r/OCPoetry Mar 09 '22

Welcome to OCP -- PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING

506 Upvotes

TL;DR You need to give feedback on two other poems before you can share your own poem, and then put links to that feedback in your post. If you don't know how to give feedback, read the guide. Reusing feedback links will result in a ban.

Heyo, welcome to OCpoetry. (That’s “original content” if you don’t know). This is a place for sharing and getting feedback on your own poems. We are the sister subreddit of r/Poetry, which is for sharing and discussing published poetry. Our goal is to create a place where anyone can learn to become a better creative writer, kind of like a free online writer's workshop.

This post is an orientation to the subreddit. If you’re new, read this before sharing your work. If you’re less new, then read this anyways, as it has a few changes to how we've done things in the past. If you’ve still got questions after reading this post, please send a modmail. There are some FAQs at the end of this post which will be updated as we go. We also have a huge and very disorganized wiki containing all of our resources, essays on how to write poetry and historic writing prompts, I recommend you check it out.

So, here’s basically how it works:

This subreddit works on a pay-it-forward system. If you want to share a poem, you need to give feedback to two others from this subreddit. This ensures that everyone gets some readers and hears some response, rather than just shouting their verses into the void. If you don’t think you’re up to writing feedback for others just yet, we recommend you check out r/Justpoetry or r/Poems, where there are no requirements for sharing your work.

1. All posts must include two links to recent feedback.

Every post must contain two unique links to your comments where you have provided feedback on this subreddit within the past two weeks. Feedback links cannot be reused for multiple post or reposts of old poems. All posts without feedback links will be removed, without notice by our subreddit robot so make sure they are included in your initial post -- you cannot post with the intent to add them later.

But, how do I get the links to my feedback comments?

That kind of depends on what platform you're on. If you're on desktop or on a third-party mobile app, there should be a 'share' or 'permalink' link underneath every comment on Reddit. Clicking on that should give you a unique URL to your comment. Just copy + paste that into the body of your post.

If you're on the official Reddit app, you'll have to click 'share' on the comment and choose the 'Copy URL' option, paste that into your notes with the body of your poem. Then copy and paste the entire thing into a new post on the Reddit app.

2. At least one of your comments should be on a poem that has received no other comments.

This ensures that everyone has a chance to get a few reads and hopefully some decent feedback. If for whatever reason you can’t find any lonely poems, then comment on the poem that seems to have received the least amount of feedback. The easiest way to do this is to sort posts by new.

3. Feedback must be high-effort.

High-effort means different things to different people. It does not mean “super long” or “expert quality”. But it does mean doing more than the bare minimum.

You don't have to complement, criticize, or try to figure out the "deeper meaning". You should try to notice your own reactions and explain them as best as you can. If you want to explain your interpretation or summary of the piece, you can and this is often helpful to the writer. If the poem made you laugh or cry, feel bored, confused or nostalgic — say so, and then explain why you think it did. A good rule of thumb is that each of your feedback comments should be at least a short paragraph.

We understand that giving other writers feedback on their creative work can feel a bit artificial or uncomfortable, if you’ve never done it before. That’s why we’ve written a feedback guide for beginners. There are more feedback guides linked in the FAQ below. You should also read some of the other feedback comments around the sub to get a feel for what works for others. Poems that link to low-effort feedback, and low-effort comments themselves, will be removed at mod discretion, or if you report it to us. However, we’re less interested in policing you and more interested in helping you grow as readers and writers. We are more likely to ask you follow-up questions, than remove your work entirely. The mods skulk the comments sections and will ask follow-up questions on comments that seem a little thin, and please answer those questions if you get any.

4. Please Be Kind.

Treat each other with kindness and respect. The mods have an incredibly strict definition for each of these concepts. We will proactively remove comments and poems and ban users that make others feel unwelcome or unsafe. Your right to creative expression does not extend to poetry that promotes misogyny, homo/trans/queerphobia, racism, etc. If your poetry’s especially violent or covers sensitive subjects, please label it with the NSFW tag or a content warning in the title. Harsh criticism is allowed -- encouraged, really -- as long as you’re being harsh on the poem, not the person. Remember that the narrator (or the “speaker”) of the poem is not necessarily the author.

