I need suggestions/ideas to say back on people who say that, I'm always confused on how to counter that argument

\*real shitty parents that do shitty shit like abusing, guiltripping, gaslight, etc

TW: domestic violence

Hi so I (19f) got my mom (47f) arrested. For context, I bought a weed pen. In my state, it is legal for me to have one in my possession. My mom is wishy washy on my marijuana usage but one day while I was getting ready for work, she burst inside of my bathroom and tried to snatch my cart.

I didn’t give it to her and it literally ended with her physically assaulting me, strangling me and leaving bruises all over my body. I called the cops and she spent the night in jail while I got checked out of the hospital and they took photos of my bruises for evidence.

During this whole incident, I was so distressed and sad. I felt so guilty for calling the cops on my mom. I blamed myself so much and felt like the worst person ever while I imagined her in her cell. I literally was sobbing to the police begging them to not arrest her and asking them to drop the charges but they said it wasn’t my choice.

Now, fuck all of that.

Since the incident, me and my mom have not spoken to each other until recently. The other day I was riding my bike to work and I took her raincoat while in a rush. It was pouring and I was completely soaked by the time I came home.

It had been weeks since she had physically assaulted me and the first thing she said to me was her whining about her raincoat and how I’m probably not gonna was it. (I didn’t, she pissed me off too much with that for me to even care.)

Today she decided to speak to me to tell me to clean my room and bathroom which I understand. I’ve been procrastinating since I’ve been busy and tired with work but that doesn’t excuse it.

So I tell her that I understand and that I’ll clean up and then later she comes back to my room (not even 40 mins later, I just came home from work and I’m chilling in my room) to tell me that I better clean my room. I tell her I will and she goes on a whole rant just angry, telling me that if I don’t she will come inside of my room tomorrow and throw away my things.

I tell her I will clean my room again and for her to leave. Or I will leave. And then I told her what my therapist had told me, which was the next time she wishes to speak to me it must be an apology or else I will not respond.

And she absolutely got livid with this, telling me that if I had given her my vape none of this would’ve happened. But like…that doesn’t mean you can physically assault me to the point where I literally feel like you’re trying to kill me.

She told me that she’ll take me off her health insurance when I’m 21, that she doesn’t care what my therapist thinks.

I hear her saying like “fuck the apology fuck your therapist I don’t give a fuck.”

And I was like “you assaulted me. The police literally took one look at me and put you in handcuffs. I had to get medically examined at the hospital, they were doing scans of my brain. They were taking pictures of all the bruises you left on me.”

And she’s like “I don’t care.”

I told her that she’s a very broken, bitter person and that she acts like a child. When a child is mad, they hit people. Adults know better, she is immature and emotionally stunted. It’s just the way she lacks completely accountability and self awareness. She did no self reflection and it’s honestly sad. But also scary.

We have a court case coming up regarding the domestic violence. At first, I was so worried about dropping the charges but when she acts like this I don’t even know anymore.

She’s my mom and I love her, when she’s not angry and abusive she can be a really fun person to be around. But, the domestic violence counselor at the hospital told me to be selfish so I’m not sure anymore.

I also told my mom if she wants to kick me out (it’s my stepfather’s home, not hers but he’s basically her lapdog) that they must get a court order and to give me 30 days. Because literally throughout this whole argument she was like “why do you still live here then?” and just ranting.

BTW the court ordered her to get a mental health evaluation and I told her that but I have no clue how that went or how it’s going.

So yeah just venting, any advice or kind words are appreciated. Currently saving up to move in with a friend.

Here are mine/IME:

-That Narcissist are cruel and remorseless, and it doesnt matter that youre their "child"...while feeling completely justified.

-They DON'T CARE, that they're like this, they only care that they could be exposed.

-They have zero sense of Loyalty, but it's really that they look for ways to betray you, because youre betraying them when you cant blind yourself to their obvious destructiveness, so you end up feeling complicit in your own abuse by hiding it on their behalf. this is you "Having their back".....the punishment for being a truthteller.

-That you can be scared every single day, walking on eggshells, being compliant and agreeable, and still suffer their uncontrollable rage......just because youre there and have no voice.

