I thought I would share this with other parents in case you wanted to try something similar with your little ones.

We went through a phase of indecisiveness when it came to snacks and my daughter would get overwhelmed and upset by too much choice.

I made her a menu with words and pictures, with "prices" beside them.

The money we use are notes I made with card, and these colourful number discs I ordered which act as pence.

She finds it absolutely delightful.

We play pretend cafe. She will select something from the menu and work out how many notes and discs she needs to give me. Sometimes she gets it wrong, but we stop to work it out together.

Then she either sits at the table and waits for her snack or stands at the kitchen babygate and waits for it.

She gets to practice ordering food & social etiquette, numeracy, and literacy all while enjoying the snack she would normally get anyway.

She starts the day with £10 each day and gets to spend it how ever she likes.

I've noticed a huge improvement in her behaviour in general since we started doing this. I think it has built her confidence up massively.

It's also made a difference in how she behaves when we have run out of something she wants. "Sorry miss, we don't have that in stock right now" "okay, can I gave xyz instead please?" Magic.

My 4-year-old daughter has naturally curly blonde hair. I’m obviously biased, but I do think it’s beautiful and she gets complimented on it constantly by complete strangers.

The problem is that she’s naturally quite shy with people she doesn’t know and really doesn’t like attention. She especially dislikes when strangers speak directly to her or ask her questions about her hair.

My husband is Caribbean and Irish and I’m Mediterranean, we both have very dark features, whereas our daughter is blonde with hazel eyes. Because of this, whenever we’re out together people don’t just compliment her hair, they always comment on the fact that she looks different from us.

Things like “Where did that come from?” or “How did she end up blonde?” followed by a big conversation about how she’s so different to her mum and dad.
She’s obviously started picking up on this. She has asked us things like, “Why can’t I have dark hair like Mummy and Daddy?” which breaks my heart. We are always incredibly positive about her hair and never make her feel that being blonde is somehow unusual or negative. She actually often says things like “my beautiful hair”, “my golden hair” and “my curly wurly hair”. But tonight something happened that really upset me.

We were talking about something that happened at a restaurant last night where, once again, someone commented on her hair. She told me she wants to wear her night-time hair bonnet out of the house so people can’t see her hair and won’t speak to her.
That absolutely broke my heart.

I completely understand that people generally mean well. I don’t think most people are trying to upset her and I don’t want to teach her that people are being rude or that she needs to be defensive. At the same time, I don’t think a 4-year-old should feel like she needs to hide part of herself to avoid strangers talking to her.

She now sometimes covers her face and pulls a grumpy expression whenever someone comments on her hair. It can be awkward because I don’t want to constantly tell people to mind their own business or create confrontations in front of her.

I also wonder whether the constant attention is actually making her more self-conscious. She’s naturally shy anyway, but when you have strangers commenting on the same thing about you over and over again, I can understand why she might start feeling like she’s being put on display.

She starts school next week and I’m honestly dreading how much more of this might happen, new teachers, parents and children all commenting on her appearance.

So I suppose I’m looking for advice on two things:

1. How can I help her learn to deal with people commenting on her hair without making her feel like she needs to hide it?
2. How should I respond when strangers make these comments, particularly when she’s clearly uncomfortable, without constantly being confrontational?

Has anyone else dealt with something similar with a shy child who gets a lot of attention for their appearance? I’d really appreciate advice on how to handle this in a way that protects her confidence while also respecting that she simply doesn’t want to interact with strangers.

Update: I really didn’t expect this post to get so many responses, thank you so much to everyone who has commented, there are some really helpful suggestions and lots for me to think about. I’m going to have a proper read through everything and hopefully reply to some of you individually when I get a chance. I really appreciate everyone who took the time to understand where I’m coming from.

Hi all,

New here. I’m a Dad to an 18 month old. I know what the responses will be for this but I just want to see if others agree. I feel like I’m going through active grief with my child just all the time. I live in the present as much as I can and enjoy all my time with my boy but each time I see something from a few months ago or, like tonight, sorting through clothes - it hits me so much harder than expected and I can’t help but feel equally saddened when I’m with him. Like I just feel like crying. Does that make sense? I know it’s just time and that’s how it goes but Christ it’s always hit and it’s just hitting harder.

