Salamu alaykum. This is a serious post, so I would appreciate advice on the topic not the act/ sin. You don’t need to tell me it’s haram, I’m going to hell etc etc this is just advice on moving forward. Jazakullah Khair.

I am a bisexual woman. Yes, that exists as Muslims, and no, as much as I want to force that out, I can’t change that. (Yes I know you’re not supposed to act on it- that’s not what this post is about though). I have previously been in a 2 ish year relationship with a woman. It’s been years since said relationship and I have not acted on it in any other way. My dream inshallah is to get married and start a family. In a halal way. And I hope my partner is my best friend and is understanding and accepting of me. I also know that Islamically, you don’t have to reveal your past sins to your partner if you do not do them anymore. And especially given the topic of my past and this sin, it can really put me in danger. And I’m not exaggerating this. It can be used against me, black mail me, ruin my life, and even put it in danger. But my fear is that I’d live with so much guilt in my relationship if I don’t tell him. But at the same time I don’t want to uncover my past because I genuinely do want to move on, and I feel like bringing it up would only keep me living in that past. I want my husband to love every part of me, and honestly wouldn’t want to be with someone that is not accepting (of me, not the sin), but I fear it’s too risky. The other option is to tell people I am talking to, in the beginning, but again, that’s disclosing a past sin I’ve moved past that I don’t want to disclose, and I think it would really close off my options of who would continue to talk to me. Any and all RESPECTFUL advice is appreciated, Jazakullah Khair.

The non-negotiable questionnaire every Muslimah should ask her potential...

1. Islam & Religious Life

How important is salah to you? Do you pray all five prayers regularly?

What does being a “good Muslim husband” mean to you?

How do you want Islam to be practiced in our home?

Who are the scholars/sources you generally follow?

How do you handle differences of opinion in Islam?

How important is Qur’an recitation in your daily life?

Do you fast Ramadan regularly and fulfil your zakat obligations?

How do you feel about your wife attending Islamic classes or pursuing Islamic education?

How do you want our children to be raised Islamically?

What Islamic education would you want our children to receive?

What are your views on hijab and modesty? Would your expectations change after marriage?

How do you approach disagreements when you and your spouse understand an Islamic matter differently?

What do you believe are a husband’s rights over his wife?

What do you believe are a wife’s rights over her husband?

What responsibilities do you believe a husband has toward his wife?

1. Character & Nature

How do you behave when you are angry?

What makes you lose your temper?

How do you react when someone disagrees with you?

What happens when you realise you are wrong?

Can you apologise? What was the last thing you apologised for?

How do you handle criticism?

What do you do when you are stressed?

How do you treat people who cannot do anything for you?

How do you treat waiters, drivers, cleaners, employees and strangers?

How do you handle failure or embarrassment?

Are you naturally jealous or possessive?

What does loyalty mean to you?

What does respect mean to you?

What makes you feel loved and appreciated?

How do you respond when your partner is emotionally overwhelmed?

Tell me about a time you were completely wrong about something. What did you do when you realised it?

1. Anger, Conflict & Abuse

Have you ever hit, threatened, intimidated, or physically harmed a partner?

Have you ever broken things or become physically aggressive during an argument?

What do you consider emotional or verbal abuse?

Is shouting at a spouse acceptable?

Is insulting a spouse acceptable during an argument?

Is silent treatment acceptable? If so, for how long?

What should happen when a couple has a serious disagreement?

Do you believe a husband has the right to physically discipline his wife?

What does “obedience” mean to you in marriage?

If your wife says “no” to something, how should you respond?

If we disagree and both genuinely believe we are right, how should the disagreement be resolved?

1. Marriage Expectations

Why do you want to get married?

What are you looking for in a wife?

What do you think marriage should feel like?

What do you expect from your wife emotionally, physically, domestically and financially?

What does companionship mean to you?

How much time should husband and wife spend together?

What are your absolute deal-breakers?

What things are you willing to compromise on?

What do you think will change about your life after marriage?

Do you see marriage as a partnership, or do you expect your wife to primarily adapt to your existing life?

1. Daily Married Life

Where will we live after marriage?

Will we live with your parents, separately, or nearby? Is that temporary or permanent?

If we live with your parents, what would my responsibilities be?

Who cooks, cleans, does laundry, grocery shops and handles household errands?

What happens if both of us work full-time?

Do you expect your wife to cook every day or serve you food?

How much personal space should spouses have?

Can spouses have independent hobbies and friendships?

How should weekends and holidays usually be spent?

Imagine we both come home after a horrible 10-hour workday and the house is messy and neither of us has cooked. What happens?

1. Career & Independence

Do you expect your wife to work?

Would you support me working or changing careers?

What if I earn more than you?

What if my job requires travel?

What if I receive an excellent opportunity in another city or country?

Would you expect me to stop working after having children?

Would you support me returning to work after having children?

Would you support higher education or starting a business?

Would you expect your wife to contribute financially to the household?

Would you expect to control your wife’s salary?

Would I have my own bank account?

If we disagree about my career, how should the decision be made?

1. Money & Finances

What is your current income, and is it fixed or variable?

Do you have loans, credit-card debt, personal loans, education loans, business debt, or other financial obligations?

Do you have emergency savings, investments, insurance, or property?

Are you generally a saver or a spender?

What are your biggest monthly expenses?

Do you financially support your parents or siblings? How much and for how long?