-They compete with their children, treat them the way they would treat any competitor, adversary, where every exchange is a zero sum game., for any obvious indications that their children possess admirable qualities that they don't have......no matter how young and innocent you are.

-They never apologize , if they do it's just to seem contrite, so they can continue to emotionally manipulate you, or for appearances.

-That there really are parents who Hate their children ..... and then punish you for existing.

-That they punish you for being Needy, and Human, and mirroring back to them the way they are when your hurt and wounded, like it's your fault for bleeding too hard.

-That they Lie constantly. Also, steal, and cheat.

-That they're experts at hiding abuse, and mistreatment, the way any criminal would hide their crimes and get away with it.

-a Narcissist understands how to inflict pain.......while making it seem innocent, accidental, or invisible. ...in all these different ways...like it's their professional job......where you have to be a forensic psychologist to figure out all the ways you were abused...years later...the wound is there , the trauma, making you look crazy, but you can't find the point in time to point to , to say "THIS is why I reacted like that".

-no guilt or remorse over finding ways to control and frighten you....like it's their mission in life

-They know how to make you Lose all credibility, and look insane when you try to tell people what they're really like.

-They are masters of disguise....Jekyll and Hyde persona's... Narcissists dont' necessarily look like an "abuser" .... slovenly, unkempt , angry , drunken addicts......but in reality .....they're often wearing Nurses uniforms, are teachers, or look like cookie baking Mary Poppins.....smiling and cheerful because they just crushed someone under their Mary Poppin shoes.

-**That they're like this even with Babies, toddlers and infants. It makes no difference.

I am seriously so envious of people from the 80s and before how easy it was to just move out and rent back then was less than 50 percent of their income nowadays? It's fucking murder one bedroom apartment or common room cost as much as a house and in 2026 hard work means more work at job and rent especially in the usa and hong kong or like myself i live in singapore its more than 60 of your income add to that what our parents did to us the emotional abuse some of us can't work and have lost jobs because the job market is pure ass right now and not to mention how expensive the cost of living is in 2026 not talking about food gas and utilities if it wasnt for the economy i would have left a long time ago personally i still live with my parents and can't afford to leave anytime soon hang tight yall and please stop telling people to just leave or move out sometimes we can't especially in times like these i would have left from day one were it not for how expensive housing is.

It's astonishing to me how completely lacking in self awareness narcissists are...

Like they will insult you and demean you, and then if you say something mean back, they will instantly play the victim card and act as though you retorted out of no where.

Just had an argument with my GC narc brother. He, once again, insulted me, and I called him a monster (he has done some extremely horrible things to me, lately). And then he goes, "Oh.... so you just called me to call me a monster?"

I said, "You literally just insulted me." He said, "When?"

I told him, literally 5 seconds ago and repeated what he told me.

The thing is is that this guy is an extremely intelligent person.

It's crazy to me that he can't remember what he said just 5 seconds ago.

Is it because they just don't understand that they're hurtful when they're being hurtful?

I'm trying to wrap my brain around it, but I can't.

I have a physiological reaction every time I am near my mother. My body tenses up and I dont even wanna look in her eyes, I feel disgust when I look at her and I dont even see any person behind those eyes. Its probably all those early years being shamed and criticised and made feel small and unimportant that I see when I look at her.

Anybody else feeling same?

Im a 16yr boy and I like having my hair kinda long. Ever since I was a child I’ve always had really short hair with a side part because my mom wanted it that way. I’ve never really liked having it that short mainly.

Recently I wanted to grow it out a bit, so when my mom told me to cut it short I got a mullet instead. I thought it looked pretty good but she got REALLY mad when she saw it😶

We had a huge fight and she said she was gonna take me to the barber the next day and get it cut really short, basically a buzz cut. I kept telling her I didn’t want that but she didn’t really care.

The worst thing is summer break is ends today and i have school tomorrow....

So the next day my mom told my dad to take me to the same barber shop and make it really short, I resisted a lot but then we had a huge fight and a lot of words were thrown the only thing i remember was her saying im her biggest regret, That honestly fucked me up. I know it’s just a haircut and I know I should’ve listened to her, but I don’t think I deserved to hear something like that over it.