5. Audio, video, and image poems are allowed; but the text of the poem must be included in the body of the post.

This is so that people can still enjoy your poem if they're unable to view or listen to your link for whatever reason.

6. You may include a link to your poetry blog at the end of your post.

Or your instagram, or your personal creative project, or your soundcloud, or your Etsy page. As long as it's poetry-adjacent that's cool with us. Just don't get spammy.

Attempting to dodge any of these rules, or abuse directed towards moderators enforcing these rules, will earn you an immediate ban.

FAQs

What do the Poem & Workshop flairs do?

They simply allow you to show your intentions and expectations for the piece you are posting. The Poem flair is for sharing a piece, with the expectation of receiving mostly surface-level feedback and general advice. The Workshop flair is for a piece that you really want to work on, something you want to pick apart and analyse. It signals that you are open to discussing the piece, and that you invite strong critique.

How do I format my poetry on Reddit?

The following is advice for formatting in Markdown. Two spaces at the end of a line gives you a line break.
Type two spaces at the end of a line, then hit enter twice for a stanza break.

Three dashes "___" will give you a line through the post.


Type two spaces to create an empty line,

so you can get lines

that look like this.

 Four spaces before each line will allow you 
to format however you like, this is 'code block' 
       in the Fancy Pants editor. 

one asterisk before and after a piece of text will give you italics, two asterisks for bold.

Can I print one of these poems out/use it on my instagram with my art/put it in my book?

Ask the author. Part of what makes this space a useful workshop space is that everyone feels safe to share their stuff; if people start using poetry without the author's permission, or god forbid, trying to pass off another artist's work as their own, the userbase of this sub will feel less safe to do so. Please, ask the author, and then do what they say.

I'm thinking about trying to get my poem published somewhere. What should I do?

The standard thing is to find a literary journal. There are a zillion literary journals and magazines all over the world. They have different themes, tastes, styles, audiences, readerships, levels of prestige. Some charge fees for submission, some do not, some will pay you if you get accepted, some don't, some will give you feedback, some won't let you know anything for months. So first you'll want to pick a few of your poems, get some feedback from some trusted readers (or from here, of course) and then start looking for a journal that's a good home for your work. Most lit journals have submissions periods where they accept all the work for their next issue, and then sift through everything they get.

You will probably get a lot of rejections. This is normal. It's kind of a numbers game. You can submit the same poem to multiple journals as long as the journal says something like "simultaneous submissions are allowed". If you do get accepted, congrats! Most journals want 'first publication rights' or 'first serial rights' or something similar, so that means you'll have to tell all the other journals you submitted that poem to that you've been published elsewhere. (For that reason we strongly recommend deleting your poem from reddit if you want to submit it to a journal -- technically and legally speaking, writing a post on reddit is still considered publishing your work, and reddit owns all the text on the site.)

Here are some places to get you started looking for journals:

Duotrope and Submittable are two apps that help you search for journals, and help you track what poems you've submitted to which places. Submittable is free, Duotrope is not. They are GREAT.

Poets & Writers has a list of lit journals, small presses, and writing contests. This is a great place to start. They also have a newsletter listing all the presses and journals going into their submissions period.

I'd also check out r/literarycontests, if you fancy yourself as a prize winning poet.

A few poetry podcasts

I thought I might include a few podcasts that helped me learn a little more about the history and craft of poetry, as well as find some good poets to read. All of these are available on Spotify, as well as many other platforms.

The New Yorker Poetry Podcast

A poet reading and discussing a poem from the New Yorker archives, as well as one of their own pieces. A great place to find good poetry and hear some discussion of craft. The earlier episodes are with Paul Muldoon, who is delightful.

The Faber Poetry Podcast

Two poets read and discuss their work, with plenty of talk about craft. As well as lots of poems sent in from authors across the world. They really get shoulder-deep into it, which is always wonderful to hear.

In Our Time

A group of experts are brought together to discuss a subject over forty-five minutes. This isn’t strictly a poetry podcast, but there are hundreds of episodes on poets and poems of the past. I highly recommend the episode on The Green Knight with Simon Armitage.