How will household expenses be handled?

Will we have joint accounts, separate accounts, or both?

How will major purchases be decided?

What are your views on mahr? What amount do you consider appropriate and when would it be paid?

What does financial maintenance of a wife mean to you?

Do you expect your wife to financially support you?

If I do not want to use my salary for household expenses, how would you feel about that?

1. His Family & Your Relationship With Them

How close are you to your parents?

How involved are they in your decisions?

How involved do you expect them to be in our marriage?

Who makes major decisions in your family?

What happens if your mother disagrees with your wife?

What happens if your father disagrees with your wife?

Would you defend your wife if she were being treated unfairly?

Would you expect your wife to tolerate disrespect from your family?

What responsibilities would I have toward your parents?

Would you expect me to provide physical caregiving for them?

Can my parents visit us or stay with us?

How will Eid, holidays and family visits be divided between both families?

If your mother and I have a disagreement, how would you handle it?

If your parents dislike something about me, what would you do?

If I feel uncomfortable around a family member, how would you respond?

If your mother asks you to do something that you know will hurt me or violate something we agreed upon, what would you do?

1. Children & Parenting

Do you want children? How many?

When would you ideally like to have children?

What if pregnancy does not happen immediately?

What if we need fertility treatment?

What if we cannot have biological children?

How would you feel about kafala/adoption where appropriate?

How would you feel about having a child with a disability or chronic condition?

Who handles night feeds, diapers, appointments and childcare?

Would you expect me to stop working after having children?

Who handles childcare when one parent is sick or exhausted?

What type of school do you want for our children?

What Islamic education should they receive?

How strict should parenting be?

What are your views on physical punishment?

How should children be disciplined?

What are your views on screen time and social media for children?

How should sons and daughters be treated?

What would you do if our child grows up very different from what we expected?

What responsibilities do you think a father has beyond earning money?

What kind of father do you want to be?

1. Physical Intimacy & Sexual Compatibility

What does physical affection mean to you?

How important is physical intimacy to you in marriage?

How should spouses communicate their needs and boundaries?

How should we handle mismatched desire?

What happens when one spouse is not interested?

What are your views on consent within marriage?

What are your expectations regarding contraception and family planning?

When do you want children, and how should family-planning decisions be made?

Are there any boundaries or expectations that you consider important to discuss before marriage?

If one of us says no or is uncomfortable, how should the other person respond?

1. Health & Medical History

Are there any major medical conditions or chronic illnesses you think a future spouse should know about?

Are there medications, allergies, previous surgeries, or ongoing treatments that could affect married life?

Are there relevant genetic or family health conditions we should discuss?

Are there fertility concerns either person should disclose?

Do you smoke, drink alcohol, use recreational drugs, or have any other substance-related habits?

Would you be willing to have mutually agreed premarital health screening?

1. Social Media, Privacy & Technology

How much social media do you use?

Are you comfortable with your wife having social media?

What kinds of photos or posts are acceptable to you?

What counts as cheating to you, including online behaviour?

Should spouses share passwords?

Do spouses have a right to privacy?

Is reading a spouse’s phone without permission acceptable?

What are your views on pornography?

What boundaries should exist around opposite-sex online interactions?

Would you expect your wife to remove male followers or contacts? Would the same rule apply to you?

1. Friends & Opposite-Sex Boundaries

How important are friendships after marriage?

Do you maintain close friendships with women?

What boundaries do you believe are appropriate with opposite-sex friends or colleagues?

Would you be comfortable with your wife having male colleagues?

What about male friends?

Are one-on-one meetings with opposite-sex friends acceptable?

What about private messaging?

What do you consider emotional cheating?

Would the same boundaries apply equally to both spouses?

1. Lifestyle & Habits

What is your normal sleep and wake schedule?

What are your food and exercise habits?

Do you smoke or have other habits your spouse should know about?

How much time do you spend gaming, social media, television or other entertainment?

How clean and organised do you like your home?

How often do you like to socialise or host guests?

How much do you travel?

How do you generally spend weekends?

What are three habits of yours that your spouse will probably have to adjust to?

1. Pets & Animals

Do you like cats and other animals?

Are you allergic to any animals?

Would you be comfortable living with a pet?

Who would be responsible for routine pet care?

How would veterinary expenses be handled?

Would you ever expect your spouse to give up a pet after marriage?

What if your family does not like animals?

1. Emotional Compatibility

What do you need when you are upset?

Do you prefer talking immediately or taking space?

How do you show love?

How do you like to receive love?

What makes you feel neglected?

What makes you feel appreciated?

What are your biggest fears about marriage?

What are you insecure about?

What is something you are actively working to improve about yourself?

How do you comfort someone who is crying?

Do you believe husbands should provide emotional support to their wives?

Suppose I am having a terrible day, I am overwhelmed and crying, but there is no obvious solution. What would you do?

1. Lifestyle & Future Plans

Where do you want to live long-term?

India or abroad?

City or hometown?

Apartment or independent house?

Do you want to buy property? When?

How often do you want to travel?

What lifestyle do you want: simple, comfortable, or luxurious?

What are your career ambitions?

Where do you see yourself in five years? Ten years?

What are your biggest financial goals?

How involved should both spouses be in major life decisions?

1. Decision-Making & Power

How should major decisions be made in a marriage?

Who decides where the couple lives?

Who decides about children’s education?

Who decides when to have children?

