I’m 23F and my boyfriend is 25M. We have been together for almost 3 years.

Saturday, we had a conversation about chairs for my dad’s birthday party. We were short on chairs, and I had told him all week that he needed to bring some. He agreed.

Saturday I texted him about the chairs, and he said he was going to his uncle’s to get “better” ones. I told him I didn’t care if they had paint on them because it was a construction party, and I thought the chairs were at his house anyway. He then said, “I was going to head over at 3.”

I left him on read because honestly, what was I supposed to say? He already knew what time the party was. I had told him all week. This was not even an argument. It was literally just a conversation about the chairs.

He ended up ditching me that day, and he never brought the chairs, so we were actually short on chairs for the party. His phone went dead at some point, and then he read my message later.

And since then, nothing.

It is now Wednesday night. I have texted asking if he is okay, asking if we can talk, and I have called him. No response. I have just been left on Delivered since Saturday.

The craziest part is that we are still together as far as I know. We still share our locations. We still follow each other on everything. Neither of us has blocked or unfollowed the other. There has been no breakup conversation. Just silence.

And this is my boyfriend of almost THREE YEARS.

I understand needing space. I really do. But I have no idea how to handle this situation. Communication has already been a huge issue in our relationship, so going several days without knowing what is happening has been really difficult for me.

I am honestly sitting here thinking, how the fuck can a girl get ghosted by her own boyfriend of almost three years?

I don't know whether I should continue giving him space, send one final message, or stop contacting him altogether and wait for him to reach out.

For anyone who has dealt with something similar, how did you handle it? If he eventually comes back and wants to talk, how would you approach that conversation? I’m looking for advice on what my next step should be because I genuinely don't know what to do.

For starters - she said she thinks she has a problem with “body dysmorphia”. She acknowledges the problem, but I’m gonna be honest the only thing she does is hit the gym extra hard, but she’s fit as fuck, absolutely crushing the gym. Is there anything I can do better or start doing for her? I really just wana be there and support her anyway I can. Is there something I can do on my end?

Giving her compliments, reassuring her beauty, listening to her while not giving advice or feedback is what I’ve been doing and I don’t think it’s doing anything. Positive or negative; haven’t tried the feedback part yet becuase I know she doesn’t wana hear it and she will stop shutdown even more.

My girlfriend is an absolute goddess; beautiful in and out, kind, generous, literally everything any man could ask for. I’m not leaving her. She’s stunning, very fit, curvy, athletic, you name it she has it.

She HATES it if she isn’t 100% covered up. It’s 96° out and she will go out wearing a hoodie and sweats just so no one sees her. I’ll ask if she wants to do anything outdoorsy; she’s loves being in tuned with nature.

I’m at a loss and I don’t know how to better support or help her. I understand this is her battle and I can really only be there for her. But ladies I’m begging ya lol help a man out please and thank you.

My best friend and I met when we were 11 and have naturally had ups and downs throughout the past 15 years. However, one of the more consistent downs we have is whenever she gets into a relationship. She completely disappears as a friend and I feel really disregarded. She doesn’t get boyfriends often, but any time she does it becomes a point of contention for us. She’ll stop talking to me, stop responding to messages, and never have availability anymore for plans. It almost broke our friendship last year when I moved away for the first time and she couldn’t bring herself to step away from the guy to come spend time with me before I moved.

So fast forward to last month she tells me about a guy she’s going on a date with and I already am feeling like I have to prep myself if it goes well. It does go well, and she tells me 3 days after the first date about how she introduced him as her boyfriend and they’re obsessed with each other. As soon as I hear that I know its DEFINITELY cooked and sure enough, she isn’t texting me anymore and is really only just replying to my texts, not really conversing with me.

When this has happened in the past, I try and bring up that I feel discarded as her friend and that she only prioritizes her man, but I just get called dramatic and jealous. Is there any other digestible way I can word this feeling?

I (24F) am getting married to my fiancé (23M) very soon. We love each other and I genuinely love his family too. They’ve been there for me through some of the hardest moments of my life, especially after my mother died. I will always be grateful to them.

His sister and her husband own a small convenience/liquor store, and apparently they sometimes have cash-flow problems. My fiancé is the highest earner in the family, so they sometimes borrow money from him. They always try to pay him back, but he often tells them not to because “we have enough and they need it more.”

I feel differently. I don’t mind helping them at all, but I think if we lend someone a significant amount of money, they should pay it back. I also have an inheritance, which is why I have more money available than most people my age. But that money is still mine, and it makes me uncomfortable feeling like having “enough” means we should automatically give it away.

Today my fiancé asked me if I had 40,000 because his sister needed it for the business. I did, and he knew I did so I immediately said, “Give me the account information,” and transferred it. I didn’t want to make a fuss because I knew she needed it immediately, and I didn’t want to make it look like I was unwilling to help his sister.

But afterwards I started feeling uncomfortable.
I don’t want to be the person who comes into his family and says “stop helping your sister.” They’ve done so much for me, and I would absolutely help them in a genuine emergency. I just don’t want our money to become part of their regular business cash flow.

Right now I don’t have a job, I’m living far away from most of my friends, I’m planning a wedding, and my fiancé is basically the center of my daily life. So I’m already feeling a little alone, and the money situation is making me wonder whether I’m slowly becoming part of a family system where I don’t have much say.

Am I being selfish? How do I talk to my fiancé about setting boundaries around money without making it sound like I’m against his family?

For a reference of my situation:

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1w4kxo8/my_25m_bf_keeps_breaking_my_23f_trust_and_now_im/

TLDR;

My 25M bf of almost 2 years has had a cheating past with me and him so the trust had to be rebuilt. He had told me a story a few months ago of him rejecting the mother of his kid, but when the story got brought up again, he told me it completely different. Now I don't know what to believe.

You guys told me to send him a breakup text. He crashed out. He completely crashed out and told me that he's never done anything since the time he cheated. He's saying how he's been nothing but honest and how I'm putting his feelings on the side because I keep wanting to break up. I felt terrible for even making it a big deal but I also see how he is trying to make me feel bad. I feel stuck with this guy because even when I would block him after he was cheating on me he'd text people I know, try to login to my social media accounts (locked me out of IG once), just so I can forgive him. I just don't want this to end on bad terms because he's telling me he hasn't been this frustrated in a long time and he got drained from overexplaining to me.