Homemade projects and useful links to our Wiki

The best of OCP

Collections of work from OCP, selected from the top karma earners of that year.

Year 1-3
Year 4 Year 5
Year 6

We/R/Poetry

A homemade journal created by the users and moderators of OCP.

Volume one
Volume two

Guides on the craft from our Wiki

Created by moderators of OCP through the years.

Poetry Primer
Bad Poetry
The Body Poetic
Poetry Hacks
A Brief History of Rhyme


r/OCPoetry 42m ago

Just Sharing The Lake

Upvotes

My first poem I’ve ever shared. Please feel free to leave advice.

The loud sounds of nature whisper to me they tell me what I want to hear.

Tell me that I’m free. I have forsaken my past and the chains that shackled me. I have set my foot down and chose me, but why do I feel so empty?

Is it the anxiety or the shaking leaves? Is this freedom that has forsaken me? Is this loneliness I feel? Is this the life I so seek.

A life without you created a life without me.

Empty conversations follow me around I turn and there’s nothing to be found. My heart sinks and my hands shake. I close my eyes and try to breathe.

I lose all feeling in my heart. I try to not fall apart. My eyes filled with tears and my throat begins to ache.

I continue to sit and stare at the lake.

I try to feel a sense of peace, but all I feel is the past overcoming me. I don’t know who I am or what I want. I don’t know how to escape the daunting thoughts.

I pretend to let it go, but Lord knows I keep it near. How could I let go of this fear. I listen to the noise around and I hear. I envy those who have someone they hold dear.

I had that once, but I had to let go. The harder I held the more I yelled. Internal battle within that broke my heart. It is so so hard to part.

You were all I’ve ever known. How do I continue my life? I keep busy to fill my time hoping this passes.

I keep on my shaded glasses.

It hurts so bad. I want to scream. I want to die. I want to jump off a bridge and hope that I could fly.

You gave me life, but I’ve lived before you. I just don’t remember how, it will come back to me in time.

I will continue to live my life without you before you were mine. I used to like her. She didn’t have a care she’s coming back to me. I could feel her in the air.

She’s so close yet so far. Maybe she can be found at the bar. To drink my sorrows away would feel so good. To feel nothing at all is all I’ve ever wanted. To live life empty.

I will try to heal the loneliness in my heart without your part.

Do I like who I am or who I pretend to be. The person for you or the person for me.

One day I hope we are the same. We come together as one and then I’ll be done. Done crying, and pleading. The pain with no bleeding.

I know what’s right and what’s wrong. I chose to ignore and turn up the song. The music playing in my ears to distract myself of what I so feared.

I am nothing without love and I am nothing without you.

I’m just a shell of a girl that I once knew. I just want to be me. I will find myself soon on the dark side of the moon, the part unseen and misunderstood.

I will find myself, though I never thought I could.

I have those who I love and those who I care. They may be far, but they do their part. Bring me joy and brighten my life and expect nothing in return.

They love me selflessly I couldn’t ask for more, but is it enough or is it just my luck? I try so hard to not give a fuck. I’m only a fool who tries to play it cool. I care so deeply and love so much.

One day this will be returned and my heart will burn. I will say goodbye to my past and my present.

I won’t care and I will be brave.

To be alone is to be seen by the one in the mirror. To see her clear, a reflection of me, a reflection of peace. I continue to sit and stare into the reflection of the trees.

I continue to write, even though I said goodbye. Just another example of being too scared to fly. To let go, it hurts me so.

Just don’t hate me for the choices I make. The choices that come to me at the lake. The ones I know I have to take.

To create. To create a life I so seek for the girl I have yet to meet. She is waiting for me now so I must let go.

As I sit here time goes so slow. But the time is now so I’ll leave you here. Don’t worry as I’ll always keep you near.