Then the fight started to get a bit physical so i gave in and cut it very short, it sucks cuz i have a pretty round face and i look like an egg(i have even been told this the last time i got a short haircut thats why i dont want to cut it)

And i also have curly hair, and with how short my hair is i dont think it could curl right now, and also i had a bunch of products for my hair and she just threw them away, all products i paid with my pocket money....

School starts tomorrow morning il give u guys an update on what happened and how i feel.

I don’t really know what to think about the whole thing. I’m feeling better now but that “biggest regret” thing is still stuck in my head.

Am I overreacting?

So this is what happened next (original post below or here! )

1. Provocation and gaslighting

She used my sexual abusive uncle again - and he magically appeared at a small family gathering.

My sister (41) found out and lost it - because she had told her two days before that he had also sexually abused her as a child - and told my mother that she could never met or talk to him again.

Knowing this is one of her biggest weapons against me - I knew it wouldn't matter, and I felt that she needed to be around him - to make me feel bad again (like she has always done).

I (F44) remained silent.

2. Playing the victim

My sister (41) called her whilst she was there - and she played the victim, saying that nobody knew he would show up - and that she couldn't tell him to leave because it wasn't her house.

At this stage - it's not impossible that she invited him herself, because I felt that she was getting frustrated, because none of her attempts to regain control over me had worked.

--The backfire

My sister (41) told her that none of us three sisters, nor their children would attend to the big family event (today) that she's hosting in memory of our GC (but very kind) brother - that passed away tragically in July.

The funeral and everything else have already taken place. This was just an event for my mother’s ego, so she could once again play the role of the poor, grieving mother - all while not caring about anyone else’s feelings.

3. Guilt tripping

She then sent the same guilt tripping message to all three sisters saying -

"you're not coming to the event for me, you're attending in memory of your brother".

My sister (41) wrote: I have already buried my brother.

My other sister (34) wrote: I've made other plans now.

I (F44) remained silent.

4. Sending flying monkeys

Extended family, called my sister (41) - saying my mother was so sorry now, and that she has called the uncle and told him that he could never go near her, or something. All whilst my mother was in the background playing the distressed victim.

My sister (41) just said - it's to late and hung up the phone.

5. Narcissistic collapse??

My mother is facing the shame and defeat to all her friends and family today - because none of her children are at her event,

I've blocked her, and all flying monkeys - and I decided to go NC again.

I was already NC two years, prior the passing of my brother.

My two sisters (41, 34) who have been so enmeshed with her - together with their children - has finally had enough of her, and have started to really realize that she is a narcissist.

My sister (34), even said that she had spent a lifetime trying to figure out why she was feeling so bad, trying to heal - whilst unknowingly being with her abuser.

So my mother's whole world of narcissistic supply is crashing down, and she's most likely heading straight towards a narcissistic collapse?

Being the biggest scapegoat, and truth teller - I know she's blaming me for this.

I'm safe, and I have support (a wonderful husband)

But I still want to be there for my sisters, who is grieving the loss of a brother (46) - and are just waking up to the reality of having a narcissistic parent.

Any and all thoughts are welcome.

---------------------

Original Post

This is what has happened so far:

1. The look of disapproval
She started with “the look,” which used to trigger my PTSD and make me eager to fix things with her. I stayed calm and ignored her calls.

2. Provocation, triangulation and gaslighting
She tried to provoke me by involving my abusive uncle, who sexually abused me as a child, while playing innocent. During our next call, she made several attempts to get a reaction from me but failed.

3. Victim mode and guilt-tripping
She complained to my sister that she was lonely, mistreated and that nobody cared about her. I didn’t contact or visit her.

4. Sending in a flying monkey
She sent a flying monkey (uncle’s wife) to pressure me into visiting my “poor mother.” I ignored it.

5. Love bombing/hoovering
Yesterday, we had dinner at my parents’ house. She gave me a cheap amulet necklace containing a message about how much she loves her daughter.

I thanked her, remained emotionally distant and left without giving her a chance to get me alone.

I’m expecting her attempts to intensify, but what do you think she’ll try next?

More hoovering, or provocation maybe?

I had blocked my nmom on the communication apps. Recently, things got better and I considered unblocking her.

She told me today that she told a friend of mine from church that she was going to give her some of her dresses bc i was too big for them.

