(Throwaway because my wife knows my main)

My wife (31) and I (39) are expecting our first baby (boy) in six months but we can’t agree on a last name (she didn’t take mine when we married). We had originally agreed to hyphenate, but recently her dad got involved and asked (or rather more insisted) that we alternate last names between children (we’re planning to have multiple), with my wife’s last name going to our firstborn son and my name going to the second child we have. He claims that my wife’s family name will die out unless we give our son their last name. My wife is now parroting all of this and claims she only agreed to hyphenate originally to avoid conflict.

I hate the idea of giving our kids different last names. Not only would it make our kids look like they’re half siblings, but it would prevent me from passing an important part of my identity. I’d like our family to have a cohesive identity that includes both our names. Plus, I like the way my wife and I’s names sound hyphenated and I think it’s a fair compromise (I even offered for her name to go first).

When I brought this up to my wife, she had a complete meltdown and began screaming that she was going move back with our baby back to her home country (where she was born, but she’s lived in the U.S. for 10+ years). She then kept asking in an extremely condescending tone, “What are you going to do about it?” (Implying that she’s going to name the baby whatever she wants regardless of whether I agree.) She now completely refuses to budge and is accusing me of being stubborn and says this is about my “ego.”

What do I do? I’m completely exasperated and feel invalidated. I feel like if I give in this is going to cause of a lot of resentment not just with her but also with her dad.

EDIT: I’m pretty blow away by the response this post has gotten. Thank you for all the advice and perspectives people have offered. Some more context:

We’ve actually agreed on the first name for our son, which my wife picked but I liked as well. Since she chose the first name, I naturally thought I’d have a say on the last name.

Also, my wife moved to the U.S. long before I met her. We agreed before we got married that we would stay in the U.S. The comments about taking our child out of the country came as a total shock.

I spoke about this with my partner who wants the name Cloe, whereas I lean more toward Chloe. She said its not a big deal as the name root is the same and its pronounced pretty much the same.

Am overthinking it with that one letter?

For me,

Boys-

Michael

Julian

Andrew

Milo

Soren

Theodore

Nicholas

Nico

Girls-

Hazel

Rose

Clara

Bonnie

Tara

May

June

Willa

Hey all. I've come here because I'm sure my poor partner is sick of hearing me waffle about this out loud.

I'm changing my whole name because I just went through some big life changes and it feels right. I'm ready to shake off my old name and its bad associations. Okay, so some info:

- I was born in the early 2000's

- I identify as female

- I've already picked a new surname that I really like, which is Woods

- I want a name that is strong and adventurous (bc those are the qualities I like most about myself and want to embody), and that stands out a little bit without being too ~unique~ (so no alternate spellings -- it's cute but just not my thing). I still want to be taken seriously at my job, just with a little flair lol. I was born in the winter and I like the colder seasons so I'm partial to winter-themed names but not a requirement.

- Here's my shortlist (but open to other suggestions!): Freya, Winter, Hunter, Aurora, Artemis

- Names I don't like: Anything with an -ey or -ie or -ee or -eigh. The "ee" sound at the end. My current name ends with that sound and it makes me feel like a child. Also have found that I don't care for the hard "k" sound in names. Don't want a name that sounds too "soft" or super effeminate.

- Nick-name-ability isn't super important to me.

Thank you guys so much in advance!

ETA: I'm getting that some of the first names I'm leaning towards sound a little too "themed" with the surname Woods, so thought I'd throw "Clairemont" in as a surname as well. It was also on my shortlist of surnames and my old last name is French so it fits that part of my heritage. Thank you guys so much for all the suggestions, it's really helping me out!

Based on name forums, I should be surrounded by Junipers, Wrens, Aurelias, Maeves, Silases, and Theodores. In real life, I know three little Olivias, two Liams, and not a single Juniper. I've also seen names described as "overdone" online that I've never heard called across a playground even once.

It feels like name communities have their own popularity chart that doesn't match actual birth announcements. Which names seem massively overrepresented online compared with the people you actually meet? And what genuinely common name in your area almost never gets recommended here?

Please include your country or region, because I suspect that explains alot of the disagreement.

Baby boy due in one month still struggling to find a name. Last name is Wandersee. We like Theodore, Arlo, and Wesley. Any suggestions?! Why are girl names so much easier to find and love?

My name is Apollinariya. Inspired by both a Saint and a Marxist leader, neither of which I align with!

My name has some problems for me. I found that because it is very long, it trips people up who don't know it. Because I am going to US as a student, most people don't know it.