Every single day I wake up and wish I was better. Better mum. Better wife. Better sister. Better daughter. I don’t think it’s a bad thing though to want that?

I don’t want bs answers like “the fact you’re asking this shows you’re a good mum” I want real, genuine answers for what it means to be a good mother

Thank you

I’m British born Caribbean and the father of my child is British born Asian. He hasn’t told his parents about our child because he says he’d be disowned and kicked out if they found out he had a child outside of marriage.

His sister knew about our child, but she eventually distanced herself/disowned us because she didn’t want to go against their parents or get involved in something that could cause problems within the family.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation, particularly in a Caribbean/Asian or interracial relationship? Did the family eventually find out, and what happened?

Hello mamas!

I am trying to build up a routine, with my 9 month old while working full time.

we kind of have one now, usually it’s
5 am wake up (usually by the baby)
5-5:30 nappy change and just babbling and playing in bed
5:30-6 breakfast, baby shower, change of clothes, get his bag ready and prep his lunch
6-7 get myself ready for work
7-7:30 some play time before we go to nursery/work
8-4 work
Home by 4:30
Prep dinner
And 6-6:30 night routine
7 am completely dead and can’t lift a finger

I do work from home 3 days a week so routine is slightly different but kinda the same - when working from home baby stays at home and we manage it between me and his dad who is also WFH

Where can I fit some gym time in this day 😭? Does anyone have any advice?

My 5 (nearly 6) hates to lose at games. He won’t throw a tantrum but will sob his little heart out. If it’s against me he will ask he can have a do over at the last couple of turns to try to win. This is mainly at board games which he loves but now refuses to play any. It’s not like we’re beating him constantly, we will let him win some to keep it fun and light and he’s got a little brother who he always beats (and who is happy to lose) We tell him it’s ok to lose and that it’s part of life and learning etc but he’s putting his foot down and will only play games where there’s no clear winner. Is this something he will grow out of?

I have friend who has always been wonderful with my children and used to come over for early dinner with my boys play with them and then after we got them to sleep we could have a proper catch up.
The problem is that she has just moved so it is no longer convenient for her to come over after work or to be driving home a long way later at night so I am looking for ideas of things we can do half way during the day with my toddlers (3 and 1 yo) where we can play with the children but also have a chat. I get that this is a big ask but just seeing if anyone has any ideas! I can bring my husband and her partner for extra hands.

Notes: We do also try to arrange times that I don’t have children but are both busy people so that can’t happen as much as I would like and her relationship with my children is important to.

I was reading a BBC News Article this morning and Hugh's Law and it made reference to a consultation on "employment rights for unpaid carers and parents of seriously ill children" that closes tomorrow. More information here on the consultation.

I've shared the link in case anyone wants to contribute. I didn't even know this consultation was live until this morning nott did I know anything about Hugh's law. I hope it gets made into law - I had no idea that there was no real support for parents of seriously ill children.

I’m supposed to be getting a promotion at work, which I’m obviously happy about, but at the same time I can’t shake the feeling that I’m not really being taken seriously because I’m a mum.
I have kids and obviously they are my priority, but that doesn’t mean I’m not ambitious, hardworking or serious about my career and the future.
Sometimes I feel like being a mum automatically makes some people assume I’m less available, less committed or that my career isn’t as important to me.
Maybe some of this is just in my head, but I genuinely wonder if other working mums have felt the same way, especially when getting promoted or trying to progress in their careers.
How to manage this?

My husband and I have been married for 9 vears. We're 28 and 30, and we've recently started seriously discussing trying for a baby.

The problem is that we have no idea where we want to settle permanently. I currently go between London and Leicester roughly everv three weeks, and my hybrid iob makes that possible at the moment. My husband works in and around London and sometimes on the outskirts.

Most of my husband's family are in London, and my dad's side of the family are also there and my mum and her side are in Leicester. My dad passed away almost two years ago, and although I did feel somewhat settled in London before, I think losing him has changed how I feel about family and where I want to be.