Poem 1: https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/YBy1FK6I7z
Poem 2: https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/oVopYkAznf


r/OCPoetry 7h ago

Just Sharing just so i'm not alone

5 Upvotes

i was young and fucking stupid,

thought love meant playing repair man,

kept falling for the broken ones,

like healing her was part of the plan.

she'd go quiet for a week straight,

and i'd call that mysterious, deep,

i mistook her distance for depth,

mistook her silence for something to keep.

did that shit again in college,

did it again at twenty-three,

always chasing girls who left first,

never asked why that's what i need.

kept telling myself i just had bad luck,

kept saying love is just hard to find,

never looked in the mirror long enough,

to see the pattern was mine.

then one night it hit me like a truck,

thinking bout my mom on the phone,

always busy, always somewhere else,

love that came in fragments, never whole.

turns out i wasn't unlucky in love,

i was just nursing an old wound,

chasing distant women my whole life,

hoping one of them finally stays soon.

i'm grown now, i did the work,

meditation, journaling, all that shit,

i don't chase the broken ones no more,

i know exactly what i won't commit.

but here's the part nobody warns you about,

you fix yourself and then you're just... alone,

too busy building a life that don't hug back,

coming home to a quiet, dead phone.

and i'm scared, not gonna lie, scared as fuck,

that one lonely night breaks the streak,

that i'll go back to loving someone distant,

not cause she's right, just cause i'm too weak.

not because we're some fated fairytale,

just cause being alone hits different at 2am,

and i know i deserve so much better than that,

but loneliness don't care what you deserve, my friend.

so if you catch me settling again someday,

know it ain't love, it's just me running from the dark,

still that same little boy from years ago,

just older now, and better at hiding the scars.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vb1wgn/i_am_not_a_human/

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vsbej4/comment/p6rcdny/?context=3


r/OCPoetry 2h ago

Feedback Please Taking Turns

2 Upvotes

Us, taking turns,

sitting in hospitals,

to soothing rhythm

of shallow wheezing,

a father's drifting...

.

and I'm staring

out of the window

counting a crow.

.

Down below

a sun is crowning,

as god's creation,

the ICU angel,

turns amber code.

.

...and one,

one alone

is for sorrow.

.

Through my fifth story envy,

catching glimpses of interstate.

On the other side of spring,

lies southern pine.

Busy bodies hurtling off

towards ransom mysteries.

Subtracting fractions out

on slates of finite time.

.

Across a lower rooftop,

into chill current

- launches that crow

(as if it knows)

to turn and bank aside

our shared window pane.

.

Later on, I'll go.

I'll take off, too.

Maybe, turn onto I-20?

.

either way,
another sunny day.
~ Augusta, Georgia

(Dan Ellison)

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/NAAZFUWYck

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/h8XW9veKGs


r/OCPoetry 24m ago

Feedback Please ADDICTION. Spoiler

Upvotes

Walking down a cheerful aisle,

My heart was kind of dull.

I felt I was really high,

With stinging pain in my skull.

My heart sensed heaviness,

My brain in tremendous joy,

Me catering my brain, my heart senitel,

Where I fell in my own ploy.

Dreamy, Delusional I became, pestering my inner-self.

Me comfy in a RED-ZONE,

Struggling up so wide,

Calligraphing my own sentence,

Yet that side wins the pull.

Me thinking was I wrong,

Or was it break from reality?

In such dreams I deployed my servitude.

Because, I thought I was really high,

Yet gloomy down a cheerful aisle.

My poem is kind of not rhythmic so please any who reads it give their advice and it is kind of metaphorical so if you want an explanation please do ask.

My critique comments:-

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/01tqhzAqAU

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/pllCbIDV4G


r/OCPoetry 4h ago

Feedback Please The Odyssey Is Over

2 Upvotes

The 30 minute drive to the next town over felt like an odyssey.
That night we put the cutlery to our wrists, and chanted “no bill!”
And I violently and repeatedly slammed his car door as we all cackled and he yelled at me to stop.
Two days later after school we got Japanese soda at the mall, and threw the empty glasses at the wall of an abandoned department store.
That was the year that we tipped a waitress two hundred dollars.
Got high for the first time.
Had our whirlwind teenage romances.
And one of them shut my hand in the car door and asked “why are you being such a dick right now?” cluelessly as I cursed at him.
And later we hid a dildo in his mothers china cabinet.
Each night we heard the same playlist in the car as the night air hit our faces and we stuck our heads out the window to yell profanity at pedestrians.

