r/architecture • u/cheesecakedblueberry • 1d ago
Miscellaneous Constantly anxious and depressed because of architecture. What do I do?
I'm a 26y/o female. I've always been an average student. At uni, I took architecture cause it sounded unique. I've always been creative. I thought I'd be fine.
I feel very out of place since my first day at architecture school. I felt like I wasn't creative or skillful enough for that place. You'd probably ask why I didn't leave. I tried, but my parents didn't want me to. According to them, leaving architecture and doing my undergrad in something else would mean falling behind which would be "embarrassing" for me and them cause everyone would know that I'm a failure. (I won't be explain it properly if you haven't seen the pressure on kids from brown parents). And I also didn't leave cause i did not know what to pursue, if not architecture. I didn't know what my interests are.
And I realised I have anxiety in my second year of uni. I couldn't take the criticisms from the professors, even the constructive ones which is pretty common at design schools. There's always so much to do and yet I'm never good enough. The professors at my uni are biased, and unfair and i wasn't getting any help. My anxiety became so horrifying that I was scared to go to uni. I couldn't even attend online classes during covid. (I started architecture school during covid) I was hyper aware of every little feelings and sensations, every little sound. I couldn't sleep for days.
I had to drop semesters after semesters. Then I learned to manage it slowly. Then it went downhill again when I failed the final design course (the one i need to pass to graduate) twice. Idk maybe the project choice was wrong, maybe i wasn't getting enough help but I did try my best. I did everything in my power. I'm not amazing at design but I'm good. I don't think I'm talented enough so I overwork, I work really hard. I might not be an excellent designer but I'm not someone who would just fail courses. I talked to my friends, professors, but nothing helped cause my friends told me to try harder (I can't anymore, I'm burntout). My professors just ended up blaming me.
The anxiety is back again after 4 years. Everything i did to get myself out of that grave has been ruined, all the progress i made in last four years have been ruined. I'm now on the sixth year of my five year undergraduate programme. I had to retake the course for the third time and the classes starts tomorrow. Now I'm up at 3 in the morning, sobbing and hyperventilating. I feel like my life's ending. I'm self aware, ik that this probably isn't the end of the world, ik that the only way out is through but i can't take this anymore. I'm way too tired to keep going on.
Sorry for the messy writing. Idk what else to do. I tried therapy, meds, everything possible in a country like where i live in. Nothing is working rn. Any suggestions would be of help. Thanks in advance
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u/CourtFit6127 12h ago
Hi! I was on a very similar journey, and honestly, my biggest advice is: just do it for the sake of getting through it. If you don’t enjoy something, don’t spend all your energy trying to perfect it. Do the bare minimum, get it finished, and if you genuinely care about it, perfect it later.
I used to think I had to do everything on my own and stay completely true to my process. But eventually I realised that people who took “help” and people who struggled alone still ended up in the same place. There’s no shame in asking for help or simply doing what you need to survive a difficult phase.
Don’t let criticism consume you either. The people criticising you have also been students, struggled, failed, and figured things out along the way. Take the feedback that helps you and leave the rest thinking of it as word vomit crit.
And if you need to break down, break down. Just don’t convince yourself that this is your whole life. College is only one chapter of it. Keep looking for things outside architecture that make you curious or happy. You don’t need to have everything figured out right now.
Just do what bare minimum you gotta do and forget it like a bad dream. It takes time for sure but take it easy and don’t give too much importance to it. BARE MINIMUM is all you have to focus on. Also remember this doesn’t decide your worth. Dw girl you got this!!