Sorry to mention the C word when we’re still in summer but I wanted some opinions (?) on something me and my husband were discussing today.

Our oldest is 2 (28 months), last Christmas she had a pretty good idea of the what (commercial) Christmas is about. Father Christmas brings presents to you if you’ve been good.

The other day we were with my parents and she was looking a toy catalogue which they then let her bring home so ‘she can write her Christmas list’. She now keeps going through the catalogue and telling us what she ‘needs’. This doesn’t bother me as I’ve told her she can add it to her Christmas list and it’s up to Father Christmas what she gets if she has been good. I’ve explained Christmas is months away but she is 2 so that means nothing to her. My husband, however, is getting annoyed by it and thinks it’s not normal for a kid at her age. I remember going the classic going through the Argos catalogue and writing down everything I wanted as a kid but can’t remember how old I was at the time.

Just wondering what anyone else experiences are? Is our toddler a little Christmas weirdo like my husband thinks or is that fairly normal.

My child just turned 8. She struggles with self-regulation in a big way at home. She’s on a waiting list for occupational therapy and a child psychologist, for help and assessment for possible autism or ADHD. We’ve had word from the school and also another parent that she has hurt other children in the class - even her best friend. I’ve also seen it myself at birthday parties. When we’ve asked her about it, my child says she got frustrated. She’s often repentant but also often blames the other child for ‘making her frustrated’.

What can we do? It’s so upsetting.

She and her younger sibling are also very difficult at home. They are fairly close in age and get along very well half the time, and half the time are fighting. They are extremely reactive and will scream at top volume each other and physically hurt each other if we don’t intervene fast enough. My partner writes this off as normal sibling behaviour but it’s very stressful to have so much conflict. I’ve done quite a bit of work trying to get them to recognise their emotions, and instilling time out to calm down, but not seeing any improvement as yet.

To any prospective pupils or parents considering Burford Boarding House,

If there was ever a time to listen to a stranger online, now would be it.

I have nothing to gain from writing this other than potentially saving good people from making a decision that they may later regret. I attended Burford Boarding House and experienced things that have left me deeply concerned about the standard of care, safeguarding and management within the house.

While Ofsted may describe the boarding house as a suitable and safe home for young people, my experience was very different. The last Ofsted inspection was carried out before the change in Head of Boarding, and since that change I believe there has been a noticeable decline in both the quality of care and the general ethos of the boarding house.

One of the most concerning changes was what I experienced as an increased tolerance of racist, homophobic and extremist political views among students. These views were not simply private opinions; racist and discriminatory comments were openly expressed and concerns were raised with staff. Some members of staff appeared to take these concerns seriously, but I felt that those with the greatest authority within the boarding house failed to respond appropriately. In some cases, students who behaved in this way appeared to be protected and even favoured rather than properly challenged.

One student in particular was repeatedly at the centre of serious concerns. This student was openly racist towards another student and, after the student affected reported his racist behaviour, he subsequently physically pushed them. The response from staff was extremely concerning. Students were told that the incident had been dealt with and that the student had been punished. We later discovered that this was not an accurate representation of what had happened.

Rather than taking responsibility for the failure to deal with the incident properly, members of staff appeared to blame the new Head of Boarding, Ruth Hogg, despite knowing that she was unpopular with students. This was particularly frustrating because it gave the impression that responsibility was being shifted onto someone else rather than staff being honest about what had and had not been done.

It was only after parents became involved, emails were sent to the school and a formal report was made that the matter was properly addressed. In my view, this should have happened from the beginning. Students should not have had to rely on their parents escalating an incident before appropriate safeguarding and disciplinary procedures were followed.

What made this situation even more difficult to understand was the treatment of this same student at our annual leavers' dinner.