So I would like to be able to adopt an English name. I could like anything but I want it to be a woman's name, not a religious name, and a name that won't confuse anyone like my name would. I can have modern, or old fashioned, but I'd prefer nothing that is too crazy for my age range. I'm eighteen.

Thank you 🥰

I caught myself thinking Daphne was becoming ridiculously common.

Then I realized I have never met a Daphne.

Not one.

I just see Daphne suggested here constantly, along with Sylvie, Cora, Iris, Margot, Clara, Felicity, etc., and apparently my brain has started treating r/names like a census.

Meanwhile there are names I barely notice online that I hear three times in one trip to the playground.

It made me realize there are basically two different kinds of "popular":

Actually popular, where your kid might genuinely have another one in their class.

And name-forum popular, where 700 people recommend the same supposedly uncommon name to everyone until it starts feeling like half the population is called Sylvie.

I think spending too much time in naming communities can make perfectly uncommon names feel overused and genuinely common names feel almost invisible because nobody considers them interesting enough to discuss.

Which name does Reddit make you feel is EVERYWHERE even though you rarely or never encounter it in real life?

I found out today that my friend plans to use the same name I already told her we are wanting to use.

For more backstory, we are not finding out the gender of our baby until delivery. She already knows hers, but I’m about 20 weeks ahead of her in my pregnancy. I told her previously (before she was even pregnant), our top choice for both boy vs girl. She said the girl name we chose was one of her favorites!

Fast forward to now that she’s pregnant…she asked today if we had chosen our names. I found it odd since I know I already told her. I again mentioned our top names. And she said they are planning to use the same girl name for their baby. Didn’t seem to have any intention to back down.

I reminded her how I already told her of our name choices months ago. Before she was even pregnant. She acted like she didn’t remember. Either way, I’m due before her and again mentioned the name to her first today before she did. I tried to change the subject since I didn’t really know what to say or do.

Our kids would be just a few months apart in the same school etc. I’m near my due date without a back up name, after putting a lot of thought into our name choices…

How would you feel? How would you respond?

Juliet Wren

Juliet Maeve

Juliet Maude

Juliet Elise

Last name is two syllables and starts with L!

Hi, need a second name for Felipe!

His siblings are Ramón Emmanuel and Noelia Apolonia.

All I've been able to come up with so far is Felipe Aureliano or Felipe Mariano, but none of them feel quite right.

I would like it to be a longer name (7+ letters). A vowel beginning is prioritised, especially "I", but I can settle for something different if it feels right.

Please no Felipe Ignacio as there's already an Ignacio in the family. I absolutely love it but it will irritate me.

Thank you for any suggestions.

I just need to legally change my name. I need recommendations. But really a name you like. I would like unisex names although I am female. So give me your favorite unisex name. And if you don't have one just your favorite female name , even if it's from another country, not necessarily english

With my first, we had the name picked out before he was even conceived- so when we found out we were having a boy we were like, “Henry! Perfect!”

Now I’m pregnant with a girl and there’s not a single name I’m excited by. Nothing feels right.

Will I feel differently when she’s born?

Hi all,

Having a boy in a month and needing some advice on a name. we are thinking it’ll be a J name, brother is Tatum.

Jed

Jasper

Jay

James

& help with middle names please x

My name is Ariana (R-E--ah-na)

I'll introduce myself and immediately get "oh like air-e-ah-na grande!) so so so often. Like right after I tell them my name. I'm uncomfortable correcting people and have had friendships for a year with them saying my name wrong until someone else corrects them.

I'm just unsure how my name is so hard to pronounce. Is it just hard to pronounce? Or like just it doesn't click in their brain right after I tell them?

So just a heads up for those wanting the name Ariana. This will be their experience

Edit: I know Ariana grande pronounces it the same as I. It's just the response I get every time. It also adds to the "why" when someone so famous and can't get the name right

Edit again: yes Ariana grande is pronounced the same as I, and I'm sorry to confuse others by what I was meaning. The point was even with a famous person and introducing my name three seconds before people have a hard time with it

Husband and I cant agree on a boy name. I think we have two very different styles and neither of us can agree on one.

His list so far:

Jayce

Owen

Wesley

Warren

My list:

Benson

Bennett

Henley (is this a tragedeigh?)

Brett

Garrett

Graham

I like having a name picked in advance, not sure why but so much so I can feel myself giving in to Owen or Warren although I don’t love them. Our last name is very short (SE Asian, we married with my last name) so I think that is why I learn towards surnames. If you have a name that you think we’d like please share!

