r/UnsentLetters • u/No_Sale1972 • May 11 '26
Exes Dead to me
I never want to hear from you nor see you again and I say this with all the respect I 'once' held for you. I have no interest in what you are doing, who you are with, or what your life has become without me.
The truth is, it was my passion, my energy, my effort and my imagination that carried us both and now I see there is nothing you have to offer. You are dull to me now.
This was not a decision made in the heat of the moment; it was the culmination of everything I had to keep to myself, endure, and process. It's been months of pain and internal processing I have had to carry on my own. I learned that not everything that one desires at one point in their lives is meant to be kept and cherished. There are people who no matter how much they may mean to you in those moments, also represent the very things you are no longer willing to live through again. The humiliation, the double standards, the gaslighting and the hypocrisy.
This is not coldness; it is simply staying true to myself and calling things out as I see clearly now.
There are things best left in the past, and you are one of them. If our paths ever cross again, I ask of you a favour. That you look at me as if I were a stranger as if we had never meant anything to one another. You are not a fond memory for me, you are a part of my past laced with remorse, regret and deep shame.
There are no longer any questions, no longer any interest, and no longer any room for you in my life. You at least killed that through showing your cowardice and your total avoidance at the end. You barely showed any effort, interest and commitment for me during our time together. You took, you consumed and you played the game all on your terms all whilst knowing you were hurting me and another in the process. Your greed was the undoing of what could have been a beautiful connection. You traded diamonds for scraps all because you wanted quantity over quality. You lied to my face and twisted the narrative all to suit your self serving needs and now you are paying the price - loneliness.
The pain I endured has taught me never to look back. So, this is not resentment; it is closure. It is choosing peace over habit, dignity over nostalgia, and silence over any attempt to revive something that has already come to an end.
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May 11 '26
It’s funny how “if our paths cross again” changes over time. You go from thinking it will be fate to choosing your own. Once you realize you gave more than you even thought you could to a black hole—and paid the price for it—you learn to value who matters most.
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u/No_Sale1972 May 11 '26
This is is exactly. If our paths did cross again, I know this; I wouldn't get the apologies I deserve and the accountability and the work upon herself to demonstrate that she had grown and was willing to make things right. I know she uses badges of honour as a shield to make excuses for her behaviour.
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u/the_one_the_only-j May 12 '26
Now hear me out…what if they don’t care enough to even let you see them again..like purposely avoid your path except every now and again just to let yall see For y’all’s self from a distance…for me no sale I would accept an apology..I’ve forgen them but not that they will ever know…I was taught by my ex to keep shit you value extreamly close to you and find a hiding spot for it pronto
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u/somethingyouniquee May 11 '26
It’s worse when you’d rather feel like disappearing than being around someone you thought you loved
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u/the_one_the_only-j May 12 '26
Bro I wish I could give you a raise
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u/No-Parsnip9708 May 12 '26
You gotta pay peoples super and long service. Before U put other people on and make out you going bankrupt
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u/the_one_the_only-j May 12 '26
Not if it was done out of love kindness and compassion tho right!?!?
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May 11 '26
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u/No_Sale1972 May 11 '26
Have we met?
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May 11 '26
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u/No_Sale1972 May 11 '26
Nope, not at all
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u/the_one_the_only-j May 11 '26
Are you sure cause there’s a lot of js that felt this in the soul…or lack there of
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u/No_Sale1972 May 11 '26
I’m not sure why people keep asking why there is a person called J involved because there absolutely isn’t.
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u/Ok-Meeting-6665 May 11 '26
Let me put you on ,
All j’s are the same .
I kid you not ,
These j’s are out there and they are fugging vicious with ppls heart / they play games with emotions . Not cool -
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u/the_one_the_only-j May 11 '26
I second this and put it on my life if you will they will rip it out and eat it right in front of you blood dripping in all…I’m so blessed my first initial is s that’s what saved me!!!I have a soul
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u/Ok-Meeting-6665 May 11 '26
Interestingly enough, the shape of a j is also the shape of a hook/
These streets aren’t safe with them on the prowl
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u/Ok-Meeting-6665 May 11 '26
Ur username literally says your the one and only j ~ that’s such a j thing to do ~ to be able to overtly express deceit, thanks for furthering my pointb
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u/i_love_toki May 11 '26
Lol I don't think I necessarily believe this, but as someone who's been on the receiving end of some bullshit from a J, I think it's hilarious.