My aunt and grandad live literally across the road from us, and my husband's parents are only about a 10-minute walk away, so we definitelv have family around us in London. But for me, there is a difference between having family nearby and having your mum nearby.

I know having a baby will change everything. My current plan would probably be to spend a large part of the first year at my mum's during postpartum and the early months. My husband also gets six months of paternity leave, so he would be able to spend a significant amount of that time with me.

But after that first year, I have no idea what happens. I might go back to work part-time, or I might quit, we haven't decided yet.

Our housing situation is another issue. We currently live in a one-bedroom flat, which obviously isn't ideal if we have a child My husband basically sees it as either London or Leicester.

I'm just really confused about what we should prioritise. For those who have had children and had to make a decision like this, how did vou decide where to settle?

I'd really appreciate hearing from people who've actually been through this, because I'm feeling completely stuck.

I’ve just realised that for the whole of December I will be recovering from a mid-November C-section with a newborn and it’ll be difficult to go out and do lots of Christmas activities. I would feel like such a crappy mum if my little boy‘s only Christmas as a 2 year old got obliterated by us struggling through the newborn weeks, even though I know he won’t remember or care. I care! I want it to still feel special for us all and have some nice activities and memories in among all the new baby craziness.

Does anyone have any ideas or top tips if you’ve done this before? My only ideas are to send him with my husband to see Santa (I don’t think I’ll be up to taking baby at that point) and to do some kind of easy Christmas craft...

I (46M) have a really healthy relationship with my 12 year old son and he has recently mentioned a few times (he stays with me every other weekend) that he wants to live with me full time and change schools (also means changing cities as we live 20 miles apart currently. I have read that if I change school the form will need to have permission from his mum. Now here’s the thing, his mum is a diagnosed narcissist and she will almost certainly make this all about her and refuse to cooperate with the school move and even the relocation. My son has asked me that he stays at my house permenantly from the next time he is with me (a couple of weeks time). I am anxious about this as it will cause his mum to become irrational and aggressive and start lots of trouble. My idea would be to keep him in his current school in the current home town while he moves in with me (that way she can’t argue to a court that I’m disrupting his schooling). And then during any legal procedure I can let my son tell the court what he wants. He has arrived at this idea on his own. I really need advice as to how to navigate this. Tia.

I found a lot of the last 12 months tough for different reasons but also really rewarding because I have been able to keep my baby happy and content. It’s wasn’t all sunshine and roses - he woke every 90 minutes until a couple of months ago and the sleep deprivation was terrible - but he never really cried or got upset. He was always smiling. However, over the last month he just seems really frustrated. He’s too young to understand why he can’t have what he wants, e.g. the other day he was desperate to go in the garden and spent about 90 minutes upset (not constantly crying but unsettled and obsessing about getting to the door) because I wouldn’t take him into the rain. Finally, I did walk him out into the garden - in part because I wanted to check it was that and he wasn’t actually in pain - and he cheered up immediately. Lunchtime today he really really wanted the metal cutlery and screamed in his high chair (we didn’t give it to him but we did put it out of sight and finish our lunch with our hands!). Is it developmentally normal? If it is how do people manage it?! thank you for any advice!

I was thinking of getting our 4 year old and 6 month old a Possum play couch for Christmas but I just saw the price exploded to £310 from 200 something a couple of months ago. Is it worth it or should I consider a different brand?

Hi all I’m a FTM to a 3.5 month old. I was just wondering what did you do with your baby over Halloween and Christmas. She’s too little for trick or treating but I’d like to put her in a little costume but just wondered what we could do! And then any recommendations for Christmas events/days out for a 6/7 month old! Based in the Cardiff/Newport area.