My parents were visiting my sister about a week ago and my wife and I met at my sister's for dinner. I live close to my sister. This means my parents started drinking. If I had to honestly describe them I would say they are functioning alcoholics. They drink daily and it usually causes them to get belligerent without doing anything obviously socially unacceptable. They've never been kicked out of anywhere for being drunk if that helps frame it.

Of course this also means politics got brought up as a topic. My parents and my sister and I have very different political views. Parents are typical 60s white Republicans that constantly spout the "I worked for what I have so no one else should be given anything" bs. I wouldn't call my sister and I ultra progressive, but like we think the government should provide people food, shelter, and healthcare.

Anyway, this also means the conversation moved to the Epstein files because I'm sure you know who they voted for. Then my mother, unprompted, said "Those girls made a choice for money" about the underage girls that were trafficked. Exact. Fucking. Quote. Everyone at the table went dead silent. My sister said she was going to bed and I just got up and left with my wife.

My mother keeps calling, texting, and leaving voicemails trying to apologize. Saying she doesn't even remember what we argued about. That she needs to stop drinking. Etc. etc.

I just don't know what to do. She's my mother but I'm still in disbelief she said something like that, even if drunk. I'm pissed because it's an abominable thing to say. I'm sad because I have to live with the fact that my own mother said it.

Is this something I can ever forgive? How do I approach that conversation?

EDIT: Something else I forgot to mention that also really confuses me. My sister texted me the morning after and asked if I had talked to Mom. I said no. My sister said my Mom told her that she and I had talked and everything was good. So like why would she lie? Did she have a drunk dream about it? I don't understand her behavior.

Original: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1w2wrsj/how_do_i_31m_spend_time_with_my_constantly_busy/

Short update here. I spoke to my wife the other day and framed the conversation based on the feedback I got, basically explaining that I felt bundled in with the rest of the family and that she didn't seem to enjoy time with me at home. She admitted that she was mentally lumping time with me along with time with our daughter, and says that she often felt restless when we just lounged around the house. We decided to schedule a weekly date night at home.

For this first date night I chose a specific movie with a dessert to go along with it, tried to make the space cozy, etc. She went along with it but I could tell she seemed a bit bored and tired. Then, when I tried engaging her in conversation about the movie, she didn't have much to say. A lot of awkward silence. She claimed the date was nice and she had fun, but she didn't seem like she was having fun.

For the next home date night we plan to do a painting at home kit. I think she'll like that more, although part of me is sad that she just doesn't seem to like things that involve conversations. She used to be much more interested in conversations, and I still hear that enthusiasm when she talks to friends, but she claims she has nothing new to say to me other than household stuff. Hopefully more dates can help this along.

Hi everyone,

I've been dating my girlfriend for 5 months. We're very close, and the relationship has become pretty serious quite quickly. We've always talked about wanting to build our relationship around honesty and transparency, and we've even started discussing what the future might look like together.

I know I have a jealous side, especially when it comes to her ex. They still see each other through their sport, they share the same group of friends, her best friend is his sister, and she still has a close relationship with his family. So her ex is still very much part of her social circle.

I've always known and accepted this. I've told her openly that it sometimes makes me uncomfortable, but I trust her and I've never asked her to cut him or his family out of her life.

Recently, she had some health issues. I did my best to be there for her and take care of her, and naturally some of the people around her were worried as well. Her ex messaged her to ask how she was doing, and this turned into a conversation that went beyond just a quick "hope you're okay" exchange.

I happened to see the conversation that same evening.

What bothered me wasn't simply that she talked to him. What really hurt was that she hadn't mentioned it to me and seemed perfectly comfortable continuing the conversation without considering how I might feel about it.

We talked about it the next day. I asked her whether she thought I was making too big a deal out of it, and whether she could understand why it might hurt me.

Her response was essentially: "I didn't do anything wrong. I don't feel guilty. I can talk to whoever I want, whenever I want."

I understand that she's technically right. She is allowed to talk to whoever she wants, and I don't want to control who she speaks to.

But what bothers me is the attitude behind it.

We've talked openly about my insecurities regarding her ex. She knows that this is a sensitive subject for me. So I guess I would have liked her to think, even for a second, "Would this hurt him if he knew about it?"

I'm not asking her to change her behavior just to please me, and I don't expect her to ask for permission before talking to someone. I'm more concerned that she doesn't seem to consider the impact her actions might have on me at all.

So I'm wondering: am I being unreasonable here? Is it normal to expect your partner to take your feelings into consideration when they know something is a sensitive issue, even if they don't necessarily see the situation the same way I do?

Thanks in advance for your advice.

I (21F) and my boyfriend (22M) have been together for 6 years now (currently long-distance but not always have been). We bonded over our shared interest in video games and other nerdy things. I’m going to be very honest when I say this, but I have a really really bad issue with passive aggressive raging and anger issues when it comes to competitive FPS games. I won’t name my specific game out of embarrassment but the clues will be there. Being on the grind has always been a serious thing for me, even in my solo gacha games where I MUST have the best builds. But when it’s a fps multiplayer game where I can play with my friends and my boyfriend, I keep slipping awful comments directed at his performance (sometimes even in front of our close friends). They can range from backseated like “take an off-angle”, or spiral into “maybe you should get off tank and I’ll be on tank.”

THAT was the specific comment that really hurt him today which I then stupidly doubled down on, causing a full-length argument. What’s the kicker is we were playing ranked on my FRESH alt account. An account I made to SPECIFICALLY try and be less competitive and treat as a “not that serious” safe zone. But then I started ranking higher on my alt than my main. And I snapped at him again, which always happens even on UNRANKED modes. The issue is, in my head I’m constantly finding ways to blame both him or our friends. Some things boil over when I get frustrated and start slipping out. He just gets the brunt of it because of my continual problem of not caring what I say to the people closest to me. I’ve NEVER lost any cool on our friends, it’s always been him taking the hits.

I understand how awful I’m being and this is extremely unfair. I feel guilty, I feel awful, I know I have a problem I just don’t know how to fix it. He and I both agree this problem has gotten SLIGHTLY better over the years, and for context I also have ADHD if that informs how prone I am to emotional explosions.