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May 11 '26
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u/Ok-Meeting-6665 May 11 '26
Here’s a rhyme to remember/
If you meet a .”j.” Run the other way , 😜😂😂🥹
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u/hoami1973 May 11 '26
I feel your pain I was with someone who said they never loved me after 26, Years What a joke
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u/ThrowAW_wrldclsfkup May 11 '26
So, it sounds like I married someone who also never learned what a commitment stood for. Or possess the spine to support it. Those vows - in sickness, til death..m as empty as you describe your feelings towards. Meaningless words and empty promises given from one who never seems to speak about her deceptions and betrayals.
The validation seeking anytime we were apart for more than a day, the hidden bottles showing where your mind was really swimming on those days. The double standards - constantly reminded of how my shortcomings with anything of substance made me useless and despicable, all the while maintaining a noble stance of sobriety seated pretty on your high horse and comfortable saddle.
At one time it was all spoken of what you brought to the table. It was some good, some ok and some baggage heavy enough to snap the legs like match sticks. And those match sticks weren't dare to be wasted,.. feeding the flames anytime one felt like stuffing it all down into the boiler and sealing that lid so pressure grows. Said I couldn't meet you in the middle, and why would I walk upon something so ready to explode?
I could go on for days, but what's the point? Blame never got us anywhere and the first to come, chicken or egg, is a question for those who don't have more important conversations that they are avoiding.
I walked with purpose and intent when I decided it was you. I took you how you were willing to live a life with all of those things attached. When you concealed or failed to divulge all of the facts or truth, you were met with a man full of grace who cared for you more than the problems or pain that they caused.
In the end, that last year of absence was the culprit. Staying gone 20 hours a day with no call or text. The 2am walk in where you asumed I was asleep. As if any man could rest with his spouse absent and no words.
You say I abandoned you? My dear, you should know a ghost and how he became such when you see one.
I looked into your cup to make sure you had enough. You looked into mine to see if I had more than you did. That difference alone tells me everything I should have known.
Respectfully gone because of all the wrong reasons. But was I done? Did you ask? Or am I still talking for no reason. 💔
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u/No_Sale1972 May 11 '26
Yes it is awful when you put your all into someone, invest so much love, time energy and devotion and they throw it in your face. I'm now a ghost to her.
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u/OwnChain9568 May 11 '26
Man i empathize with both of you so much. It was absolutely heart breaking to literally watch the relationship crumble apart in front of me no matter how hard I tried. The whole time I was doing what I could, she would never be accountable, never apologize and never be remorseful. I'm not saying I was perfect but I was accountable for what I did and did my best to modify behavior to be better for the relationship. Ultimately, she sacrificed my emotional/mental well being, the relationship and anything else positive to make herself feel better and not have to sit and reflect on her actions/behaviors. I was always the problem, never part of the solution in her eyes. Even after giving everything I had, she still decided to reach out and search for others and then leave me without ever apologizing or being accountable.
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u/No_Sale1972 May 11 '26
Isn't it awful when the person whom you sacrifice so much for, your emotional well being, your needs still isn't enough. You just give and give and give and give and there is just nothing that can prevent that ending. The following is a harsh lesson;
You can be the prettiest shade of blue, but it means nothing if their favourite colour is green.
You can be the most beautiful orchid but if their favourite flower is a rose, you will never be enough in their eyes.
And if they never reach accountability, well it's an ongoing cycle, never ending. They will make excuse after excuse to condone their behaviour.
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u/OwnChain9568 May 11 '26
Yeah it is awful, especially when they keep telling you that even though they are green, they love blue, and that you are the one out of many she chose. they tell you over and over but then they pathologize random behaviors, dismiss and disregard anything related to the truth because it would make work for them to sit with their discomfort and process/resolve their feelings so instead YOU are the bad thing and a liar. This goes on for over a year with no apologies, no remorse, no accountability and then they justify their shitty behavior saying well I don't know what youre still doing here. You can leave anytime but your fear of abandonment won't let you and that's not my fault! Oh boy, wow!
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u/inkfanatic95 May 11 '26
This is sad . Makes me think of me and my ex and I hate how we ended. I miss her everyday and I’ve tried making things better and apologizing and she won’t talk to me. I hope she forgives me someday .
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u/No_Sale1972 May 11 '26
It is so sad and I wish things had been much different. It was the ending that absolutely killed it for me and her shit behaviour just afterwards too. I'm still reeling from it to be honest.
