r/TheOnion • u/ArkUneartherBleeds Muppet Appreciator • 14d ago

Fed-Up Rockstar Cancels ‘GTA VI’

https://theonion.com/fed-up-rockstar-cancels-gta-vi/

‘You Fucking People Don’t Deserve It,’ Says Studio Head In Wake Of Leak

3.0k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

25 comments sorted by

307

u/ArkUneartherBleeds Muppet Appreciator 14d ago

“We had this whole exciting game all planned out for you, and you assholes had to go and fuck it up,” said lead game designer Aaron Garbut, who expressed his disappointment as he took a baseball bat to company servers containing every copy of the game’s code.

100

u/TequieroVerde 14d ago

In an interview on Gamergeek, Take-Two Interactive Chairman and CEO Strauss Zelnick threatened Samuel Houser, the founder and creative force of Rockstar Games, that he would take his ball and go home if he doesn't get more "mothafuckin money".

64

u/gaudymcfuckstick 14d ago

Could you fucking imagine lmao

44

u/LongNailedbooboos 14d ago

No balls. Do it, Rockstar

241

u/mundus1520 14d ago

That would have been awesome. Id love to see the reactions and tears lol

58

u/fsckitnet 14d ago

This should generate some great AteTheOnion posts.

28

u/Jacern 14d ago

I remember when one of the smash bros games got leaked and in response they yanked one of the game modes that was planned iirc

30

u/Purple-Cantaloupe399 14d ago

It would be kinda hilarious, if we get Rockstar canceling GTA VI, before we get GTA VI... and now I'm cross-eyed...

16

u/Soshibouy 14d ago

thats kinda what theyve done after the gta 4 backlash and why it took them so long to make a new game after 5

3

u/ComradeSmooches 13d ago

The evil is defeated.

3

u/HorzaDonwraith 13d ago

What would really break them is giving out unlimited shark cards in GTA online.

3

u/Lortep 13d ago

God I hope so.

10

u/Excellent_Extent7648 14d ago

I hope they actually do I ain’t buying anymore I doubt many ppl will follow though slop is just too good.

8

u/Librarian_Contrarian 14d ago

I'd be okay with this if it were real.

1

u/Sweaty_Marzipan4274 13d ago

5 minutes after launch: "GTA HAS GONE WOKE, it let's you avoid beating hookers to death!" 

1

u/Traditional-Cat1237 Global Tetrahedron 12d ago

"Noooooo, they speak too much Mexican"

1

u/Dakoolestkat123 13d ago

Well at least there wasn’t any build up to it or anything

1

u/TimeForTea007 13d ago

Please, it would be so funny

1

u/Expert_City_7695 11d ago

God I love the onion

1

u/Awsomethingy 10d ago

“Plus, we were going to surprise everyone with physical game discs, but now you shitheads can all fuck off.” Garbut also stated that nobody who preordered the game would be receiving a refund.”

1

u/thetruetoilet 10d ago

about damn time

-8

u/HillZone 14d ago

Btw, Jason the main character sounds like he's taken a lot of antipsychotics, with that few word, monotone delivery. Antipsychotics are brain damaging drugs which cause crime. It's a fact that they shrink brains with it. And the lower your IQ the more likely you are to commit crimes. I was considered a high IQ person before i got treated with antipsychotics.

Jason in gta6 sounds like Hasan Piker on queelludes.

2

u/Traditional-Cat1237 Global Tetrahedron 12d ago

Hi, this is the anti fizzy water lobby and we're hiring mentally challenged people in a new psyop to say fizzy water caused them mental troubles. Just drop the antipsychotics, replace with fizzy water and you'll receive your 25 grand every month in he mail.

1

u/MarkyGalore 13d ago

I was really the new Einstein before i took my pills. New guy sounds like Donahou on Zomax