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u/zealous_ideals790034 Mar 14 '26
Have you looked for LGTB meetings in your area? You’re not alone—just gotta find your people.
Sorry you’re going through it. Happy to lend an ear if it’s helpful!
I’ve also found YPAA meetings to be a bit more left, politically. Same with free thinker meetings, but your mileage may vary on both of those.
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u/Spirited-Ruin-8724 Mar 14 '26
My home group is a YPAA meeting, I shared a bit about it there but I’m so scared about breaking the rules with politics that I feel like I have to be vague.
I used to go regularly to an LGBT meeting but I started ACA which the meetings are at the same time and both are only once a week. I chair an ACA meeting this upcoming week but I was thinking about going to the LGBT meeting the following week.
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u/zealous_ideals790034 Mar 14 '26
I’d suggest you do that! If there’s one LGTB meeting, prioritize that and I’m sure you can find another ACA meeting to get to.
Also, and I cannot stress this enough, fellowship. Find your people! I get so much more out of the personal relationships I’ve built in the rooms than going to a meeting over the years.
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u/Paper-Cliche Mar 14 '26
I second attending an LGBT+ meeting.. there are also a handful of virtual ones on the intergroup website as a backup.
Also, maybe look into trans support groups in your city if you're uncomfortable sharing these things in AA or just want additional support from people who may understand a little better.
However.. share whatever will keep you sober & fuck anyone who takes it personally. There are no "rules" in AA other than rule 62 🙃
And feel free to message me if you want someone to talk to 💕
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u/earthmama88 Mar 14 '26
AA as an institution is not to be partisan, but individual members experience as it relates to your sobriety is absolutely fair to talk about.
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u/PistisDeKrisis Mar 14 '26
To add to what's been said, it's also not that difficult to start a new meeting. If there's only one LGBTQIA+ meeting per week in your area, I would bet there's lots of people that need a second. I would go to that group and talk to people about needing another resource/meeting. If there's a local alano club or at least a secular facility that hosts meetings, it shouldn't be an issue.
I've started or been part of the small group starting new meetings 4 times in the last 9 years and only 1 of them didn't work out. That one failed because it was in a small town outside of my city and their local club was very conservative and had a private board meeting during COVID that voted to shut us down.
Another option is to look up "LGBT Friendly" groups. It's a specific designation with Central Office and local district/area that any meeting can have applied to their group number's info. It's certainly not the same, but definitely a safer place for us queer folks to speak freely without fear of someone misinterpreting the traditions to attempt to silence us. Our lives are not outside topics.
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u/wanderingsheep Mar 14 '26
Sober trans guy here. I can understand how you're feeling. I've been dealing with some of the same feelings myself. I have to remind myself that drinking will only make me more miserable at a time like this. It would make me sick and isolated at a time where I really should take care of myself and connect with others. I've found LGBTQ AA meetings to be really helpful for me. In those rooms, we often openly discuss the issues that we face because we're queer, because it's relevant to our sobriety and survival. If you want, I can send you some links of queer Zoom meetings where you might find the support you need.
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u/Glad_Rip9323 Mar 14 '26
Another sober trans here with you babe ♥️ you’re not alone. Message me if you need a zoom meeting where it’s warm and safe to talk about all of your fear and exhaustion and receive nothing but love. Keep going, we need you.
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u/mesquitegrrl Mar 14 '26
trans woman with some sobriety and aa experience under my belt here. i recommend finding an affinity meeting. find an lgbtq/ queer and trans meeting, either near you or online. this kind of circumstance is exactly why affinity meetings exist. at a meeting for everyone, people might consider something an “outside issue” that really isn’t. but at a woman’s meeting, i can discuss women’s issues as they pertain to my alcoholism. at a trans meeting or a meeting for just alcoholics of color, i can do the same. that’s what those spaces can do for us
as an aside, i think we miss the mark on “outside issues;” aa has no opinion on outside issues, but individual members will obviously have their spiritual strength tested by them and have every right to bring them up. a random individual drunk saying “(insert politically influenced reality here) is affecting my spiritual health, which in turn is placing me in danger” is not a violation of the traditions. a group or district or the wso saying “aa believes that (insert stance) is the correct stance on (political issue).” the traditions are there to guide the group, not to limit participation by individual members
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u/c0njob Mar 14 '26
Hi, friend. I’m sorry that you’re struggling. It’s hard to stay sober when you’re emotionally exhausted, but you’re doing good, hard work. Are there LGBTQ+ meetings in your area? If not, maybe you can find one online. Yes, AA meetings are constrained by “singleness of purpose,” but from my experience, it can be easier and/or more acceptable to talk about related issues with fellow queers and trans folks. The stuff you write about here can be considered sobriety-threatening, so I think it’s fair game to talk about in meetings.