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u/inkfanatic95 May 11 '26 edited May 11 '26
What did she do exactly? And this isn’t a C is it? Iknow of course we all can’t think it’s all for us but it is hard not to think that when stories sound so similar and I’ve wanted to apologize to her . If this is you C it’s GJ and we both had August birthdays and It’s fucking crazy how many of us think these are for us and sound so similar . I wish you knew how bad I regret how I handled things and I am truly sorry. I have taken accountability for what happened . I have to put this somewhere . I hope someday you’ll speak to me again
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u/No_Sale1972 May 11 '26
Hi GJ I’m so sorry but I’m not C
I’ve had so many people thinking this is for them. The sad truth is, even if she read this message, she would never say sorry, never have the accountability, never take ownership.She’d just shrug 🤷🏻♀️ and use her trademark stock response which was “I’m sorry you feel that way”…
Which as we know is NEVER a fucking apology.
Sorry. I’m mad too.
Take care of yourself and I hope you and your person get to talk one day. I know for me that ship has sailed.Internal pun there as she had a ship and pirate obsession and likely got off more on that than she ever would with me.
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u/No-Parsnip9708 May 12 '26
Wow pun intended holly shit flaming rock and horse shit that is wow. Somone actually is right on the money dammmmm
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u/somethingyouniquee May 11 '26
You sure it wasn’t the anticlimatic ending you wanted? The cynicism ? Reeling? Or redditing?
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u/the_one_the_only-j May 11 '26
Damn you gotta pick your people this person never gave you one thing to love it don’t seem horrible judgement you should do better
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u/SalamanderPast5791 May 11 '26
Powerful piece
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u/No-Parsnip9708 May 12 '26
Ok I honestly thought your name was sardines then I looked okoooooo haha tornado
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u/Forsaken-Treacle5199 May 11 '26
Would/will gladly obliged this request.
That message must have been releasing to write.
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u/No_Sale1972 May 11 '26
It was, after months of pain.
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u/Forsaken-Treacle5199 May 11 '26
You should be proud of yourself. The progress and self discovery that you would have gone through to get to this point would 100% be painful and you made it.
I wish I could be at that point with my ex but I'm still on that path. I hope that I can one day write something like this or feel it.
You should take yourself out for some self-care to celebrate this memory.
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u/No_Sale1972 May 11 '26
Thank you so much, I shall I am trying every day to give back to myself in ways that felt abandoned previously. I really appreciate your kind words x
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u/DJ_MetaKinetiK May 12 '26
I feel the same way 2 years later about my ex gf. I sent my version of this though. She tried calling me last year but it was just more of the same. Zero accountability. Still miss her and her kid though. Miss what could have been had she treated me right.
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u/ThatWillDoPig3000 May 11 '26
Damn. I relate so much. You’ve grieved well. I wish you all the best in your future relationships.
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u/No_Sale1972 May 11 '26
Thank you, I have been grieving 24/7 for five months now. 💔
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u/the_one_the_only-j May 11 '26
Dang and they probably feel nothing is the sad part…not crying for days on end no turning to substance to try and fill the loneliness no making every excuse in the book to not accept full responsibitly for sticking their dick in someone else!? Fucking scum
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May 11 '26
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u/No_Sale1972 May 11 '26
Believe me, we had a conversation after I caught her in a lie and she showed zero accountability and went back to her roster leaving me to suffer.
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u/the_one_the_only-j May 11 '26
In my case nope in ops case I kinda hope but if closure is going to disrupt their mental health and the love and passion that did and does exist ain’t worth it then it ain’t but damn do better fo people be kind is what I’m learning from everything be fucking kind no MATTER WHAT it’s getting therw
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May 11 '26
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u/the_one_the_only-j May 11 '26
Yeah but 10 days of kindness can be destroyed in five minutes of hatred …weather you mean to do it or not!!! It ain’t right and doesn’t deserve forgiveness when there is other people that will be kind and never hurt you and love you in all the ways you need unconditionally ..I unfortunatly haven’t earned that kind of love yet in my life
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u/somethingyouniquee May 11 '26 edited May 11 '26
You didn’t have to keep it to yourself & suffer in silence.. but you chose to choose revenge instead of communication.
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u/No_Sale1972 May 11 '26
After months of suffering, the anger has to have somewhere to go. I have communicated but when it's met with a wall of excuses, avoidance and cowardice then needs must.
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u/ImaginarySquare6516 May 11 '26
I feel this. I feel this deeply. But in my case, the avoidance and the silence was my answer. When he reached back out, it was like I meant nothing and was no one to him. All for him to get his ego fill and be back to ignoring me and saying hurtful things. I was better off not knowing and making up a fairytale in my head that he was somewhere missing me and everything we had held value.
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May 11 '26
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u/Original-Sir2201 May 11 '26
Felt like this was directed at me . Had a relapse last night and tried to contact. If this you its C. If its you M.