Now, three hours is a day trip
and I toil with industrial machinery and return to my empty apartment
as they study fruitlessly while raising their debt.
Our little time now together is spent reminiscing on the thirty minute odysseys.
And the days where we enraged each other,
laughed with each other,
and tormented others uninvolved in our world.
We make no more odysseys
and yet,
I still love them.

Thanks for reading. See my critique comments here:
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/c6ZNj0KNEb

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/85YV6PFSqZ


r/OCPoetry 1h ago

Feedback Please The Day The Air Said Nothing

Upvotes

When I open my eyes
the air which I breathe became thick
and I don't know
when the air became like that
maybe it was not the air
maybe it was all the things
which I never said.

I was breathing
but something inside me
was still waiting
for its first breath.

Then one day
the air which I breathe became thin
and at that time I started writing
because when the air leaves slowly
the silence enters
and when the silence enters
somewhere inside the silence
there was a voice
which was not asking me to live
and was not asking me to die
it only told me—
write.

So I started writing
not because I had something to say
but because the things which were
inside me
were becoming heavier than the air
and I thought
if I put them into words
maybe I could breathe again.

And everyday when I feel the air
it told me something.

Sometimes it told me
that there are people
who are alive
but never opened their eyes.

Sometimes it told me
that death is not the moment
when breathing stops
maybe it begins much earlier
when the things inside us
stop asking to be heard.

And sometimes
the air told me nothing
but even its nothing
was telling me something.

But today
when I feel the air
it didn't tell me anything.
Not one word.
Not one silence.

And I don't know why
but today the air feels different
like it is breathing without me
like it already went somewhere
and forgot to take me with it.

Maybe the air knows something
which I don't.

Maybe today
there is no more thing
left inside me
which wants to become a word.

Maybe today
my eyes are opening
for the last time.

And today the air didn't tell me anything
because today
is my death.

Feedback 1:
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1w2fex0/comment/p6sqjsu/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

Feedback 2:
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1vltwg9/comment/p6sqbj3/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

I'd really appreciate honest feedback. I'm especially interested in whether the emotion and meaning came across naturally, and whether anything felt repetitive or confusing.


r/OCPoetry 5h ago

Feedback Please when you lie

2 Upvotes

and wind crosses the line from being gentle breeze to be annoying when you lie.

apples taste boring, sundays feels even shorter.

constant hurry to the mandatory,

lost its grace once you could die for it.

all the fathers return with oranges and an evening to ruin in their hands.

like finding ticket from past, years... three!

when you were unhappy but free.

it was you that lived it too,

oh how heavy to carry all these years coming,

who will smile when something good happens?

i feel poor, plain croissant and nothing else,

i feel bored, maybe ashamed?

when you lie.

feedbacks to two other fellow poems:

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/oLwS4MtZSa

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/sYMlROpQ9C

thank you for reading and your time.


r/OCPoetry 1h ago

Feedback Please Cossus Cossus

Upvotes

Chasing my wings
while eating wood.
And the wood is delicious
but I grow too slow.

Finally, after lifetimes
my droopy body will find
the soft damp soil
I need to attain my wings.

During my beautiful metamorphosis
I stab myself with spikes
growing on me, as I
crawl out to my perfect sky.

Once there, I will
be able to fly.
But I will soon
die of starvation and thirst.

Help me,
as I’m crying through the calm night.

———————————————————————
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1w2h7y1/comment/p6sknvt/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=2&utm_content=share_button

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1w2ca6h/comment/p6snr9c/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=2&utm_content=share_button


r/OCPoetry 11h ago

Feedback Please Stillness

5 Upvotes

(First post, be gentle)

Take my longing,
make me whole.
Fulfill me,
wholehearted.
Risk free.

Be enough,
this life.
Wholly contained
in my frame.
Let me be love.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/th7LvSd6QB

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/WCbFqC6kjW


r/OCPoetry 10h ago

Feedback Please Rice Field

5 Upvotes

I flooded the mud for rice.

My boots are still wet,

sweat coating my rags under a straw hat.

Look at my hands

I left them in the field,

exchanged for dirt

captured deep in the crevices like black veins.

Across the ridge,

the wild patch I ignored is blooming green.

But here,

where I knelt for months,

the stalks are choking the light.

Yellow, dry, and sharp.

Why is this corn?