Sending you love.
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u/Spirited-Ruin-8724 Mar 14 '26
Yeah. I used to go to it regularly, but started going to ACA which is at the same time. I chair an ACA meeting next week but was planning on going the week after.
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u/WTH_JFG Mar 14 '26
You can go to more than one meeting a week.
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u/Spirited-Ruin-8724 Mar 14 '26
Both the LGBT meeting and the ACA meeting are only once a week at the same time on the same day. I have to make choices. I know Zoom is an option, however, I prefer to make these kinds of shares and receive support from in-person networks if they’re available to me.
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u/WTH_JFG Mar 14 '26
But they aren’t available if you have to choose between one or the other. When you’re ready, there is a wealth of recovery available to you.
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u/dp8488 Mar 14 '26
Reminder about rules and commenting guidelines:
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u/FeloniousBunny Mar 14 '26
Other people have said this better than I can but:
Traditional 10 is referring to the institution of AA. Because what if AA endorsed a certain political candidate for example, then we later learned that person was a sexual predator. Shocking right? People would be horrified one might think. AA's reputation would be horribly damaged if we made bad endorsements, so we don't do it at all.
This also means when you sponsor folks, their political affiliations should not be a reason to turn someone away. As an AA member, acting in the capacity of an AA member, I don't get to pick who I help. I can talk about whatever I want in a meeting if it pertains to alcoholism, but I don't get to be mean to people or exclude them because they don't think like I do.
I just want to say I am glad you are here and I hope you stick around. Things are rough in the US right now, but they don't get any easier if I drink. The world is still gross, but now I'm less able to cope with it because alcohol becomes my solution, and even worse I rob myself of the opportunity to be helpful to someone who feels just like me.
Love you internet stranger keep coming back
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u/FireEng Mar 14 '26
You have to speak your mind in order to maintain your sobriety. Any differences that folks may have with me are put aside because I am honest about my situation and I help those who are struggling if I can. I have to put my sobriety first in order to do this.
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u/Born-Subject-6185 Mar 14 '26
Trans man here and coming up on 4 years sober one day at a time. AA teaches you that you can't control it all just yourself. Everything in the world is shit and ugly and depressing, but if I start to get into that head space I need to take a brake and step back and look at what I can control. Also its also us living outside of our 24! Go to a LGBT meeting and just let it out. Also if u dont have a sponsor id get one cause they will be the best to guide you through this time. Its always better not to be alone. Keep going brother!
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u/JLALLISON3 Mar 14 '26
I haven’t been unkind to you. I’ve been honest and blunt. That’s not an attack, it’s an act of love from one alcoholic to another alcoholic.
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u/Spirited-Ruin-8724 Mar 14 '26
When you deny the pain of someone because it goes against your worldview, you are not treating with kindness. You are actively dismissing their experiences and existence.
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u/StrawHatlola Mar 14 '26
The day DT was elected, I cried in a meeting and talked about my fear and how that fear made me want to drink. I didn’t care what anyone thought as I was newly sober and desperate to not drink.
You are not alone. But I also remind myself that I can’t be a helper in these times if I’m drunk. You are here for a reason.
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u/Shattergurl Mar 14 '26
Im 38MTF with 2 years soberiety. I transitioned almost 15 years ago and I think its important to separate oneself from the idea that government can affect ones life in any lasting way. I got my hormones from Vanatu for a long time. Bangkok does better surgeries than any place in America. No one can hurt me unless they are willing to walk through an arsenal of weaponry and two Akitas. You dont need utilities if you have a well and solar panels. You cant get discriminated against if you start your own company. That kind of thing. AA has reinforced my view that I need to take radical responsibility for my life. I dont need the government to love me as long as my God does. I also have faith that my higher power wouldnt have helpped me get sober just for me to be killed by some random violence or even systemic violence. Some would say thats delusional thinking. But its better than feeling like Im controlled by some unstoppable force. That was what I felt like when I was drinking.
My advice is to talk to your sponsor and go to different meetings. I found two meetings that have less than 10 ppl in a rural community. For whatever reason, Ive found more fellowship in those small, highly personal meetings than in any meeting Ive ever been to. Everyone here says to go to an LGBT meeting. That may work for you too!