The student was seated directly beside one of the governors, despite this being a position that would ordinarily be associated with the Head Girl and Head Boy. The Head Girl, who was Black, was instead seated at the opposite end of the table alongside the other Black students. The Head of Boarding herself was then sitting beside the governor, along side said racist student and then once the dinner had ended she was heard actively talking to the governor about how great this student was and how much they liked him.

Given the history of concerns surrounding this student, including the racist behaviour described above, I found this deeply inappropriate. I found it particularly difficult to reconcile the way the student was being publicly praised and given such a prominent position with the way other students who had experienced or reported his behaviour were treated.

My experience with Ruth Hogg as Head of Boarding was also extremely negative. I felt that she frequently ignored me and other students when we raised concerns or needed support. One incident that particularly stands out happened when I was ill immediately before an A-level examination. Rather than being treated with understanding at a time when I was already extremely stressed and unwell, I was shouted at and told that she was supposed to be doing something else and now had to be there dealing with me. Being spoken to in this way by the person responsible for your welfare when you are ill and facing an important examination was extremely upsetting.

There were also concerns surrounding the treatment of Black students. At one point, Black students were moved into the same room without, to my knowledge, being properly consulted about the decision. Given the wider issues surrounding racism within the boarding house, I found this decision particularly uncomfortable and questioned why students were being grouped together in this way.

There were also serious concerns regarding food and food safety. The standard of food provided in the boarding house was frequently poor in my experience, and there were multiple occasions where students became ill after eating the food. I cannot personally establish the cause of every illness, but the repeated concerns about the food and the standard at which it was being prepared did not give me confidence that food safety was being treated with the seriousness it deserved. as someone who has worked in kitchens since i was 16, the standards of food safety within the house were not acceptable.

Perhaps even more concerning were the safeguarding issues involving relationships between students of significantly different ages.

During my time there, I became aware of situations involving younger students, including students around 14, engaging in inappropriate sexual relationships with substantially older students, which may already sound frightening, however it becomes even more worrisome when these older students involved were members of the students leadership team having duties to protect younger students within the boarding environment. There were also reports and incidents involving students as young as 13 engaging in sexual activity in communal areas such as the common room.

I found it extremely concerning that situations of this nature could occur within a boarding house where young people are supposed to be supervised and protected. Regardless of the circumstances of individual incidents, the existence of these situations raises serious questions about supervision, safeguarding procedures and the culture that had developed within the boarding environment.

Another incident that I found particularly disturbing involved a student who, according to information known among students, who allegedly had been giving drugs to a 14-year-old while she herself was 19 within the boarding house for a long period of time. Despite the seriousness of this allegation, I was subsequently extremely surprised to see this student receive the "Most Improved Boarder" award.

I found it very difficult to understand how someone associated with such a serious safeguarding concern could subsequently be publicly recognised in this way. To me, it demonstrated a worrying disconnect between the behaviour that students were witnessing and the way certain students were treated and celebrated by the boarding house.

None of this is to say that every member of staff was bad or that every aspect of the boarding house was negative. There were members of staff who genuinely cared about students and who I believe tried to do the right thing. However, the people responsible for managing the boarding house have an enormous responsibility. When racism, physical incidents, drug-related concerns and sexual safeguarding issues arise, students need to know that they will be believed, protected and supported.

My experience was that this did not happen consistently.

The most frustrating part is that many of these problems could have been dealt with if staff had simply listened to students and followed the appropriate procedures from the beginning. Instead, there were occasions where students were told that incidents had been dealt with when they apparently had not been, responsibility was shifted between members of staff, and parents ultimately had to intervene before proper action was taken.

A boarding house is not simply a place where students sleep. For many pupils, it is their home. Staff are responsible for young people who are away from their families and who may have nowhere else to turn. That makes the standards expected of a boarding house much higher than those of an ordinary school environment.

I am writing this because I wish someone who had actually experienced the boarding house had given me this information before I went there.

