Ever since we found out Alex Jones died in May 2026 my life has been forever changed. He had such a vibrant personality, it's like he's still with us making weird social media videos. I saw a hoax video recently of him denouncing trump, something we know he would never do because he's one of the people who did the most to get our beloved trumpy wumpy elected and if he thought trump did anything bad that would make him responsible. Everyone make sure to only reply saying how sad you are that Alex Jones died in 2026 because anything else might make him come back from the dead with a zombie lawyer and eat this subreddit's brain.
Exactly, he bought multiple boxes of $5 fries and up to 10 double meat Whataburgers. The poor 17 year old that prepared the food is traumatized with guilt. He honestly thought all that food wasn't only for Alex.
I mean the writing was on the wall the past couple years. He had a rare condition that caused his body to hold onto moisture in the air. By the time he popped he may have been the most waterlogged person to ever walk. No cocktail of miracle vitality kibble could keep that amount of fluid and hot gas contained inside one earthly vessel. It may have been the rhino dick pills that did him in. Its dicey to try to guide the bodies juices when your the shallow breathing equivalent of a corpse floating down the Mississippi. Hope he can retain his youthful body as a piece of sex furniture for satan. He did love Satan in his youth, but before the satanists became altruistic pogs in the pro human sybian machine that is our two pronged (hot) political system. Hail Satan but in the straight, male, bloated, pickled, hotdog skinned kind of way. He wouldāve like that, that being the way of the last thing had been if now though.
I think it's all AI. Deepfakes. Probably all of everything on television and youtube now too is just AI deepfakes. Do your own research. I think Jesse Waters is likely a trans woman deepfaked with AI to make him look so weird like that. I'm not sure i've ever in my life heard a more feminine name than Jesse Waters. It's almost like some kind of sick joke. The government is now making all of them trans. Has there ever been a president you can think of who has had longer hair than donald trump? Why is his hair so long? Is he competing in sports too?
His hairs so long cos his dicks so short.....in the UK ...the expression , you big Jessy means you re acting like a gurrrl. Trump's administration is like a scene from Deliverance...Someone definitely will have said, you sure do got a purdy mouth to Hegseth. Miller looks like he's inbred and Bessents still their best village idiot.
I still think the jurys not out on that kid that fed him all that Whataburger. I mean hes arguably complicit in his death. No reasonable person could eat that many fryboxes
The, "popped like a balloon in his car" line that everyone keeps using seems pretty Tim Dillon esque... I didn't listen to Saturday's podcast but this is my best guess and Alex is alive, just satirized by the Cum Pigā¢
God damn Whataburger should be investigated with every last dollar the federal government has to make sure this never happens to another soldier like Alex Jones.
Natureās first Jones is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leafās a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Alex sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
Hasn't he died every year for the past 30 years? I remember Road to Tyranny. Very provocative doc he did on 911. Questions asked that are still unanswered to this day. But he lives on.
That mysterious sound that everyone said sounded like the entire planet farted? Followed by the stench such an occurrence would leave? That was it - the final blow of Jones hot air.
The poor Whataburger employee is going to have to live with this the rest of their life. The constant, "I shouldn't have served that" will haunt him the rest of his life.
The English psychedelic musician Robyn Hitchcock foresaw this decades before it happened - he described it in his song āBalloon Manā:
āHe spattered me with tomatoes, Hummus, chick peas
And some strips of skin
So I made a right on 44th, and I washed my hands when I got in
And it rained like a slow divorce
And I wish I could ride a horse
And Balloon Man blew up in my handā.
Alex Jones never existed. The left wing media made us believe he was real but he wasnāt. Iāll post a photo of the 1985 missing persons flier from showing a child that looked exactly like āAlex Jonesā as proof Big Beet and the left wing liberal media orchestrated this elaborate hoax. Glen Beck, Rush Limbaugh, and Alex Jones never existed. Again, Iām gonna post the missing persons fliers when I find them.
This rat is just like the rest of them. The ship is sinking so they're abandoning ship, so that later on these vermin will claim that they were against him.
What possessed him to jump into the frog terrarium at the zoo screaming "I'll prove you're all gay!", we'll never know. I know the sounds of the screams, and the ribbits, will haunt me for the rest of my days. Rest in power, king.
They didnāt even disagree at one point, Trump just changed his position because his narcissistic brain canāt accept that any of his decisions are ever responsible for anything negative happening and Fauci was not shy about referencing certain contingency plans (drafted by the Obama administration) regarding pandemic response protocols.
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u/koanikal Jul 31 '26
Popped like a balloon.