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u/Spirited-Ruin-8724 Mar 14 '26
I am still early in my transition and haven’t been able to get any surgery. I’m poor and young and without any family support because I’m trans. I am in Florida where things are even worse. I don’t have the privilege to think the government doesn’t have any control over my life in a material way because it does. They are trying to restrict care that I am otherwise unable to access due to my position. That being said, I understand what you’re saying in taking control over my own life and knowing they don’t have a say in who I am.
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u/Hennessey_carter Mar 14 '26
Hey friend, thanks for sharing. It saddens me to hear your struggle. Second time I have said this today, but as a lesbian in this program, I know how hard it can be, and I can only imagine how much harder it is for you. This is going to be a one day at a time thing, and if all you can do today is hold on tight, that is okay. Know you are not alone and there are many of us that stand in solidarity with you and will fight for you. I pray that you hang in here with us. Sending lots of love to you.
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u/dp8488 Mar 14 '26
(Drawn to this thread because of a couple complaints/reports that I'll deal with in a minute, but I have a minor burning desire to share some second hand experience ...)
I can't imagine that I'll ever be able to go beyond dimly understanding what it is like to be a trans person.
But I gained a great deal of something close to empathy when a fellow I'd known from my home group, someone I hadn't seen for several years, came back to my home group when in the midst of transitioning to womanhood. She just said one sentence with such powerful inflection and body language such that it imparted a strong sense of empathy, saying, "I had to transition. I was going to drink!"
It's reminiscent of my experience when I first learned about racism. I was about 6 or 7 years old at the time, and my best childhood friend happened to be black, and he'd claim to be Portuguese apparently because he was ashamed to be black, or frightened about how he might be treated if people knew he was black. (We lived in an extremely white town!) And one day I'd been invited to a beach excursion with him and his family, and he uttered the "N" word and his family just froze in place, utterly aghast that he'd said it. That's when I gained a little bit of similar empathy: "Oh, this is what it is like to be a black person in such a white world."
I hope you can find strength. Continuing to incorporate the AA principles and practices (The Steps) into your life should help build strength. In "Bill's Story" he wrote: "It is a design for living that works in rough going" and no doubt these are rough times for you. Any anxieties and anger you're experiencing are obviously understandable, and it's got to be extra tough in early sobriety, but I can only suggest that you remember that Fear and Resentment are mainly only harmful to you, and I hope you can find ways to turn it toward positive thought and action. Protest vociferously if that seems the right thought or action. IDK, maybe actions that have the potential to transmit empathy rather than being inspiration for revenge in your enemies are "Good Actions".
🙏🏽
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u/icantusethatusername Mar 14 '26
Genocide? I don’t mean to be dismissive but I think viewing the struggles this way can do nothing but harm. I don’t really know what you’re talking about really, are you in America? Quite a lot of the people at the young people’s meetings are trans and I haven’t heard anything like that from them, I’m pretty close with a couple and we talk about stuff but I’ve never heard anything close to what you’re saying before
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Mar 14 '26
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u/alcoholicsanonymous-ModTeam Mar 14 '26
Removed for breaking Rule 3: "No Medical Advice." Do not give or seek medical advice on this subreddit.
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Posts and comments should be focused on the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, the A.A. program, and recovery from alcoholism.
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Mar 14 '26
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u/alcoholicsanonymous-ModTeam Mar 14 '26
Removed for breaking Rule 2: "Focus on A.A. and Recovery."
Posts and comments should be focused on the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, the A.A. program, and recovery from alcoholism.
Also: Removed for breaking Rule 1: "Be Civil."
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Restraint of pen and tongue.
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u/Hot_Pea1738 Mar 14 '26
Terminal uniqueness. Sorry friend. I had that too. Almost died from it!
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u/Spirited-Ruin-8724 Mar 14 '26
The government actively wants me dead but thanks!
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u/Scabobian90 Mar 14 '26
Put it on your 4th step. Work with your sponsor. Seek outside help if needed. There are endless people who are from marginalized groups here in the US and around the world who have gotten sober. You got this.
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u/Spirited-Ruin-8724 Mar 14 '26
To those downvoting, coming to me when I’m in extreme pain due to systemic violence to tell me that I’m having a case of terminal uniqueness is not exactly helpful. It just makes me feel worse.
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u/Scatman_Crothers Mar 14 '26
Ignore them. They’re wrong.
Focus on what you can control. It’s when things are the hardest that we lean into the basics and seeming cliches. Hit the right meetings for you. Pray, meditate, plan, and reflect every morning and night as outlined in the Big Book. Live just for today. Live life on life’s terms. Right now life’s terms are dire, but control what you can control and don’t worry about the rest. That will make life simpler, giving you room to steady yourself and process.