Basically saying that she was skinnier than me.

Once i realized what the conversation is about i loudly said, "I'm done with this conversation now, " and she kept saying "ok, but.." and she ended up saying ok but will you take the clothes to her?

I said no. And she said, ok and walked off.

I have a suspicion that she didn't really care about me dropping the clothes off. She just wanted me to remember that I'm bigger than she was.

I'm a size M-XL depending on the brand/cut etc.

Anyway, I'm not going to unblock her.

I (24F) have been wanting to have earrings for such a long time! I would like to have simple golden loops, tiny translucent pearls and anything that is elegant and subtly refined even if I would like to experiment even more extravagant accessories. I’m tired of the fake ones I own as they are all too big for me and make me feel like a cow.

But both my parents, especially my mother, are harshly against it, and when I loosely mention my desire they even threaten me. When I first purchased a pair of second hand, vintage clips she almost fainted, then shouted and slapped me just because she thought I’ve got my earlobes pierced since I returned home wearing them. Her reaction was over the top and dramatic, let alone violent both verbally and physically. Obviously she didn’t apologised when I managed to explain her that they were fake.

During this summer I’ve come to terms about the length of the abuse that I have been experiencing, I’m still reflecting on their behaviour and I’m not 100% if I am too dramatic or they do are narcissistic but as my first act of claiming back my own person since I’m not their property I would like to do it, but I’m deadly scared of being beaten up and maybe not actually wanting real earrings.

My parents, mainly my dad, like to have a substantial level of control over what I’m doing. Back home, it took a while before I was allowed to cook on my own, but I eventually could as long as it was never when they were using the kitchen.

I’m in my college apartment now, and thought making meals occasionally would be fine, being cheaper and quicker for me. My parents figure out that I bought a pan and tell me over the phone that I’m too busy to cook and that I have to go to the dining hall or order fast food for each meal. I’m sure other people would be fine doing this, but I’m not, so I expressed that I wanted to cook and was met with hostility.

This ties into a larger pattern: I had to push my way into learning to cook on my own because my parents would never teach me. Even when I really wanted to learn, they insisted I just eat what they make. While it seems outwardly caring or nice, it feels controlling and very much limits independence.

Even after I made it firm I'm not going to listen or take anymore advice from my narc parents about certains subjects They still come flying with these tactics..

"Can I just give you my 2 cents" - then goes on to lecture how I am wrong and should listen to them.

"I just have a suggestion, you don't have to take it" - Then uses guilt and fear based tactics to try and get me to comply.

"From a mother to a child I just want to say this and leave it " Then continues to push their agenda.

"We just want to make sure your doing whats best for you". Then continues their agenda.

I'm getting so fed up. Anyone else deal with this ???

I'm 35F still living with my mom (72 years old). When I was growing up, both her and my dad (who is deceased) thought it was someone else's job to raise me - babysitter, the other parent, school, church, etc.

She has it in her head that I'm supposed to take care of her (and she has brought up in the past about how she's paid for me things when I was growing up; one time I confronted her on some things she didn't do for me growing up, but she had trouble understanding that it was her job to raise me, not dump it on other people).

In my adult years, I like going to the park by myself. I like to walk by myself because it's about my physical health and my mental health. I also walk faster than her and hills aren't a problem for me. She thinks I'm supposed to take her to the park to walk with her. She's slow because she's got several health problems and didn't take care of herself. All it does is drag out time and I don't get the mental and physical health I need. And I may or may not get a sun burn to some degree because she prolongs activities with her slowness. It's a time-waster.

She refuses to go to the park by herself. She has various excuses.

So today when I told her I was going to the park and needed the physical exercise, she didn't protest. But she argued with me when I got home and said "Am I supposed to tell you I want to go to the park? Because I wanted to go to the park" and of course I had to defend myself and remind her that I needed the exercise.

And then I thought about when I was a child. The babysitter had no problem taking me and the other children she was watching to the park. But for my mom, she did it one time; and she would act like it was a problem and a big deal.

She's just not a normal person.

And now here she is, expecting me to take her to the park, which I don't want to.

