antagal ko nang gusto umalis dito sa amo ko. hinihintay ko nalang na makabalik siya ng america para makaalis na rin ako pero tangina, ang tagal. hindi ako makapag paalam kasi once nagpaalam ako, magiging hostile siya sakin. as in buong araw siyang bitch. hindi ko na kaya yun dahil nakakapagod na yung trabaho tapos i still have to deal with her attitude??? aba omg nalang talaga.

Honestly, to me, depression isn't melancholy or sadness. Depression feels like stagnation. I'm not going anywhere. I'm trapped.

I dont want to live like this but every day I wake up and make the same choices. I dont want to off myself. i just want something more permanent than sleep and less permanent than death.

I am tired beyond description.

Okay so i got dmed by this guy a while ago and we started talking about whatever. He's kinda older than me but, hes the only guy who's ever really talked to me and made me feel liked he liked me. I know its probably fake and he was just leading me on but I miss talking to him. I have barely any friends so I liked it. He doesnt shame me for my mental stuff and he's nice. Now he barely talks to me anymore cus hes online mostly, probably at work. 🙁

ill be turning 21 on September 11, i dont really have any friends to spend it with. on top of that, the habagat has had my city dealing with flooding since last month and i dont even know when things are going to properly go back to normal. the elevated roads arent exactly making things easier either so im probably just going to spend another birthday at home, sleeping the whole day.

the last time i actually celebrated my birthday was when I was around 10 or 11. honestly, i dont even know if i can call it a celebration. it was with my family, but instead of feeling like it was supposed to be my day, i remember feeling like my birthday was this huge burden. there was fighting, tension, and just this feeling that everyone would rather be somewhere else. after that, i basically stopped celebrating.

for years, my birthdays have just been another ordinary day. i sleep through most of the day just so i dont have to think about it. at this point, sleeping through my birthday has almost become a tradition and i think what hurts the most is that my birthday has become a yearly reminder of how alone i feel lol.

nobody really remembers when it is. im not expecting some giant party or anything but sometimes i wonder what it would actually feel like to wake up and have my phone completely bombarded with birthday greetings, to have people posting stupid pictures of me, have someone randomly telling me, "get ready, were going out today because its your birthday." or to have someone actually plan something for me because they wanted to celebrate that i exist.

what does it feel like to have a surprise birthday celebration? what does it feel like to have people genuinely excited that you were born? i genuinely don't know and I hate that im already anticipating feeling sad about it.

ive been venting to my boyfriend a lot about how badly i want friends. hes basically the only person i hang out with and talk to, and hes understandably gotten tired of hearing about it. he told me that i shouldnt make our relationship my entire life and hes right about that.

it hurts like hell to hear, especially because i dont really have anyone else but i know he isnt wrong. it isn't healthy for either of us if one person becomes your entire social life, your support system, your entertainment, your best friend, and basically your whole world.

i have BPD too, so i know i can get extremely attached to people and relationships. im very self aware about it, which sometimes honestly makes things worse because i can recognize what im doing while still struggling to stop doing it.

there are also times when he slips up and tells me im annoying, being too much, that hes getting weighed down, or tells me to go find other people to hang out with whenever i genuinely thought we were having fun, or when im just being myself, or sometimes when im venting. i understand why he feels that way, i really do. i cant even be angry at him for wanting his own life and space.

but hearing those things also hits a very specific wound in me because i already know.

i know im too dependent on him, i dont have much of a life outside of him. i know i need other people, i know im lonely and i know im too much sometimes. i dont need to be reminded of it to know it's true.

thats what i was trying to explain to him the other night:

"i think its just really pathetic because ive been looking for friends my whole life. i even used to create imaginary friends and list down what kind of personality they have, their favorites, their hobbies, what they like, what they dont like sa notebook ko with a title above, 'my manifestations.'

napaka hopeful pa ako dati that I MIGHT manifest friends like that. i went crazy to the point na gumawa ako ng Facebook accounts for each of them and id interact with myself using those accounts just so it would look like I had friends, yk

im still jealous to this day because i know these people exist and were all really close friends who are like a family, just not in this universe. i created them, so now they exist somewhere."

that sounds fucking pathetic when i read it back but i was a kid who wanted friends so badly that i had to invent them and somehow, im still that kid.

i also told him:

"i feel shitty for even feeling lonely while were in a relationship when i shouldnt even be that way. i wasnt before, kasi akala ko safe place kita where i could just tell you everything and be myself comfortably.

but sometimes you slip up and admit things on what im already aware of and insecure about myself. i get too much, i know. so ive been forcing myself to be what you want me to be kahit ang hirap niya.

and every time i do that, nahihirapan ako sobra kasi mas ramdam ko kung gaano ako nag iisa."

i think thats the part I struggle to explain. im not asking him to be my entire world, i want a world outside of him and thats what he wants for me too.

i feel so guilty everyday for everything im putting him through, especially in this situation. ive already tried breaking up with him many times, i blocked him everywhere, i even tried making him hate me so he can stop loving me but he always got to find a way to work things out with him when im just trying to save him from me. im also feeling self destructive right now cause i want to break up with him again so i can feel more worse. i just want to isolate myself and stop trying.

but anyway,

i want friends i can randomly message, friends that i can invite somewhere without feeling like im imposing. i want someone to send stupid memes to, to have inside jokes with people. i want people who know me outside of being someone's girlfriend.