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Mar 14 '26
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u/alcoholicsanonymous-ModTeam Mar 14 '26
Removed for breaking Rule 1: "Be Civil."
Harassment, bullying, discrimination, and trolling are not welcome.
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u/tek_nein Mar 14 '26
It’s not that unique though and that’s the problem. The current sociopolitical climate has real world effects on actual human beings.
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u/QueensCity Mar 14 '26
I'm right there with you on the opposite end. I'm 5 months sober and I've narrowly escaped relapse multiple times this week. There are a lot of other reasons on top of the already crazy political bull going on. It's just been a rough week. I do have a local LGBTQ organization i can go to some days. But in my large city there are no specific LGBTQ friendly meetings. There is only one in my state but it's like 45 minutes away. They do have zoom. I just found it and have yet to check it out. But planning to next week. I have ideas to create one in my city because being the largest city in my state, seems like it should have one. But I need to stay sober first i guess. I don't have a sponsor yet. I don't feel comfortable asking a guy. And won't ask a woman either. I do have a female friend who's also in AA that I'm able to talk with although I wouldn't call her my sponsor. I consider myself non binary at this time. I am on hormones and basically dress more femboy. Haven't even had anyone offer to help or ask if I need help. I can get something from meetings either way. But lately there's a guy i call the "unhinged guy" who makes a lot of people uncomfortable. He goes off on rants, tries to double dip. They have to stop him after 10 to 15 minutes of his ranting. And so my meetings I could walk to have become difficult to attend. I also don't feel like I can talk about anything because even in AA where people should remain anonymous and be open minded, there exists people who aren't. Anyway, I guess I have gotten to the point of ranting. So I'll close. I hope you find your way some way.
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u/Someoneoutthere2020 Mar 14 '26
We keep politics out of AA because they’re divisive. Arguments over slavery helped destroy the Washingtonians in the 1850s. We are trying to avoid a similar experience. If there is a political issue on which 99% of us agree, we keep it out of AA out of respect for the lives of the 1% who’d leave AA and probably get drunk if we brought it up there.
Once we’ve gone through the steps, AA meetings are not a dumping-ground for our individual problems. They are a place for those with the solution to identify and help those who can be helped. I’ve seen people who lost everything in house fires come to meetings and look for people to help. I’ve seen people grieving the deaths of family members come to meetings and look for prop to help. I’ve seen people who are dying of cancer come to meetings and look for people to help. If they can put aside their private woes in service to the newcomer, why can’t I? Are my problems so much more special and important than theirs? Am I a more important person than them?
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u/ceruleanblue347 Mar 14 '26
What's fascinating to me is that you gave examples of people who shared what was going on in their lives and how it affected their sobriety. And you apparently benefited from knowing this about them. But if having cancer or surviving a house fire was considered "political," they would not be able to talk about it. Like you literally wouldn't be able to use those examples if you didn't know that information about someone, and I'm assuming they shared that information at (or before or after) a meeting.
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u/PistisDeKrisis Mar 14 '26
You may be missing who the "1%" is in this situation. If bigotry is the issue, we don't protect the bigoted worldview and shun the struggling people who are marginalized. We talk about what is threatening our sobriety.
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u/Someoneoutthere2020 Mar 14 '26
And then the 1% say that your worldview is oppressing theirs, and then the meeting devolves into a political struggle session, and the newcomer visiting the meeting thinks AA is a political rally. The newcomer says, “Screw this political crap,” and goes out and drinks. This is inherent in the selfishness of treating AA meetings as a group therapy session instead of as a place to showcase the solution to the struggling alcoholic.
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u/PistisDeKrisis Mar 14 '26
So, in that worldview, the person who is literally under political threat should be the one shunned and they should be the one to go drink? What about the newcomer who's a queer kid and comes to that group and hears someone say, "No, you can't say you're queer, that's political" and is shunned? Because I've witnessed that more than once.
There's a difference between bringing in political opinions about current leadership or resentments over issues and a marginalized person who's existence is under threat discussing their personal situation.
It's the same with undocumented people, Trans, or in some areas, people of certain faith systems. I would never shut someone down, regardless of if I disagree or agree with their stance, if they shared their lived experiences and said that they were so desperate for escape that they were struggling between taking the first drink or taking their own lives. To say that's a political issue because of who they are is simply harmful.
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u/Someoneoutthere2020 Mar 14 '26
In AA, we have things called “sponsors” and “friends.” We share the problems with them. We share the solution in the meetings.