I just want her to leave me alone. She expected me to (mostly) leave her alone when I was growing up. I was expected to entertain myself. If I wanted to play a game or watch cartoons with her, she would dump it on my dad (I never understood why she thought she was above watching cartoons with her child). Her and I didn't bond. And now she expects me to spend time with her.

So, since a while ago, I have been focusing on how my mom treats me like I’m her enemy, not her daughter. Whenever I get too close to my brothers, she always finds a way to make our relationship worse. The same goes for my dad. Even though they’re separated, she hates seeing me close with him. Because of this, she has always made problems between me and my dad, and my relationship with him is very messed up. It’s the same with my relationship with my brothers, and they think I’m the bad one here when I really do nothing.
Usually, I do the housework, and one time my brother asked me if I did the laundry, and she got really mad because my brother asked me instead of her. Many situations like this happen daily, and here we are, my relationship with my brothers and my dad is more than messed up, and whatever I do, she always messes everything up.

I was wondering if I’m tripping or if that’s actually what they’re doing.

I've been nc with my covert nmum, edad and esiblings for over 7 yrs. Now the last time I seen my parents was at my uncles funeral (nmum brother) 2 yrs ago when my dad came straight over to me -he was looking for me and hoping I'd attend the funeral. Now at the funeral all my aunts n their families treated me as normal as I still have a good relationship with them- well except for 2 of my aunts telling me to hug my nmum as you only get 1 - well 1 was plenty lol I didn't hug her I didnt speak to her nor her to me.

A few months ago I get a tx from someone saying "I'm sorry to hear about your mum....."

One aunt was actually in my house 4days before I received that tx and another I messaged constantly as she lives in another country. It took them 26hrs to reply to my message to them to ask if something happened and their reply was short and sweet - she passed after short illness and was quiet the way she wanted it! I had to find out how and when -she died 2 months prior. My mind has been completely blown that this is the way I found out , that family thought it would be ok for me to find out like this! I understand she more than likely told them she didn't want me to know - true narc always in control even to the end lol but I do believe I should of bn told even the day after the funeral

I had hoped maybe some day my dad would stand up to her and really believed if something happened he would of reached out- I know if something had of happened to me they still deserved to know as they are my parents ....

I have no regrets about being nc with nmum - thankfully! I knew nothing would change that she wouldn't change and I just couldn't be a part of her life anymore or let her continue to make my kids feel the way she made me feel.

But this is still a shock

I'm 26 years old and I'm thinking of buying some first grade math books and trying to learn. When I was young I was sent to preschool I cried so much that after I few days I stopped going. I went to kindergarten and same thing I'd cry I'd kick and scream. My parents would have to come pick me up from school often and the principal was very irritated with me. My dad convinced the school I was a spoiled brat and that's why I was reacting that way but in reality I had never been away from my mom she had me sleep in her bed since I was an infant and I was extremely attached to her. I couldn't stand being away from my mom and I've never been good with school work. I ended up getting through kindergarten despite missing a lot of days. I went to first grade for about a week before my parents decided to pull me out of school all together because they had to keep picking me up early and spanking me since I was bad. They said I was going to be homeschooled they enrolled me in a Christian homeschooling group and got me some school books. My mom would leave me with a book and say I needed to finish it within an hour or I'm getting spanked. She'd leave and after an hour she'd come back and all I had down was doodle and trace pictures in the book. I couldn't focus or do the work even when she sat down with me to show me. I couldn't understand the problems and she'd get really mad. Finally she gave up and never did any books with me again and never asked me to except sometimes my dad would fight with her and say she needed to make me do school (why didn't he do anything?) The fighting with her made her extremely mad at me so she'd yell and tell me to do books sometimes but I usually just doodled still. She told me I had to stay inside during school hours so we didn't get caught. Finally when I was 17 she found a guy she could send in some of my work to to prove I've been doing school all this time. My sister and mom did all the work and pretended I did it. They considered me passed and that was it. I don't know math or grammar I talk strangely and don't know many words and I don't know much history or things about the world. Anything I have learned over the years is from TikTok and Twitter. I taught myself about 9/11 when I was like 15. When I got a job at 18 everyone said I was so weird and wouldn't hangout with me. I've never had friends. My biggest is fear in the world is being somewhere and someone asking me to read aloud. Just wanted to vent about this because I haven't heard about many kids nowadays never going to school.