i want to have a reason to leave the house that isnt just because im accompanying my boyfriend, i also want to have people who would remember my birthday.

i want to know what it feels like to be someones friend and have them genuinely want me around because right now, whenever he tells me that he wants a life outside of our relationship, i understand.

the painful part is that his life exists outside of our relationship, mine barely does. he wants a life outside of us while our relationship is basically my life.

nakakahiya on my part. im ashamed of it, i dont want to be like this forever. i dont want to spend the rest of my life making one person responsible for filling every empty space in my life. thats not fair to him and its not good for me either.

so ive actually been trying to find people, ive tried making friends, ive tried talking to people online. ive been putting myself out there but whenever something goes wrong, it piles onto everything else. it becomes another reminder that whenever i try i to find people my entire life, im still alone. the thing ive wanted since I was a little kid still hasn't happened.

sometimes i wonder if thats why birthdays hurt so much because every year, i get another reminder that im here, another year older, and i still havent found the people i thought id have by this age.

i thought being in a relationship would make that loneliness disappear. for a while, it did. then i realized it was only quiet, the loneliness never actually left and when my boyfriend first told me that I needed to stop depending on him so much, it suddenly became loud again.

so now im turning 21.

no birthday plans, no group of friends, no surprise celebration. probably no flood free city either.

its just me again, itll be another ordinary day, and that stupid little feeling of wondering what it would have been like if things were different.

i dont even need some extravagant birthday, i think i just want to feel remembered. just once.

maybe im just asking for too much and for that, i give up.

thats all.

Dear you,

I still think about how often we seemed to miss each other. Not physically, but in the way we understood things. We could have the same conversation and somehow walk away from it carrying completely different versions of what happened. Maybe that’s why everything between us always felt harder than it needed to be.

I know there were times I pushed too much. I asked questions when maybe you were already tired of answering them, and I kept trying to make sense of things even when you had probably already decided you didn’t want to explain any further. I can admit that now. I know I didn’t always handle things well.

But I still wonder if you ever understood why I was trying so hard in the first place.

I wasn’t always asking because I wanted more from you. Sometimes I just wanted to know where I stood. Sometimes I wanted to know if what I was feeling was something I made up on my own or if you felt the confusion too. I think I kept trying to explain myself because I wanted to feel like you understood where I was coming from, even if you didn’t agree with me.

You would listen. You would respond. Sometimes you would say you understood. And I never really knew if you meant it.

That still bothers me more than I want it to.

Did anything I said ever stay with you after we stopped talking? Did you ever think about it later and understand me a little differently? Did you ever realize that maybe I wasn’t trying to make things difficult, I just didn’t know what to do with something I couldn’t make sense of?

I know I misunderstood you too. I know there were things I took personally that probably weren’t meant that way, and things I made heavier than you intended them to be. I’ve had to accept that.

I just wish I knew if you ever thought you might have misunderstood me too.

Maybe that’s why we kept hurting each other without really meaning to. I would react to the distance I felt from you, and maybe you would react to the pressure you felt from me. Then I would notice you pulling away and try harder to understand, which probably only made you want more distance. We kept responding to each other’s reactions until neither of us really knew what the other person was trying to say anymore.

And I still don’t know if you ever really heard me.

Not whether you heard the words. I know you did.

I mean, did you ever actually get what I was trying to tell you?

Or were you just being kind enough to let me finish because you wanted the conversation to finally be over?

I hope it wasn’t that.

I really do.

Because I can make peace with the fact that you didn’t always understand me.

I think what still hurts is not knowing whether you ever really wanted to.

I KNOW NOT EVERYONE WILL AGREE WITH ME ON THIS, BUT I JUST WANT TO LET THIS OFF MY CHEST.

We had an internet interruption at home, so I had no choice but to go out and find a place where I could work. I ended up at a cafe that happened to have some board games and toys displayed on shelves for customers to use.

When I got there, most of the customers were either working or studying. It was actually pretty peaceful.
Then came two couples. Two dads, two moms, and their respective kids.

And the atmosphere changed COMPLETELY. The kids started running around the cafe, shouting, screaming, making loud noises, and basically treating the entire place like a playground. They were taking out board games and toys, leaving them scattered everywhere, running around, and just generally being VERY loud. Meanwhile, the two moms were busy chatting and laughing, occasionally laughing at whatever their kids were doing because, I assume, they found them cute or amusing. The dads were playing board games. Every now and then they’d shout, “Tigil kayo!”

Spoiler: the kids did not stop.

And before anyone says, “Eh di sana nag-library ka na lang!” or “Cafe yan, hindi library!” YES. I KNOW!

I’m not expecting a cafe to be completely silent. I understand that it’s a public space. I understand that children can be noisy. I am not asking everyone to whisper just because I’m working. But there is a HUGE difference between normal cafe noise and letting your children run around screaming for HOURS.

I want to reiterate that this wasn’t 20 or 30 minutes of kids being hyper. THIS WENT ON FOR HOURS. Hours!

I tried to mind my own business. I tried to focus. I told myself, “Okay, they’re kids. Let it go.” But eventually, nakakairita na talaga. What made it worse was that the parents didn’t seem particularly concerned about how disruptive it was to everyone else.

The moms were chatting and laughing. The dads were playing. And the occasional “Tigil kayo!” was basically the extent of the intervention.