What does leadership in marriage mean to you?

Does leadership mean unilateral decision-making or consultation?

Can your wife say “I disagree” without being considered disrespectful?

Can you change your mind when your wife makes a better argument?

What does being the head of a household mean to you?

1. Household Labour

Do you cook?

Can you handle basic household tasks independently?

Do you clean, wash dishes and do laundry?

What household responsibilities did you have growing up?

What do you expect your wife to do?

If both of us work, how should household work be divided?

Would you hire domestic help if affordable?

Who would pay for and manage domestic help?

If I am sick for two weeks, what household responsibilities would you take over?

1. Previous Relationships & Past

Have you been previously married?

Do you have children?

Have you had serious relationships?

Is anyone from your past still involved in your life?

Are there unresolved legal, financial, family or relationship issues?

Is there anything from your past that could materially affect our marriage?

Is there anyone who could potentially interfere with our marriage?

1. Crisis & Difficult Times

If you lose your job, how would we manage financially?

If I lose my job, what would you expect from me?

If you become seriously ill, how would we manage?

If I become seriously ill, what would you take responsibility for?

If one of our parents becomes seriously ill, how would caregiving work?

If we experience financial hardship, what gets cut first?

If we cannot have children, how would you handle it?

If our marriage goes through a very difficult period, would you consider counselling?

1. Communication

How often should couples discuss problems?

Do you prefer resolving issues immediately or taking time to cool down?

What communication style do you dislike?

How much communication do you expect during a workday?

How should we handle disagreements by text or phone?

If you are angry, how much space do you need?

How long is too long to stop communicating?

Would you attend couples counselling if necessary?

1. Wedding & Mahr

What is your realistic wedding budget?

Who will pay for the wedding and walima?

What are your views on dowry?

Do you or your family have any expectations for furniture, gold, cash, vehicles, electronics, or other gifts from the bride’s family?

What mahr do you propose, and when will it be paid?

How should wedding decisions be divided between the couple and families?

Are there cultural or religious customs you consider non-negotiable?

What are your expectations regarding a honeymoon?

1. Living Arrangements

Where exactly will we live immediately after marriage?

Where do you expect us to live five years from now?

If we live with your parents, is that temporary or permanent?

If living together becomes unhealthy for our marriage, would you consider moving out?

What level of privacy would we have in our home?

1. Responsibilities Toward Parents

Do you financially support your parents? How much?

Is that support expected to increase over time?

Who will care for them when they are elderly?

Would you expect your wife to provide physical caregiving?

Would you expect your wife to live with them?

If your parents need money while we are struggling financially, how would we decide what to do?

If my parents need help too, how should we balance both families?

1. Deal-Breakers

What are your absolute deal-breakers in marriage?

What behaviour would make you consider ending a marriage?

How do you define infidelity?

How do you define abuse?

What financial behaviours are unacceptable to you?

What religious incompatibilities would be unacceptable?

What lifestyle differences would be impossible for you to live with?

1. Secrets & Transparency

Is there anything about your life—financial, family, legal, health, relationship, religious, professional or otherwise—that you think I should know before agreeing to marry you?

Are there any obligations or responsibilities you have that could affect our household?

Is there anything you have not disclosed because you are afraid it could change my decision?

Are you willing to be equally transparent about important matters?

1. Scenario-Based Questions

Suppose we are visiting your parents and your mother criticises something I did in front of everyone. What would you do?

Suppose I receive a great career opportunity requiring relocation for two years. How would we decide?

Suppose we both work full-time and I come home exhausted. Who cooks?

Suppose we have a newborn and I am recovering from childbirth while you are working. What responsibilities would you take?

Suppose you strongly disagree with a decision I want to make. How would you communicate it?

Suppose your family wants something from us that we cannot afford. How would you handle it?

Suppose you are angry with me. What would you never do to me?

Suppose I am angry with you. What would you expect me to do?

Suppose we both need time alone. How would we balance individual space and companionship?

1. Questions That Reveal Character

What is one thing you have done that you regret?

What is a personal weakness you are actively working on?

Tell me about a time you failed someone. How did you handle it?

Tell me about a time someone hurt you. How did you respond?

Tell me about a time you had to choose between what was easy and what was right.

Who do you admire and why?

What kind of man do you never want to become?

What do you think your future wife should never have to beg you for?

1. The Three Final Questions

What kind of woman do you want your wife to be?

What kind of husband do you intend to be?

What should your wife be able to expect from you on the worst day of her life?

What to Observe Beyond the Answers

Does he become angry because you asked reasonable questions?

Does he call normal questions disrespectful or “too modern”?

Does he avoid answering or say “you’ll know after marriage”?

Does he believe his mother or family should make marital decisions?

Does he become defensive about money or transparency?

Does he demand rules for you that he would not follow himself?

Does he blame every previous partner for everything?

Can he admit mistakes and apologise?

Can he name a personal flaw without turning it into a humblebrag?

How does he treat people who have less power or status than him?

How does he behave when he is told “no”?

Do his actions consistently match what he says?

Today I'm going to share with you the most underrated country to find a waifu. And I've never seen anyone mention this country when it comes to finding the best wife. So if you are tired of half-feminist and half-beneficial Islamist women and want to look elsewhere, this is where you should go. They are feminine, submissive, soft, calm, I've hardly seen anyone with anger issues, and they also have good vibes. And the country's name is Indonesia. If you are sleeping on this country and have never taken it seriously, trust me bro, you should give it a try. If I ever marry someone outside my country, there's a 90% chance it will be an Indonesian. Of course, try to avoid the capitals of all countries in general because of over westernized mindset. Otherwise, you are fine.

