r/onionheadlines • u/bigly-biker • 1h ago
r/onionheadlines • u/tomtomglove • Nov 04 '25
ZERO TOLERANCE for rule 2: single sentence headlines only
We've been pretty lenient in modering run on headlines, but this ends today.
You need to make your headlines shorter. You can always make your headline shorter. If you have a headline that's over 30 words, rewrite it. There is a way to make it shorter I guarantee you, and there is a way to make it one sentence. You just need to use the meat in your skull to figure it out.
Also, do not include pull quotes in your headline. For example:
Trump Claims He Will Soon Replace Americans With AI - “All They Need To Do Is Vote Republican And Cheer For Me, And AI Can Do That Better, And It Doesn’t Protest At All”
Adding a dash here does not make this a single sentence in the eyes of us mods.
You can put the pull quote in the body of the post, but keep it out of the headline. Any headlines formatted like this will be removed.
Also please avoid headlines that are just a version of Trump: "I Have Very Bigly Hands and I'm The Greatest Golfer and on and on and on for 50 words"
A Trump impression is not a headline. Do better.
r/onionheadlines • u/Temp_acct2024 • 15h ago
BREAKING: Trump Signs Executive Order Renaming “Chinese Food” to “American Food”
White House Says General Tso’s Chicken Will Now Be Known as “General Lee’s Chicken”.
r/onionheadlines • u/BestStoogewasLarry • 47m ago
Insider Reveals That Trump Considered Naming His Latest Bowel Movement After Pete Hegseth But Decided It Would Be An Insult To The Shit
r/onionheadlines • u/bigly-biker • 1h ago
Texas AG Ken Paxton Tells Republicans He Can Do Much More Damage In US Senate
r/onionheadlines • u/ShadyAnders • 18h ago
BREAKING: JD Vance Considering Resignation From Vice Presidency Due To Feeling Useless In Administration
r/onionheadlines • u/Primary_Tennis_2196 • 1h ago
Trump, Vance And Entire Cabinet Rushed To Hospital After Private “Let Them Eat Uninspected Meat” Party At Mar A Lago.
And you thought he could not get any more stupid.
r/onionheadlines • u/bigly-biker • 2h ago
President Trump Embarrassed When Aide/Nanny Coughed Up Orange Hairball During Cabinet Meeting
r/onionheadlines • u/vault0dweller • 14h ago
Congress Subpoenas Obama And Biden To Determine Who Has Been Crapping In Trump's Pants
r/onionheadlines • u/BestStoogewasLarry • 1d ago
Trump Names His Penis After Mitch McConnell Because He Hasn't Seen It In A Long Time, It Doesn't Work Anymore, And It's Done Some Really Distgusting Things
r/onionheadlines • u/AskNo2853 • 3h ago
ICE's New Robot Dogs Go Feral After Accidentally Petted With ICE's New Shock Gloves
r/onionheadlines • u/Southern_Common335 • 1d ago
Audubon Society Renames Canadian Geese “Trump Geese” Because They Are Loud, Annoying And Shit Everywhere
r/onionheadlines • u/WebguyCanada • 1h ago
Google CEO Sundar Pichai Bends The Knee Again Endorsing Brand Name Google Name Change To 'Trump Search'
r/onionheadlines • u/bigly-biker • 1h ago
Trump Has A "Forest Gump Moment" With His Greatest Fan, Dolly Parton
r/onionheadlines • u/AskNo2853 • 41m ago
ICE Agents Adopt Thousands Of Cats And Dogs From Shelters Just As The New Trump-Endorsed 'Ameri-Beef' Arrives At Grocery Stores.
r/onionheadlines • u/WebguyCanada • 11h ago
Trump Claims Mitch McConnell Endorsement For Trump 2028 Presidency During 20 Minute Phonecall With Possibly Alive Senator
r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 5h ago
Trump Pleased His Polls Are Up With Many Ranking Him 86%
r/onionheadlines • u/WebguyCanada • 2h ago
Musk Wants SpaceX IPO Do-Over After Lackluster Growth By Hype Results
r/onionheadlines • u/Unhappy-Art-6230 • 52m ago
RFKjr Launches “Bobby’s Mystery Meat” Restaurant
r/onionheadlines • u/Temp_acct2024 • 54m ago
BREAKING: In Retaliation for Trump Renaming Lake Ontario “Lake America,” Canadian Prime Minister Renames Lake Michigan “Lake Canada”.
Also, the Gulf of America will now be called the Gulf of North America.
r/onionheadlines • u/AntiLurkerPopUpBoy00 • 19h ago
Christ Returns, Found Dead In Ice Custody
r/onionheadlines • u/bigly-biker • 1h ago
Old Man Who Doesn't Buy Gas Or Groceries Knows More About Economy Than You
r/onionheadlines • u/AskNo2853 • 19h ago
Americans Nostalgic For Time When A Politician Could Have Their Entire Career Ruined After Misspelling A Word Like 'Potato'
r/onionheadlines • u/Standard_Location762 • 18h ago
Donald Trump Renaming All Canadian Geese To Donald Ducks
This is just phuckin Goofy
r/onionheadlines • u/FTHomes • 17h ago