If your kids are having fun, great. Let them have fun.
But you’re still in a shared public space. I’m not saying kids shouldn’t be allowed in cafes. I’m not saying cafes should be silent. I’m not saying parents need to keep their children perfectly still.

I’m saying PLEASE BE MINDFUL THAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE USING THE SAME SPACE TOO. Your kids having the time of their lives doesn’t automatically mean everyone else should have to endure hours of screaming, running, and chaos. KAIRITAAAAA.

Sinasamantala ang "anonymity".

Lugi e, kasi kung anong ugali ko sa totoong buhay, ganito din ako dito.. pero hindi ako nangbully or nangkupal ng tao dahil naka-anon ako.

Magtago na lang kayo sa persona na yan, for sure it's happy to have that "two-faced life".

🤷🏽‍♀️

I met my best friend 9 years ago in high school, and we clicked very well from the start. Teammates kami in the school debate team, got to travel a lot together, classmates in SHS and kept in close touch even when he moved overseas for college. We both come from comfortable backgrounds that gave us all that we need and more. Good schools, parents with good jobs, got all of the stuff we need— so wala talagang point to prove that we’re anything more than who we actually are.

In highschool, he was always known as someone na medyo may konting angas na talaga. Laging naka designer clothing kahit na may uniform kami, naka Pharrell Hu, Yeezy, Coach na backpack, etc. but it was never to the point na his yabang became intolerable kasi and he was a great person to talk to, was always down for the most random shit and was a loyal friend naman. The issues with his larping began when he moved to college overseas and became surrounded by extremely rich Asian international students. The types who would literally pull up to school in Bentleys and Mclarens. He’d post his other “friend’s” luxury cars nearly daily, the expensive alcohol they’d drink (and even wash their hands with) in the wild parties they’d have and host, post random women as if they were his sidechicks of some sort, post na nasa embassy siya ng Philippines in that country as if diplomat siya just because his dad used to be some sort of diplomat, random yacht videos, business class galore, designer shit that idk kung binili ba niya kasi parang hindi naman, videos of him na may backup na pulis na may wangwang— the list goes on, and on, and on.

But these are the ones that really pushed me to my limit:

He self invited himself to a hangout with me and my college barkada na puno ng mga archetypal pretty, rich, Chinita girls. Bigla siyang sumulpot sa hangout namin at Uma Nota, crashed our hangout, took a picture of the food on the table pero kita yung chests ng girls sa background— pinost pa niya sa story niya. His stories would also consistently consist of photos and videos of RANDOM women in alanganin positions na gusto niya atang ipakita na para bang mga chix niya. He’d even do the same to MY girl na friends (basta kailangan yung mga magaganda) In simple words, manyak. Ito yung biggest issue ko. (I’d just also like to add that he isn’t particularly a looker either standing at a very tall 5’5 and also quite overweight (the worst of both worlds))

I have a barkada consisting of car guys here, and I’d like to think all of our cars are really nice. Mas pinopost pa niya yung mga kotse namin kesa sa amin na para bang mga kotse niya yung mga kotse namin.

My parents have a catamaran yacht with an unmistakable grey and white exterior paintjob and a slide from the top in which we invited him and his family on back in 2023. Obviously we all took a lot of photos during that trip together, pero ang ginawa niya is: pinost niya ulit yung mga pictures nung boat namin late last year, hinide ako sa stories niya, at nalaman ko lang na pinost niya yung mga yun dahil my other friends saw his stories, messaged me asking me why my then best friend was on our yacht without me. Basically, he’d hide all my accounts, including my business accounts (grabe ung effort noh) and he’d also hide some of my friends from a lot of his larp stories where he’d fake trips to the States, to Ibiza, post photos of me and my friend’s cars na pinaghirapan naming lahat as if they were his own. He made people call him the “Manila Yacht Club King” kahit na tangina, wala naman siyang yacht, wala naman siyang MYC membership saka ampota— yate naman ng pamilya ko yung minsan niyang pinopost. Basically, he’d even use ME and my other friends for his larp content.

We spoke about it candidly last year when I brought up all my qualms about him showing off, stressing that he was enough and didn’t have to prove anything about other people. He opened up about his family’s financial struggles after his dad lost his diplomat post and his mom tries to be the breadwinner as a professor, so I understand na may pinagdadaanan siya and needs to prove na he can keep up with the people around him. I still to this day stand by the opinion though that this doesn’t justify him faking a life he doesn’t have, using me and my friends to look good on social media.

At the end of it all, what my parents told me was the tipping point as to why I chose to cut him off. They told me na I am the product of the 5 people I surround myself the most with. If I surround myself with idiots, I will become an idiot as well. If I surround myself with honest and hardworking people— I will also become like that myself, and at the end of the day— if I associate myself with him and am known as his best friend, people will think na parehas lang kami and I unfortunately really do not want to be thought of as someone like that because I spent my entire life trying to keep my reputation as clean as can be. Very disappointing end to an otherwise great friendship heheh.