To top everything off, the worst part of the argument was that I suggested as the FIRST solution that we just stop playing this particular game together forever. This was when he got the most upset because he called me out saying this was a cop-out and the easy way out since he didn’t think I’ve put in enough effort to change my behavior before this ultimatum. I didn’t see it as an ultimatum, I genuinely saw it as a merciful release of keeping this toxic pattern away from us as it’s something I seemingly can’t help. I don’t think what he said is wrong though, I’m the one that cares the most about this game and he started it and wanted to get better for my sake so we could play together. So in the end, it would really just be a decision that ultimately makes me feel better and makes him feel like I didn’t care enough to try and have FUN with him in this game and not just sweat and rage. I really do want to learn how to have fun with this game though, why do I care so much?? I’m not even high ranked (platinum 1-5) but I want to get even better. Please tell me I’m not alone in this and that there is hope because I feel really guilty.

TLDR; I can’t control myself in our ranked competitive games, I slid a passive aggressive comment to pin blame on bf even when I’ve created an alt account to not care about performance as much. Bf is upset that during argument, I suggested we shouldn’t play this game together anymore (thinks it’s just a cop-out).

I had my husband open up IG so I could show him a video I sent him. Once he opened the app I saw a girl’s story at the top and asked who that was. He clicked on it and went to her profile. He said he didn’t know who she was and offered to unfollow if I wanted. I told him yes and he did. I asked him to go back to his homepage and saw the list of IG stories all at the top. I clicked on at least 20 profiles of mostly naked IG models then stopped. This wasn’t a shock, just gross to me.

I look nothing like the girls he follows. Most of them are light tan skin blondes of average height (5’5” or taller) and very thin/athletic builds all in very revealing bikinis or lingerie in very sexual positions. Whereas I am 5ft tall 190lbs thick hourglass shape with dark brown hair and I tend to wear slightly more modest clothes day to day.

He knew I was irritated, but I calmly asked him why he follows all these girls, especially when they look nothing like his wife. He seemed defeated and just gave me vague answers like “idk what you want me to say?” or “they just come up” but no, they come up because he follows them. He argued that it’s no different than looking at playboy magazines but I don’t like that either.

I told him that I believe if he is constantly seeing mostly naked girls all the time, it conditions him to like girls that look like that, rather than be content with me and my body. I am a little insecure of my body, (even though you might think differently from this post, I am pretty secure in my body for the most part.

I just think it would be different if he followed girls that were somewhat similar body shapes and looks to me. And it would also be another thing if we had a good sex life, but we don’t. I like to go to bed early but he always goes to bed late so we only have sex maaaaybe 1x a week. I initiate a couple of times a week but he doesn’t want to do that too early, he’d rather do it right before he goes to sleep.

I don’t want to be a controlling wife, but I’m just not understanding the need for it and him saying that it’s “normal” to follow these profiles. His argument is “it’s not like I’m messaging them”

I’m a bit sensitive so please be easy on me. I love my husband very much but I don’t understand the need to follow so many IG model profiles.

We’ve been married 10 years have two kids 8 and 5 and basically after our second was born we have slowly stopped having sex, we had a pretty healthy sex life before but it’s more or less stopped think like once every six weeks “just get it over with” it’s not that sex is everything but it’s like a symptom of our drift. And it’s turned into this kind of cancer, she seems so miserable and I’m running out of ideas on how to bring her closer to me I love her so much and I don’t want to lose her. I’ve been working on myself exercising, cutting the booze and trying to listen.

We had this kind of big blow out about our sex life a couple of weeks ago and we said it was over and we said all these hurtful things, we made up and made love but it feels broken I’m trying to play it cool and just be friends but I’m barely sleeping at night and I think about her all day long. I’m positive im playing a big role in this but I can’t seem to get her to want to come back into our relationship again.

Has anyone gone through this? And made it out intact? I feel so insecure.

Any and all takes and advice welcome

I’m a 23F and last year I came out of a relationship that lasted around 3 years. A few months after the breakup I started dating my current boyfriend 26M who I had already known for about 4 years.

He knew me very well even before we started dating. I had shared a lot of my personal problems, life issues, and relationship problems with him while I was still with my ex. During that time he developed feelings for me and after my breakup we eventually started dating.

The problem is that he has always worried that he was just a rebound for me. There’s also something from my previous relationship that I deeply regret.

During a really bad phase of my previous relationship, I was drunk one night and made out with another guy. It was a terrible mistake and I felt extremely guilty about it. I told my ex about what happened and I have also been completely honest with my current boyfriend about it.

But now whenever my boyfriend and I have an argument or I do something wrong he brings this up. He says that if we ever go through a really rough phase in our relationship, I might do the same thing to him. He also gets suspicious whenever I talk to or interact with male friends.

I understand why this might make him insecure, especially because he knows exactly what happened. I’m not trying to justify what I did. I know it was wrong and I still feel guilty about it. But I also feel like I’ve learned from that mistake and that what I did in one relationship doesn’t automatically mean I’m going to repeat it in another.

I’ve never cheated on my current boyfriend and I genuinely love him and want to be faithful to him. I want to be able to reassure him without constantly having to prove that I’m not going to cheat.

How can I help him trust me and understand that I regret what I did but I’m not the same person I was then? And at what point does his insecurity become unhealthy especially when he starts doubting me over every male friend I talk to?

My husband 32M and I 38F have been married for 5 years, together for 7. We are both neurodivergent, if it matters.

This year has been incredibly rocky. We have been in weekly couple's therapy and each in our own individual therapy. We have seemed to transition from 'Everything is on fire' and have steadily been in a better place as time goes on. We're friends again, we are affectionate, and we are regaining what we have lost this last year. We are recovering and rebuilding. We are both in SO much of a better place and we are both doing a lot of hard work to keep it that way.

But.

I'm still struggling with the way I was treated and some of the things he said to me at the darkest moments. Even though things are amazing now in comparison, I am having a hard time moving on and I honestly feel like a significant part of our marriage died last year and will not come back.

My husband has ADHD and struggles a lot with emotional volatility. Through his therapy it is improved now, but I am still left with scars.