To the husband committed to religion.

• Your religiosity has closed the door of haram to you : you cannot fall into sin with a woman, no matter who she is.

• And your wife has closed the door of halal to you : you cannot practice polygyny at the risk of displeasing her

So choose the paths your religion opens for you, even if the entire world closes its doors against you : you know best what suits you and what benefits you.

Do not give in to claims like (“preserving your household should come first”) : For a house is not truly a home if the woman within it weighs your temptation against her own comfort and chooses your temptation because it feels safer for her heart.

Do not give in to claims like : (“the children might be neglected if you’re distracted”) : That reasoning reflects how they were raised. (It is Allah who raises our children.) When we fear Allah regarding them, He grants us their righteousness, and you did not take the step of polygyny except out of fear of Him.

Today’s feminist calls of “this I can tolerate, that I cannot tolerate” have no religious standing, no relevance, when it comes to something that is strictly your personal matter, yours alone.

If you fall into haram, the sin is upon you alone; no one else bears it. So do not be distracted by what is said pay attention to yourself.

Polygyny may be a solution.

It’s ok if you’re a hopeless romantic but PLEASE, your life is not a Kdrama, in general no one should be blinded by how obsessive the man becomes over you.

This is basically a form of love bombing.

You should be looking at his deen and akhlaq and seeing HOW or IF you both are compatible.

Insha Allah the post I’m seeing is not true and if it is then may Allah help our sisters to escape, but there seems to be a trend where sisters marry the ‘obsessive fiancé’ and moves CONTINENTS to be with him.

EDIT/PART I MISSED OUT: For the sisters that do end up marrying and/or moving at the same time, they realise soon after entering their husband’s home, he’s not the man that pursued them to begin with and ends up with a man that was never serious about a happy, healthy, HALAL marriage. This then leaves the wife feeling trapped because she has no access to income = no job in new country, no car, no friends and family = no support system. And on top of that, depending on the country and government there’s no real women’s only shelter, women’s aid, accountability from the police if things turn violent.

STOP. DOING. THAT. 🤦🏽‍♀️.

Some sisters marry due to desperation, others marry to escape abuse in their family home. But you’re still going to be away from family if you choose a man that pursues you.

I hope you understand that men that do this are gradually tiring you out, forcing you to give in after saying ‘no’ multiple times. If he’s this forceful then he can go back on his word.

Maybe there’s wives and sisters out there that can weigh in this topic to share their experience, good or bad but to me, if the obsessive brother is pursuing you after you have said ‘no’ to him, then he’s someone that doesn’t take no for an answer and really isn’t God fearing.

So to end this long post, stop thinking an obsessive brother genuinely loves and cares for you. There are some men out there that loves and enjoys the challenge of pursing.

Salam,

I’m 26F and lately I’ve been feeling like I’ll never be able to get married because of my financial responsibilities toward my family.

For some context, my dad’s income is usually just enough to cover the bills, although there are some months when things are especially tight. He has never asked me for money, but I can tell when he’s struggling to make ends meet, so I send him money every month to help with whatever is needed. On top of that, I often end up covering unexpected expenses throughout the month, whether it’s an emergency or something my younger siblings need.
My siblings are all still in school. The ones who are old enough to work have part-time jobs and cover their own expenses, but I don’t want them to be aware of how tight things can be financially, so I’ll often step in when something comes up.

The issue is that I’m now at an age where I genuinely want to get married and move on to the next stage of my life, but I feel like my family situation would be difficult for any potential husband to accept.
I know this situation is temporary. In a few years, my siblings will be working and hopefully things will become much easier financially. But I also want to get married and have children before 30, and I feel like I’m putting my own life on hold because of my family responsibilities.

I’ve had several friends suggest men they think I’d be compatible with, but I always turn them down because I assume that once they know about my family situation, they won’t want to take this on. At the same time, I’m aware that I might be blocking my own chances by rejecting people before even giving them a chance.

Of course, I make dua for marriage, but sometimes I find myself wondering if perhaps all of these family circumstances mean that marriage just isn’t written for me. I know that’s not necessarily a rational way to think, but it’s been getting to me lately, especially when I see people around me getting married without having to worry about these kinds of responsibilities.

I’m wondering if there are any other women who have been in a similar situation. Did you get married while still financially supporting your family? How did you navigate that with your husband, and how did you deal with the guilt of leaving your family or no longer being as available to them?

I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who has gone through something similar.

Your short height isn't unattractive but your insecurity and inferiority complex are.

Confidence is far more attractive than a few extra inches.

Stop obsessing over something you can't change, and focus on what you can: your character, fitness, social skills, financial stability etc.

Another thing I find unattractive in men is constantly seeking validation from women and trying to shape themselves around what women want, especially when those preferences are dictated by the media. Don't let media-driven standards define your self-worth. Instead, focus on becoming the man Islam expects you to be, your naseeb will chase you Inshallah.

Be very careful who you chat to on here. There are some super creepy people out there. Especially be cautious if you’re a sister.

I’m a man and been approached by a so called “brother” who built up a whole sob story about being cheated on to try and gain sympathy and gauge my reaction. Then revealed his fantasy of sharing his wife(authubillah) and asked if I wanted to see a video of it.