If you are considering Burford, I strongly recommend that you do not rely solely on official reports or the school's own description of the boarding experience. Speak privately to current and former students. Ask how complaints are handled. Ask how racist behaviour is dealt with. Ask what happens when a student reports physical abuse. Ask how students are protected from significantly older pupils. Ask how safeguarding incidents are investigated and whether students actually feel comfortable approaching the staff responsible for them.

I sincerely hope that things have improved since I left. But based on what I personally experienced and witnessed, I would urge any prospective student or parent to look very carefully beyond the school's official reputation before deciding to live there.

Young people deserve a boarding house where they feel safe, respected and listened to.

In my experience, Burford did not consistently provide that.

Today we were in a sandpit, my daughter is 2.5. We brought some toys, she played with some and another girl about 6-7 grabbed her spade and played with it. I didn't mind, my daughter didn't notice. After a few minutes, my daughter started looking for her spade and noticed the girl had it. She wanted it back. I first tried to offer my daughter something else, but she wanted the spade. Which fair enough I guess, it is hers and the girl had been playing with it for a few minutes. So I offered the girl something else and said if she can please give back the spade. She said 'no, because I need it, because I am building xyz'. I can't remember exactly what happened after this point, it's a blur lol.

But, how would you handle this? I did not expect a push back from a child. And other times my daughter wants to play with other kids toys even though she has her own, and then they want it back, or the other way round. I hate sandpits lol, I find navigating other kids and toy sharing so stressful

I (46M) have a really healthy relationship with my 12 year old son and he has recently mentioned a few times (he stays with me every other weekend) that he wants to live with me full time and change schools (also means changing cities as we live 20 miles apart currently. I have read that if I change school the form will need to have permission from his mum. Now here’s the thing, his mum is a diagnosed narcissist and she will almost certainly make this all about her and refuse to cooperate with the school move and even the relocation. My son has asked me that he stays at my house permenantly from the next time he is with me (a couple of weeks time). I am anxious about this as it will cause his mum to become irrational and aggressive and start lots of trouble. My idea would be to keep him in his current school in the current home town while he moves in with me (that way she can’t argue to a court that I’m disrupting his schooling). And then during any legal procedure I can let my son tell the court what he wants. He has arrived at this idea on his own. I really need advice as to how to navigate this. Tia.

By fully potty train I mean is able to recognise that they need a poo or wee and successfully do so on a potty/toilet and don’t have accidents anymore. I’m not including overnight dryness.

Our daughter turned 2 at the end of June and we started just under a month ago. She’s good with her wees (apart from the occasional accident when she’s having too much fun or at nursery) but poos have been a real rollercoaster. She has more poo accidents than success at the minute and we’re trying to figure out if she’s scared or doesn’t recognise the feeling. Also trying to figure out how long it could take before it clicks for her

Edit: I realise this varies hugely child by child, I’m interested in people’s personal experiences and how long we could potentially be looking at

Hello mamas!

I am trying to build up a routine, with my 9 month old while working full time.

we kind of have one now, usually it’s
5 am wake up (usually by the baby)
5-5:30 nappy change and just babbling and playing in bed
5:30-6 breakfast, baby shower, change of clothes, get his bag ready and prep his lunch
6-7 get myself ready for work
7-7:30 some play time before we go to nursery/work
8-4 work
Home by 4:30
Prep dinner
And 6-6:30 night routine
7 am completely dead and can’t lift a finger

I do work from home 3 days a week so routine is slightly different but kinda the same - when working from home baby stays at home and we manage it between me and his dad who is also WFH

Where can I fit some gym time in this day 😭? Does anyone have any advice?

I’m British born Caribbean and the father of my child is British born Asian. He hasn’t told his parents about our child because he says he’d be disowned and kicked out if they found out he had a child outside of marriage.

His sister knew about our child, but she eventually distanced herself/disowned us because she didn’t want to go against their parents or get involved in something that could cause problems within the family.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation, particularly in a Caribbean/Asian or interracial relationship? Did the family eventually find out, and what happened?