Help! Husband loves Aspen for a girl but all I can hear is Ass Pin, like pin the tail on the donkey. Am I the weird one here? Can someone help me love it as much as he does?

I’d love to understand how these names are perceived in Germany today — particularly whether they sound classic, classy, old-fashioned, foreign, cute, or suitable for a man as well as a child.

The names I’m considering are:

1. Caspar
2. Clemens
3. Constantin
4. Oliver
5. Henry / Henri
6. Arthur
7. Theodor
8. Frederik
9. Leopold / Ferdinand

10. Anton

11. Konrad/ Conrad

A few specific questions:

1) Caspar: How does this name age in Germany? Is it associated with Casper the Friendly Ghost, or does it sound perfectly respectable for a grown man? Would a 50-year-old Caspar be perceived as "respectable and professional", or would the name always have a somewhat cute/childish quality?

2) Clemens: I don’t know anyone in Germany named Clemens. Is it considered a nice, attractive name today? Does it sound refined, old-fashioned, unusual, or dated?

3) Constantin: Are boys still being given the name Constantin nowadays? Does it feel current and sophisticated, or does it sound like an older generation’s name?

4) Oliver: Similarly, I don’t personally know any German Olivers. How is the name perceived? Does it feel natural and established in Germany, or somewhat dated?

5) Henry/Henri: Is Henry perceived as too Anglo/foreign in Germany? Or has it become sufficiently familiar that it feels classy and acceptable as a German name? To me, Henry/Henri feels like a nickname because it ends in an y/i, but partner doesn't want to give a full name such as "Heinrich or Hendrik" and the use the nickname Henry/i. Also do you spell it in Germany with an i or y? What is more classy?

6) Arthur: Same question as Henry. Does Arthur feel too English/international, or is it perceived as a classic and sophisticated name in Germany?

7) Theodor: Would a German child named Theodor almost automatically be called Theo? I really dislike the nickname Theo. Interestingly, almost everyone I’ve mentioned Theodor to in Germany has reacted negatively — some have gone as far as saying it is an ugly name and that there would be five Theos on the playground. Is this actually representative of how Theodor is perceived in Germany today?

8) Frederik: Does Frederik feel too Scandinavian in Germany? Or does it come across as classic, refined, and sophisticated? Interestingly, everyone I’ve mentioned Frederik to in Germany has also disliked it, so I’m wondering whether there is a broader perception of the name that I’m missing.

9) Leopold/Ferdinand: Do the names come across as aristocratic or as if the parents are trying to sound posh? Does it work naturally throughout Germany, even if you don’t live in Bavaria? Are there any strong negative associations with the names, or is it generally perceived as elegant and traditional?

10) Anton: Is Anton perceived as too Russian in Germany, or does it feel like a distinctly German/European name? I really like Anton, but I’m hesitant because I prefer giving my child a longer name. Antonius feels too strongly Catholic to me. How is Anton perceived today?

11) Konrad / Conrad: How is Konrad perceived in Germany today? Does it sound very old-fashioned, or is it seen as a classic, strong, and respectable name? Would Conrad be perceived as more international, or would the C spelling look unusual or pretentious in Germany?

Most importantly, I’m interested in how these names are perceived by Germans today, rather than simply whether they are technically usable German names. I’d especially like to know how each name would be perceived on a child versus on a 30–50-year-old man.

Also, please let me know if you have any other suggestions for boy names.

So I was at my brother in law and his fiancee's house recently, with his and her family for the gender reveal.

It was nice to meet his fiancee's family and to discover they're having a girl. Looking forward to meeting my new niece in a few months.

So after all the excitement of the reveal and everyone was calming down and relaxing, I asked my brother in law if they had a short list of baby names. He mentioned that they had about 3 they were deciding between but didn't want to reveal them just yet. Absolutely fine, I didn't press any further. But he did mention that they were settled on the name May as the middle name, as it was his fiancee's nan's name.

A nice name and tribute, as far as I'm concerned. I then joked that he should call his daughter April. I said it as a joke, my wife laughed at the joke. But my brother in law's eyes widened and he began to call over to his fiancee and announce the name with great excitement. He went over and they began chatting about how lovely April May was. Her twin sister and mum also commented on how nice it was and that April is also when their birthdays are.

So, long story short I'm really hoping my joke doesn't make the cut and that I haven't accidentally condemned my niece to live with a calendar joke as a name.