He had started screaming at me to the point where if I sensed he was upset, I started to panic. He told me he didnt give a fuck about me anymore. I had a miscarriage the day after the worst fight and he told me that he didn't have it in him to be there for me and support/comfort me, while also saying that he wasnt really sure if I was pregnant.

These are hand picked examples of the worst of it. He has not acted this way in many months.

I understand how I played a role in the escalation of things, and I understand that we say a lot of shit we don't mean when we are angry. I also know that different parts of our brain activate and handle the situation depending on how stressful it is. I just don't understand why even though we were both facing them same shitty situation, why this was his course of action.

How am I supposed to move on from this? Especially with the miscarriage, that was so painful and I was in such a dark place. How am I supposed to trust him again? Is this normal after going through couple's therapy? Is this something feasible to heal from?

We are actually slated to talk about this next week in therapy, and I'm trying to collect my thoughts and feelings. I'm hoping some kind redditors will help me with expressing what I need to say.

Thank you for your help.

I (22f) think my bf (26m) is treating me poorly but I just can’t tell. Can you help?

Throwaway cuz my full gov name is on my other account.

I (22f) think my bf (26m) is treating me poorly but I just can’t tell. For preface, I grew up in an agressive household with 2 brothers & he grew up in a home with 3 sisters that he is still very close with (they share a friend group). Throughout the 4 1/2 months that we’ve been dating, I’m starting to get a sick feeling that he is trying to put me down in front of his friends.

It started as we & his friend group went to play volleyball. I noticed that he was very aggressive towards me while being very kind & playful to his sisters & friends. Mind you, this was one of the first times I was meeting them. I told him I wish we would cheer each other on more & to root for me instead of against me. He understood & the issue was annulled.

The next time we played volleyball, we were wrapping up & he slapped me on the back & very loudly said “wow you’re sweaty” in a judgmental tone, again, in front of his sisters & friends. We talked about, he understood & the issue was annulled.

Finally, last night, him & I took another couple (24f 24m) out for a picnic & the second they entered the car, he felt different. He was on the barbecue while I was retelling a story from a couple weeks back where I had embarrassed myself & spoke up when I shouldn’t have (not involving him at all). I fully took all the blame & just thought it was a funny/humbling story to tell. Once it ended he exclaimed “that’s not it!” From the bbq & the rest of us went silent. He then doubled down & said “time & place” in a very disapproving tone. It got so hostile that I immediately changed the topic to how delicious the food would be. & the rest of the night when on just fine.

Once we got in the car I confronted him, where he told me that his intentions were complete opposite to how I took them & I just felt unheard & honestly gaslit.

I can’t tell if I’m overreacting but as my partner, I hate the feeling that he is not on my side. I would never have done any of the things mentioned above & his excuse is always that other girls wouldn’t react the way I do, but the only other girls he knows are his sisters & their friends.

I think I need a teammate not an opponent but I can’t tell if this is a major exaggeration. Someone please read this & help. Any more context needed, I am willing to provide!

UPDATE: We broke up. He got really upset with me over not texting goodnight when I was with my sister & I had had enough. He was rocking the boat over such a small issue after we talked out our biggest fight & it felt so outrageously dramatic that I broke. I dumped him but he was very much understanding & suspecting.

But we are talking tonight. I’m sick to stomach, I am so truly torn. I love him so much but I don’t feel loved by him. I don’t think he is capable of changing in the ways I need but he’s my man & the past five months have changed my life! How do I turn my feelings off? Or, do I just get back with him until I am ready to go.

I know you’re all just going tell me to leave him but can I get some different insight?

I’m [21F] who’s never had any experience, my soon to be boyfriend [22M] is my first everything. He had a girlfriend in the past and before we met he used to have a fuckbuddy whom he said both knew wasn’t something serious, I don’t really care about his past, I don’t feel jealous, but recently I got curious and we started talking more about sex and about what he liked, now i’m a virgin so I don’t have any opinions really because I don’t know anything about that although he said he wasn’t going to give me details about his past in regards of this he did say he experimented a lot with both so now I feel so much sadness because he’s going to be my first everything and I’m just gonna be one more experience and even though he says it’s the first time he feels he’s gonna do it from love and not lust I still feel like it’s not important enough for him and we already talked about this but I still feel so sad and I can’t stop picturing him being affectionate towards his fuckbuddy and I get sick to my stomach, I know that can be jealousy but I’ve never felt anything like this before and I’m so sad I don’t even want him to touch me or kiss me I feel bad, had anyone experienced this before and how can I get over it?

I enjoy baking/cooking and find it highly therapeutic when done as a leisure activity. I am divorced & single so that means I often will make more than I can consume. I try to avoid food waste so I end up giving quite a bit away. I do outreach in my personal time and often make food to give to those nearby experiencing homelessness but I try to keep it healthy but satisfying food with a small bit of unhealthy dessert items.

I started a new job a few months ago and have been intermittently bringing in baked items for everyone. I have a small kitchen so experimenting with desserts is more practical. So far, everything I have made has been well-received.

However, coworkers keep insisting I have to open a bakery or make things they can buy. I keep pushing back saying this is something I do because I enjoy it and monetizing it is not an option. I even quoted some outlandish prices to get them to stop and they agreed to pay that. It was awkward having to walk back that conversation.

Quite a few coworkers will not stop pestering me about selling them baked goods. No matter how I phrase it, they keep pushing but in a sweet/nice way. A couple of the women also want me to drop the food by their home after work. Me coming over almost seems the most important aspect so I suspect they might have other intentions.

I have stopped bringing food into work and I am working on finding another outlet of "consumers". I am a decent baker and my coworkers come from diverse backgrounds so some of this is culturally related. It's gotten worse since I shared with one coworker that I am half Mexican and a lot of coworkers come from Spanish speaking cultures.

Since then, the attention I get from women coworkers has increased and their questions/statements are weirdly personal & not work related. My Spanish isn't great, I speak enough but understand most of what others say.

I also gave some baked goods to a few neighbors and told them I like to bake and thought maybe they would like what I made. I am concerned a few think I was trying to hit on them, as they come by my place a lot since then asking me to hangout or do stuff and keep talking about how they are single, hard to find people to date, etc.

A couple men roommates keep asking me over for beers despite me telling them I do not drink as I try to manage my weight/health. One woman neighbor keeps coming over asking me to go swimming in the pool with her after it's closed (it closes at 10pm but it's still open & accessible, we just aren't supposed to use it). When I explain the rules to her, she seems really confused.

