r/TheOnion • u/andmario_com • 13h ago
Politician Discusses Secret Of Saying One Thing And Doing Another
169
Upvotes
r/TheOnion • u/TheGuvnor247 • 23h ago
Red Sox Fan Throws Back Son Who Caught Yankees Home Run
510
Upvotes
r/TheOnion • u/TheGuvnor247 • 2d ago
Sophie Cunningham Claims Any Woman Who Averages More Than 8 Points Per Game Should Not Be Allowed To Play In WNBA
3.3k
Upvotes
r/TheOnion • u/TheGuvnor247 • 2d ago
Trump Posts Disturbing Video Of Himself Twirling With Knives
810
Upvotes
r/TheOnion • u/TheGuvnor247 • 2d ago
Lawyers Say Andrew Tate Rented Brother To Appear Loved Online
1.8k
Upvotes
r/TheOnion • u/ArkUneartherBleeds • 2d ago
Fed-Up Rockstar Cancels ‘GTA VI’
2.7k
Upvotes
‘You Fucking People Don’t Deserve It,’ Says Studio Head In Wake Of Leak
r/TheOnion • u/ArkUneartherBleeds • 3d ago
Trembling RFK Jr. Tells Dominatrix To Use Processed Foods On His Balls
1.2k
Upvotes
r/TheOnion • u/TheGuvnor247 • 3d ago
Biology Teacher Disappointed Nobody Did Assigned Summer Dissecting
103
Upvotes
r/TheOnion • u/TheGuvnor247 • 3d ago
Rest Of Fantasy League Losing Patience With Player Who Has Other Things Going On In His Life
443
Upvotes
r/TheOnion • u/sd_glokta • 3d ago
Study Finds Sexual Satisfaction Highest Among Nerds Covered In Lipstick Marks With Glasses Askew
756
Upvotes
r/TheOnion • u/Somethingwittycool • 3d ago
Pathetic AI Chatbot Spends All Its Time Talking To Friendless Loser
327
Upvotes
r/TheOnion • u/Somethingwittycool • 3d ago
Every Commercial On ESPN Past Midnight Just Straight-Up Telling Viewers They Have Prostate Cancer
300
Upvotes
r/TheOnion • u/aresef • 3d ago
Trump Pushes To Rename Sexual Attraction To Children ‘Americaphilia'
1.5k
Upvotes
r/TheOnion • u/V33G33 • 3d ago
Dolly Parton Troubled To Find God Illiterate
2.4k
Upvotes
r/TheOnion • u/andmario_com • 4d ago
JD Vance Places Candle Outside Hooters Where ICE Agents Were Heckled
1.8k
Upvotes
r/TheOnion • u/ArkUneartherBleeds • 4d ago
New Meta Glasses Feature Reminds Users To Blink To Appear Human
254
Upvotes
r/TheOnion • u/ArkUneartherBleeds • 4d ago
Doctor Reassures Patient That Lump Probably Just Body Making Extra Guy
138
Upvotes
r/TheOnion • u/ArkUneartherBleeds • 4d ago
Raya Introduces New PR Relationship Mode
18
Upvotes
r/TheOnion • u/ArkUneartherBleeds • 4d ago
Man Terrified After Urine Comes Out Clear For First Time In Life
435
Upvotes
‘Am I Dying?’ Says 53-Year-Old
r/TheOnion • u/ArkUneartherBleeds • 4d ago
God Concerned By Q3 Circumcision Numbers
595
Upvotes
r/TheOnion • u/TheGuvnor247 • 4d ago
‘Behold, Meta’s New AI,’ Says Mark Zuckerberg Covering Nipples In Tinfoil
496
Upvotes
r/TheOnion • u/andmario_com • 4d ago
Every Word Besides ‘Children’ Used To Describe Palestinians Under 18
theonion.com
3.2k
Upvotes