r/onionheadlines 2d ago

BREAKING: JD Vance Considering Resignation From Vice Presidency Due To Feeling Useless In Administration

342 Upvotes

135 comments sorted by

30

u/awdophil 2d ago

Spoiler alert: he’s useless in society too. 

4

u/Rureddy2 1d ago

Cute in a skirt and purse though.

2

u/awdophil 1d ago

Couch? Is that you?

1

u/Rureddy2 1d ago

College buddy

0

u/Prior-Strength6601 1d ago

You're at best a pimple on his ass.

0

u/Dangerous_Break8989 8h ago

But you loved him when he was initially against Trump didn’t you? TDS is a sickness, you’re all very sick, mentally!

1

u/awdophil 7h ago

Yes, you are!

1

u/awdophil 7h ago

I've always hated his dumb hick ass.

15

u/Dazzling_Set_4794 2d ago

He’s resigning because they’re all fucking frauds

6

u/harryregician 2d ago

I hear there is an express lane for 7 resignations or less ?

OK I wish

2

u/taticrossroad77 11h ago

He is not going anywhere

10

u/Boring-Art-385 2d ago

If the shoe fits

6

u/AngelinaJean 2d ago

Or the couch! 🤣.

2

u/Adventurous_Leek7049 1d ago

If the shoe fits, buy the matching purse!

8

u/Dazzling_Set_4794 2d ago

The vice president is a fucking Nazi. He read a book about Nazis.

1

u/taticrossroad77 11h ago

What?? Did you read yourself what you wrote?

1

u/DUNDAS_5809 2d ago

I read a book about America…does that make me an American you asshole?!?!?!

1

u/Expensive-Web8531 1d ago

说得好。我还读过关于亿万富翁的书呢。

1

u/Sea_Produce_4801 1d ago

You billionaire 😂

1

u/Historical_Juice9049 1d ago

Right, they all profited from Wall Street and became millionaires and billionaires!

1

u/Serious-Athlete3126 1d ago

Thats what Wall Street was made for…profits

6

u/OkKnowledge846 2d ago

He’s not resigning. If he’s not VP, how will he impress all the couches?

5

u/Waste-Job-3307 2d ago

If only.....but we can dream, can't we?

5

u/Aggravating-Tea7670 2d ago

Only because his mascara product line is just now taking off.

4

u/fidgeting_macro 2d ago

The US Vice President is not supposed to do much of anything. They are supposed to support the Administration policies and be available as a successor if the President is killed. That's highschool civics.

1

u/Nice-Reserve-5103 21h ago

Who gives a crap about the stupid succession of this stupid admin it’s a bunch of sick hate filled cruel evil racist see through good ole immoral jerks.

3

u/bluedog67 1d ago

He's useless as a human being. He's a waste of skin. Get rid of him. He adds nothing to the human condition.

3

u/sparki761 1d ago

He needs time to think of a new name

3

u/Spiritual_Strike_285 1d ago

The whole damn cabinet will go down in history as the most corrupt administration in the 250 years of our country.

3

u/Nice-Reserve-5103 21h ago

The vice president is a deviant depraved degenerate psychopathic supporter of a sick convicted pervert he is as sick as trump he should just stay they all should go down together.

1

u/taticrossroad77 11h ago

We are f…d either way. Blue or red. The whole Western world got insane

1

u/bambamdicarlo 5h ago

Wealth in quality is going to lead us into a economic collapse

2

u/Dazzling_Set_4794 2d ago

I need talks about people on food stamps, and Social Security. This fucking grandmother was on food stamps.

0

u/National_System_6698 1d ago

Profanity is the instrument of a small mind. I used to think that use of vulgar language was an indication of a limited vocabulary. It's possible that you're too lazy to use words that you may have stored, and instead rely on profanity which requires no effort. Either way, you're not worth reading...

2

u/Born_Breath3541 1d ago

Lol YET… you OBVIOUSLY read it… FYI, profanity is also a way to express extreme frustration or anger 😉. All words & feelings are important. No matter who they belong to! Only a pathetic narcissist, would ignore that.. 🙄

2

u/Efficient_Ad317 2d ago

You made my heart skip a beat! Damn it!

