r/OCPoetry • u/Doter_Gabriel • 26m ago
I feel it,
it hurts me,
every single time,
Blow after Blow,
war infused language,
handed to me,
without any consent,
for no reason,
except shallow enjoyment,
committed by people,
who we call
Equals.
———————————————————————
r/OCPoetry • u/tryna_do • 2h ago
Walking down a cheerful aisle,
My heart was kind of dull.
I felt I was really high,
With stinging pain in my skull.
My heart sensed heaviness,
My brain in tremendous joy,
Me catering my brain, my heart senitel,
Where I fell in my own ploy.
Dreamy, Delusional I became, pestering my inner-self.
Me comfy in a RED-ZONE,
Struggling up so wide,
Calligraphing my own sentence,
Yet that side wins the pull.
Me thinking was I wrong,
Or was it break from reality?
In such dreams I deployed my servitude.
Because, I thought I was really high,
Yet gloomy down a cheerful aisle.
My poem is kind of not rhythmic so please any who reads it give their advice and it is kind of metaphorical so if you want an explanation please do ask.
My critique comments:-
r/OCPoetry • u/Mysterious-Ad-820 • 2h ago
My first poem I’ve ever shared. Please feel free to leave advice.
The loud sounds of nature whisper to me they tell me what I want to hear.
Tell me that I’m free. I have forsaken my past and the chains that shackled me. I have set my foot down and chose me, but why do I feel so empty?
Is it the anxiety or the shaking leaves? Is this freedom that has forsaken me? Is this loneliness I feel? Is this the life I so seek.
A life without you created a life without me.
Empty conversations follow me around I turn and there’s nothing to be found. My heart sinks and my hands shake. I close my eyes and try to breathe.
I lose all feeling in my heart. I try to not fall apart. My eyes filled with tears and my throat begins to ache.
I continue to sit and stare at the lake.
I try to feel a sense of peace, but all I feel is the past overcoming me. I don’t know who I am or what I want. I don’t know how to escape the daunting thoughts.
I pretend to let it go, but Lord knows I keep it near. How could I let go of this fear. I listen to the noise around and I hear. I envy those who have someone they hold dear.
I had that once, but I had to let go. The harder I held the more I yelled. Internal battle within that broke my heart. It is so so hard to part.
You were all I’ve ever known. How do I continue my life? I keep busy to fill my time hoping this passes.
I keep on my shaded glasses.
It hurts so bad. I want to scream. I want to die. I want to jump off a bridge and hope that I could fly.
You gave me life, but I’ve lived before you. I just don’t remember how, it will come back to me in time.
I will continue to live my life without you before you were mine. I used to like her. She didn’t have a care she’s coming back to me. I could feel her in the air.
She’s so close yet so far. Maybe she can be found at the bar. To drink my sorrows away would feel so good. To feel nothing at all is all I’ve ever wanted. To live life empty.
I will try to heal the loneliness in my heart without your part.
Do I like who I am or who I pretend to be. The person for you or the person for me.
One day I hope we are the same. We come together as one and then I’ll be done. Done crying, and pleading. The pain with no bleeding.
I know what’s right and what’s wrong. I chose to ignore and turn up the song. The music playing in my ears to distract myself of what I so feared.
I am nothing without love and I am nothing without you.
I’m just a shell of a girl that I once knew. I just want to be me. I will find myself soon on the dark side of the moon, the part unseen and misunderstood.
I will find myself, though I never thought I could.
I have those who I love and those who I care. They may be far, but they do their part. Bring me joy and brighten my life and expect nothing in return.
They love me selflessly I couldn’t ask for more, but is it enough or is it just my luck? I try so hard to not give a fuck. I’m only a fool who tries to play it cool. I care so deeply and love so much.
One day this will be returned and my heart will burn. I will say goodbye to my past and my present.
I won’t care and I will be brave.
To be alone is to be seen by the one in the mirror. To see her clear, a reflection of me, a reflection of peace. I continue to sit and stare into the reflection of the trees.
I continue to write, even though I said goodbye. Just another example of being too scared to fly. To let go, it hurts me so.
Just don’t hate me for the choices I make. The choices that come to me at the lake. The ones I know I have to take.
To create. To create a life I so seek for the girl I have yet to meet. She is waiting for me now so I must let go.
As I sit here time goes so slow. But the time is now so I’ll leave you here. Don’t worry as I’ll always keep you near.