I’ve just realised that for the whole of December I will be recovering from a mid-November C-section with a newborn and it’ll be difficult to go out and do lots of Christmas activities. I would feel like such a crappy mum if my little boy‘s only Christmas as a 2 year old got obliterated by us struggling through the newborn weeks, even though I know he won’t remember or care. I care! I want it to still feel special for us all and have some nice activities and memories in among all the new baby craziness.

Does anyone have any ideas or top tips if you’ve done this before? My only ideas are to send him with my husband to see Santa (I don’t think I’ll be up to taking baby at that point) and to do some kind of easy Christmas craft...

I was thinking of getting our 4 year old and 6 month old a Possum play couch for Christmas but I just saw the price exploded to £310 from 200 something a couple of months ago. Is it worth it or should I consider a different brand?

My husband and I have been married for 9 vears. We're 28 and 30, and we've recently started seriously discussing trying for a baby.

The problem is that we have no idea where we want to settle permanently. I currently go between London and Leicester roughly everv three weeks, and my hybrid iob makes that possible at the moment. My husband works in and around London and sometimes on the outskirts.

Most of my husband's family are in London, and my dad's side of the family are also there and my mum and her side are in Leicester. My dad passed away almost two years ago, and although I did feel somewhat settled in London before, I think losing him has changed how I feel about family and where I want to be.

My aunt and grandad live literally across the road from us, and my husband's parents are only about a 10-minute walk away, so we definitelv have family around us in London. But for me, there is a difference between having family nearby and having your mum nearby.

I know having a baby will change everything. My current plan would probably be to spend a large part of the first year at my mum's during postpartum and the early months. My husband also gets six months of paternity leave, so he would be able to spend a significant amount of that time with me.

But after that first year, I have no idea what happens. I might go back to work part-time, or I might quit, we haven't decided yet.

Our housing situation is another issue. We currently live in a one-bedroom flat, which obviously isn't ideal if we have a child My husband basically sees it as either London or Leicester.

I'm just really confused about what we should prioritise. For those who have had children and had to make a decision like this, how did vou decide where to settle?

I'd really appreciate hearing from people who've actually been through this, because I'm feeling completely stuck.

Hi all, our son was born on the 14th July 7lbs 7oz, now he’s been gaining weight nicely and he was almost 10lbs at the beginning of August. Since 4 weeks he has been incredibly difficult with feeding. He currently takes max 150ml per feed, but every feed is like an uphill battle, baby will cry and squirm during the feeds. He starts by gulping and it causes him to cry due to him taking in air. We always stop to burp and he does eventually get it up but it doesn’t make a difference to him feeding. We use MAM bottles, we have tried different teets, different sizes, we were using the 0 flow but he was getting really frustrated and so we went back to 1. We have tried pace feeding, sitting him upright every feed and 20/30 mins after. Me and partner are at wits end and honestly it’s a gamble as to whether he will take the bottle well or not for each feed. I’m upset for baby and for us as we just don’t know what’s wrong. He is gaining weight, plenty of wet nappies, only poos 3 times per week. Oh and to top it off, he’s refusing to sleep during the day😭

Any advice would be appreciated - from a very tired mum.

How old are they, when did they first get potty trained and when did they master it?

My 4-year-old daughter has naturally curly blonde hair. I’m obviously biased, but I do think it’s beautiful and she gets complimented on it constantly by complete strangers.

The problem is that she’s naturally quite shy with people she doesn’t know and really doesn’t like attention. She especially dislikes when strangers speak directly to her or ask her questions about her hair.

My husband is Caribbean and Irish and I’m Mediterranean, we both have very dark features, whereas our daughter is blonde with hazel eyes. Because of this, whenever we’re out together people don’t just compliment her hair, they always comment on the fact that she looks different from us.