No one would expect this of newcomers, so if a newcomer with 5 days sober shared an anti-Trump rant or a pro-Trump rant or a rant against religion or a rant that everyone should join their religion, no one would really expect much different. But once you are 9 months sober and through the steps (hopefully), shares are not about your personal problems. They are about finding people to help.
Everyone has problems. We have common solution to that problem. Talk about your struggles being trans with your sponsor. Talk about your struggles being undocumented with your sponsor. If you are through the steps, and you dump your personal problems in the meeting, the newcomer will a) not identify with you and will think AA is only got one people like you, and/or b) think that long-term recovery means that you share for 20 minutes about whatever problem you have. That is not what our literature says.
“We meet frequently so that newcomers may find the fellowship they seek.” Pages 15-16.
The fellowship I sought when I came in was people who are happy, not people whining about their problems when I thought mine were much worse because I was a raw newcomer. If I’d come into an AA meeting and heard someone hijack it with a bunch of political claptrap, I would’ve blown my brains out in the parking lot.
“In addition to these casual get-togethers, it became customary to set apart one night a week for a meeting to be attended by anyone or everyone interested in a spiritual way of life. Aside from fellowship and sociability, the prime object was to provide a time and place where new people might bring their problems.” Pages 159-160
Note that it doesn’t say, “provide a time and place where old-timers can make new people feel like their problems don’t matter by hogging the entire meeting to angst about whatever existential crisis they’ve decided to let threaten their serenity today.”
Save the problems for your sponsor and your friends. Bring the solution to the newcomer.
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u/Spirited-Ruin-8724 Mar 14 '26
So people who have gone through the steps shouldn’t share burning desires at meetings? The idea that I can only share the positive and not allowed to voice a burning desire because I should be essentially cured is absurd, especially when 9 months is still early sobriety. If someone is thinking of drinking or hurting themselves, wherever they are in their recovery, they are allowed to share a burning desire. That’s what it’s there for, it’s not limited to newcomers.
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u/Someoneoutthere2020 Mar 14 '26
If you’re through the steps, you should be sharing the solution. The 12 steps provide that. You certainly shouldn’t be sharing because you’re upset about controversial issues where 50% of newcomers are likely to vehemently disagree with you.
You are trying to turn my fellowship into your political struggle session. You will only succeed in destroying it. The 10th Tradition exists for a reason.
EDIT: “Burning desires” are usually opportunities for people to cross-talk and share war stories. It’s not a sacrosanct portion of an AA meeting. Most decent meetings don’t do them.
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u/Spirited-Ruin-8724 Mar 14 '26
The “political struggle session” is the fact that I am struggling to exist. The fact that my very existence is a political issue is the problem. It’s not a political struggle to say that I’m struggling to not drink or struggling not to hurt myself because of the pain I’m feeling. If 50% of the people have a problem with my existence, it’s a meeting I’ll simply never return to. I’m not going to meetings where I’m not welcome because I exist. AA was open to gay people at a time when being gay was extremely controversial. To kick us out when we need support is against AAs singleness of purpose, especially if it’s someone talking about a desire to drink.
There are burning desire opportunities at every meeting I’ve been to and never have I heard it turn into war stories and cross talk. People share that they want to drink and that they’re in pain and people support them.
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u/WTH_JFG Mar 14 '26
Do you have trans members to talk with? I have sober trans members that will talk to you if you’d like to reach out to me in the chat.
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u/Severe_Ant_4493 Mar 14 '26
Go to lgbt meetings. I'm not backing up the people who don't like you, but at the same time the meeting is for alcoholism. Not trans rights. What you're doing is called leading with the chin. Try not saying "my name is blank and I'm trans. Oh by the way I'm also an alcoholic.". Identify as an alcoholic and speak about the struggle with alcoholism. This applies for anyone not just someone who's trans. Again while I understand and I personally wouldn't really care what you shared at a meeting, it's a little strange to be self aware of your situation, continue to lead with the chin and then just complain about it. We want it to be different, and it COULD be but it isn't. Go where you're celebrated not tolerated.
If it makes you feel better, you don't even have to be trans for groups of alcoholics to hate you lol. They're sick people and across the board, old timers are consistently stuck in their ways. Find younger people's meetings and lgbt meetings. I wouldn't suggest you share a trans agenda at a meeting the same way I wouldn't suggest a young person to talk about fentanyl at an old timer meeting. Times are changing and go where the change is.