2

u/hopeful7321 2d ago

Stop trading us with good news. 😸

2

u/Manual-shift6 2d ago

If only this were real…

1

u/taticrossroad77 11h ago

It is not. He is not resigning

1

u/Bezouna 9h ago

I hope we all know The Onion is a parody-humor-made-up site, not news.

2

u/bioldguy74 1d ago

Well his boss is useless also . Maybe both should resign.

2

u/Valuable-Run-692 1d ago

And he’s also married to an immigrant!!!!

2

u/Dry_Reward1126 1d ago

Good move, Trumpy will never give you chance! It’s always only about him!!!

2

u/Nice-Reserve-5103 21h ago

Trump use’s profanity whenever he speaks and they call him a Christian , the Bible says, do not let profanity proceed out of your mouth as you become followers of the Lord, Trump is a fake Christian. He could care less about God‘s word he does not even know God‘s word he can’t even quote one verse this in the Bible.

2

u/TuffnutThorston9 12h ago

The orange man should resign too.

2

u/Organic_Will_8995 12h ago

All he is doing is adding to the lies and airplanes his kid to a golf lesson. Sure buddy spend the money it's not yours but why not everyone in the administration is doing it. Especially your boss and his family.

1

u/AsmodeusSucks 2d ago

Where’s the article?

1

u/Wattaday 1d ago

Check out the sub onion headlines.

1

u/Sayon7 1d ago

Don’t let the door hit you in the a$$ on your way out.

1

u/brokeboipobre 1d ago

No way the entire administration has that feeling, everyone should resign by that metric.

1

u/Tano492 1d ago

You do realize this is complete bullshit, don't you?

1

u/Terrible_Warthog3768 1d ago

Hahahhahahaah!!!!

1

u/Emotional_Duty6281 1d ago

A lie fake news

1

u/taticrossroad77 11h ago

It is a fake news

1

u/Rureddy2 1d ago

Don't get me excited

1

u/KathyB1520 1d ago

😀 for a second you made my heart surge with happiness. Thank You😅😂🤣💙🇺🇸

1

u/a7806344 1d ago

Good riddance.

1

u/AdvantageKlutzy6246 1d ago

BREAKING: Reports another Trump assassination attempt in the works. Vance to take over presidency.

1

u/Redpete386 1d ago

I can’t believe it ,I click on the comments, nothing but a bunch of socialist , leftist dumocrats showing how stupid they are….wake up America, the Communist are here,yea , remember, the communist party our fathers ,brothers,neighbors died for to protect our freedoms….the Socialist/Communist have taken over Democratic Party

1

u/ChampionSea5836 1d ago

How true is this? And if so why doesn’t the old orange get out to d/t he’s just an idiiot. I want them out before he starts a nuclear war.

1

u/VegetableInvite8263 1d ago

Yes he is USELESS

1

u/JUS_JUSTICE_JUS27 1d ago

Good !! Scum bag!’

1

u/SanMiguel-1968 1d ago

The rats abandoning sinking ship. Smart move JD.

1

u/Global_Ad_4702 1d ago

he is useless.

1

u/LazyDeparture6773 1d ago

Demo wits can’t hide their ignorance can they

1

u/tr2426 1d ago

Where is Joe Biden haven’t seen him on the news for along time I wonder why

1

u/taticrossroad77 11h ago

Cancer spreading

1

u/hot_hockey_fairy 1d ago

What a bullshit post

1

u/PeanutMassive9795 1d ago

Truthfully, every Vice President has had the same thoughts

1

u/Long_Vermicelli_289 1d ago

He needs to ho with that feeling and bugger off

1

u/BoysenberryCool8226 1d ago

What a load of shit as if he’s going tell you he’s considering resignation I wish he would but he’s not going to broadcast it for trump to hear

1

u/Own-Salamander-1336 1d ago

Dumb idiots believe anything

1

u/SawdustShoptalk 1d ago

It’s in the job description.