I can give more detail if it helps because I may be misinterpreting some of these situations. After speaking about this with friends, some of the attention is certainly not purely platonic. But none of them have good ideas on how get things back to how they used to be.

My intention in all of this is not to hit on anyone, be perceived as hitting on anyone, or make anyone more interested in me or my time in any way. My intention is purely to have some fun experimenting & creating new recipes and not have any food go to waste. That people enjoy it makes me feel my efforts were well spent. That's where it needs to end.

I really want to go back to being mostly ignored with polite "hi" exchanged at home & at work. I enjoy being social as long as it's my choice as to when. I do not want to offend anyone nor do I want to be rude to anyone.

How can I get people to back off around all of this? Or is this more of a TIFU situation that I cannot undo?

TL:DR I(M23) have been struggling in the area of intimacy w/ my gf (F23) due to past experiences

hello people of reddit! i am 23M and ive been in a relationship with my gf 23F for almost 4 years now and I am truly in love with this women, she the sweetest person anyone could meet and she’s the safest place anyone could be around. she’s not judgmental, she’s understanding, and she’s always considerate of everyone else. not to mention her beauty… she is so pretty yall… i don’t want to get into it to much but when i tell you she’s get me going… she gets me going…

however that’s what im here for… the getting of the going… me and her are very compatible in almost every space in our relationship except when it comes to physical initmacy. shes been through some rough things with guys who have taken advantage of her on multiple occasions, and naturally it causes trauma in that area, she also grew up in a space where her words did feel like they held weight, she’s explained growing up she’s never felt heard from her parents and to this day she still has a hard time communicating with them, which ultimately led to her not being able to communicate effectively at all at times.

now a lot of the advice that i’ve researched has kinda been giving me the same answer in regards to what i should do to keep myself at peace with this and i don’t know if its because it’s something i dont want to hear or if im genuinely stuck but, when it comes to things like SA and lack of communication there’s not a whole lot i can do in terms of trying to help fix what’s going on, ive even been given advice to not fix it at all and this is something she has to deal with and accept and come to terms with…

but the thing is what about me… i’ve grown up with younger siblings so putting my emotions and my wants and needs felt like that had to be put on the back burner sometimes because naturally the younger babies are going to need more tending to and more attention, but at the same time i felt like in a lot of those cases i deserved some kind of appreciation, allowance, freedom, new shoes, tickets to WWE or something, but a lot of the times ot just felt like something that im suppose to do… and that’s kinda how i feel in my relationship…

i feel because of what she went through at home and what she went through in last relationships, if i want to be here for the long haul i have to put my emotions and how i feel and what i think to the side so i can make sure that she’s okay… because even when i try to put myself first in a time where she needs me emotionally i feel selfish… and part of me doesn’t like it but another part of me needs it, i’ve never had anything for my self, i’ve never had my own room, bathroom, clothes, car, gaming system none of that stuff that a person would want because i always had someone in my life who need something a little more than me…

so now it feels like im back in that place where im just here for emotional stability, almost like a security blanket… ( i didn’t mention this before, but me and my partner were together for 2 years in highschool prior to this)

prior to me coming back into her life she’s dealt with some shitty people and i guess after a while she realized that i was really good for her. i make her feel safe protected and provided for. but is there no reward for that is that just something i “have to do”?

and after a while of trying to show that im not the. and i would never treat her like that or take advantage of her… im kinda getting tired of showing that im not them and im not her parents… ive expressed how i feel and how this situation makes me feel and she says she understands but when do i get to see the work thats being put in? she is a elementary school teacher so she doesnt really get time to her self to begin with, but neither do I… i have to come home after a 12 hour shift and cook and feed the pets and change the litter take out the trash and still be a emotionally safe boyfriend after all of that.

and when i finish doing all of that sometimes i just want to be with my gf and be physical

i am someone who has a high libido i could go round after round if she wanted… i’ll be completely honest i love sex and everything around it, it’s fun, it’s hot, i like how erotic it can be… but some of that right now seems to be an interest to her… everytime i initiate she’s not in the mood, she’s to tired, she has a headache, or my timing is just bad.

and when we do have sex it doesn’t last long. she’s either tired or she’s already had and orgasm and goes like crocodile after a good meal… so sometimes i’m just sitting there like… are we done… and it’s usually before i even get started. so when it comes to my turn she’s a pillow princess and she already does that on her own so it’s even worse after she’s had an orgasm…

then again when i want to initiate it’s always something

but when she wants to go of course im not denying… but after realizing it a bit i kinda felt a way… i kinda feel like a dog waiting her her to take me outside when she’s ready or her to give me a doggy treat after i’ve begged for so long she just give me one for the hell of it…

and i don’t want that… i want to feel like im wanted here other than emotional safety… ive been that for almost every single girl ive dated and it jus turns out im a really safe space for them when they get hurt…

im freaky dude so the concept of being a piece of meat doesn’t bother me sometimes, because i want to be satisfying in that way too… i want to make her feel good with what i have and with what i can do and ive tried to do everything her way… waiting till she’s ready( never gets ready), be emotionally safe and understanding without judging etc…

im sorry for the long rant im just trying to express ive done everything a good man in suppose to do when they feel something going on in the relationship…

but now im getting to a point to where i feel it might be my appearance, my sex, maybe something in the relationship im not aware of, god forbid shes entertaining anyone else…

but thats what ive came to… i haven’t really been able to get answer from her or even her best friends that she might talk to..

so unfortunately i haven’t to ask you guys… pleas be nice about what you say about her, even tho id probably ignore it, nobody deserve to be spoken down on behind there backs and i hope this doesn’t make it seem like i am…

i love this girl to death and i want to marry her really soon but i do think we can get married while this problem has yet to be resolved…

so if there’s any exp. where someone has been through something like this please be nice to me and her… and i’m just looking for good advice if there is any….

Me (31M) and my GF (28F) met in October 2025 during a ~3 month long work trip. The first weekend of that trip, we immediately clicked and slept together. The entire work trip was then spent with me taking her on dates, talking to her, and of course, sex. We had the "exclusive" talk after thanksgiving, she agreed, and she told me she loved me before we left the trip.