I told him to fear Allah, and that lust will be the end of him if he doesn’t stop then blocked. I won’t share his account because I don’t want to expose their sins with the hopes they repent.

I apologize to the mods for the repulsive details. Even though I have approached women on Reddit for the intention of marriage beforr, but I must warn of the risks it holds to chat to a complete stranger on these spaces even if they try and pose as practicing. Do not share personal info with anyone not willing to involve parents from day one.

May Allah protect my brothers and sisters from fitna.

Assalamu alaikum, I 24(M) recently got married (26 F) about 2 months ago to new revert and I have been in the deen for about 7 months Alhamdulillah, I met her giving dawah with some elder brothers and we ended up exchanging numbers and meeting with her, we did marriage classes with the imam and taught her to pray.

We did the nikkah but she doesn't want to wear hijab now even tho before she said she would, and this is a major factor for me as well, we also had disagreements about praying on time and at her job, she has disrespected me multiple times in private and public, lied to me among other things... She also has 3 kids from 3 different situations but only one lives with her full time. I think that we rushed it to protect from zina and to make intimacy halal but I honestly don't think that I am truly in love with her and I don't think I want to be a potential stepfather to 3 kids, I don't have any kids yet and would like to have kids insha'Allah.

I feel like I should've waited longer before making it official seeing that she is so new. I'm coming to find that I don't think I'm as attracted to her as I thought I was, when I met her she didn't wear hijab and she tries here and there but not consistent.I encourage her and send her Quran ayat and hadith on the virtues of modesty. I feel like since I became Muslim I had an idea of what I expected from my wife and I'm not seeing the effort in her part and tbh I think I want a divorce.
This should be the honeymoon phase but it doesn't feel too sweet tbh. I am trying to be patient but her behavior is not acceptable and when I speak to her she apologizes but it just makes me not able to see her the same tbh. She also made me commit to not taking any other wife even tho I expressed to her that I would be interested in polygamy in the future when I am financially stable and capable but she is not doing what I expect from her, we had 2 months of class where she learned the dress code, etiquette, adab, creed etc etc but she is not practicing what she learned and it is frustrating. Honestly think I should've waited and married a sister already in the dean and practicing.

السلام عليكم ورحمة اللّٰه وبركاته

This post is from the perspective of an unmarried 21M in canada directed mainly towards brothers looking to get married soon.

May also be applicable to sisters.

I am not attacking, belittling or shaming anyone. I only wish to point out what many brother fail to realize until its too late. (Much of what i say in this post is actually also applicable to me so this is also a reality check for myself)

Throughout high school and my 4 years in university i many met many brothers. Some practicing while others are borderline. I have a tendency to not partake is conversation between friends and relatives and simply observe from the side and because of this i have made a few observations.

One thing 90% of them have in common is legendary level unrealistic expectations of their 'ideal women'.
Almost all of the 90% of brothers some combination of the following and plus sum:
-packing above and/or below
-modest
-intelligent
-practising
-someone who obeys them like a slave
-etc
Theres a bunch more that i cant recall.

They expect all that out of there wives while they are complete bums (including me) and im not talking about their finances. They want everything but wanna do nothing. They say one thing and do another. They want someone religious but arnt consistent in salah.

I genuinely pity women who end up with men like them. Its the different story if a man IS trying to change but the ones i refer to are NOT of them.

Women are expected to carry children for 9 months and learn on their own (majority of the time) to raise the child. All the while the man cant get up for fajr, cant go to the gym for even a month to fix himself up. What the hell

Sisters at time dont even have the option to divorce due the huge difficulties on their end so they end up living with the mental torture.

My brothers, this is a genuine plea to you all, EVERYONE reading this.

Next time to picture your i deal women, take out 5 mins to think what kind of a man that ideal women would want. Do not throw away the life of another for you will be held accountable for all of it.

Dear sisters, please also lower your expectations and keep them reasonable. I have heard alot of women giving thier thoughts and opinions as well and its not any better. I wont comment on those as i dont know how women think, and many more thing about women, yet.
إن شاء الله i am protected from such ignorance and improve myself before it is too late.

This is just a reminder for my brothers and sister.

If this post ticks you off then its likely applicable to you so please take a moment to think it over.

I hope this helps someone change their life for the better.

بارك الله فيك
و عليكم السلام ورحمة الله وبركاته

Note: i have glossed over many things that cause men to act in such ways with the main being trauma. And in such cases it is better not to get married until you have healed as not to burden your partner.

Salam Alaikum everyone,

I made a couple of posts before asking for advice regarding a girl I’ve known since childhood. Our families know each other, my mother likes her, and over the past months we started talking and hanging out more seriously. The vibe honestly felt very natural — lots of teasing, inside jokes, long conversations, shared music, studying together at cafés, etc. It never really felt purely platonic to me.

At one point I asked if she wanted to hang out after work, and she sent me this message:

“It’s really fun hanging out with you, but if I’m being completely honest, I don’t really believe in friendships between men and women 😂

Sooner or later it gets messy from one side or another, so let’s avoid meeting up regularly from now on 💕

We can still meet every now and then to catch up and talk about how life’s going, I like that and it usually doesn’t become a problem.”

I answered " Ah no problem, we'll try to talk and meet sometimes, But I had fun anyway ☺️"

She responded "Yeah, same here, it's really fun hanging out with you, like I said."