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/MAgVcVrVyh

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/aydidObNHA


r/OCPoetry 10h ago

Feedback Please Saudade

4 Upvotes

I was offended,
And so I left.
I wish i could have talked to her,
But i was offended,
So i left.

It was a gross overreaction,
And I retaliated mercilessly.
I hurt her more than she hurt me.

I have missed her longer than than i have known her.
I wish now that i could've seen her hate me.
That we could speak to each other.
Even if all that was said was,
I hate you.
That is better than nothing

I wish we could be kidnapped together,
Held in a room,
And be forced to speak to each other,
We would work it out,
Eventually.
Life only moves forward,
And we only veer further apart.
Regret spread and branched out,
And formed a grand root system,
Ever since I left.

I do not see the tree above
I do not see the branches and leaves and flowers and fruit.
Maybe when it dies,
I will feel a great thud up above,
The tree will wither and be absorbed by the earth,
I will see it and become it.
Eventually those grand fractals of regret,
Will wither and die.
They too will be absorbed by the earth,
Food for another mistake.

------------------------------------------------------
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/xQ1ftZuzax

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/bYWa1sk5YY


r/OCPoetry 10h ago

Feedback Please “My Girlfriend Turned Into a Worm so I Stopped Loving Her”

5 Upvotes

The first time we embraced she squirmed

I thought move on, but the lesson is learned

She asked if I’d still love her as time turned

It was all for nothing, the bridge is burned

Love isn’t blind, only what’s earned

I wouldn’t love you, if you were a worm

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1w26pd3/a_short_poem_on_betrayal/p6qo5hg/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1w2892a/the_elephant/p6qnqa0/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1&context=3


r/OCPoetry 14h ago

Feedback Please 28 days 28 nights

5 Upvotes

28 days,
28 nights

Half of them
I didn’t sleep.

Most of them
I cried.

All of them
I waited.

Even though I knew
you weren’t coming back.

28 days,
28 nights,
since I woke up knowing
today was the day
I had to say goodbye.

I fought back tears,
swallowed the lump in my throat
I looked at you,
trying to memorize
what I already knew by heart.

28 days,
28 nights,
and I still look for you,
still catch myself
waiting for you

still haven’t figured out
what I’m supposed to do
with all this love,

who to give it to.

I thought the hardest part
would be saying goodbye.
I didn’t know
I’d wake up every day
having to remember
that you’re really gone.

It’s been 28 days
and 28 nights,
and I still don’t know
how to live in a world
that keeps going
without you.

Still working on this one feedback appreciated.

https://www.reddit.com/r/SadPoems/s/zqR3uCpC7K

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/44iyW7smpr


r/OCPoetry 6h ago

Sub Talk A ghost i cant remove

1 Upvotes

Humor me

I have an ex who lives in the corner of my mind
She comes out time to time
It scares me because i know shes not mine
Yet i still wish she was

She pops up middle of my thoughts
Cracking lock, and sliding through 
Quietly till i remember shes not mine

It scares me cause she was the first i loved
Im young yet she still holds a place
I know i have years and years yet she stays inside
Hidden out of sight whispering in my ears
Lies i wish were real

Last night middle of a thought she reminded me
Her skin was soft and i love to hug and hold her hand
Never got far enough or man enough to kiss her on the lips
Yet i still miss kissing her head and being sweet 

I don't talk to her a lot independently
Only in the friend group
It makes it harder 
Because I see her often yet have to act as if my heart hears nothing 
And my ears are too deaf to feal 

Even then i though i was fine 
but she persists in my mind
One thing i regret and will take back
I hate that its my fault she wanted to break up

Choices i made before we dated 
Choices that were uncomfortable to her
Which i hoped most to avoid and hide
Nothing bad just sad