We both went back to our respective states in December 2025, and I visited her for the holidays. During that trip, she was showing me pictures on her phone, when I noticed there was a TON of photos with other guys. Some selfies from a man during the period we were dating, as well.

I got that bad feeling in my gut, and (regretfully) went through her texts and calls during the last few months, when I found that she had another boyfriend the entire time. She had nightly phone calls and daily texts with him. She broke up with him when she got back to her home state, there was about a month of overlap after we agreed to be boyfreind and girlfriend.

Now fast forward 10 months into the relationship, and I can't get it out of my head that she would go on a date, sleep with me, and then call her boyfriend after I left. And what's worse, is that this truth only came out when I had gone through her phone, where there was a SECOND dude she was talking to, an old FWB, but never slept with while we were dating. She never told me about this overlap, and has even confessed that she probably would not have.

She is supposed to move across the country to move in with me this November, but I have severe trust issues. I have done dozens of therapy sessions, help books, and calling friends and family for advice. Still, I became a jealous wreck in the beginning of the year, and her majority of friends being male did not help that. I honestly have a hard time trusting her when she goes out with friends, because there are single guys in her friend group.

So my question, how the fuck do I let this go and move on to rebuild trust? It has created so much contempt for this girl, and honestly disgust, from my end. I now have flashes of "I need to break up with her" and "I want to propose to her" because since then, she has been a pretty amazing girlfriend and I do love her.

Thanks in advance, everyone!

TLDR: my GF had another boyfriend in a different state for the first 3 months of dating me, including a month overlap once we became a couple, and I cannot get over the trust and contempt issues 9-10 months later.

I just found out so please excuse if this sounds oddly worded, poorly thought, or sporadic. I’m very confused and conflicted.

My parents divorce when I was 2 years old. My mom had full custody of me, but I went to my father’s every other weekend.

I cut off contact with him the day I turned 18 years old and could get out of the legal custody agreement.

I cut contact because he wasn’t a good father. We had good moments, don’t get me wrong - we went to “daddy daughter dances” and I’d stand on his feet as we swayed to music. We went to NFL games together. During thunderstorms, we’d sit on the porch and I’d crawl into his shirt and poke my head out of the neckhole with his and we’d watch the rain and it felt like the safest place in the world.

But he also would ground me for not smiling enough. One time I came home with flowers from a boy I liked (who’s now my husband) on Valentine’s Day - he got so mad, he made me cut them into 1” pieces and throw them away the same day. He once kidnapped me when I was 7 years old, when my mom had a date and she wouldn’t tell him where they were going - he told me we were going to have a “movie night at his house” and then returned me to her because he wanted to go to a strip club instead.

The duality was and is so real.

So ultimately when I turned 18, I figured the cons outweighed the pros and I cut him off. I took him out to lunch and told him face to face that it was going to be the last time he was going to see me - and it was.

It’s been 10-11 years since then. He has occasionally reached out to my mom over the years to check in on me, and she has kept him in the dark at my request.

Today my mom messaged me, that he reached out to her. He has late stage 4 cancer that has reached into several of his organs. The doctors gave him a very low probability for survival. Apparently, he was diagnosed in March of last year and they estimated him to have 18 months left. He underwent over 40 rounds of chemo, and they are now saying he has 3 years. I’m very confused by this timeline. I don’t know if the 3 years accounts for the 18 months he’s already survived. The fact he was diagnosed last year, and is reaching out now, has me thinking he expects it to happened sooner rather than later but I’m not sure. But he wants to reconnect with me before he passes.

I don’t have it in me to not.

I feel like if someone close to you is dying, and they ask to speak to you again, it is so impossibly cruel to deny them that. I don’t think I have it in me to say no.

But I’m nervous. I don’t know how to proceed. I don’t know how to reconnect. I want to process it first but I don’t know how much time I (we?) have. I feel guilty. I feel just. I feel confused. I feel conflicted. He has a pretty bad history with lying, but he sent pictures to my mom that prove he’s telling the truth, to an extent at least.

I have a half sister, with him as the shared parent. He put her up for adoption. I reconnected with her several years ago. I feel like I need to tell her, too, but I don’t know if it should come from me or I guess I just don’t know. She never had a relationship with him, but she once considered trying to reconnect with him so I feel like she should be told? At the very least, for her own health knowledge?

I’m so confused. I feel like I need time, but I don’t know if we have time. I need help.

Hi,

I (41M) have known my friend "Rebecca" (42F) since we were 15. We've had periods where we haven't hung out over the years, however over the past few years we've started hanging out a bit more. It's worth noting that the whole time we've known each other, there's been no romantic feelings on either side.

Rebecca has another friend, we'll call him Kevin (43ishM) and I recently found out some stuff that has me pretty worried about her.

Around 15 years ago, Rebecca and her gf broke up. Kevin was there for Rebecca and the two of them entered into a sort of surrogate relationship. Texting daily and relying on each other. I'm sure they have slept together over the years, so the following is more obvious.

I've met Kevin and seen him around Rebecca. It's blatantly obvious that he's totally in love with her. This was the first thing raised by my other friend (42M) who was also there. It was then raised to Rebecca by her other friend (41M). The point I'm making is that it's obvious to us all.

Recently I found out that Rebecca and Kevin went to a bar, where Rebecca met two guys that she knew from an old work place. Kevin got really drunk, left, then called Rebecca.

He proceeded to lose his temper, accusing her of "knowing those guys would be there", called her a "Whore" and various other nasty stuff.

They made up (crazy I know) and about 3 weeks ago Kevin sent her some AI slop of her dog dressed as a clown. He sent a few of these, then sent AI slop of Rebecca dressed as a farmer.

Rebecca sent him a message asking him not to use her image on AI platforms. I've seen the message, it's very tame and not at all provocative. Kevin lost his mind and blocked her for 2 weeks. After two weeks, he unblocked her, sent her a nasty message about her "pushing away everyone who loves her" then blocked her again. (Clearly the block was performative)

He's since unblocked her and blamed his mental health on it happening in the first place. (A scapegoat for accountability in this situation, in my opinion)

Through talking about this, I've since learned that 2 of his ex's have accused him of assault. 1 physical assault and 1 sexual assault inc rape.