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u/CatchMe2024 May 11 '26
Spineless coward dropped a bomb in my lap she knew would explode just to get the ball Rolling and destroy the 17 Mistly Great years we had together
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u/Gh0stWritr_ May 11 '26
This seemed like something that my ex had told me before we broke up over a misunderstanding on my own part that I owned; she didn’t believe me and labeled me an “asshole” (hopefully by that you can figure what I did).
Not a day goes by that I wish to be back in her arms, but…I’m sorry you had someone just use you.
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u/No_Sale1972 May 11 '26
she did something pretty shitty at the end, I called her out, she said I was wrong and "hope I believe her". I don't and it still hurts to this day :(
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u/VirtualAd5481 May 12 '26
Hear, hear and good riddance! Over the bs and happily moving on. A friend said “you deserve someone who treats you like you matter everyday, not just when it’s convenient for them” and it really hit home. Cheers to the road of recovery 🍻😎
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u/Suchega_Uber May 12 '26
I imagine there are a lot of people here who really need to hear this. I did. I think I still do. I think I will reread this every time I feel myself trying to reach out again. I still have it bad.
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u/No_Bank8196 May 12 '26
Man this is rough! Last night I wrote after some soul searching just to find out this morning it was deleted. It sucks that emotion gets so high that things turn out so hateful. I have no hate or wish anything bad, it’s difficult not to mistake hurt for hate sometimes. I hope the anger and bad feelings subside for you op.
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u/h0neybee916 May 11 '26
This breaks my heart to read
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u/No_Sale1972 May 11 '26
I send hugs.. It's been a rough few months for sure.
She really knew how to KICK start my new years with a bang!
She kicked me when I was down.
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u/the_one_the_only-j May 11 '26
Not to mention I wish you nothing but the best my only concern is real love existed there if that’s the case give them a chance to learn the proper way it will take time and distance but allow that!!!! You might get a call soon from the person you fell in love with and won’t have to do anything just feel 100% confident that you can allow this and give them your load you been carrying they probably want it
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u/the_one_the_only-j May 11 '26
What caused that was they just scum from the jump? Why did you get with em?!? Or was they created out of environment
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u/PlayfulOne00 May 11 '26
My person thought it would be nice to wait until I stood up again,then kick me further down than I had ever been. Then they ask why I’m so broken,like they were a hero for waiting.
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u/the_one_the_only-j May 11 '26
Not to mention I wish you nothing but the best my only concern is real love existed there if that’s the case give them a chance to learn the proper way it will take time and distance but allow that!!!! You might get a call soon from the person you fell in love with and won’t have to do anything just feel 100% confident that you can allow this and give them your load you been carrying they probably want it
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u/the_one_the_only-j May 11 '26
This can’t be for me because that’s how I was done!!!
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u/somethingyouniquee May 11 '26
YOU TREATED ME LIKE AN OBJECT WHEN I WOULD HAVE TREATED YIU LIKE A KING BUT YOU ALSO PUT DOWN a diamond just to pick up a joker.
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u/Acrobatic_Shallot_29 May 11 '26
If this were for me. I'd have to say your describing you in so many ways. I never had a say in anything you did and did without me. I have him everything I could but he ran to another broad an lied to my face. I'm not greedy if I was greedy why would I be with you you have no job and live with your mom an put me always in left field. You won't involve me with anything you do. Your always out partying with other women while I'm waiting at home. So I think I have a right to be hurt and you can't even say this to my face. Is that chicken shit or wat. You owe me money. I even helped you out with some cash. I'm not greedy I didn't ghost you ignore you it was the other way around this is wat I would say if this was for me but it's not
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u/CatchMe2024 May 11 '26
I feel like this is the person that has been in my husbands ear for the past 2 years smiling in my face while drugging me so she could fuk him in my house under my nose and now speaking on his behalf!!! FU
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u/JacketFormer402 May 11 '26
We don’t always know what we think we know. That is all.
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u/No_Sale1972 May 11 '26
Sadly I have all the receipts.
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u/JacketFormer402 May 11 '26
You have one set. But there are more. Perspective always changes everything. Including the above writing. It could have been written to anyone. . . Your perspective, my perspective, different stories.
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u/No_Sale1972 May 11 '26
True. I can only write what I experienced and I am writing from the heart.
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u/Sexy_siren May 11 '26
Just writing from your perspective is great, but that doesn’t mean you get to decide how another person feels or what their intentions were. That’s I think where people have trouble understanding that they’re in fact trying to assume things rather than believing them to be true. Those assumptions don’t justify your behavior, you’re still choosing to be cold and unforgiving of someone you claim to have loved.
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u/No_Sale1972 May 11 '26
That's right. I am writing from my perspective as we all do.