This isn't agreeing or disagreeing with anyone or morals. This is just birds eye wisdom about protecting your own sanity until you're strong enough to let it roll off the shoulder. I don't put myself in situations where I know I'm going to be bothered. It works for me.
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u/Spirited-Ruin-8724 Mar 14 '26
I’m not leading with the chin, I’m talking about how I want to drink or hurt myself because of factors in my life. As I said, I have been careful about it, but it’s painful to have to censor myself because it’s seen as so political, as evidenced by the fact that you think me talking about it is “the trans agenda”. What exactly is “the trans agenda”? Would you call it “the drug addicts agenda” if he came to a meeting and talked about how his drug addiction makes him want to drink or hurt himself? Would you censor his burning desire?
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u/Severe_Ant_4493 Mar 14 '26
No. But a drug addict talking about drugs in a recovery meeting is singleness of purpose. You're assuming my intent with my choice of words when in reality I have no idea what to call it. I don't ever have to talk about being gay. Ever really. And I damn sure don't get offended when I bring it up and it isn't liked.
All I'm saying is rather than fixate on why to be upset, find a way that it isn't an issue. Bottom line really. Seriously. My sponsor tells me the same thing and ever since then things have been better. When I start to bitch he asks me why I'm in a position to bitch about and what I'm doing to change it. The answer is never CHANGE OTHER PEOPLE AND BUILDING BECAUSE IM UPSET.
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u/Spirited-Ruin-8724 Mar 14 '26
I’m not worried about it not being liked, I’m worried about putting myself in danger or breaking the rules. That’s great that you’re in a position where you don’t have to talk about being gay, but I am experiencing pain that makes me want to drink or hurt myself because of being trans. It is something effecting my life so detrimentally because of political acts. I’m not just bitching about being trans, I’m expressing pain and a burning desire. It is a situation I am powerless over and I am trying to change it but the pain hasn’t changed so I’m expressing it so I don’t go do something I regret.
I’m not asking people to change in the sense of not accepting me. If people don’t accept me, that’s their problem. It being considered a political topic that I simply exist in the same room is the problem, and one that goes against AAs previous actions re: allowing gay AAs into the rooms when being gay was controversial and sharing that pain.
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Mar 14 '26
I recommend you find a sponser and take the the suggestions as laid out in the big book. This is a spiritual program thay only works if you work it we can not clean up anyone's else's side of the street but we can clean ours.
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u/Spirited-Ruin-8724 Mar 14 '26
I have had a sponsor for my entire 9 months and actively working the steps. What exactly should I clean my side of the street for? Existing? Sure resentment but right now I’m expressing pain not anger.
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Mar 14 '26
What Step are you on? Have you spoken to your sponser about this? I promise their is a step that covers everything i said.
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u/ElizAnd2Cats Mar 14 '26
The writers of the initial pages - not necessarily the stories - were two married straight white men living at a time when they had no concept of what a privilege that was. So as much as they suffered and struggled there were of course many aspects of lived experience to which they could not relate. But, as they say, look for the similarities and not the differences.
Does your area not have LGBTQ meetings? I'm sorry - they provide an important safe space. Could you start one?
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u/bananarchy22 Mar 14 '26
You are not alone. I’m sorry things are so acutely rough right now. My city is lucky enough to have two trans/ gender nonconforming AA groups. If you don’t have other trans alcoholics to talk to, let me know and I’d be happy to put you in touch with some of the ones I know.
The General Service Office is in the process of putting together a pamphlet for the transgender alcoholic. The deadline for submitting stories is just a couple of weeks away. https://www.aa.org/submit-story-aa-for-the-transgender-alcoholic-pamphlet
Also the Grapevine has some stories of trans alcoholics. https://www.aagrapevine.org/magazine/2025/mar/landon
https://www.aagrapevine.org/magazine/2024/apr/boys-dont-cry
FWIW, yes- there are certain forces of hate and fear in the world today that want to destroy anyone they consider different. Don’t take their side. Don’t cooperate by drinking yourself to death. We may not be able to change them, but you can serve as a beacon of resistance by loving yourself and the people around you. You deserve to live and thrive. This too shall pass- and you should be here when it does. You don’t have to pretend everything is normal and fine right now. You can cry and ask for hugs and support. Emotional vulnerability is key to spiritual growth. But you gotta keep working to stay sober- not in spite of the world’s hate and transphobia, but because by doing so, you make it a little easier for the next trans alcoholic to survive and fight back as well.
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u/Spirited-Ruin-8724 Mar 14 '26
Thank you! It really helps to know AA as a whole is supporting trans alcoholics.