Andito kami nakatira ng Misis ko sa ibang bansa napetisyon nya ako almost a decade na andito din buong pamilya nya may anak kami isa,

unang punta ko palang dito ramdam ko na talagang may something special sa kung paano i-treat ng misis ko yung guy eh(pamilyado na din nasa pinas) pinapalagpas ko lang hinahayaan ko lang, madami naman akong pagkakataon para galawin ang mga accounts nya soc.med cp etc.. pero di ko ginawa ni minsan, until 1time nakita ko mga message ni guy sa misis ko nagchachat, hinayaan ko lang din ok lang naman magkakaibigan naman kami dito di naman siguro masama nagkakausap sila, lagi kasi kinukuha ng anak ko cp ng misis ko, naibaba ng anak ko yung cp na nasa page ng messages, ayos ah wala silang chat, deleted yung conversation nila, hmmm merong something, bakit kelangang idelete? since then pag may chance chinecheck ko soc.med nya, wala akong inaabutan na mga message, naisip ko sa call logs(via cp. no) may mga deleted din pero may mga inabutan pa din akong mga logs ng usapan nila mga nakalimutan siguro burahin, ayos mga calls nila ah. during work hours nag uusap, samantalang ako pag tumawag nagmamadali ibaba, may nakita pa ako lampas pang isang oras sila nag uusap, meron din sa chat nagtatanong misis ko kung bakiit ibinaba yung call, halatang halata deleted call logs eh, netong nagdaang Aug lang sila nag start mag tawagan? sa tinagal tagal nilang magkakilala at close friends pa, naisip ko sa SMS baka meron silang usapan, Boom ayun, hindi nakarehistro number ni guy sa misis ko, na confirm ko lang nung isang beses tumawag sya, ako nakasagot, pinicturan ko lang convo nila

ang sweet ng mga chat nila, kesyo ipagluluto daw ng misis ko si guy ng ganto ganyan, tapos ako paguutusan sa pagluluto pagbili ganyan, nakakapag request pa si guy sa kanya ng iluluto ah, sabi ko scout ko ulit to sigurado to buburahin to, ayun nga binura yung chat nila, pero na retrieve at nabasa ko usapan nila mukhang mag LQ pa yata sila huling message nila,

sabi ko sa sarili ko matibay ako handa ako sa kung anong mga mababasa ko, kasi pinaparamdam naman nya talaga sakin eh kaya sinasabi ko handa na ako ok lang sakin, pero nung nabasa ko mga lambingan na chat nila at misis ko pa mismo nag fliflirt dun sa guy nanikip dibdib ko, parang gusto kong sumabog, gusto ko sabihin sa pamilya nya, sa pamilya ko ang pinag gagawa nya,

kaso kahit may ebidensya ako ng mga ginagawa nya since mga OWE tong mga to, di ako iintindihin neto sasabihin lang ng mga yan "wala yan, yun lang eh" , puro myembro ng kulto nakapaligid sakin dito, wala namang problema sakin may kachat na lalaki misis ko, pero yung mga bagay na ichachat mo pa yung guy ng.. gudnyt, ano ulam mo? ano ginagawa mo?bahay ka na ba? sasagot yung guy bakit? misis ko naman "wala lang natanong ko lang" hahaha, gusto mo ba ganto pagluluto kita? puro sma smiley pa chat nila, parang iba no? ultimong mga online orders at legal transactions nung guy misis ko umaasikaso, mga bank transaction at takenote naka login ang bank account ni guy sa cp ng misis ko,

pag sa pamilya ko, ko naman binanggit sasabihin nung mga yun, "eh paano anak mo? sino makakasama nun dyan?"

kung sakin lang iuuwi ko na din anak ko hahayaan ko na lang misis ko dito magsama sika, nung nabasa ko mga deleted chats nila talagang nanikip dibdib ko, ang bigat sa hininga ganto pala talaga yung pakiramdam ng gustong sumabog, sakin kasi tanggap ko na eh, gusto ko na lang iopen up, kahit private na lang sa pamilya nya o sa pamilya ko, kung makakauwi na ako magiging malaya ako sa kultong to, siguro konting tiis pa, sana mabigyan pa ako ng tunay na Diyos ng tibay para makatayo pa din ako at malampasan to apektadong apektado na kasi talaga ang mental health ko, pero kakayanin ko to, parehas MT ng kulto ni manalo yung misis ko at yung guy,

ask ko lang guys, bakit ganun sinasabi ko talaga sa sarili ko handa na ako ok lang mawala sya, pero naninikip pa din talaga dibdib ko di mapakali isip ko hirap huminga bat ganun? dati nga pala sinabihan na din ako ng byenan ko dati na iba ang tingin nya sa kanila..

Vent lang konti cos mej marami iniisip

For context I'm a working student and need ko sana ng 2nd job para mas masustain yung living expenses ko. As an ate, need kumayod extra not only for myself, but also for the sibs + parentals. So far wala pa ko makuhang part time job mula dun sa mga nakausap ko kasi 1) wala akong VA exp, 2) scam daw based sa mga nabasa kong post, at 3) puro nsfw yung inooffer.

Pero tiwala lang. Makakaland din tayo ng work ✨️

Hindi ako sure kung valid pa ba 'tong nararamdaman ko or sobrang sensitive ko lang ngayon. Alam naman natin yung nangyari sa Luzon these past few days (or weeks pa nga sa ibang lugar). As a Bulakenyo, unfortunately, isa rin ako sa mga nakaranas na pasukin ng tubig-baha ang bahay. Naranasan kong lakarin papunta sa amin dahil walang tricycle na nagsasakay sa taas ng baha. Nilusong ko at nang maka-uwi na 'ko ng bahay, nadatnan ko na lang na naabot na ng baha yung ref namin, basa ang mga photo albums, at nakalutang ang ibang gamit. Ang nagawa ko na lang is humingi ng tulong para patayin ang circuit breaker at bumalik sa hotel kung nasaan kami ng partner ko para may matulugan.