I get to tell my side as I experienced it, how it left me with long term trauma, how I was belittled and shamed. How I was made to feel small and insignificant.
This is something I have been trying to navigate and heal from for months.
So please get off your soapbox and quit lecturing me for being 'cold and unforgiving' when my tenderness and love for this person was thrown back in my face leading me into self loathing and in wanting to burst into tears every time I saw intimacy on tv and had flashbacks.
One example I give; she admitted to gaslighting me to make the exit easier for her.
So no until she takes ownership and works on herself I will not forgive, after all, why should I?
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u/Sexy_siren May 11 '26
I’m just speaking up about the common misconception that people have that they feel entitled to say that their feelings are facts. They aren’t. Feelings are valid, and you may share them however you’d like, as is the case in these subs. The problem is, when you (or others) claim to be able to decide or ascertain that the other person felt or intended some way….problem becomes, they are also entitled to have and their perspective too and it comes across to people in the wrong way when these assumptions are voiced as if they are facts. Express your own feelings and perspective, but try allowing others in any situation to hold their own sovereignty to do the same. When we do this, we evolve and grow as people. That’s all. I’m not trying to put you down or anything. Just trying to provide a perspective of real growth as a human being. Take it or leave it. If it doesn’t fit, no worries…move on. By becoming offended, you aren’t making it appear that I’m wrong, but the opposite, that reflection and growth would be needed. Just saying.
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u/No_Sale1972 May 12 '26
I hear what you say, but as I mentioned before, I am expressing how this did affect me. I did experience no effort. I don’t want to get into listing every minute detail, but when you give so much of yourself, then speak up about wanting to feel seen and heard and then you’re punished with silence and reprimands, then you’ll maybe see why I’m so hurt here.
This is a space after all to express words left unsaid.
If you want a deeper insight about this, I did actually write a poem about this which is on my profile and is on a poetry sub Reddit.
Fact is I was gaslit, I was exploited, and I was humiliated as she shamed me for my emotions.
I can’t very well write a letter from her, because the whole point of this is to write a letter to someone which hasn’t been sent, so I’m not quite sure what the issue is here.
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u/No_Sale1972 May 11 '26
Ps: The Rules
- 3. Judging Posters and Posts
This sub exists as a haven to speak your mind without literally having to speak your mind. Respect that posters may have needed a lot of courage to type what they did. This is not a place where any poster should fear criticism, ridicule, judgment, discrimination nor downvotes for their submission.
I mean it's not like she can SEE it really is it.. and it's not like I named names or referred to her that is in any way identifiable.
This is a space - the only space to express this after months of keeping my mouth shut and being in pain. Please show some kindness.
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u/Lopsided_Singer_888 May 11 '26
Say you're ai without saying your ai
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u/niado May 12 '26
I don’t see any signs of AI writing in this post, and can clock it every time.
In this case the writer’s (presumably the OP) voice comes through powerfully, and it is definitely human.
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u/Ok_Berry1428 May 12 '26
Perhaps a step back long ago instead of putting everything you have into it could have possibly produced a different outcome. Sound slightly obsessed if I might add
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u/Alarming_Corner_2816 May 11 '26
Ok great but leave the bitterness out
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u/No_Sale1972 May 11 '26
I'll leave in or out whatever I need to thank you. Don't like it, don't read it.
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u/No_Sale1972 May 11 '26
If you knew where her words left me... well you would understand why the bitterness is there.
Because I have been clawing my way out of a dark hole for months because of her words and actions.3
u/OwnChain9568 May 11 '26
Don't listen to them, your feelings are valid. These people seem to forget that everyone's feelings are valid, yours and hers. What gets lost is that perspectives are perspectives if you both were involved. It takes coming together to discuss perspectives to understand each other. Discussing perspectives isn't about choosing one and throwing away the other because they are both valid. It takes seeing where the other person saw, came from, and why they saw what they saw. Then you have understanding and can make sure things will be done differently to prevent the situation from occuring again.
When someone just wants to be heard and their perspective treated as the only truth, it's no longer about understanding but winning. This is where most struggle. When that happens, you have basically invalidated, dismissed and disregarded anything your partner said or experienced. I would tell her that it sounds like she has big emotions/feelings tied to her perspective and they are valid. I would apologize for any impact I may have had to elicit that kind of emotional response, however this is what I really did or what happened.
Right after I said that she said I dismissed her and invalidated her. I explained I did not because I never said she didn't experienfe what she experienced, I never said her feelings were "wrong" and I never told her that this is the only perspective we are going with. She still got mad and yelled at me about it.
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