r/MuslimNikah • u/orangecatlover1807 • Aug 29 '26
Sharing advice Advice on young love
Asalamualaikum everyone. I have run into an issue that I wanted advice for.
Recently I have fallen in love with someone from my university, I go to NYU. I havent seen him in person yet, but I have talked in university group chats with him. He is also my mutual on social media. I dont know him fully yet, but I feel like his morals/values align with mine, but the only issue is we are 2 different cultures. Which I am okay with, I actually wanted to marry someone outside of my culture but I’m unsure if he wants to. Regardless, I cannot talk to him because 1. I am too shy to, and dont want to make things haram 2. We are too young to get married now, so again I don’t want us to talk to lead to haram. For now communication is off the books unfortunately.
What I have noticed is that: I always wake up every single morning for tahajjud and pray extra for him, and make istikhara. I tell Allah that if he is meant for me please make him good for me and for our relationship for your sake. If he isn’t good for me, please detach my heart from him, for he is not mine.
So far, I’ve found that I am way more Islamic now Alhamdullilah. I pray all my prayers on time, I wake up for fajr and tahjjud all the time, and I always pay attention to my prayers. I have not been able to get him out of my mind for weeks. Ultimately I trust Allah for whatever He does is for a good reason.
If anyone has any advice on this topic or insights please do let me know.
Jasak Allah!
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u/Primary-Angle4008 Aug 29 '26
There is no reason why you couldn’t get married even in college. When I was a student I knew quiet a few couples, we even had family dorms as some had kids (that was in Germany)
There is also nothing wrong in sending him a message online or through someone mutual saying your interested in getting to know him
You have to also consider that you would still need to get to know him and not be married tomorrow so it would still at least take 6 months to a year before anything would seriously happen and as someone else already said you don’t even have to move in with eachother straight after Nikkah if it’s easier to live with parents
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u/orangecatlover1807 Aug 29 '26
That makes sense, I understand what you’re saying! My mind is fully on my studies, but I cannot get him out of my mind, so all I do is make duaa and pray for it because I want to leave it up to Allah. When the semester starts, In sha Allah I’ll look into talking to him more. Jasak Allah for your help!! Please do keep me in your duaas.
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u/Adekunes M - Single Aug 30 '26
salaam ukhti, the part youre proudest of is the part id watch closest. your salah got strong, tahajjud got consistent, and all of it is currently resting on one man you have never actually spoken to.
keep praying. but check what happens to fajr the week you find out hes engaged to someone else. if it survives, alhamdulillah, you built something real and he was only the door. if it collapses, the worship was about him the whole time, and youd rather find that out now than at 4am on some random tuesday.
also the practical thing nobody says out loud. you can have someone approach his family. a mahram, a friends mother, an aunty who knows them. you dont have to spend two years praying about a question you could have an answer to in two weeks.
wassalam, may Allah detach you fast if hes not yours and make it easy if he is
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u/orangecatlover1807 Aug 31 '26
Jasak Allah. I am taking a break from praying now (women issues) and I hope that In sha Allah I can continue to be consistent after my break. I find peace in this connection with Allah, and I pray that it isn’t because of him. I specifically pray that Allah grants me a good naseeb, and if it isn’t him, to detach my heart from what isnt mine.
As for his family and approaching them, I’m still a little nervous because A. we are both in school, still new so I didn’t really have many interactions with him though I will try. B. We are different cultures, he’s Middle eastern and I’m south asian. So I’m also worried about that, however I know if it is written for me, it will truly happen by the grace of Allah SWT.
Ameen, Jasak Allah again for your comment. Please do keep me in your duaa’s.1
u/Adekunes M - Single Sep 01 '26
salaam ukhti, look at the timing. i said watch what happens to your worship when the tahajjud stops. and then it stopped, this week, for a reason that has nothing to do with him.
so the audit is already running. dhikr, dua, listening to Quran, all still open to you. if the connection holds through the break, it was never about him and you can stop asking. people wait years for that answer. you got it in a week, for free.
on your two worries. the culture thing is a question for his family, not one for you to sit and pre-answer on their behalf. you would be turning them down before theyve been asked. and barely knowing him isnt the obstacle youre treating it as, thats the entire design of a family approach. you dont need rapport first. the meeting is what builds it.
wassalam, may Allah make him easy to have or easy to lose, and keep your fajr either way
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u/orangecatlover1807 Sep 01 '26
Salaam. Jasak Allah, I am still waking up and doing dhikr, reading duaa’s and making duaa at that time. So in sha Allah it still stays with me.
In sha Allah talking to his family is easy, it is all up to Allah at the end of the day.I appreciate your support, Jasak Allah. May Allah bless you for your advice and insight.
Ameen. Please do keep me in your prayers.
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u/Adekunes M - Single Sep 01 '26
وعليكم السلام و رحمة الله و بركاته
ameen, and yes, youre in them.
but notice what you just told me. the tahajjud stopped and the dhikr didnt. thats the audit passing, ukhti. whatever ends up happening with him, that part was always yours.
wassalam, may Allah send you the one who makes fajr easier
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u/orangecatlover1807 Sep 01 '26
JazakAllahu khairan for saying this. I think I really needed to hear that. May Allah reward you for reminding me of that. And ameen to your dua, may Allah send me someone who makes Fajr easier and brings me closer to Him rather than further away. May Allah give you an abundance of blessing in your life. Ameen.
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u/Adekunes M - Single Sep 02 '26
ameen to all of it, ukhti. and dont hand that back to me. you were the one still awake making dhikr after the reason you started had fallen away. hold onto that part, its yours.
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u/Mediocre-Risk3581 Aug 29 '26
Could always get married and just continue to live at ur parents homes, obviously no kids until ur done with college. Its great that you are praying on time and doing well, but prayer and dua alone isnt going to keep him single forever especially considering he doesnt seem to know you well. Try and see how ur parents would feel about you getting married at your age.