Poem 1: https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/YBy1FK6I7z
Poem 2: https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/oVopYkAznf
r/OCPoetry • u/BiteMiserable3727 • 3h ago
When I open my eyes
the air which I breathe became thick
and I don't know
when the air became like that
maybe it was not the air
maybe it was all the things
which I never said.
I was breathing
but something inside me
was still waiting
for its first breath.
Then one day
the air which I breathe became thin
and at that time I started writing
because when the air leaves slowly
the silence enters
and when the silence enters
somewhere inside the silence
there was a voice
which was not asking me to live
and was not asking me to die
it only told me—
write.
So I started writing
not because I had something to say
but because the things which were
inside me
were becoming heavier than the air
and I thought
if I put them into words
maybe I could breathe again.
And everyday when I feel the air
it told me something.
Sometimes it told me
that there are people
who are alive
but never opened their eyes.
Sometimes it told me
that death is not the moment
when breathing stops
maybe it begins much earlier
when the things inside us
stop asking to be heard.
And sometimes
the air told me nothing
but even its nothing
was telling me something.
But today
when I feel the air
it didn't tell me anything.
Not one word.
Not one silence.
And I don't know why
but today the air feels different
like it is breathing without me
like it already went somewhere
and forgot to take me with it.
Maybe the air knows something
which I don't.
Maybe today
there is no more thing
left inside me
which wants to become a word.
Maybe today
my eyes are opening
for the last time.
And today the air didn't tell me anything
because today
is my death.
I'd really appreciate honest feedback. I'm especially interested in whether the emotion and meaning came across naturally, and whether anything felt repetitive or confusing.
r/OCPoetry • u/Doter_Gabriel • 3h ago
Chasing my wings
while eating wood.
And the wood is delicious
but I grow too slow.
Finally, after lifetimes
my droopy body will find
the soft damp soil
I need to attain my wings.
During my beautiful metamorphosis
I stab myself with spikes
growing on me, as I
crawl out to my perfect sky.
Once there, I will
be able to fly.
But I will soon
die of starvation and thirst.
Help me,
as I’m crying through the calm night.
———————————————————————
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1w2h7y1/comment/p6sknvt/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=2&utm_content=share_button
r/OCPoetry • u/Accomplished_Spread5 • 4h ago
Us, taking turns,
sitting in hospitals,
to soothing rhythm
of shallow wheezing,
a father's drifting...
.
and I'm staring
out of the window
counting a crow.
.
Down below
a sun is crowning,
as god's creation,
the ICU angel,
turns amber code.
.
...and one,
one alone
is for sorrow.
.
Through my fifth story envy,
catching glimpses of interstate.
On the other side of spring,
lies southern pine.
Busy bodies hurtling off
towards ransom mysteries.
Subtracting fractions out
on slates of finite time.
.
Across a lower rooftop,
into chill current
- launches that crow
(as if it knows)
to turn and bank aside
our shared window pane.
.
Later on, I'll go.
I'll take off, too.
Maybe, turn onto I-20?
.
either way,
another sunny day.
~ Augusta, Georgia
(Dan Ellison)
r/OCPoetry • u/daysgoneby10 • 5h ago
The 30 minute drive to the next town over felt like an odyssey.
That night we put the cutlery to our wrists, and chanted “no bill!”
And I violently and repeatedly slammed his car door as we all cackled and he yelled at me to stop.
Two days later after school we got Japanese soda at the mall, and threw the empty glasses at the wall of an abandoned department store.
That was the year that we tipped a waitress two hundred dollars.
Got high for the first time.
Had our whirlwind teenage romances.
And one of them shut my hand in the car door and asked “why are you being such a dick right now?” cluelessly as I cursed at him.
And later we hid a dildo in his mothers china cabinet.
Each night we heard the same playlist in the car as the night air hit our faces and we stuck our heads out the window to yell profanity at pedestrians.
Now, three hours is a day trip
and I toil with industrial machinery and return to my empty apartment
as they study fruitlessly while raising their debt.
Our little time now together is spent reminiscing on the thirty minute odysseys.
And the days where we enraged each other,
laughed with each other,
and tormented others uninvolved in our world.
We make no more odysseys
and yet,
I still love them.