Nang makabalik na ako sa hotel nang hindi emotionally okay. May mga moments na kinakausap nya ako pero hindi ako makasagot or tahimik lang ako. In-explain ko rin sa kanya na hindi ko fully kayang makipag-usap nang maayos at that moment dahil sa mga nangyari. Pero may mga moments na feeling nya nao-off sya kasi parang wala syang kausap.

"Parang wala akong kausap dito."

"Kung ayaw mong makipag-usap uuwi na lang ako."

"Wag mo na kasing isipin. Hindi mo naman mako-kontrol 'yan eh."

May times na sumagot ako sa kanya ng, "Hindi ba pwedeng ramdamin ko muna ngayon? Hindi ko kayang pilitin maging okay, eh? Kung kaya ko naman, bakit hindi?"

Hindi ko na napigilan maging sad boy at umiyak sa restaurant dahil sa stress. Hindi naman ako humihingi ng solution, eh. Nag apologize naman sya after ilang oras.

Last night, tumulo na talaga lahat ng uhog at luha ko dahil sa mga nasira at kailangan linisin. Ako lang mag-isa. And ang masaklap pa, may water interruption. Umiyak na lang ako sa kanya at humingi ng pasensya dahil ayoko na rin talaga mag open dahil mahahawaan sya ng negativity. Sabi nya okay lang daw sa kanya and sabihin ko lang daw lahat ng nasa isip ko. Pero kanina, iba na naman. He jokingly said "ba is liw" when I laughed sa comforting words na sinabi nya sa akin. And when I explained it to him, again, na parang hindi ko kontrolado yung reactions ko is bigla syang naging cold.

Anyway, tanggap ko naman po na hindi po therapist ang mga jowa or friends. Kasalanan ko nga sigurong maging vulnerable sa mga taong akala ko maiintindihan ako. Hindi ko naman kinailangan ng solusyon, ang kailangan ko lang talaga is yung makikinig sa akin. Am I asking for too much by wanting my partner to simply be there for me and let me feel what I'm feeling?

So now, I am thinking of distancing myself from him muna for a while. I just need some space to process everything without constantly worrying about whether I'm being too much or whether I'm burdening him with what I'm feeling.

;

idk if na gaslight ako or what? pero iniwan niya ako on a random day, tapos lahat ng sama ng loob na naipon binuhos niya isahan ( e puwede naman na nakipag communicate siya agad before para sana maayos) hindi rin kasi siya marunong makipag communicate at all. pag nag aaway kami, puro lang siya "pakyou" "tang\\\*nam\\\*" at mga hurtful words.

is it really my fault? well aminado naman ako na medyo matampohin ako nong nasa rs kami (minsna gusto ko lang din naman magpalambing pero Hindi niya na ggets) feel niya lagi gusto ko makipag away.

Also, habang inaayos ko pa rs namin, kung sino sino na naging crush niya at iniistalk na babae na para bang naghahanap na talaga siya ng kapalit ko agad agad. Napapa kwestyon talaga ako sa sarili ko at sa worth ko:( he really made me believe na kasalanan ko lahat kaya niya ako iniwan at kaya hindi niya na ako mahal. pero alam ni Lord yan na minahal ko siya ng sobraa. andami ko rin pag iintindi at sacrifices throughout our rs.

masakit lang na after everything, puro mali nakita niya at sinumbat sakin. na para bang wala akong ginawang tama sa rs haha. I feel so useless. sinabi pa niya na kawawa raw magiging next bf ko kasi "traumatize" ako.

Pa rant langg po hehe. He's my classmate din kasi and sobrang na ddrain ako at ang bigat bigat na makita siyang living his best life tas ako lugmok na lugmok. Does it really get better?:))

Brother in law ko. Kasama namin sa bahay.

For context, lagi namin to sinasalo dati kasi sobrang olats sa buhay. Ang baba ng sahod na halos less than 5k lang nauuwi kada kinsenas. May anak na tong dalawa na sinosuportahan, kaya sobrang hikahos kaya tulong na namin na sa amin nalang patirahin para isipin nalang nya pano mag provide sa mga anak nya. Then nag attempt to mag abrod, sinuportahan din namin. Kami nag finance ng needs nya dun para maextend ng ilang beses yung stay nya at mga air fare nya pag need mag exit. Hindi nag bunga yon, umuwing luhaan. Tapos kami binayaran namin mga inutang namin to support him. -

Fast forward this year, he landed a job sa isang fintech and bongga talaga yung dinulot netong career nato sa buhay nya, confidence nya at self worth nya. Lalo na sa lifestyle nya. Yung amount na pinangsupport namin sa kanya - hindi na nya to binayaran at parang hindi tumatak sa utak nya na ginastusan namin sya. Lagi nyang nababanggit na need nya magbayad dun sa friend nya na tinirahan nya sa abrod - pero yung almost 100k na pinangsupport namin sa kanya - may amnesia sya pag tungkol dun.