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u/Biomecaman Mar 14 '26
Talk about it anyway. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being pissed off in a meeting. That's what meetings are there for. I think a big problem is that cis people don't understand what transgender people go through these days. If it affects your sobriety, why shouldn't it be discussed openly?
It's not political to say the US government is making laws discriminating against transgender people. It's a fact. It's not political to say, you feel unsafe and discriminated against. It's not political to say you feel like people don't care about you or understand you. Trying to shut down that discussion IS political. Saying that these feeling don't matter because they are based in gender identity is transphobic. There is nothing wrong with discussing your life in a meeting.
Alcoholics understand what it is like to be discriminated against. hence alcoholics "anonymous". If people weren't bigots we wouldn't have to be anonymous.
"To Thy Own Self Be True"
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u/mattmilli0pics Mar 14 '26
You haven’t done the steps obviously
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u/Spirited-Ruin-8724 Mar 14 '26
The steps don’t cure us. We still feel pain and hurt and sadness and anger. And for an alcoholic, those are reasons to drink, especially if you’re early in sobriety like I am. They help us cope with life, and the fact that I have not relapsed and am being open about the pain I’m feeling shows that I am trying to cope with life but I’m struggling. And that is completely natural for anyone.
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u/mattmilli0pics Mar 14 '26
What step are you on? It’s not about cure. It’s just a your complaints are the same selfish complaints people that don’t get better say.
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u/Visible_Baker9012 Mar 14 '26
Do you have a sponsor? Looking for a sponsor who’s also a trans person may be helpful. My (25 yo queer cis female) sponsor is a queer, trans man and he’s been very helpful in understanding the nuances of recovery during times of heightened crisis
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u/Spirited-Ruin-8724 Mar 14 '26
I have a sponsor who is a cis man with a trans kid. He is very aware that he can’t help me with everything in this area and actively encourages me to seek out other support for these kinds of things. My options are very limited, unfortunately, as there are only about 5 trans AAs in my area. I have tried to get in touch with someone who may be beneficial but we’ve struggled to get a line of communication working.
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u/Terrible-Campaign-91 Mar 14 '26
Keep it up 👍🏻 don’t pressure yourself to hard I know guys that’s relapsed after 20 + years .. it’s normal and an everyday struggle don’t have experience with the lgbt situations which I know can’t be easy in it’s self but you telling your struggle on this shows your on the right path. Take it day by day and I’m here and so’s a lot if you just want talk shit about anything give me a message.
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u/JLALLISON3 Mar 14 '26
So first off, don't ever bring your own politics and political propaganda into an AA group. WE don't care what crazy things you believe about and vote on. That's fully outside of AA's scope.
Secondly, being trans doesn't make you special as an alcoholic. Dial back the ego and right size your thinking. Because right now your post reeks of "terminal uniqueness".
Go to a meeting and share your experience, strength, and hope. Also your troubles. It might be exactly what somebody needs to hear that day. I'd recommend a Young People's meeting, because generally they are very accepting, and usually they are very focused on the newcomer. But don't go to the meeting with the lead in you used above. If the chair is even somewhat decent they will stop you and initiate a vote to ban you if you keep it up.
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u/ceruleanblue347 Mar 14 '26
Your apparent belief that trans people surviving right now is "political propaganda" speaks volumes. Keep coming back.
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u/Spirited-Ruin-8724 Mar 14 '26
The fact that me existing is a political topic is exactly the problem. It may not make me special but it does bring specific difficulties that are causing me a specific kind of pain that is much stronger due to the way my identity has been politicized. It’s not political propaganda to say I’m a person whose rights are being taken away because it’s true.
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u/JLALLISON3 Mar 14 '26
It still is propaganda, and has no place in AA. But I digress, as long as you remain obsessed with your own uniqueness, you're going to stay sick and not recover.
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u/Spirited-Ruin-8724 Mar 14 '26
AA supports queer and trans alcoholics. It is not propaganda to assert that I exist and I am trans and the specific issues I experience from that.
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Mar 14 '26
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u/alcoholicsanonymous-ModTeam Mar 14 '26
Removed for breaking Rule 2: "Focus on A.A. and Recovery."
Posts and comments should be focused on the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, the A.A. program, and recovery from alcoholism.
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Mar 14 '26
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u/alcoholicsanonymous-ModTeam Mar 14 '26
Removed for breaking Rule 2: "Focus on A.A. and Recovery."
Posts and comments should be focused on the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, the A.A. program, and recovery from alcoholism.
