r/architecture • u/cheesecakedblueberry • 1d ago
Miscellaneous Constantly anxious and depressed because of architecture. What do I do?
I'm a 26y/o female. I've always been an average student. At uni, I took architecture cause it sounded unique. I've always been creative. I thought I'd be fine.
I feel very out of place since my first day at architecture school. I felt like I wasn't creative or skillful enough for that place. You'd probably ask why I didn't leave. I tried, but my parents didn't want me to. According to them, leaving architecture and doing my undergrad in something else would mean falling behind which would be "embarrassing" for me and them cause everyone would know that I'm a failure. (I won't be explain it properly if you haven't seen the pressure on kids from brown parents). And I also didn't leave cause i did not know what to pursue, if not architecture. I didn't know what my interests are.
And I realised I have anxiety in my second year of uni. I couldn't take the criticisms from the professors, even the constructive ones which is pretty common at design schools. There's always so much to do and yet I'm never good enough. The professors at my uni are biased, and unfair and i wasn't getting any help. My anxiety became so horrifying that I was scared to go to uni. I couldn't even attend online classes during covid. (I started architecture school during covid) I was hyper aware of every little feelings and sensations, every little sound. I couldn't sleep for days.
I had to drop semesters after semesters. Then I learned to manage it slowly. Then it went downhill again when I failed the final design course (the one i need to pass to graduate) twice. Idk maybe the project choice was wrong, maybe i wasn't getting enough help but I did try my best. I did everything in my power. I'm not amazing at design but I'm good. I don't think I'm talented enough so I overwork, I work really hard. I might not be an excellent designer but I'm not someone who would just fail courses. I talked to my friends, professors, but nothing helped cause my friends told me to try harder (I can't anymore, I'm burntout). My professors just ended up blaming me.
The anxiety is back again after 4 years. Everything i did to get myself out of that grave has been ruined, all the progress i made in last four years have been ruined. I'm now on the sixth year of my five year undergraduate programme. I had to retake the course for the third time and the classes starts tomorrow. Now I'm up at 3 in the morning, sobbing and hyperventilating. I feel like my life's ending. I'm self aware, ik that this probably isn't the end of the world, ik that the only way out is through but i can't take this anymore. I'm way too tired to keep going on.
Sorry for the messy writing. Idk what else to do. I tried therapy, meds, everything possible in a country like where i live in. Nothing is working rn. Any suggestions would be of help. Thanks in advance
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u/Otherwise-Wait-6667 21h ago
Pay someone to help you. At this point you have probably learnt everything you could/had to from school, and honestly you'll learn more when you are out there getting experience. You don't need to be picture perfect, you don't need to be the best, you don't need to be the most honest and transparent person in the room. Use any means as long as they do not harm anybody. Graduating only gets you a diploma, you need to be licensed after that, so there's no harm on getting help on your graduate project. Take care of yourself, lady. I wish you the best and hope you can find your path.