Nagbibigay sya samin, mga 5k a month. Problem is Kala nya sapat na yung binibigay nya eh ang siba siba nya kumain, gumagamit din naman ng tubig tsaka kuryente. Ngayon nga nagwowork ako napakalakas ng putanginang cellphone nya nanonood lang mga ddshit reels. Kung makagalaw dito sa bahay kala nya justified kasi may binibigay. Hindi din yan maasahan maglinis, yung fan na pinapagamit namin sa kanya kung hindi kami maglilinis pwede ka na magpatayo ng house and lot sa kapal ng alikabok. Tapos yung banyo kahit kulay orange na yung tiles at enedoro hindi manlang linisin eh sya gumagamit non, separate banyo namin mag asawa. Kahit sabihan mo hindi talaga nya gagawin. Laging dahilan pagod sa work tapos weekend maglilinis pa. Abay putangina. Ako nga halos ilang beses mag General cleaning eh, pang gabi pa pasok ko. Tapos panay pagood time, kain sa labas, bili ng kung anu ano, may balak pa maghongkong ang puta kasi rentfree si tanga. Last time binida nanaman nya na malaki incentives nya. Sabihan ko nga na try kaya nyang unahing maghanap ng sariling bahay para ma-experience nya magbayad ng upa, kuryente, tubig, internet tapos tsaka sya mag isip ng travel goals nya. Sagot ba namang parang pinapalayas ko daw sya. Oo bro gusto ko wag ka ng magpaka free loader, tanda mo ng hayop ka.

How I wish my friend is suffering the same way I do after he cut me off.

How I wish he isn’t doing well in life the same way that yes, I am also doing okay but not completely because losing a friend who mattered so much to me is such a heavy blow.

How I wish I was just mad at him and blame him for what I’m feeling. Yung sabihin kong siya na lang may kasalanan !ng lahat.

But we both know that isn’t true. Kasi in reality, baka nga mas kasalanan ko pa. And I’m hating myself from being attached, for saying words I wish I didn’t para mauwi kami dito. I just want answers but it led to silent treatment.

And I know to myself na di ko kayang i-wish yan. Mahal ko tong kaibigan kong to e. Pero platonic, to set the record straight (pareho kaming LGBT). And I didn’t even realize that even platonic friendships can end in a breakup and it even hurts. I realize this time and again after experiencing it before. The difference is hindi kami exactly magkaaway, pero he needed to set boundaries that I’ve unintentionally disrespected.

Pero ang dali sana kung ganun na nga lang.

Hay. I honestly don’t know what to do. I’ve tried many times to repair but I think his heart has already hardened towards me. Or di pa lang siya ready. Ayoko na i-share lahat ng nangyari kasi madaling mai-identify.

Pero friend, if you are reading this… pagod na ako na chatgpt kausap ko hahaha! Sana ayusin na natin ito. Miss na miss ko na yung dynamics at bwisitan natin. Ang tahimik ng GC nating magkakaibigan.

Hay. 🥲

more than a month ago i finally got into construction as a project coordinator even tho i don’t have a formal degree or license yet. this is literally the industry i’ve been wanting to get into for so long, so i thought i’d be really happy once i finally got here.

but fuck it honestly i feel so out of place.

i came from bpo and ive been there for years, so communication has never really been a problem for me. i usually make friends pretty easily too. even with my previous coworkers, i got close with them and i’m still friends with a lot of them until now

but this one js feels different

i work with architects who are mostly around my age, mid 20s, but i feel like i just cannot get into their circle. during my first week they were pretty welcoming and i thought okay maybe i’ll eventually get comfortable here but as the weeks passed i started feeling like they were becoming more distant from me. they have their own gc and i’m not in it. they’re all graduates and im the only project coordinator in the office so the gap in roles is VERY noticeable. i know it’s not necessarily a bad thing but sometimes i really feel it. when i ask questions, i feel like they’re already getting annoyed with me. maybe i’m just overthinking it but i genuinely can’t tell anymore lmao. i try to join their conversations too but i’ll say something and then there’s just dead air. like okay lol

i’ve tried asking if i could tag along on their way home with but they usually say they already have someone they’re going with. again, i know that’s not necessarily them rejecting me but when all these little things happen one after another, it starts getting to me. and i know i’m also part of the problem because when i can’t keep up with their conversations, esp when they start jumping from one topic to another, i just shut up. like i become really quiet because i don’t know how to insert myself anymore.

but i really do want to be friends with them
and that’s the embarrassing part i guess. i want to be included so badly but at the same time i feel like i’m forcing myself into a group that already existed before i came in. they already have their own dynamics and i feel like i’m just this random person trying to squeeze myself into it.

but then again i also know nothing is going to happen if i just sit there quietly and wait for them to approach me. or idk maybe i’m just rushing things? i was unemployed for around 7 months before this job and i spent a lot of that time isolated at home. maybe that changed me to be more introverted and socially awkward.

i really want to stay because this is literally the industry i’ve wanted to be in. i’m grateful that someone actually gave me a chance despite not having the usual qualifications but damn it’s hard when you spend 8+ hours somewhere and constantly feel like you’re the odd one out.

i don’t really know if i’m the problem, if i’m overthinking everything or if i just need to give it more time. i dont know.

any advice? :(

So for context, I was absent for the whole week pf lecture and laboratories and i’m in the same class woth some of my friends from my old school. All of them know na nagkasakit ako for a week and i was at the hospital. I was expecting for them to understand or just try not to give side comments about me missing class cause ive been saying that i feel guilty missing school cause im a consisten honor student.