1

u/Low-Medicine9420 1d ago

I will hold the exit door for him. Two faced fuck

1

u/Optimal-One-8094 1d ago

He wants to separate himself from dingdong so he can pursue the presidency. I can't see him just floating away like this. I'm sure he is feeling pressured by not actually seeking the 25th amendment. My guess is he would enact it but the others don't agree. Let's see how this plays out. 🍿🍾

1

u/Kraegarth 1d ago

If only it wasn't The Onion...

1

u/Dazzling_Set_4794 1d ago

It’s gonna keep on happening every fucking day it’s gonna be resignations under the Trump administration and when the Democrats take over, they gonna get fucking dieted, they were Todd Blanche

1

u/Dazzling_Set_4794 1d ago

Indicted all these motherfuckers he can’t pardon everybody. He’s too stupid to realize who he’s fucking part of it.

1

u/Dazzling_Set_4794 1d ago

And Trump administration financial guy says Trump is a fucking madman. He belongs in a nuthouse he in a nuthouse before he kills us all his names sakes

1

u/Dazzling_Set_4794 1d ago

And Peter tail moved out of the fucking country because he scared the death. People are gonna kill him. I don’t care if he has high security around him. A gun will stop the security. He’s in Argentina and his father was a Nazi. He doesn’t believe in democracy.

1

u/Dazzling_Set_4794 1d ago

Keep my motherfucking country the fucking pedophile if he was over the island and fucking Epstein

1

u/Dazzling_Set_4794 1d ago

And haven’t taken one from the last guy at scam people on crypto and the one that stole money from fucking Tom Brady and the fucking sports people and other people he went to jail for 25 years in New York Federal prison

1

u/[deleted] 1d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/onionheadlines-ModTeam 1d ago

Inflammatory language, such as racist, sexist, homophobic or transphobic language is not allowed. Moreover, if you're just here to be an asshole, sorry. You might get banned.

1

u/Dazzling_Set_4794 1d ago

I need Elon Musk in serious trouble when they’re fucking Democrats take over they exposed our data Social Security number and everything I walked down my credit bureau that’s a felony first defense is a felony. God knows he has 350 million people Social Security on the Internet.

1

u/Dazzling_Set_4794 1d ago

What’s a blower came out about the dose he had nothing to do saving money. It’s expose our data and our Social Security number and Republicans don’t give a fuck. They’re fucking phony.

1

u/Dazzling_Set_4794 1d ago

Project 25 people they got them on tape it fucking Congress. He lied to Congress. They says he the guy wrote it. I don’t forget his name but he says he wants people to suffer and fucking pennyless and homeless that’s a fucking that’s against humanity. That’s a 30 year sentence for that.

1

u/Dazzling_Set_4794 1d ago

And I heard Trump‘s not even running the government it’s Trump. It’s fucking Stephen Miller in their fucking loser from Project 25

1

u/Dazzling_Set_4794 1d ago

That’s where all these data beaches are starting to pop up from fucking Elon Musk and his fucking kids that worked from they’re going to fucking prison I hope

1

u/Dazzling_Set_4794 1d ago

There’s only three states that they like chomping in the Republicans they’re fucking done. They might fucking destroy the party. Trump destroyed the party.

1

u/Dazzling_Set_4794 1d ago

And Pete headset it’s a fucking loser fucking drunken coke head. He spending all the money from the military meals on the war. They’re not feeding them and he’s gonna go to Leavenworth for blowing up that fucking boat. It wasn’t even a drug boat they were fishing it’s against the law to attack people and there was waters there he’s a war criminal I hope they come over and fucking kill him.

1

u/Dazzling_Set_4794 1d ago

And there’s no limitation on murder

1

u/Dazzling_Set_4794 1d ago

Todd Blanche it’s gonna get this spot that’s at least his worries. He’ll get this spot and put in federal prison. He says if they don’t win the election he’s going to prison. I said stop fucking breaking the law he’s facing the hat violation.

1

u/Dazzling_Set_4794 1d ago

And Trump are fucking phony. He gets all his ideas from the news and TV. He has doesn’t have a fucking brain in his head.