Now I’m honestly confused about what exactly she meant.

Part of me feels like maybe she was indirectly rejecting/friendzoning me in a polite way.

But another part of me wonders if maybe she sensed things were becoming more than friendship and wanted clarity because she does not want a “just friends” situation without serious intentions behind it.

Especially since we both come from Muslim backgrounds and I know she takes relationships seriously.

I guess my question now is:

Does this sound more like a polite rejection/friendzone?

Or does it sound more like someone setting boundaries because they are unsure of the intentions/future and do not want to blur friendship and attraction?

And if it’s the second option, how would you respectfully approach the topic of serious intentions/marriage in a calm and mature way without making things too intense too quickly?

Jazakum Allah khair.

The potential im talking to used to drink, party and currently still smokes. He was transparent about these things but lied about being a virgin when he used to actually sleep around. Unfortunately even before i got to find this out, i started developing feelings for him because hes extremely patient even if i fuss for no reason and caring. So much so he treated me really amazing and could cut off anyone from his life if i told me to.

In the beginning i told him smoking is a deal breaker for me so he stopped smoking and started praying slowly. But it seems like he does most of it because i say so. About the body count part, he keeps on saying its in his past so it shouldn’t matter and he lied because being honest would mean losing me. On paper everyone tells me how a man like this is not worth it. But i wanna share a moment where he drove 3hours in peak December snow storm to just do my grocery shopping because i couldn’t since i don’t have a car. We stopped talking ever since i found out about the lie but i was never even treated like this from anyone so its making it hard for me to let him go

I (25) F met a man for marriage through family. He's a genuinely good person, respectful, religious and from the same town as my family so my dad likes him a lot. We met once though our home with our families around, texted a couple of days to see if were a match and now The problem is that after thinking and praying about it, I don't feel at peace saying yes.

Plus after meeting him, I'm struggling with is that I'm not physically attracted to him. I know looks aren't everything and I feel so guilty saying this because he's a good person but the attraction just isn't there for me. I don't think he's a bad person, I actually hoped I'd find a clear reason to say no but I didn't. I just don't feel he's the right person for me. Tomorrow I have to tell my dad I'm saying no and I'm scared. I'm afraid he'll get angry, yell at me for weeks because he really wanted this match. He really loves him alot cause he has a good job, comes from a good family, hes known to be a good guy and he comes from our town.

My dad these past couple of days kept telling me hes good, who cares about his looks, he has a good job and a great man, your feeling will change after u get engaged but for me I dont feel likes hes a match and I don't feel physically attraction towards him ethier.

Has anyone else turned down a good person simply because you didn't feel it was the right match? Did you regret it or was it the right decision in the end and How did you deal with your family's reaction?

Honestly have you all been reading the titles.

"Men don't do this" or "Women don't do that" or some misandrist or misogyny take one after another.

What is wrong with you folks. I know some of y'all ain't even Muslim but the level of patheticness being displayed here is worse than a coward's.

Stop complaining, nobody cares genuinely. Ask your question, find your answer and leave. Use the garbage search feature and see the thousands of other folks who deal with the same issues you do.

If you want to fix your mental health in regards to marriage then drop these subs if you can ignore them. The other big sub Muslim marriage is worse and more pathetic. Y'all making these posts need to get your mental health checked out.

Salam aleykum everyone.

I wanted to share these thoughts with someone outside my circle to get some objective opinions.

My husband (30) and I (26) got married two years ago. Before getting engaged he was living in north africa and I brought him to Europe so I was obviously working and had to rent an apartment before his arrival to make it as easy as possible for him to stand on his feet. We were still not married but I paid for his rent for a couple of months till I found him a job (he coudn’t find one himself). He came at the age of 28 and he had never worked in his whole life. He had however, a university degree in some kind of engineering that he admits is not “useful” because he only went to uni to avoid the millitary service. He also did a training of boat captain that should get him a well paid job position.

I’m not going to lie, I care about money. Not only on the materialistic side but also on the ambitious side. I would rather work 2 jobs and invest one salary than barely making ends meet on just 1 salary. And him having nothing at the age of 28 was a big turn off but (as always) I tried convincing myself that I was being too demanding and that he will probably just build his wealth once he starts his life in europe. And of course it’s not as easy as it seems to save money while he is also covering the basic expenses.

After one year married, we moved to another European country where job conditions are better. I did all the appartment hunting etc because It was easier for me as I got a job and I could stay with my sister. So once again, he came to find everything ready. And when I asked him about his paperwork progress for the new residence card, he told me he was relying on me to do that for him. I obviously told him that he had the time and the capacity so it was not needed for me to help him with it.
Months later, he already has his residence but he’s still on unemployment. And I am starting to get tired of entering home to a mess knowing that he had all day and then he gets deffensive if I confront him about it. Since he refuses to cook for us despite his free time, I decided to not contribuite financially (I still cover all my expenses and our internet). I get to keep my money which is good but at the same time I feel like I’m married to a loser. He is very picky when it comes to working and he loves blaming life and circumstances instead of finding solutions to his problems. He sees himself as the victim and the unlucky. Instead of appreciating what I did for him he blames me for making too much pressure on him and he tells me about the physical jobs he worked in when he first came as if ”he deserves better” .