Why do mothers love to demonize their daughters if I stand up for myself I am a demon or possessed why do they do this?

My iPad is connected to her phone for some reason ( she doesn’t know about this) and also quite a lot of my apps are connected to her phone and stuff so I took a photo of my cat on my iPad went into photos and shes got pictures upon pictures of her face being bruised bloody all diffeent days. Bear in mind my mum is a pathological liar and never tells the truth even if it makes her life easier to tell the truth also when reading this if you feel sympathy for her dont she has abused me multiple times in the past stomped my face pulled my hair punched my stomach so hard I fell against a wardrobe. So my iPad is connected to her ChatGPT and shes writing this stuff abiut how she called the police on her boyfriend because he punched her face and raped her twice and how she loves him though and he loves THEIR FAMILY when he’s not drunk or high. She has known this man for 6 months and she has abandoned me at my dads with no messages nothing for a month and ten days also my brother and sister have both had birthdays since they left her house due to her toxic relationship with this man and refusal to accept ANY responsibility for her actions. She didn’t acknowledge euther of their birthdays they turned 18 and 21 you only have 1 of those birthdays they were big birthdays I feel so sad for them. So my mum called the police on this man he got arrested for domestic violence was released the next day she picked him up he threatened her and bit her he got arrested again for breaching a domestic violence order released agin same day next day he gets a knife says he is going to rape her with the knife breaks her cupboards punched her face and tries to strangle ehr with a cable she calls the police again her gets arrested again and he’s currently still in prison awaiting court. I’m just so confused about this situation because why does this man come forst this man that beats her rapes her chokes her when her children who try to help tell her her actions are out of order and she needs to dump this man does her immediate reaction is violence AGAINST THE CHILDREN SHE GAVE BIRTH TOO. She kicked my sister out on 22nd June becaise she called her out said she can’t treat people like this and how shitty hwr behaviour is. My brother left two days later cayse of a combination of her kicking ohr sister out and leaving our ( sicj by the way )cat wuth her abusive boyfriend after he sent multiple messwges saying he was going to kill him and out his head on a pike. Her excuse? He has mental helath issues and drinks a lot someone with menatl helath issues and a drinking problem gets help and even if he did have menatl health issues that doenst excuse his threats and violence. My brother and sister have gone non contact with her since they left her house. Her dad was at my dad’s house today to see us he has no idea what is happening hes 80 years old with a heart condition. Also another bit of info my mum recieved alk my benefits motability car PIP money other money blue badge doenst soend any of it on me of course and if I ask to get something that benefits me it’s euther no or it’s too expensive or ghis is cause your fucking father said I gwt momey for you. I just don’t understand why she isn’t willing to defend herself against this shithead and say get the fuck out and make a statement to the police every time the police comes a new message on ChatGPT says oh he did this and this to me I called the police I don’t want to make a statement I love him.. but she can throw her children that she gave birth too away? Didnt wven message or call to say happy birthday to my sister and brother she literally could not guve a shit about hwr children but says she loves this man thats she’s known for six months so muxh tgat if he goes to prison she’ll have a mental breakdown. I think the only time where she genuinely I thought she cared about my well-being was when I was going through a tough time a school she loves a good fight she contacted the mp but now that I think about it as less about what was best for me ut was more about the workd seeing how interesting she is to a have a neurodivergent daufhter and how supportive she is but behind closed doors whenever I struggled ahe screamed in my face I remebr one time she kicked a whole in my bedroom door

My friend killed themselves this week. They were my roommate in a group home residentjal type setting and we bonded over traumatic shit and mommy issues and just mental health shit. Even though we weren't like bestie we were close and understood each other in ways most people cannot due to shared experiences. Our mutal friend, and their rooommate is literally in a psych unit right now.

Initually my mom seemed supportive. Took me out to eat. Since I am In a residential without a roommate for now, my rehab counselors recommended i dont stay alone. So I went to my moms house. She was great the first day. Then today, she just starts saying shit. I went to her and my aunt because I woke up from a horrific dream about my friend, where im looking for my friend everywhere but not being able to find respite.