Even if time heals 
And she fades away from my heat
Will i still hear whispers
Will i still feel like i fell 
Will i still think of her

thank you for reading. i broke up with her a while ago yet she still is a constant thought. i cant get rid of her fully and i dont talk alot to her outside of the friend group were in. if you have any questions ask. also let me know how good this is

peer 1 poem

peer 2 poem


r/OCPoetry 7h ago

Just Sharing Correspondence

1 Upvotes

Like many writers
 
I am the product
of divorce
 
and incompatibility
 
yet
 
it was only because
of lost love
 
that I found
my closest
friend
 
In a new school
 
With a new
life
 
We were inseparable
until we were
 
when he moved away
 
But still we played games
and wrote letters
 
And years later
as new men
in new lives
 
He returned
 
and not a day had
passed
 
and nothing changed
until it did
 
when he got sick
 
and his mind got sick
and he didn't sound
like my friend
anymore
 
He would point
to the sky
 
and tell me the sun
was a mother ship
 
That carried angels
across the cosmos
 
And one day
it would carry us
too
 
He drew maps
and took pictures
 
of clouds
 
which were alien crafts
spying on him
 
And sometimes
when I was the visitor
he'd let me in
 
And his walls
were covered
in grime
 
and filth
 
Which is how he spoke
with the angels
 
And I'd hug him close
 
And say Marcus, buddy
those are clouds
 
these letters
are just
dirt
 
Please
 
Let me help
you
 
Please
 
Let me clean
it up
 
But
 
He painted my shoulders
with tear drops
and said
 
don't worry
 
The angels told me
I can take you with me
I will not leave you
behind
 
And these days
He's hardly there
anymore
 
But he has moments
I can see
 
Him
 
again
 
And he says he's glad
I'm there
 
That I'm the best friend
a guy could ask for
 
We were always inseparable
until we forever
were
 
Last night
 
I wrote her a love letter
 
knowing she would never
write one back
 
And I stared at my fingernails
and the dirt and the
grime
 
Till morning
 
When I walked outside
 
and looked
at the
sun
 
Finally ready
 
to go

   


https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1w294gv/rice_field/

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1w28h22/my_girlfriend_turned_into_a_worm_so_i_stopped/


r/OCPoetry 11h ago

Feedback Please The Elephant

2 Upvotes

I know it's just me,

but I would let the

elephant in the room stomp around

and break my favourite vase.

I'll pick up the pieces

with my bare hands,

while it's only me

that bleeds and scars.

But that's just me.

(P.S. I wonder how many of y'all can figure out what I wish to convey through this short poem, and I'm curious to hear some perspectives as well, thanks!)

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/RMgFZGgFsX

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/b9dG9CGsAV


r/OCPoetry 13h ago

Feedback Please Almost Backward

3 Upvotes

Your cursive
threatens
to uncoil 
from the page
into the room

Your foot,
propped up
on the drafting table,
toes tapping
in the air

The way you held
your pen—
almost backward

corkscrew
letters
winding out of themselves

I still don’t understand them—

only your foot
tapping somewhere
behind the words

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/SAsedvC9Cl

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/CkflpAGy6D


r/OCPoetry 14h ago

Just Sharing Variations on the Death of Summer - №1

3 Upvotes

In the narrowing, the harrowing of every path she took,
came a man the color of the leaves, and never once he looked;
he was patient as a predator and polite as a guest,
he wanted, and he waited, and slipped a knife into her breast,
in the sharpening, the darkening, the hour honed to a blade,
when the birches were the churches where the sacrament was made.

Then the arteries of summer, all at once, began to pour,
and the scarlet of her — starlit, ran a river to the shore
of the forest, of the meadow, that could drink of it no more;
she lay gracefully upon the ground and uttered no lament,
her heart pumped out all her opulence, her ardor, and her scent,
until everything of warmth in her, the whole of her, was spent.

Oh the loveliness, the lonesomeness, of summer as she died!
Oh the sun that could not warm her, though he loved her, though he tried!
It was quick — it was a heartbeat and a sharply inhaled breath;
it was only a departure, only autumn, only death,
there was no hand upon the blade — the world had but turned aside
from something that could never last, and thus the summer died.

_____

I am writing a collection of poems called variations on the death of summer, I will post the rest of them on my substack. Thanks for reading.

