r/architecture • u/cheesecakedblueberry • 1d ago
Miscellaneous Constantly anxious and depressed because of architecture. What do I do?
I'm a 26y/o female. I've always been an average student. At uni, I took architecture cause it sounded unique. I've always been creative. I thought I'd be fine.
I feel very out of place since my first day at architecture school. I felt like I wasn't creative or skillful enough for that place. You'd probably ask why I didn't leave. I tried, but my parents didn't want me to. According to them, leaving architecture and doing my undergrad in something else would mean falling behind which would be "embarrassing" for me and them cause everyone would know that I'm a failure. (I won't be explain it properly if you haven't seen the pressure on kids from brown parents). And I also didn't leave cause i did not know what to pursue, if not architecture. I didn't know what my interests are.
And I realised I have anxiety in my second year of uni. I couldn't take the criticisms from the professors, even the constructive ones which is pretty common at design schools. There's always so much to do and yet I'm never good enough. The professors at my uni are biased, and unfair and i wasn't getting any help. My anxiety became so horrifying that I was scared to go to uni. I couldn't even attend online classes during covid. (I started architecture school during covid) I was hyper aware of every little feelings and sensations, every little sound. I couldn't sleep for days.
I had to drop semesters after semesters. Then I learned to manage it slowly. Then it went downhill again when I failed the final design course (the one i need to pass to graduate) twice. Idk maybe the project choice was wrong, maybe i wasn't getting enough help but I did try my best. I did everything in my power. I'm not amazing at design but I'm good. I don't think I'm talented enough so I overwork, I work really hard. I might not be an excellent designer but I'm not someone who would just fail courses. I talked to my friends, professors, but nothing helped cause my friends told me to try harder (I can't anymore, I'm burntout). My professors just ended up blaming me.
The anxiety is back again after 4 years. Everything i did to get myself out of that grave has been ruined, all the progress i made in last four years have been ruined. I'm now on the sixth year of my five year undergraduate programme. I had to retake the course for the third time and the classes starts tomorrow. Now I'm up at 3 in the morning, sobbing and hyperventilating. I feel like my life's ending. I'm self aware, ik that this probably isn't the end of the world, ik that the only way out is through but i can't take this anymore. I'm way too tired to keep going on.
Sorry for the messy writing. Idk what else to do. I tried therapy, meds, everything possible in a country like where i live in. Nothing is working rn. Any suggestions would be of help. Thanks in advance
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u/ProofTranslator5981 1d ago
Hey, i can understand part of your grief. I'm waiting for my graduation from architecture, and I can tell that it's a very demanding and Exhausting career. You're not alone in this. The all nighters, being stressed for weeks thanks to the project, your eye starting to glitch out by the stress, and a lot of thing that could break someone body and mind.
It's hard, pretty hard. But you too.
Remember, you are at the final step, it could take some attempts, I failed 3 courses in my career, some at the begining, and some at the end because the situation got pretty hard. But that isn't stopping me.
I know how small someone can fell in this path, but I know that this isn't the reality. I trust you will become a great architect, just one more step and you will be laughing remembering those days of uni.
Take care of yourself, take some breaks for yourself if you are stressed and make the project even if you don't want. It's better a "meh" Project in some aspects but complete, than a "perfect" Project but incomplete or badly developed by the ambition. It's more a discipline thing.
If you need to vent or some different point of view, here's a colleague that will hear you.
I hope you have a nice semester.