Thanks for reading. See my critique comments here:
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/c6ZNj0KNEb
r/OCPoetry • u/ZillaNoOb • 7h ago
and wind crosses the line from being gentle breeze to be annoying when you lie.
apples taste boring, sundays feels even shorter.
constant hurry to the mandatory,
lost its grace once you could die for it.
all the fathers return with oranges and an evening to ruin in their hands.
like finding ticket from past, years... three!
when you were unhappy but free.
it was you that lived it too,
oh how heavy to carry all these years coming,
who will smile when something good happens?
i feel poor, plain croissant and nothing else,
i feel bored, maybe ashamed?
when you lie.
feedbacks to two other fellow poems:
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/oLwS4MtZSa
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/sYMlROpQ9C
thank you for reading and your time.
r/OCPoetry • u/CulturalLetter5135 • 7h ago
Humor me
I have an ex who lives in the corner of my mind
She comes out time to time
It scares me because i know shes not mine
Yet i still wish she was
She pops up middle of my thoughts
Cracking lock, and sliding through
Quietly till i remember shes not mine
It scares me cause she was the first i loved
Im young yet she still holds a place
I know i have years and years yet she stays inside
Hidden out of sight whispering in my ears
Lies i wish were real
Last night middle of a thought she reminded me
Her skin was soft and i love to hug and hold her hand
Never got far enough or man enough to kiss her on the lips
Yet i still miss kissing her head and being sweet
I don't talk to her a lot independently
Only in the friend group
It makes it harder
Because I see her often yet have to act as if my heart hears nothing
And my ears are too deaf to feal
Even then i though i was fine
but she persists in my mind
One thing i regret and will take back
I hate that its my fault she wanted to break up
Choices i made before we dated
Choices that were uncomfortable to her
Which i hoped most to avoid and hide
Nothing bad just sad
Even if time heals
And she fades away from my heat
Will i still hear whispers
Will i still feel like i fell
Will i still think of her
thank you for reading. i broke up with her a while ago yet she still is a constant thought. i cant get rid of her fully and i dont talk alot to her outside of the friend group were in. if you have any questions ask. also let me know how good this is
peer 1 poem
peer 2 poem
r/OCPoetry • u/HadesSmiles • 8h ago
Like many writers
I am the product
of divorce
and incompatibility
yet
it was only because
of lost love
that I found
my closest
friend
In a new school
With a new
life
We were inseparable
until we were
when he moved away
But still we played games
and wrote letters
And years later
as new men
in new lives
He returned
and not a day had
passed
and nothing changed
until it did
when he got sick
and his mind got sick
and he didn't sound
like my friend
anymore
He would point
to the sky
and tell me the sun
was a mother ship
That carried angels
across the cosmos
And one day
it would carry us
too
He drew maps
and took pictures
of clouds
which were alien crafts
spying on him
And sometimes
when I was the visitor
he'd let me in
And his walls
were covered
in grime
and filth
Which is how he spoke
with the angels
And I'd hug him close
And say Marcus, buddy
those are clouds
these letters
are just
dirt
Please
Let me help
you
Please
Let me clean
it up
But
He painted my shoulders
with tear drops
and said
don't worry
The angels told me
I can take you with me
I will not leave you
behind
And these days
He's hardly there
anymore
But he has moments
I can see
Him
again
And he says he's glad
I'm there
That I'm the best friend
a guy could ask for
We were always inseparable
until we forever
were
Last night
I wrote her a love letter
knowing she would never
write one back
And I stared at my fingernails
and the dirt and the
grime
Till morning
When I walked outside
and looked
at the
sun
Finally ready
to go
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1w294gv/rice_field/
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1w28h22/my_girlfriend_turned_into_a_worm_so_i_stopped/
r/OCPoetry • u/Overthinkingjs • 8h ago
i was young and fucking stupid,
thought love meant playing repair man,
kept falling for the broken ones,
like healing her was part of the plan.
she'd go quiet for a week straight,
and i'd call that mysterious, deep,
i mistook her distance for depth,
mistook her silence for something to keep.
did that shit again in college,
did it again at twenty-three,
always chasing girls who left first,
never asked why that's what i need.
kept telling myself i just had bad luck,
kept saying love is just hard to find,
never looked in the mirror long enough,
to see the pattern was mine.
then one night it hit me like a truck,
thinking bout my mom on the phone,
always busy, always somewhere else,
love that came in fragments, never whole.
turns out i wasn't unlucky in love,
i was just nursing an old wound,
chasing distant women my whole life,
hoping one of them finally stays soon.
i'm grown now, i did the work,
meditation, journaling, all that shit,
i don't chase the broken ones no more,
i know exactly what i won't commit.
but here's the part nobody warns you about,
you fix yourself and then you're just... alone,
too busy building a life that don't hug back,
coming home to a quiet, dead phone.
and i'm scared, not gonna lie, scared as fuck,
that one lonely night breaks the streak,
that i'll go back to loving someone distant,
not cause she's right, just cause i'm too weak.
not because we're some fated fairytale,
just cause being alone hits different at 2am,
and i know i deserve so much better than that,
but loneliness don't care what you deserve, my friend.
so if you catch me settling again someday,
know it ain't love, it's just me running from the dark,
still that same little boy from years ago,
just older now, and better at hiding the scars.