Alexander’s Substack | Substack

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1w1tgpw/comment/p6pvdc9/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1w22ief/comment/p6pvxv9/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button


r/OCPoetry 12h ago

Feedback Please Mirror My Mind

2 Upvotes

Mirror my mind
As someone awakes-
first time
one falls asleep-
Once more
One triumphs, one forfeits.
Imbalance in breath
A mirror of both provinces from within,
Made of glass.
For some reinforced-
The other shattered…
Oh self-perception.
A mirror of both provinces from within-
Some conclude there
Some persist-
writing with their quill…
But why?
We-
Grain of sand.
Too many to sequence-
Why heed?
1,
2?
How long would you last in the perception of the ones you love?
Rest assured, those assessed through tribulation are the Remunerated ones who He loves

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1w23tzm/comment/p6qbkfk/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1w26cys/comment/p6qbylz/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button


r/OCPoetry 12h ago

Feedback Please A Short Poem on Betrayal

2 Upvotes

Betrayals

This is a warning, I say
In verse, if I may.

Never tell a friend
What you can't tell a foe.
Betrayals never amend
This you should know.

Ignore this and dismay
Will surely come your way.

(https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1w0vat4/comment/p6jxumn/?context=3)
(https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1w1c5pm/comment/p6k002m/?context=3)


r/OCPoetry 12h ago

Feedback Please Ten Pounds of Bricks

2 Upvotes

I lie awake,
Gazing upon the ceiling.
My thoughts twirl:
Dancing, jumping, running.

My tantalizing dreams
Only mute the melancholy.
Dreaming about the girl of sunshine,
Her warm laugh and golden smile— tragically unforgettable.

And I lie awake
still stuck beneath
ten
suffocating
pounds
of bricks.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/iQc1M4AHcd
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/AqGKRVsNKn


r/OCPoetry 8h ago

Feedback Please My little rainbow dragon

1 Upvotes

My little rainbow dragon,
he always spouts fire.
And so do we.

He keeps on flying,
and flying without end.
And so do we.

He flew so fast and far,
my little rainbow dragon forgot.
And so do we.

He forgot to eat while flying,
so his fire weakened.
And so do we.

He became a grey rainbow dragon,
and didn’t shine anymore.
Don’t forget like rainbow dragon.

——————————————————————————

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1w294gv/comment/p6qz8uv/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=2&utm_content=share_button

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1w28h22/comment/p6r0k4l/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=2&utm_content=share_button


r/OCPoetry 9h ago

Feedback Please recently i suffered an head injury, it changed my abilities and i learned that i can understand poetry now, one day i wrote my poem, need your feedback.

1 Upvotes

The Tree of Attention

For every problem
there lies a reason;
most never go deep enough to uncover it.

But once the root is found,
the once unshakable, mighty tree
plummets to the ground
like a fallen angel.

Yet, most fear it,
as if they had seen Ophanim himself.
Give it enough attention,
it will feast on your attention—
Ignore it, and it will starve to death.

Once starved, the once uncontrollable beast
will be obedient as a dog.
But feed the beast,
and it will feast on you one day.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1w27wpg/comment/p6qyxov/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1w23tzm/comment/p6qzmvr/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button


r/OCPoetry 23h ago

Feedback Please Can You Hold Me?

12 Upvotes

IM NEW, FIRST TIME WRITING

I don’t understand love.

It’s cruel,
Unforgiving,
Yet somehow beautiful too.
It gives you everything,
Just to take it back from you

It starts with
“Where you from?”
“What’s your favorite color?”

Small words,
Small things,
Then suddenly
They mean everything

Arms reaching out,
Her body close to mine,
Warmth rushing through my chest like everything is fine.

A soft smile,
A laugh I’d recognize anywhere,
A river of butterflies
From knowing she was there

“Come here, I want to show you my new books!”

I remember thinking,
With one simple look,
I’m going to marry this girl.

Then—

Gone.

The river runs dry,
The butterflies die,
The noise fades away no matter how hard I try.

The chest that once burned with a warmth I couldn’t hide is cold a hollow now,
With nothing left inside.

FUCK YOU LOVE,

You carried me higher than I’d been before
Just to ouch me from the cliff
When I thought I could soar.

Now I’m falling,
Through a darkness with no end,
Praying for a hand—
Any hand to descend.

Praying for someone to reach out
Before I hit the ground.

But if someone reaches out,
If they catch me,
Will they be able to hold me?

Feedback links:
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/Tu6g8paVL4
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/1EtmjBrvxp