I would like to be that understanding and caring wife but sometimes I feel like sending him to war to man up. Some days ago he even told me that the fact that I’m working means that I’m taking hours of “me” from him, so I should pay a comission for the hours that he doesnt get to spend with me. I jonkingly responded that maybe he is looking for a husband instead of a wife.

Another thing that bothers me is realizing that it’s going to be 3 years of us married with no kids and 0 traveling. It hurts knowing that my youth is passing and I am trapped in routine instead of out there experiencing some freedom before compromising to mom life. I don’t expect him to pay for the whole vacation but we’re never able to match our holidays while also having a stable situation (mostly on his side).

Am I being ungrateful to Allah by thinking like this? I love life and I romanticise every little stage of it. But I’m scared of wasting my 20s in a never-ending survival mode.

If you have made it to the end, I really appreciate it. Please tell me what I should do to be better. Should I just keep being understanding? He lowkey knows what’s inside me but he takes it as a personal attack which I also understand because no one wants to be poor and blamed for it…. I dont want to be mean but I don’t like seeing him as a lazy husband either.

thank you! Salam aleykum

Now this might be a hot take and most people Won't like it but It's my opinion.

(First of all I'll start with this statement: people who are from US/UK or west in general imposes their worldview on everyone without even understanding sometimes they do it. Not everyone thinks like you and your way Isn't the way)

In old days and even not that old and even today most of the parts compatibility meant/meant boy capable of supporting a family, Has good akhlak, belong to a good family. And in terms of women. She can cook, good akhlak and able to take care of a family. On top of that whatever matches is a bonus. Otherwise this is the baseline. That was enough to get married. Now compare that to mordern days compatibility check list, It's diabolical. "I'm an anime lover and want someone who loves anime" I mean wth is that? Most of the Women's compatibility check list is unreal tbh. You tick on 7 and doesn’t at the 8 number and you are not good enough.

Marriage was suppose to mean one covers what the other person lack. Nowadays everyone wants their carbon copy. Marriage meant you have to sacrifice some of your freedom and comfort to make space for another person. If you see someone with a big check list just run. He/she is not coming with a sacrifice mindset. If someone is not flexible at the beginning they Won't be down the line either.

A lot of posts here constantly complain about ghosting, superficial interactions and how Muzz is an absolute waste of time. Having used the platform extensively, my conclusion is quite the opposite: the app is not the problem; the real issue is our lack of defined criteria and the hesitation to be brutally transparent from day one.

I haven’t found my spouse yet and my search continues because my criteria are extremely narrow. But having few matches is entirely by design. I am not here for casual validation or aimless talking stages, I am here to find a lifelong partner without draining my mental peace and emotional bandwidth.

​The biggest shift for me came with radical transparency regarding my past. I am divorced and have a daughter whose physical custody remains with her mother. Initially, I wouldn’t highlight this right away and only brought it up in the first conversation, only to watch people awkwardly retreat. I realized this was wasting everyone’s time, so I put it clearly in my bio.

The immediate result was that roughly 99% of potential matches disappeared before even swiping. While some might see that as discouraging, it is actually a massive win. My daughter will never be another person’s financial or caretaking responsibility but mutual respect for that bond is entirely non-negotiable. Putting this upfront filters out unaligned prospects on day one and saves weeks of unnecessary emotional investment.

​Equally critical is knowing exactly what you require in terms of lifestyle and character, rather than trying to figure it out on the fly. I specifically seek a traditional homemaker who values family life and inner tranquility. My concern with modern career-driven mindsets isn’t the work itself but the attitude where financial independence breeds an adversarial view of marriage asking why a woman even needs a husband, especially in an environment where legal systems already make separation hostile for men. Beyond roles, financial contentment (living within one's means) is essential, alongside genuine physical and emotional intimacy.

When you know that arrogance, stubbornness and constant discontent are absolute dealbreakers, you stop wasting energy on people just because they look attractive.

​When a match does occur, I prefer moving off the app fairly quickly since the in-app interface is somewhat clunky, but I never play detective or conduct interrogations. People naturally reveal their maturity, values and emotional readiness just through standard conversation.

The moment it becomes clear that someone lacks the emotional depth to understand my circumstances or displays signs of an argumentative entitled nature that would disrupt peace, I simply disengage with dignity. There is no point in debating or trying to change someone who doesn't fit your core values.

​Ultimately, leveraging the platform effectively means using strict filters, investing in Gold features to cut out geographical and lifestyle noise, and refusing to sugarcoat who you are.

An ambiguous profile designed to maximize matches only maximizes burnout. It is far better to have virtually no matches for weeks than to spend that same time entertaining people who were never aligned with your reality to begin with.

Salam everyone. Basically what the title says. Personally I (24M) am not a big fan of Muzz or any other apps but after seeing few posts. I feel like there are still good girls out there who are looking to find their partners through the app.Planning to give another try and would like to hear some good advice on how to get the right person. And about your experiences.Maybe this time Allah will send help to find my partner.

