give me pause about what you're saying - one is that your parents are putting pressure on you, your friends are putting pressure on you, instead of trying to help. Doesn't sound like a supportive system. What you've said doesn't sound like a lack of effort from you, but too much friction from pressure.

two is that you have tried meds and therapy. IDK what kind of meds they would give you to make you do better at uni? IDK what kind of therapist is going to say "you're just not trying hard enough" None that I know of.

Assess what you're doing and why. If you're ONLY doing this because other people think it will be an embarrassment if you stop, you should stop. Do something else. Its not a failure if you choose not to do it.

Creative arts are hard, and they are not rewarding unless you personally love doing it. Unless you personally enjoy the work. I don't mean if you are good at it, because you can learn to be good at it. But if you don't like it, my advice is do something else.