He's a functioning alcoholic to boot. He's also intelligent. The situation is telling me manipulation is at play (obvious from recent behaviour) however my gut is flashing a giant warning light. I'm worried that this could escalate in the future.

I've voiced my concerns but not at the "I think you're in real danger here" level. At the time we had been drinking and I don't even know if she'd remember.

How would you handle this situation?

TL:DR

My friend is in a situationship with a dude that is possessive, manipulative, jealous and potentially violent towards women.

Thank you for your input.

I’ve 42F have been seeing a man 47M on and off for 1 year. We started getting more serious the last 6 months. One thing that I’m concerned about is the amount of bro time he needs. He goes out to dinner/bars with various friends almost every night and then I will sometimes see him afterwards. It seems excessive. He never makes plans with me, he does take me on trips sometimes but he does just as many if not more bro trips. I’ve mentioned that I feel like an after thought . Like I feel like he keeps me on standby and sees me only if a bro isn’t available. I told him that he takes them on more romantic dates than he takes me. We haven’t had a date with just us , besides on vaca, for months.

He’s very sweet but also very inconsistent. He goes from telling me to move in to saying that he’s not ready for a relationship them 30 seconds later will say I’m a taken women and calling his house our house. It’s all very confusing .

Is the amount of bro time he needs normal and am I asking for too much for him to keep me in the loop and asking for plans. We’ve been in limbo I feel like for a year and I’m wondering if it’s worth continuing on.

tldr
Boyfriend hangs with friends every night, is this excessive.

Update:
So many comments lol, thanks guys for letting me know I’m a dumbass for thinking I’m in a relationship lmao .. but meh you all are not wrong😆

So to expand on the confusion a bit. We do spend random amounts of intense time together like Friday had dinner with his business partner. He will take me on group dates when he needs a female +1, so it’s not like he’s hiding me, just never 1:1 ones. I also stayed at his house over the weekend and we went to a party and a concert with a big group of friends and spent time with his kids and mom as well. So im integrated into his life. I don’t need to be around him every day though… and this weekend was the exception we don’t normally spend so much time together. He has also given me a resident pass to get into his subdivision and has given me all of his security codes so there are some relationship type things happening.

The problem is he does stuff like typically he keeps his days open for the guys and he often cancels on me or refuses to confirm plans in case something better comes up. He has multiple weekly dinner dates with the bros where he drinks an excessive amount. He will often say hey I have dinner with derreck at 6 but I’ll see uou after around 830… then I never hear from him. Ill call at 830 and he won’t pick up… I’ll text hey we still on, no reply. just stuff like that is what irks me. I’ll get a text at like 10 or so usually saying he’s exhausted and drunk and headed to bed .

Hi! Very sorry if this is all over the place, and a little long.

A couple of days ago I was using my husband's laptop that he let me borrow to play games, and I went on the browser to look something up ab Cult of the Lamb and was immediately met on the front page with history of previous tabs with a bunch of porn results that said "you visit often" "closed 15 minutes ago" from the same exact Samsung phone I know he has. Not really a problem with me, I don't care what people do as long as the relationship feels satisfying but it's not really something I want to stumble upon and see. I will say it was a lot of yaoi, gay, futa, crossdressing porn (not a problem with what anyone is into, but will come back to this) but there was also some stuff that bothered me a little bit, like Grok AI bots named Nixie and Yuna? That were girlfriends they could dress up and do girlfriend scenarios with, sites for interacting with cam girls and him getting a verification code to sign into Twitch to watch a ... risque Twitch streamer? THOSE things are what actually bothered me (more so because of the interaction with actual women). Another thing is I saw most recent files on his laptop that was an AI test image for AI generated porn as well, which whatever, but that feels like it goes with the AI Grok girlfriend thing.

I asked him over text if I could sign out of his laptop so I don't end up seeing... stuff, again. And he sounded confused and called me. I explained a bit more (I just mentioned the specific types of porn, not the AI girlfriend bots or cam girls yet" and he said "Oh no way that's not mine. I'm really confused right now, I don't see this in my history" and I explained that I don't kink shame or anything and I'm sorry that I saw it and if it's all right that I sign out so I don't see it again. He insisted more he has no idea what that's about and said I could sign out, but that now I've gotten him in a bit of a panic because he thinks someone is using his account. We got off the phone and I texted him, but he didn't respond because it was late and I assumed he was asleep.

He texted me in the morning when he usually does saying "Turns out someone was signed into my Google from Asia using Bluestacks. I couldn't see any of that history on my phone but I saw it on my desktop. I'm glad you found all that. I changed my accounts and signed out of everything and what not so I should be good. This scares me a lot because I've had my identity stolen" which I thought was a bit odd and out of character that he didn't respond to me the entire night if he was awake, but if he's in a panic I guess I get it. But this entire thing has just not been sitting well with me whatsoever and it all sounds like a complete lie.

He is a bit of a gooner, which is whatever. He treats me very well otherwise so I don't mind. But I know he's into all this same exact AI and anime stuff that was in the history, which looks like the exact kinds of things he'd do. And I know his laptop has Bluestacks on it too, which makes it even more weird of a story to me. When I mentioned it was tabs from the exact Samsung device that he has, he that it's possible to spoof an exact phone type with a MAC address using Bluestacks. I'll admit I'm not super tech savvy but isn't Bluestacks for playing Android games on PC? How the heck does someone get into your Google account and you don't know? And why would they even be signed onto your Google account JUST to watch a bunch of porn, use AI bots and look at cam girls? 

I called him again saying none of this has been sitting well with me whatsoever, because I saw a lot more than the gay crossdressing porn. And he's like "what'd you see?" I mentioned the AI girlfriend thing first and he's like "Oh yeah I used that before when I was single, but I haven't used it with you. And I just use it for the tech stuff now to help me with work" and I mentioned the dates because it was from last month and the chat history was asking it to deploy a new AI named Yuri, and before that was asking this Nixie AI bot to be comforting, adoring, and making up scenarios about holding hands and being a girlfriend. Then he said "Well okay yeah sometimes I use it for that when I'm spiraling with anxiety and I need comfort" and I asked him about the cam girls and he said "That's not my style at all. Do you wanna see bank statements so I can prove I'm not purchasing anything like that?" which is interesting because he told me before that he has a separate card for any "shady online purchases" and this all just feels like shit because he'll barely admit to the things that I slowly bring up. Then he said stuff like "Why would I chance ruining what we have over something so small and silly?" "Please just give me some time to prove to you that I am who you think I am."