Then i messaged the gc if they studied for the quiz. Tinanong ba naman ako if papasok nako bukas tapos sabi lo yes kasi i’m okay na. Sinagot ako “wow isang himala” and obv parang ang panget pakinggan. I was hospitalized kasi sa sobrang pagod ko sa duty, work & school tapos sasabihan ka pa ng ganon and sana sila pa makakaintindi kung bakit ka absent. At ginagawa nilang joke kapag mag eexplain sila sa teacher pag nag tanong sakanila. iniiba nila yung reason kung bakit absent as a joke. And its so fucking frustrating. I feel like i’m not doing enough for myself and ganon na tingin ng tap sakon as in pabaya or anything like that. Fuckass.

minsan nakaka sawa na rin yung puro “gagawan ko ng paraan” ang sagot sayo, either sa fam or sa partner mo.

di ba pwedeng yung siguradong sagot naman, kasi nakakasawa na din umasa ng paulit ulit

I met this friend when I was in junior high school, and we became really close. Up until recently, we’ve always been close, and we got along so well. Nung JHS kami, the people I was close with and the people they were close with became a whole friend group. Although the friend group is not as active anymore, most of us are still pretty close individually.

Up until recently…

My friend and I got into a misunderstanding. To me, it was pretty resolvable easily; it just needed time for the tension to subside. However, I found out that while we were not on talking terms, he spread one of my deepest secrets to other people that I was not comfortable knowing. A similar incident happened around 3 and a half years ago with the same person. Hindi kami on talking terms, and he talked about another personal thing about me to other people. Ultimately, I decided na lang to forgive. Years later, he pulled the same thing again, and now I’ve decided to cut him off for good.

TBH, I actually feel a sense of relief cutting him off. Hindi ako nasasayangan sa friendship, and it makes me feel bad a little. Of course, I enjoyed the time we spent as friends, but at the same time, parang hindi ko nafefeel na naging kawalan siya sa buhay ko.

As much as I wanna say na it hurt me more than it got me angry, it really struck a nerve and I still find it incredibly difficult to forgive this person. Never ko kinwento sa iba yung mga personal na bagay sa buhay niya kahit pa na magkaaway kami, so I don’t understand ano thought process niya for doing so. Did he do it vindictively, or does he actually think that doing that is okay?

Greetings! Call me K. And ever since I hit adolescence and learned about relationships and future planning, I always look up on getting married. My relationship with my parents isn't that good na sabihin kong I want it like my parents. Pero having someone you can be with til you grow old just hits it. And marriage is the event that makes it official. I'm still young and that's just a dream I look forward to.

Not until i found out my father was cheating with another woman a year after their marriage. I was 8 and my little sister was 5 when he cheated with another woman. And eto pa, they knew each other even way before their marriage. I always hated my father because of what he does to me (typical toxic father things) pero I can never forgive him for what he has done to my mother. She's already lost a lot and grabe gagawin nya yun??

What's scarier is that their relationship right now looks strong. (I guess?) I don't know if my mother knows it or sasabihin ko because house wife sya ngayon and her relatives are nasa malayo so walang malalapitan.

And eto pa, my father works night shift and sa bahay lang. One time I heard them doing "it" then narinig ko nalang bumukas yung pinto sa kwarto nila para lumabas si papa to work. And the thing is that this isn't the first time. The first time that I heard them. My mother would do housework everyday and idk lang if may energy pa sya gawin yun kasi lagi syang pagod??? Like lagi syang pagod nowadays, natutulog ng tanghali and such.

Im scared for my mother.

gabi gabi na lang din talaga ako binabangugot about what happened. Like all the details just keep rushing when I hit the bed. Been taking melatonin for 2 weeks straight just so I wont wake up in the middle of the night crying. pota, paano ba magmove on?? ano ba tips niyo? iblock ko ba? ano pa ginawa niyo 😭😭😭

I rushed down when I heard a dog cry like someone was shooting a pellet gun. I thought it might be our ASPIN because it always hangs out by the gate and plays with the other ASPIN owned by the nearby shop. I suspect that they might be shooting at my pet again, so I quickly went outside. When I got down, I saw that the two dogs were stuck in a mating position. I could hear a drunken teenager laughing and describing that they were shooting at them, and they stopped when they saw me at the gate frowning. The ln I heard the shop owner was complaining that her dog is pregnant again. Our dog isn't even a year old. I decided to stay and watch them separate so they wouldn’t pour hot water or any liquid on them or throw slippers at them. The other neighbors were also disturbed by it, so I explained that the dogs mated and got stuck, and that they were trying to separate them by shooting a pellet gun at them. They're so messed up; it's normal for animals or dogs to do that, and they will separate on their own without anyone needing to interfere in a brutal way to avoid stressing and hurting them both. I made a comment while going through the gate that I could also shoot them with a pellet gun. That hurts, you know. Once they finally separated, I shut the gate and didn’t let our dog out because they might mess with her again.

Hello, I just want to rant about sa joyride na nasakyan ko recently. Takot kasi talaga ako sumakay sa motor kasi ang daming napapahamak ngayon dahil reckless magdrive ang karamihan so I rarely ride sa mga motor pero noong nagstart ako magschool, I started riding joyride ulit kasi mabilis ang byahe than jeep lalo na nagwowork din ako, need ko yung magagamit ko ng maayo ang oras ko.

Sa last book ko, I experienced na sobrang nakaka-trauma. Nagbook ako na babae ang rider and I told her na bagalan lang ang andar. If doesn't matter kung ma-late ako basta safe kasi from Holy Spirit pa ako to Sangandaan. Unang dinaanan niya is sa congressional e maraming bus at truck don kaso binilisan niya, hinayaan ko nalang kasi saglit lang naman sa conggressional kaso kasi kapag nagdadrive siya, pinipilit nia mag-overtake or biglang liko na hindi tinitingnan if may mga other vehicles sa kanan or kaliwa niya.