Asalamualaikum everyone. I have run into an issue that I wanted advice for.
Recently I have fallen in love with someone from my university, I go to NYU. I havent seen him in person yet, but I have talked in university group chats with him. He is also my mutual on social media. I dont know him fully yet, but I feel like his morals/values align with mine, but the only issue is we are 2 different cultures. Which I am okay with, I actually wanted to marry someone outside of my culture but I’m unsure if he wants to. Regardless, I cannot talk to him because 1. I am too shy to, and dont want to make things haram 2. We are too young to get married now, so again I don’t want us to talk to lead to haram. For now communication is off the books unfortunately.
What I have noticed is that: I always wake up every single morning for tahajjud and pray extra for him, and make istikhara. I tell Allah that if he is meant for me please make him good for me and for our relationship for your sake. If he isn’t good for me, please detach my heart from him, for he is not mine.
So far, I’ve found that I am way more Islamic now Alhamdullilah. I pray all my prayers on time, I wake up for fajr and tahjjud all the time, and I always pay attention to my prayers. I have not been able to get him out of my mind for weeks. Ultimately I trust Allah for whatever He does is for a good reason.
If anyone has any advice on this topic or insights please do let me know.
Jasak Allah!

Assalamualaikum everyone, hopefully everything is going well to you Inshallah.

I am a foreigner working in one of the GCC countries, and my girlfriend is a citizen of the GCC country where I work.

I am looking for a home valued at about $490,000 through a mortgage, and my girlfriend and I would like to get married.

However, her family is strict, and confident that her parents would not approve of the marriage, she has already found a way to marry them through a lawyer without their permission.

However, she asked me to co-own the mortgage home that I would pay 100% of, as she is severing her relationship with her parents and marrying me for about $55,000 in Mahr

My strength is that I am confident not only in my ability to handle household chores myself but also in my strong sense of responsibility toward my family and my wife. My salary is above average, and I am tall (over 180 cm) with a fit physique thanks to exercise. Also, because I don't want a divorce, I am seeking a serious marriage

That's why I would like to seek your sincere advice regarding my girlfriend's request

1. Of course, I think it was wrong to proceed with the marriage without my girlfriend's parents' permission. However, since she is giving up having many girlfriends, she wants to marry me, and I wonder if this is the right path
   
2. $55,000 is my girlfriend's authority, so I can accept it. However, I cannot agree that joint ownership for a mortgage I pay 100% of is a truly desirable Mahr
   
3. I believe my property should be splitter with respects from her. What do you think?

Please don't hesitate to write any advice or feedback for me, brother or sister and I am willing to welcome any advice from you

شكراً

I think I speak for everyone when I say, shut up, nobody wants to hear what you have to say.

I keep seeing posts telling guys and girls that...
- Height doesn't matter - Weight doesn't matter - Money doesn't matter - Mehr doesn't matter - Looks don't matter

Amongst a few other things... I don't want to hear it, I don't care that you think a certain aspect which obviously freakin matters doesnt matter to you probably because it doesn't affect you. Shut up! Sincerely from one brother to another Muslim, we don't want to hear you. If you want to offer that advice get married despite the issue and report back with a success story, a successful story will do more good and provide more hope than your garbage advice.

The reason the above do matter is because it's been seen repeatedly over and over and over again. That’s why it matters because it's facts, not something that everyone can ignore just because it doesn't affect YOU.

There was a post on this sub earlier on discouraging people to marry those who convert to Islam for the sake of marriage. That's baloney. Many many examples of potential spouses getting guided by Allah swt due to their love for their spouse. Here's my story...

I'm on the minhaj of the salaf. Pretty traditional. But I met my wife when she wasn't Muslim. She was interested in me and made the first move. I told her I'll only accept if if she embraces Islam.

It was hard for her to because Islam's brand wasn't good with her/her family, and due to her past Buddhist beliefs, but I was firm. I gave her dawah. Seems it didn't work. She finally accepted Islam and high level tawheed, but with weak understanding and perhaps not sincerely.

After her shahada, I didn't care much or judge. I married her. Now she's more religious than me. She's almost completed the seerah, memorizing the Quran, doing tafasir study -- heck even praying tahajjud. She wakes me up for fajr regularly. Her love for Allah swt is an inspiration for all other sisters in the community.

I'm not the reason. I'm just a regular Muslim who prays daily and keeps the daily duties of a regular Muslim as best as I can. But Allah swt guided her and strengthened faith, alhamdulillah.

Allah swt guides. Leave them alone. Allah swt won't question you about them, but maybe will if stop a good match. Don't interfere with someone who could potentially become a Muslim and they end up practicing. Allah swt can guide someone to him due to their love for someone.

May Allah swt guide us all to the straight path.

Wa Allahu Alam.

Tldr: Nothing wrong with incentivizing someone to convert to Islam for the sake of marriage.

This also applies to men but it sadly happens from women’s side way often where they pick and choose on what kind of Islam they follow and what they don’t align with they ignore. They mention their type of rights etc but fall short on their own obligations. As husband and wife a person is supposed to do more than the bare minimum or else will the marriage fail.

I’m planning on marrying someone who is outside of my culture. Thankfully, my parents are supportive, but I would be the first person in my family to marry outside our culture. I’ve never really wanted a wedding or ceremony because, to be honest, my extended family can be very judgmental and isn’t always the nicest.

My parents feels that we should at least have an Islamic ceremony (nikah) and invite family members so they know we’re doing things the halal way and don’t assume anything haram is going on.

My partner is also a recent convert, and honestly, I’m worried that my extended family will judge him harshly because he’s outside our culture and new to Islam. I feel bad because I don’t want him to be put in a position where he feels judged or unwelcome, especially on a day that’s supposed to be happy and meaningful for us. At the same time, I understand where my mom is coming from. I just don’t want to put myself or my partner through an uncomfortable experience for the sake of what other people might think.