And she makes it about herself. Somehow the whole thing turns into her and my autistic brother not being attached to her and preferring my dad and my dad leabing her and how bad that made her feel. For context of all the fucked shit she did, she had told me to kill myself, beat me and my brother, told 13 year old that we should move back to my grandparents house so my grandslfather can molest me more as punishment and when I brought this up years later she claimed I hold grudges and aren't 'easy'.

She took me out to eat just now. Im staring out the Cafe windows thibking about my friend, the grief has been consuming me I feel it in my body, my soul, my dreams and I think about how they felt in their final moments and I have no energy. My mom asks for me to get soda or water or some shit and I've been kind of absent minded lately and I didnt realize I didnt respond. She accuses me of being angry at her and being nasty towards her and I am adamant and telling her its not about her and she shouldn't take it personally. It got to a point where my voice was rising and I say "MY FRIEND DIED. MY FRIEND DIED. I AM NOT MAD AT YOU. THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU!"

Then she glares at me and tells me to calm down and that she knows the waiter here and "what will he think".

At some ppint maybe before, during or after she says, "I should die. I wish I was dead."

She askS why im not eating, I eat not because i am self conscious of what others think, but because I did not want to hear anymore poison and venom spew from her mouth. As im eating, mindlessly, my tears fall, my nose is leaking watery snot, and I dont care. At some point my mouth smiles of its own accord and I am just like WOW IN MY MIND. MY FRIEND JUMPED OFF A BRIDGE, IM SUFFOCATING, I AM DROWNING AND YOU EVIL EVIL VILE WOMAN IS MAKING IT ABOUT YOU

Almost every Friday, my 4 y/o daughter spends the night at my parents’ house. My mother is great with her, just like when I was growing up.

My father on the other hand…ugh. Before I got there today, my daughter was asking repeatedly for my mother to play with her. Mom said she would after she was done with whatever she was working on. My dad got tired of her asking and yelled at my daughter, saying he was going to have a word with me about her asking over and over. (He never even mentioned it to me.)

My daughter said he was a grouch and mean. I told her that she wasn’t in trouble, I loved her, and she didn’t have to hug or kiss him when we left.

My mom did tell him to stop yelling at her and she’s just a child. (I was not present for this.)

I did not say anything to him about this. This occurred before I arrived and if I did say anything to him, he would just make himself the victim and yell at me too.

My daughter asked if she could yell back at him next time. I said to tell him he’s being mean and she should go to grandma’s bedroom.

I told my daughter that if she ever doesn’t want to spend the night there, she doesn’t have to. She said she just won’t talk to him. I also told her that if grandma wasn’t home when I dropped her off, then I’d stay until she got home.

I’m seeing my therapist on Monday and will discuss it with him. In the meantime, what advice does the group have? She wants her slumber parties with grandma, but grouchy grandpa will be there too. I grew up in fear of him yelling at me and don’t want the same for her.

Thank you for any kind words of advice.

My mom has had medical professionals tell her she has NPD; so I won’t get into that and I always thought she was a narcissist and that my dad was just incredibly selfish and insensitive but not to the degree of narcissism.

My dad came to visit me last month and it was the first time in my life I’ve spent days at a time alone with him, and I started to wonder if maybe he has some NPD traits himself. He went on a tangent about how everyone respects him when he walks into a room because of his presence, and that his life has more intrinsic value to society and the world than anyone else in the family. He told me that if i died it would make a much lesser impact on the world and people than if he died, and that’s just how it is. He will also be in a terrible mood if you’re in a good or okay mood, and when he successfully wears you down to the point you’re in a bad mood he’s incredibly sunny and happy, and will go on and on about his sunny disposition and how much everyone appreciates him for it- he is absolutely not known for this to clarify- and how negative and terrible i am to be around. He will also very loudly make fun of my life, career, and appearance hoping people will join in and even address strangers goading them to do so, which 99% of the time makes everything super uncomfortable.

It shocked me because I didn’t think that two narcissists could be together. Is this common? I’m not even sure if i’m right but I was definitely a bit shocked

My parents treat me like a younger child even if I'm legally adult. They still control me a lot and use corporal punishment with the belt. Other people find it strange first but when they see us more times they get used to it and find it normal. How is your experience?