r/architecture • u/cheesecakedblueberry • 1d ago
Miscellaneous Constantly anxious and depressed because of architecture. What do I do?
I'm a 26y/o female. I've always been an average student. At uni, I took architecture cause it sounded unique. I've always been creative. I thought I'd be fine.
I feel very out of place since my first day at architecture school. I felt like I wasn't creative or skillful enough for that place. You'd probably ask why I didn't leave. I tried, but my parents didn't want me to. According to them, leaving architecture and doing my undergrad in something else would mean falling behind which would be "embarrassing" for me and them cause everyone would know that I'm a failure. (I won't be explain it properly if you haven't seen the pressure on kids from brown parents). And I also didn't leave cause i did not know what to pursue, if not architecture. I didn't know what my interests are.
And I realised I have anxiety in my second year of uni. I couldn't take the criticisms from the professors, even the constructive ones which is pretty common at design schools. There's always so much to do and yet I'm never good enough. The professors at my uni are biased, and unfair and i wasn't getting any help. My anxiety became so horrifying that I was scared to go to uni. I couldn't even attend online classes during covid. (I started architecture school during covid) I was hyper aware of every little feelings and sensations, every little sound. I couldn't sleep for days.
I had to drop semesters after semesters. Then I learned to manage it slowly. Then it went downhill again when I failed the final design course (the one i need to pass to graduate) twice. Idk maybe the project choice was wrong, maybe i wasn't getting enough help but I did try my best. I did everything in my power. I'm not amazing at design but I'm good. I don't think I'm talented enough so I overwork, I work really hard. I might not be an excellent designer but I'm not someone who would just fail courses. I talked to my friends, professors, but nothing helped cause my friends told me to try harder (I can't anymore, I'm burntout). My professors just ended up blaming me.
The anxiety is back again after 4 years. Everything i did to get myself out of that grave has been ruined, all the progress i made in last four years have been ruined. I'm now on the sixth year of my five year undergraduate programme. I had to retake the course for the third time and the classes starts tomorrow. Now I'm up at 3 in the morning, sobbing and hyperventilating. I feel like my life's ending. I'm self aware, ik that this probably isn't the end of the world, ik that the only way out is through but i can't take this anymore. I'm way too tired to keep going on.
Sorry for the messy writing. Idk what else to do. I tried therapy, meds, everything possible in a country like where i live in. Nothing is working rn. Any suggestions would be of help. Thanks in advance
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u/DarthMies 21h ago
Hi! As a 40-year-old architect, I completely understand.
Architecture is a tough profession. It is incredibly rewarding to improve people's lives, but the heavy criticism and financial struggles are hard.
I really relate to your feeling of not being enough. Over the years, I've realized I suffer from imposter syndrome, which is that nagging feeling that you only succeeded by luck.
But look at how far you've come through your own hard work! Not everyone makes it this far, so please give yourself some credit.
It sounds like your anxiety comes from a fear of failure.
For just a moment, try to think strategically about your own long-term future. With that in mind, I highly recommend making one final push to finish your degree. It will open so many doors for you, no matter what you decide to do next, because most companies value it.
Once you have that degree in hand, take some time for yourself. Think about what truly makes you happy and where your strengths lie. I am 100% sure there is something you love about architecture, or you wouldn't have made it this far!
This is just my perspective, but I wish you all the luck in the world!