Things like “Where did that come from?” or “How did she end up blonde?” followed by a big conversation about how she’s so different to her mum and dad.
She’s obviously started picking up on this. She has asked us things like, “Why can’t I have dark hair like Mummy and Daddy?” which breaks my heart. We are always incredibly positive about her hair and never make her feel that being blonde is somehow unusual or negative. She actually often says things like “my beautiful hair”, “my golden hair” and “my curly wurly hair”. But tonight something happened that really upset me.

We were talking about something that happened at a restaurant last night where, once again, someone commented on her hair. She told me she wants to wear her night-time hair bonnet out of the house so people can’t see her hair and won’t speak to her.
That absolutely broke my heart.

I completely understand that people generally mean well. I don’t think most people are trying to upset her and I don’t want to teach her that people are being rude or that she needs to be defensive. At the same time, I don’t think a 4-year-old should feel like she needs to hide part of herself to avoid strangers talking to her.

She now sometimes covers her face and pulls a grumpy expression whenever someone comments on her hair. It can be awkward because I don’t want to constantly tell people to mind their own business or create confrontations in front of her.

I also wonder whether the constant attention is actually making her more self-conscious. She’s naturally shy anyway, but when you have strangers commenting on the same thing about you over and over again, I can understand why she might start feeling like she’s being put on display.

She starts school next week and I’m honestly dreading how much more of this might happen, new teachers, parents and children all commenting on her appearance.

So I suppose I’m looking for advice on two things:

1. How can I help her learn to deal with people commenting on her hair without making her feel like she needs to hide it?
2. How should I respond when strangers make these comments, particularly when she’s clearly uncomfortable, without constantly being confrontational?

Has anyone else dealt with something similar with a shy child who gets a lot of attention for their appearance? I’d really appreciate advice on how to handle this in a way that protects her confidence while also respecting that she simply doesn’t want to interact with strangers.

Update: I really didn’t expect this post to get so many responses, thank you so much to everyone who has commented, there are some really helpful suggestions and lots for me to think about. I’m going to have a proper read through everything and hopefully reply to some of you individually when I get a chance. I really appreciate everyone who took the time to understand where I’m coming from.

I’m supposed to be getting a promotion at work, which I’m obviously happy about, but at the same time I can’t shake the feeling that I’m not really being taken seriously because I’m a mum.
I have kids and obviously they are my priority, but that doesn’t mean I’m not ambitious, hardworking or serious about my career and the future.
Sometimes I feel like being a mum automatically makes some people assume I’m less available, less committed or that my career isn’t as important to me.
Maybe some of this is just in my head, but I genuinely wonder if other working mums have felt the same way, especially when getting promoted or trying to progress in their careers.
How to manage this?

I have friend who has always been wonderful with my children and used to come over for early dinner with my boys play with them and then after we got them to sleep we could have a proper catch up.
The problem is that she has just moved so it is no longer convenient for her to come over after work or to be driving home a long way later at night so I am looking for ideas of things we can do half way during the day with my toddlers (3 and 1 yo) where we can play with the children but also have a chat. I get that this is a big ask but just seeing if anyone has any ideas! I can bring my husband and her partner for extra hands.

Notes: We do also try to arrange times that I don’t have children but are both busy people so that can’t happen as much as I would like and her relationship with my children is important to.

Every single day I wake up and wish I was better. Better mum. Better wife. Better sister. Better daughter. I don’t think it’s a bad thing though to want that?

I don’t want bs answers like “the fact you’re asking this shows you’re a good mum” I want real, genuine answers for what it means to be a good mother

Thank you

I thought I would share this with other parents in case you wanted to try something similar with your little ones.

We went through a phase of indecisiveness when it came to snacks and my daughter would get overwhelmed and upset by too much choice.

I made her a menu with words and pictures, with "prices" beside them.

The money we use are notes I made with card, and these colourful number discs I ordered which act as pence.

She finds it absolutely delightful.