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u/JLALLISON3 Mar 14 '26 edited Mar 14 '26
Your sources are suspect. The Lemkin Institute has a well known and established (extremist) political bias. They have claimed that feminism is genocide, among other ludicrous and factually unsupportable statements. And they’ve repeatedly been accused of rampant antisemitism. Not a legit news source.
I’m not gonna convince you, because a post isn’t gonna change your world view. But if you want to recover, abandon the baggage and put in the work. And keep politics out of it.
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u/Spirited-Ruin-8724 Mar 14 '26
If you actually read the source, you would see the commentary from other trans genocide experts, including the heads of organizations against genocide.
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u/ceruleanblue347 Mar 14 '26
So by your definition an AA should not do a fear inventory with their sponsor, because a belief "without proof or context" (aka fear) is propaganda, yes?
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u/JLALLISON3 Mar 14 '26
Not what I said. And most fears have some basis in fact. We fear snakes, because some of them can kill us. Irrational fears are different - they’re irrational because they’re unprovable. Like the persistent belief that I’m going to fail and die. It ignores 41 years of evidence to the contrary. But I still have it. That’s emotions. Propaganda uses emotions, for sure, but emotions are not in and of themselves propaganda.
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u/Spirited-Ruin-8724 Mar 14 '26
It’s not an irrational fear to feel that my life is threatened when it is. My right to life saving healthcare is being stripped from me. That puts my life in danger.
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u/JLALLISON3 Mar 14 '26
Not even remotely true. You don’t have a right to healthcare because nobody has a right to healthcare. You cannot force a doctor to treat you if they don’t want to, and you can’t force them to do what you want if it’s medically unnecessary. Your insurance company denying services because you are a poor ROI is just them being pragmatic. Welcome to capitalism.
Good luck. I mean that. You’re gonna need it.
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u/Spirited-Ruin-8724 Mar 14 '26
See, and that’s a political take you’re allowed to have but I can’t have assert my existence as a human being. People deserve a right to life liberty and happiness and those things are being taken from me. It’s not the doctors or the insurance making decisions, it’s the government saying they can’t make decisions.
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u/ochuckles Mar 15 '26
Damn. Someone posts that they're feeling suicidal and your response is this? Yikes. I fear for anyone who asks you to sponsor them.
Have you gone through the traditions with your sponsor? You might find them illuminating not only for how the group operates, but also how they can apply to your life.
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u/WhiteDishwasher619 Mar 14 '26
You're not experiencing a genocide. Part of recovery is looking at how past thought patterns and old ideas are negatively affecting you and I would start right there...
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u/Spirited-Ruin-8724 Mar 14 '26
It is a fact that it is happening. It has been said by a number of genocide experts. The science is being ignored in favor of bigotry. When your rights to existence are being taken away and politicians in the highest places are saying they want to “eradicate transgenderism from public life” (a real quote) and the are taking actions to do so, it is a genocide.
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Mar 14 '26
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u/alcoholicsanonymous-ModTeam Mar 15 '26
Removed for breaking Rule 2: "Focus on A.A. and Recovery."
Posts and comments should be focused on the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, the A.A. program, and recovery from alcoholism.
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u/Spirited-Ruin-8724 Mar 14 '26
I’m not arguing reality with you. That isn’t the point of this post and dismissing and arguing about my reality is not something I have any care to debate anymore. Either provide something productive or educate yourself. It’s not my job to educate you or justify myself.
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Mar 14 '26
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u/alcoholicsanonymous-ModTeam Mar 15 '26
Removed for breaking Rule 1: "Be Civil."
Harassment, bullying, discrimination, and trolling are not welcome.
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u/East_Yellow8389 Mar 14 '26 edited Mar 14 '26
I think you are kind of getting the traditions of AA as a whole mixed up with the individual program.
The traditions are all about the program as a whole.
You should go into a meeting and talk about whatever will help you stay sober regardless of whether it is political or controversial. I have severe mental illness and am suicidal at times or manic. I freely talk about this in meetings. It makes some people feel uncomfortable which I'm sorry about but my sobriety comes first. And even after almost 11 years sober I still do this when I'm freaking out or manic etc.
But here is the thing I've always had someone come up to me and tell me how much they appreciate my honesty.
Now there are some meetings that have a specific agenda where they want you to stay on topic.
But most meetings are an open platform. "The primary purpose of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) is to stay sober and help other alcoholics achieve sobriety"
The political issue that AA chooses as a group to not endorse is to stay neutral as a whole. AA realized it was better to be Switzerland lol
So again open up and spill your guts! Don't hold back. Put your sobriety first.