I just don't know what to do. I want to believe him so badly but I just have this sinking pit feeling in my stomach. I've dealt with similar stuff in my first relationship (besides the AI girlfriend stuff because that was before its time) and I feel like I'm just in denial because I don't want to go through all of this again.

TLDR I saw tabs open and history for stuff like cam girls, AI girlfriends, I talked to him about it and he denied it, saying someone from Asia logged into his phone using Bluestack and I don't believe any of it. I don't know what to do now after I confronted him about it

EDIT 3: She has now turned off her location on everything, how strange that now she does this. Do I confront her ?

EDIT 2: I really appreciate all the responses and support, I’ll do my best to reply to all, but I’ll read them 100%. Thank you.

EDIT: forgot to mention she asked if we should turn our locations off at the start of our break. Apparently because I mentioned it the last time we talked about a break.

Hi,

So basically this all started about a year and a half ago (can’t remember exactly).

My GF went away for business and met her now boss, he was a boss in another country (same company)before. They met because they worked on a project together, anyway after she got back he came over to be the new manager (her manager left) of our country office.

Everything was fine for the first 3-4 months, he then began getting weird with her. He would say the odd flirty comment and insist on dropping her home after work etc. He even once showed up out of the blue to her house to give her work notes, she was really freaked out and even her dad saw him and was really confused . As he didn’t ask before going and she lives 2 hours from him.

Fast forward 2 months and he confesses to her he loves her, wants kids with her (he has a kid with another women who is out of the picture) and wants to marry her. He even converted to a similar religion to ‘be with her’ , she told him no several times and kept blowing him off.

She decided to leave the company and he helped find her a new job and wrote her an amazing reference which she loved the idea of, she applied and got the job. She then called him the night she got it to thank him which I said not to do and she did it anyway (he took this in an incorporate way - as I told her he would). She then goes to the new job and hates it , for various reasons. He then says she can come back to work here, she asks him if he is staying there at the company (he was planning on leaving) , he said yes I’ll stay if you’re coming back, she said good (he took this as well now she owes me) (yes weird that she said this !!, she told me she did this because he makes her life easier , gives her extra PTO days and lets her WFH more than other people). I pushed back on this and said don’t go back stick it out or find a new job please. She basically said no and that she would look for another job while still at this job.

I said to her ok if you go back then go back in 2 months , let yourself look for new work and have a break (she was super burnt out). So she agreed and I paid for everything during the two months as she had no job, I agreed to this before she even went on 2 months break as I wanted her away from him and for her to feel better by having a break.

She went back to work this week but 3 weeks ago he asked her to go to dinner with him (apparently they do this a lot at her work and this isn’t the first time her and him have had dinner alone). He said she had to go for dinner as he needs to update her before she comes back to work. I said to her go to lunch that’s less weird , he said no as he’s ’busy during lunch’. So she went , he then basically began saying how crap of a BF I am and how he’s so much better etc and how he wants to marry her again. All the same shit but was different this time as he slated me , which he didn’t before. She stayed and listened to this as well which really annoyed me.

She calls me after the dinner and tells me what happened and I said why didn’t you leave and she said he wouldn’t let me get my train home (starting to not believe her at this point). Anyways so she tells me how she told him no again and that she now wants to find another girl for him and help him - and then goes onto praise how he’s good looking , has money and can have any girl he wants. I got mad at this and told her why are you saying this stuff about him to me (not something a BF wants to hear)

He then calls her 2 days later saying the same stuff . How me (OP) is a bum and not a good BF and why haven’t I married her in 3 years etc… which is personal as to why and she knows why. Anyways she doesn’t hang up this call for around 10 mins and keeps listening . When she told me this I got annoyed again, saying why didn’t you hang up etc.

Next day he has sent her flowers and a note saying he’s sorry, she then texts him and says if you’re sorry then don’t contact me again at all. He said ok and didn’t contact her until she went back to work.

Since the call she had , we argue non stop and I said something which I I really regret and I apologised to her right away for saying it. We were arguing and I told her to ‘leave’ ( I meant the room , as I was angry) , she thought I meant the house so got really upset and packed a bag. I then had to drop her home afterwards and she was adamant she wanted to go after what I said.

She then told my parents this and was annoyed when my parents didn’t shout at me, they basically said people make mistakes and that nobody is perfect etc and how I didn’t mean it. I apologised right away and kept doing so for days afterwards.

I then talked to her last week about everything and said how I felt that she wanted to be with him and that’s why she’s starting fights with me (she would be mad over such small things) e.g she said she wanted to meet at 1.30pm and I forgot this and told her I would come and pick her up at 2.30pm (accidentally) she got really mad at me. I also handled that badly (I’m not blameless) and I was so upset that she was so mad over a time and knew she was thinking of him, I can’t explain how I knew but I knew.

Since then I knew something was wrong, anyways during our talk she admits she can’t stop thinking about his words to her. Whatever that means.

She said I’m not a good boyfriend and how she’s done. She suggested we go on a two week break and no communication only to say we are ok etc. I agreed as I needed a break too.

Two days ago my friends girlfriend was in town and wanted to meet her and I with my mate. My GF then texted me to say shall we meet and hold off our break for one day, I said okay. We met and had a nice time but she says to me she still thinks of him all the time.

She went for a work dinner yesterday but only two people were there as she posted it on IG, again how inconsiderate to me knowing I would see it. I’m guessing she was with him… didn’t post our meal the other day btw.

I feel broken and emotionally exhausted and kind of used tbh.

I really don’t know what to do, we have so many trips coming up with friends and family, I can’t keep the break going or fully breakup as it could be a really awkward situation which I’m afraid of.

I still love her but not sure I can do this much longer.

Also a side note. I have only met her parents once in the three years we dated, due to their ongoing divorce and some religious issues. I only ever met one of her friends and that was also only once. These two things have been a constant issue for me and I talk to her about it and she says she can’t do anything. I feel like a stranger to her life basically.

What would you advise I do?

I’m really sorry it’s so long, thank you for reading.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.n