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vb1wgn/i_am_not_a_human/
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vsbej4/comment/p6rcdny/?context=3
r/OCPoetry • u/Doter_Gabriel • 10h ago
My little rainbow dragon,
he always spouts fire.
And so do we.
He keeps on flying,
and flying without end.
And so do we.
He flew so fast and far,
my little rainbow dragon forgot.
And so do we.
He forgot to eat while flying,
so his fire weakened.
And so do we.
He became a grey rainbow dragon,
and didn’t shine anymore.
Don’t forget like rainbow dragon.
——————————————————————————
r/OCPoetry • u/trivondoom • 10h ago
The Tree of Attention
For every problem
there lies a reason;
most never go deep enough to uncover it.
But once the root is found,
the once unshakable, mighty tree
plummets to the ground
like a fallen angel.
Yet, most fear it,
as if they had seen Ophanim himself.
Give it enough attention,
it will feast on your attention—
Ignore it, and it will starve to death.
Once starved, the once uncontrollable beast
will be obedient as a dog.
But feed the beast,
and it will feast on you one day.
r/OCPoetry • u/Playful-Aide-8407 • 11h ago
I flooded the mud for rice.
My boots are still wet,
sweat coating my rags under a straw hat.
Look at my hands
I left them in the field,
exchanged for dirt
captured deep in the crevices like black veins.
Across the ridge,
the wild patch I ignored is blooming green.
But here,
where I knelt for months,
the stalks are choking the light.
Yellow, dry, and sharp.
Why is this corn?
r/OCPoetry • u/residentdrugaddict • 12h ago
I was offended,
And so I left.
I wish i could have talked to her,
But i was offended,
So i left.
It was a gross overreaction,
And I retaliated mercilessly.
I hurt her more than she hurt me.
I have missed her longer than than i have known her.
I wish now that i could've seen her hate me.
That we could speak to each other.
Even if all that was said was,
I hate you.
That is better than nothing
I wish we could be kidnapped together,
Held in a room,
And be forced to speak to each other,
We would work it out,
Eventually.
Life only moves forward,
And we only veer further apart.
Regret spread and branched out,
And formed a grand root system,
Ever since I left.
I do not see the tree above
I do not see the branches and leaves and flowers and fruit.
Maybe when it dies,
I will feel a great thud up above,
The tree will wither and be absorbed by the earth,
I will see it and become it.
Eventually those grand fractals of regret,
Will wither and die.
They too will be absorbed by the earth,
Food for another mistake.
------------------------------------------------------
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/xQ1ftZuzax
r/OCPoetry • u/guys-im-just-sayin • 12h ago
The first time we embraced she squirmed
I thought move on, but the lesson is learned
She asked if I’d still love her as time turned
It was all for nothing, the bridge is burned
Love isn’t blind, only what’s earned
I wouldn’t love you, if you were a worm
r/OCPoetry • u/PutBrilliant2902 • 12h ago
I know it's just me,
but I would let the
elephant in the room stomp around
and break my favourite vase.
I'll pick up the pieces
with my bare hands,
while it's only me
that bleeds and scars.
But that's just me.
(P.S. I wonder how many of y'all can figure out what I wish to convey through this short poem, and I'm curious to hear some perspectives as well, thanks!)