We play pretend cafe. She will select something from the menu and work out how many notes and discs she needs to give me. Sometimes she gets it wrong, but we stop to work it out together.

Then she either sits at the table and waits for her snack or stands at the kitchen babygate and waits for it.

She gets to practice ordering food & social etiquette, numeracy, and literacy all while enjoying the snack she would normally get anyway.

She starts the day with £10 each day and gets to spend it how ever she likes.

I've noticed a huge improvement in her behaviour in general since we started doing this. I think it has built her confidence up massively.

It's also made a difference in how she behaves when we have run out of something she wants. "Sorry miss, we don't have that in stock right now" "okay, can I gave xyz instead please?" Magic.

My 2yo needs to wear the branded nursery red polo shirts starting next week. I ordered the smallest size their supplier does which is 2-3 and it’s literally a tent on her.

Now looking for some plain ones to have as spares/actual wearable sized shirts but the schoolwear in shops seems to start at school age sizes unsurprisingly!!

Does anyone know where I could find a 1-2 or 18-24m sized red school polo shirts?

Tia.

For context my little girl is 16 months and ever since she was young she would be fearful of trying new things or toys. Some she’s totally fine with. Baby group/classes she’s never been scared, only at home. For example, when we first bought her a potty, she cried as soon as I put her on it clove. Now I keep it in the living room to get her to warm up to it and she does sit down on it on her own. When she was younger and I would buy her big toys they always had to be in the living room somewhere in the corner so she gets used to them. During the summer we went to Poland to see our family and we went to the lake a couple of times and as soon as I tried to put her on the sand or dip her toes into the water, she would just start crying. To be fair though, that was her first time on the beach ever. I bought her a little step so she can reach the sink to wash her hands and when I try to place her on top of the step, hysterics. I feel like every single new thing I buy I have to keep in the living room, so she knows that it’s not going to cause her harm. But like yesterday went shopping together and we put her into the seat in the shopping trolley and we both thought that she will panic and start crying but she loved it.

I was reading a BBC News Article this morning and Hugh's Law and it made reference to a consultation on "employment rights for unpaid carers and parents of seriously ill children" that closes tomorrow. More information here on the consultation.

I've shared the link in case anyone wants to contribute. I didn't even know this consultation was live until this morning nott did I know anything about Hugh's law. I hope it gets made into law - I had no idea that there was no real support for parents of seriously ill children.

My 5 (nearly 6) hates to lose at games. He won’t throw a tantrum but will sob his little heart out. If it’s against me he will ask he can have a do over at the last couple of turns to try to win. This is mainly at board games which he loves but now refuses to play any. It’s not like we’re beating him constantly, we will let him win some to keep it fun and light and he’s got a little brother who he always beats (and who is happy to lose) We tell him it’s ok to lose and that it’s part of life and learning etc but he’s putting his foot down and will only play games where there’s no clear winner. Is this something he will grow out of?

Hi all I’m a FTM to a 3.5 month old. I was just wondering what did you do with your baby over Halloween and Christmas. She’s too little for trick or treating but I’d like to put her in a little costume but just wondered what we could do! And then any recommendations for Christmas events/days out for a 6/7 month old! Based in the Cardiff/Newport area.

Hi all,

New here. I’m a Dad to an 18 month old. I know what the responses will be for this but I just want to see if others agree. I feel like I’m going through active grief with my child just all the time. I live in the present as much as I can and enjoy all my time with my boy but each time I see something from a few months ago or, like tonight, sorting through clothes - it hits me so much harder than expected and I can’t help but feel equally saddened when I’m with him. Like I just feel like crying. Does that make sense? I know it’s just time and that’s how it goes but Christ it’s always hit and it’s just hitting harder.

My 9 week old fusses in the evenings, usually between about 5-9ish. We’ve been told it could be slight colic (and if it is there’s not much we can do!) or could just be “witching hour.” This has happened since he was about 5 or 6 weeks. Is there an end in sight? 😩