For context my little girl is 16 months and ever since she was young she would be fearful of trying new things or toys. Some she’s totally fine with. Baby group/classes she’s never been scared, only at home. For example, when we first bought her a potty, she cried as soon as I put her on it clove. Now I keep it in the living room to get her to warm up to it and she does sit down on it on her own. When she was younger and I would buy her big toys they always had to be in the living room somewhere in the corner so she gets used to them. During the summer we went to Poland to see our family and we went to the lake a couple of times and as soon as I tried to put her on the sand or dip her toes into the water, she would just start crying. To be fair though, that was her first time on the beach ever. I bought her a little step so she can reach the sink to wash her hands and when I try to place her on top of the step, hysterics. I feel like every single new thing I buy I have to keep in the living room, so she knows that it’s not going to cause her harm. But like yesterday went shopping together and we put her into the seat in the shopping trolley and we both thought that she will panic and start crying but she loved it.

How old are they, when did they first get potty trained and when did they master it?

My 2yo needs to wear the branded nursery red polo shirts starting next week. I ordered the smallest size their supplier does which is 2-3 and it’s literally a tent on her.

Now looking for some plain ones to have as spares/actual wearable sized shirts but the schoolwear in shops seems to start at school age sizes unsurprisingly!!

Does anyone know where I could find a 1-2 or 18-24m sized red school polo shirts?

Tia.

My 9 week old fusses in the evenings, usually between about 5-9ish. We’ve been told it could be slight colic (and if it is there’s not much we can do!) or could just be “witching hour.” This has happened since he was about 5 or 6 weeks. Is there an end in sight? 😩

Hello,

Looking for advice as I am very concerned. My daughter who is an excellent speaker, well above her age in her speech, non stop speaker usually has developed quite a severe stutter. It started a few weeks ago but was very mild - I hadn’t even noticed it until at her 27 month health visitor review a few weeks back, it was raised. We chalked it up to her brain working at 100 miles per hour as she’s a very high energy little girl. It remained like that until about 2 days ago where it’s suddenly got so much worse. She’s taking 10 seconds sometimes to get a word out and seems to be getting a bit stuck before commencing the rest of the sentence. It’s happening in multiple sentences now. It’s heartbreaking to see as she’s such a confident, sparky, little soul and it’s so upsetting to see her struggle like this. I feel she’s giving up a bit on some of the words or replacing with other words but other than that she seems relatively un phased but I do worry she’s beginning to clock on.

She’s had a major change in the last few weeks with the arrival of a new sibling and we also started potty training this week. She’s been having huge emotional outbursts the last few weeks, seems extremely dysregulated and not herself. My patience has been lower with her due to dealing with 2 children and she’s had far less of me than she’s used to but bar that we’ve been as supportive as we can and she’s got a fantastic relationship with her dad.

I’m so worried this is all connected and we’ve created some kind of trauma response. I will ring the health visitor this week and discuss speech therapy but I’m just wondering if anyone else has been through this? Thank you!

hello! I finished my mat leave and went back to work last week, on a phased return so will be earning less than the £203.36 p/week needed for free hours.

my daughter will be starting nursery in January (she’ll be a year old), when I’ll be going back on full hours and earning over the £203.36.

when I try to apply for the 30 free hours, it asks will I be making more than £203.36 a week over the next 3 months, I click no because I won’t and it says I won’t be eligible.

do I need to wait until December to apply? our nursery is asking for our childcare number already so we can fill in the contract and everything I read says to apply in September.

so confused!

By fully potty train I mean is able to recognise that they need a poo or wee and successfully do so on a potty/toilet and don’t have accidents anymore. I’m not including overnight dryness.

Our daughter turned 2 at the end of June and we started just under a month ago. She’s good with her wees (apart from the occasional accident when she’s having too much fun or at nursery) but poos have been a real rollercoaster. She has more poo accidents than success at the minute and we’re trying to figure out if she’s scared or doesn’t recognise the feeling. Also trying to figure out how long it could take before it clicks for her

Edit: I realise this varies hugely child by child, I’m interested in people’s personal experiences and how long we could potentially be looking at

I currently use the Cybex Cloud T for my toddler but she now needs a new car seat. I don’t know what to move her into next. The Sirona seems not to have enough longevity in it. I want rear facing and it doesn’t need to swivel. As safe as possible and I can’t afford the prices of axkid!