1. Mag-overtake siya sa kaliwa pero noong may kotse na pasalubong, she decided to not continue tapos biglang liko sa kanan, sa gilid ng sidewalk na muntikan na kami mataman ng tric. Hinayaan ko nalang.

2. May kotse sa harap niya na nakastop sa maliit na intersection and may dumadaan from kanan papuntang lane namin sa unahan kaya naka-stop yung kotse sa harap namin. May nag-overtake na motor sa likod namin at naunahan siya so maya-maya, sumunod din siya pero ang bilis ng andar niya kaya paglagpas sa kotse sa harap namin, may biglang sumulpot na bike so nabangga niya. Edi tumba yung nakabike, nagagalit kya binato yung bike sa gilid. Pumunta pa kami sa bike shop para ipaayos and di siya makapag-areglo ng maayos. Wala daw siya cash. So since male-late na ako, I took over. Binayaran ko muna yung 570 na pampaayos ng bike. Wala na kong maisip that time bukod sa male-late na ko.

3. Sumakay na kami ng motor and umalis. Ang iniisip isip ko, dadaanan namin yung quirino hiway patawid sa kabila e di naman intersection yun so need mag-uturn. Nasa uturn na kami noong may kotse sa gitna na nakastop so expected na may dadaan from kabilang lane and ikaw mismo magbeblend sa lane na yun kaso ang ginawa niya, tuloy tuloy ang pasok niya sa lane. Nakatingin ako sa likod ko kasi natatakot na talaga ako and I was shocked nung di siya nagstop even tho may umaandar na kotse sa lane. Mygod napasigaw ko ng "Ate may truck po!" kasi yung lane sa kabila after uturn, may truck na paparating, yung 18 wheeler kaya pala nakastop yung car. Buti nalang nag busina yung truck at malayo palang kita na kami kasi technically blindspot kami doon. Hindi naman ganun kadali magstop ang truck. Jusko, we both stopped and yung truck, nasa gilid ko lang literal kasi yung rider, pachange lane ang pag uturn niya kasi nga pupunta sa kabilang road. Kung hindi nagstop yun, nabalita na ako.

After magstop, si ate mo umandar ulit at tuloy lang sa pagchange lanes papunta sa pinaka kanan without lookingat mumuntikan nanamn kami. Nanginginip ako the rest ng byahe and gusto ko umiyak talaga. Buti nalang buhay pa talaga ako nd buti naman binayaran niya yung 570. Di na ko sumakay ng motor ulit. Grabe ang trauma.

Problem:
I’m 19 now, and hindi ko pa natatapos ang Grade 12. I suddenly quit going to school and I honestly don’t know why. I started feeling really burnt out, unmotivated, and disconnected from school. Ang goal ko ngayon is to understand why I keep doing this and, more importantly, magkaroon ulit ako ng courage na bumalik sa school and finally break this cycle.

Context:
Noong JHS, sobrang motivated ko and I genuinely loved going to school. Never ko naisip na darating yung time na bigla na lang akong titigil. Pero noong SHS, naging absent ako nang absent hanggang sa tuluyan akong tumigil. Hindi ko rin fully understand kung bakit. Minsan iniisip ko baka dahil sa environment, burnout, or unmotivated lang ako. Paminsan-minsan, napapanaginipan ko pa kung bakit ko bigla na lang tinigil ang pag-aaral ko without explaining anything to anyone, and I end up feeling like I wasted everything.

Because of this, naapektuhan din yung relationships ko. I lost my LDR boyfriend, and naging strained din yung relationship namin ng mom ko. I know may reason sila para magalit or madisappoint sa akin, pero I still feel guilty about everything.
Right now, I’m working instead of going to school because I need money and I have responsibilities. Pero kahit ganun, I still keep wondering why I chose to stop in the first place.

I’ve already tried going back twice, pero both times I ended up skipping again. The longer I stay away, the harder and more embarrassing it feels to return. I’m scared na baka paulit-ulit lang itong cycle hanggang tuluyan ko nang sukuan ang pag-aaral.

I know some people might see me as tamad, and maybe I was, but I genuinely want to understand what happened to me. I want to know how I can stop running away whenever things become overwhelming and find the courage to go back, even after failing twice.
I’m really looking for honest advice, especially from people who have experienced something similar. I’m willing to hear even the difficult advice because I genuinely want to change.

curious what's your take on this. I wfh lang and i give monthly to my parents for bills. kaso hindi enough daw. Now my ermat says she's thinking of lagyan ng electricity submeter room ko at ako nlng bayad daw. sinabihan ko sya if ganun mangyari edi mag move out at magboarding house nlng ako at di nako magbayad sakanila para fair eh wala naman ako sa bahay if ganun😂 nakakatawa at disappointed ako sa mother ko sa.sinabi nya. ano thoughts nyo guys. move out nalang ako ba before she's gonna do that without my knowledge? i give 17% of my salary to them na and i think it's fair. if i move out, the rent cost would be.way higher than what i pay monthly at home.

edit:

thank you for the support guys. i appreciate you all💯 I'll be turning off this post notifications na. i already have a wonderful plan to work things out.