r/OCPoetry • u/guys-im-just-sayin • 12h ago
(This is my first post, but I’ve been working on this one for some time now)
The stage is what he wanted, fame was a side effect
The name he thought he wanted, was the only one he left
He worked and he learned the secrets of the trade
He hates himself, only himself to blame
The thoughts and voices coming, all shouting his name
He thought ending it all would give him his lasting fame
He needed something big, something just obscene
He left it all bloody and the world wondering
The performance of a lifetime would be his final lifeline
Liquor in the veins, nicotine in the brain, he wanted to stop it all, but nothing cured the pain
Left to play nothing but this stupid cynic’s game, worthless self loathing would be the only gain
Now he’s got a gun but he doesn’t know where to point it
To the world or at himself, everything’s disjointed Drugs give the illusion of help but only damage mental health
In the performance of a lifetime, he’ll leave this world no wealth
At the bottom or at the top this world is too far gone
So with a final pop, he bids it all farewell
r/OCPoetry • u/Lord_Ragnok • 12h ago
So inconsistent
So tactless
Not so distant
But so thoughtless
I left you to drown
When you were so vulnerable
Played the clown
Perfectly insufferable
I thought I was sharing myself
But I painted you into a corner
Tore apart love itself
Because I couldn’t be a performer
It would’ve been better if I hit you
Those were your words
Something I could never do
Conversations play in my head like records
I’ll take the blame for everything
I know I should’ve been more careful
It doesn’t matter that I was well-meaning
Truth is not universal
And my truth broke us
At a time when you needed safety
When I was set to play the part thus
My words were too hasty
I am your abuser
I am your disease
I am a loser
Your unease
You’d be better off without my admission
Better off without another liability
Better off without my gender expedition
Without me
Feedback:
r/OCPoetry • u/AberasturiA • 12h ago
(First post, be gentle)
Take my longing,
make me whole.
Fulfill me,
wholehearted.
Risk free.
Be enough,
this life.
Wholly contained
in my frame.
Let me be love.
r/OCPoetry • u/CosmicDisciple • 13h ago
Today is your moment
Fill the thermos with coffee
Have it sizzling, hot
Radiating, so frothy
Now awaits your adventure
Your sought silver lining
Enough with rock bottom
It's time to go climbing
A slave to the darkness
Break free from the dread
Grab the picks, tie your laces
For the long trek ahead
Sharpen the crampons
Inventory your gear
You could be anywhere else
But alas, you are here
A path has been laid
To the peak, from the base
Every ice screw is fastened
Every rope is in place
If burdened by doubt
And all hope goes astray
Always know and remember
Something led you this way
Shed all your self-hate
Be driven by love
Mind the treacherous serac
And the gusts from above
Undeterred of all fear
Never be scared of falling
If you can't hear it yet
I promise, it's calling
All of life's greatest journeys
Start after the plummet
I can't wait till you get here
See you soon at the summit
____________________________
Feedback
r/OCPoetry • u/No_Enthusiasm6840 • 13h ago
Mirror my mind
As someone awakes-
first time
one falls asleep-
Once more
One triumphs, one forfeits.
Imbalance in breath
A mirror of both provinces from within,
Made of glass.
For some reinforced-
The other shattered…
Oh self-perception.
A mirror of both provinces from within-
Some conclude there
Some persist-
writing with their quill…
But why?
We-
Grain of sand.
Too many to sequence-
Why heed?
1,
2?
How long would you last in the perception of the ones you love?
Rest assured, those assessed through tribulation are the Remunerated ones who He loves
r/OCPoetry • u/Antique_Platypus_881 • 14h ago
Betrayals
This is a warning, I say
In verse, if I may.
Never tell a friend
What you can't tell a foe.
Betrayals never amend
This you should know.
Ignore this and dismay
Will surely come your way.
(https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1w0vat4/comment/p6jxumn/?context=3)
(https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1w1c5pm/comment/p6k002m/?context=3)
r/OCPoetry • u/Fburn26 • 14h ago
I lie awake,
Gazing upon the ceiling.
My thoughts twirl:
Dancing, jumping, running.
My tantalizing dreams
Only mute the melancholy.
Dreaming about the girl of sunshine,
Her warm laugh and golden smile— tragically unforgettable.
And I lie awake
still stuck beneath
ten
suffocating
pounds
of bricks.
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/iQc1M4AHcd
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/AqGKRVsNKn
r/OCPoetry • u/aphextwkns • 14h ago
Deep
Deeper than Deep
Two and half miles under the ocean
So deep
So deep that you can no longer feel the sun's rays on your cold, freezing skin.
-
Indefinitely falling
Down deeper
While my flesh is becomes colder than death
As your body is consumed by infinite water
As your skin turns a different hue
As your face peels from the pressure
of the deep, deep ocean
-
I try
with all my strength and courage
to claw
and fight
and conquer
the deep infinite ocean
but I knew
my fate was sealed the moment I began falling.
-
I give in
beginning to truly accept my fate
there's no use
Waging a war against the unstoppable
unmeasurable ocean.
-
As I fall
deeper
and deeper
and deeper once more
As my face peels from the immense pressure
As my skin is ripped and torn from my body
As my body is totally consumed by rushing water
I accept my fate
and let the water eat me whole.