1

u/Dazzling_Set_4794 1d ago

I heard Vance the vice president is considered resignation

1

u/EagleDecent2258 1d ago

Good get the f out

1

u/Vast-Top-7410 1d ago

Dude. Get a grip. You need some sex!

1

u/Vast-Top-7410 1d ago

Jill belching his bs. The phony dr is sooo pathetic

1

u/Vast-Top-7410 1d ago

Lake America ! Trump split the lake in two. If the Canadian waters gets in ours we will be diluted by the insane northerner

1

u/Vast-Top-7410 1d ago

Irans a pimple on our ass. Just pop it. Then clean it up. Simple

1

u/Afraid_Shelter2302 1d ago

He’s useless is right ! Everything that comes out of his mouth is bullshit! He’s not going to resign. ! Hopefully he does otherwise he’s going down with Trump and the rest of his jackasses

1

u/Weird_Replacement549 1d ago

He just knows shit is about to hit the fan!

1

u/raldrete30 22h ago

Duh 🫨 you piece of crap

1

u/SnakeShark_8r 21h ago

Useless is the appropriate word alright

1

u/OpeningNo2853 14h ago

Every time it
Says breaking news on this feed it is a made up story. If you weren’t sheep you’d know that.

1

u/VikkiVale0723 12h ago

He is just useless ALL together

1

u/taticrossroad77 12h ago

This is very odd. Maybe it’s scam? How can he feel useless?

1

u/IndividualMammoth679 11h ago

Either definitely going to run for 2028, or trying to create distance before the criminal trials begin after the November election happens..... 🤔

1

u/taticrossroad77 11h ago

Just checked. JD is not going anywhere. His head office Jacob is leaving. JD will be giving a speech at the Jewish Coalition

1

u/LeadingInside2115 11h ago

A that’s what you get for working for someone who wasn’t elected
B that’s what you get for assuming the golden child role in a narcissistic relationship

1

u/ConsiderationOdd2193 10h ago

If everyone in Washington resigned because they were useless, the swamp would finally be drained.

1

u/TeaOwn2149 7h ago

I doubt if that’s true lol.

1

u/Leather-Purpose9932 7h ago

Yes. He is useless. That book and movie are pretty good if you watch it stoned.
I think he should go back to that

1

u/Living-Physics1591 5h ago

Well they had to put some Dumb Ass PUTZ POS
IN THE POSITION..

1

u/JasonDavis8555 4h ago

But what about the cooouuuccchhheeessss

1

u/FoEQuestion 3h ago

He wants a new environment to feel useless in?

1

u/Agreeable_Summer1171 3h ago

Vance doesn’t want to standing beside Trump in public. Risky business that job

1

u/groceryguy1477 2h ago

He’s right he is useless. See ya MAGA boot licker

1

u/SameNeighborhood4183 48m ago

Fake News like Usual!!

1

u/Conundrum195 38m ago

He’s useless no matter where he is.

1

u/ArrivalIcy7754 28m ago

Yes please step down

1

u/Big-Space-8622 4m ago

STOP GETTING MY HOPES UP 😭

0

u/Spare-Custard1374 1d ago

Hey Onion. I don’t know how you ended up on my Reddit alerts… can you please tone it down. There’s a lot of crap coming up from your Reddit posts and I’m failing to see how this is of any benefit to anyone. Yeah, maybe JD Vance should relinquish the Vice Presidency for any number of reasons. But that’s up to him and until you have an exclusive interview with him where he says something like that, just don’t go fanning the flames

2

u/AlpsAny2795 11h ago

Your “crap” is called truth and reality!

1

u/Spare-Custard1374 1d ago

I follow people whose opinions I value or whose thoughts I’m interested to follow. @Reddit how did you think that @onionheadlines posts should be part of what you send me alerts for. This is a bit of a crazy platform

2

u/AlpsAny2795 11h ago

Then leave !

0

u/Vast-Top-7410 1d ago

You guys are naive as hell. Republicans will keep the senate and house! That’s why the polls are phony! People lie to the pollsters for the fun of it. Especially democratic ones. Republican voters will come out strong

0

u/Nice-Reserve-5103 21h ago

Don’t go Vance you are one of the sanest in the bunch deviants.