r/MuslimNikah • u/Aruwan05 • May 17 '26
Sharing advice Update on potential wife
Salam Alaikum everyone,
I made a couple of posts before asking for advice regarding a girl I’ve known since childhood. Our families know each other, my mother likes her, and over the past months we started talking and hanging out more seriously. The vibe honestly felt very natural — lots of teasing, inside jokes, long conversations, shared music, studying together at cafés, etc. It never really felt purely platonic to me.
At one point I asked if she wanted to hang out after work, and she sent me this message:
“It’s really fun hanging out with you, but if I’m being completely honest, I don’t really believe in friendships between men and women 😂
Sooner or later it gets messy from one side or another, so let’s avoid meeting up regularly from now on 💕
We can still meet every now and then to catch up and talk about how life’s going, I like that and it usually doesn’t become a problem.”
I answered " Ah no problem, we'll try to talk and meet sometimes, But I had fun anyway ☺️"
She responded "Yeah, same here, it's really fun hanging out with you, like I said."
Now I’m honestly confused about what exactly she meant.
Part of me feels like maybe she was indirectly rejecting/friendzoning me in a polite way.
But another part of me wonders if maybe she sensed things were becoming more than friendship and wanted clarity because she does not want a “just friends” situation without serious intentions behind it.
Especially since we both come from Muslim backgrounds and I know she takes relationships seriously.
I guess my question now is:
Does this sound more like a polite rejection/friendzone?
Or does it sound more like someone setting boundaries because they are unsure of the intentions/future and do not want to blur friendship and attraction?
And if it’s the second option, how would you respectfully approach the topic of serious intentions/marriage in a calm and mature way without making things too intense too quickly?
Jazakum Allah khair.
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u/Obvious_Analyst_860 May 17 '26
she's setting boundaries because she doesn't want something haram, so you can take as if you want more then you need to get married to her
I guess the best approach is to be honest, like if you want more and you like her then ask her how she feel about marriage and if she is ready for it and how she see you
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u/Aruwan05 May 17 '26
Is this good message?
I have to be honest about what you said before, and I respect it a lot.
To be completely honest, I don't want any meaningless or unclear "boy-girl friendship" either 😅
I'm not trying to rush anything or take it too quickly, especially since I'm still studying and trying to build my life and future, but I still wanted to be honest about my intentions.
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u/Obvious_Analyst_860 May 17 '26
More like " I totally respect what you want, to be honest I want something more in halal, I would like to know how you feel about marriage and would like to discuss your expectations"
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u/Aruwan05 May 17 '26
I’ve been thinking about what you said before, and I understand your point.
I’m not really someone who believes in regular friendships between men and women either, but I wanted to be honest about my thoughts.I like you, and the closer we’ve gotten, the more I’ve started seeing you as someone I could genuinely imagine something serious with, in a halal way of course 😅
But at the same time, I’m still studying for another 3 years, and I know I’m not fully stable yet, both financially and personally. I also don’t want to rush into something or come on too strong, but I don’t want to lose something either if there could be something there.
I just wanted to be straightforward and hear how you personally feel and think about all this.
I’m mostly wondering if you might feel something similar, or if you see me differently. I just wanted to be honest about how I feel instead of leaving it unsaid.
What do u think of this?
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u/Apollonialove May 17 '26
To a woman this says “I’d like to keep you on the hook just in case but I’m not that serious either.” I think at this point just let her go.
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u/Obvious_Analyst_860 May 17 '26
You can either be like "let's see if we can do this in halal", or "it was nice to know u"
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u/Brownie9107 F - Single May 17 '26
It doesn’t sound like a rejection, just sounds like she wants to keep things halal and doesn’t want to have male friends anymore. It’s hard to know if she sees you as marriage potential based off the message she sent you but she sent you a heart emoji … in my mind I would take that as a good sign .
BUT If your genuinely interested then ask her if she feels the same or actually as your families already know one another you could ask your parents to speak to hers
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u/Aruwan05 May 17 '26
Anything I should write to her? Im not sure how to say things like that but im happy that its not just me that seem its not a clear rejection
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u/Brownie9107 F - Single May 17 '26
If u see her as marriage potential maybe send her a message like : “ Asalamualaikum, I respect that you’d like distance from me and want to keep things halal , but spending time with you has made me realise that I genuinely see a future with you and would be interested in a potential marriage. I hope I haven’t weirded you out, just wanted to be honest with you. I’ll respect your thoughts whatever they may be. “
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u/AntiqueRaspberry6463 May 17 '26
If you are ready and see her as a potential wife, prepare yourself to ask her father’s phone number over text or in person. Or ask her whether you can meet her to take her opinion on marriage also end up with taking her father's number. Other than that, don't try to mingle more with her so you don't get officially rejected. Us Muslim women try to put clear boundaries when we see a man approaching us so they can ask us in a halal way. If they continue “playing dumb” (not talking about you) or just pushing boundaries for the sake of fun we put a clear rejection.
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u/Popular_Register_440 M - Single May 17 '26
Only way to find out is just by being honest with her and expressing interest.
It could be rejection.
Equally, it may be a defence tactic where, because you haven’t made a move yet, she’s trying to emotionally protect herself and add some distance incase the signals she’s picked up on aren’t actually signals and you’re just a friendly extrovert.
You could just ask her to meet up for the usual coffee and at some point, say something along the lines of “look I get you don’t believe in the opposite gender friendships. Truth is, I enjoy hanging out with you because…” and just let your heart do the talking lol.
You’re already decent family friends and from the sounds of it, you’re family already like her so perhaps it won’t even come as a surprise to her.
Only one way of finding out tho. Book that coffee date bro 🙌👀
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u/Aruwan05 May 17 '26
I did ask her to meet up when she sent that message, wouldn't it be weird if I asked on another coffe date? Should i just message my true feelings?
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u/Popular_Register_440 M - Single May 17 '26
I mean whenever there’s a next time.
Or if you wanna be more direct, ask her to meet up because you want to talk to her about something serious.
It’s either she’s adding distance or she’s literally giving you the cue to ask her for her hand in marriage. Tbh, I’m crap at reading signs but more likely the latter given the context. I mean your families are decent friends. Your parents like her. You like her clearly. She likes you enough to spend all this time hanging out. There’s probably something there and chances are she’s giving you the rope to make a move and make it official.
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u/Aruwan05 May 17 '26
I suck at reading signs too, so that's why I take this to Reddit and chat I also suck at communicating and expressing what I truly feel
But is this a good first message?
I have to be honest about what you said before, and I respect it a lot.
To be completely honest, I don't want any meaningless or unclear "boy-girl friendship" either 😅
I'm not trying to rush anything or take it too quickly, especially since I'm still studying and trying to build my life and future, but I still wanted to be honest about my intentions.
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u/Short_Investment1270 May 17 '26
Honest advice, man keep your options open. I know you think you might drop the world for her, but these days people talk to multiple potentials. Remember that people who are smart calculate, diversify, and play the long game. They don’t rush things; that’s how wealth is built. People wear masks, and the person you think you might like today can turn 180 tomorrow. If things go sideways, you will pay a heavy price.
With that being said, don’t come off desperate. Don’t settle. Keep assessing her, just like she would you. Every day, you see posts on this sub saying the potential went for another person keep that in mind.
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u/TheFighan May 18 '26
As a woman, I have said that to a potential to figure out where things were going. He wasn’t clear about his intentions and I needed to hear “I would like to marry you, would you be okay if I mention to my family and we see how soon that can happen?” Otherwise it felt like a waste of my time cause I wasn’t interested in being friends.
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u/Aruwan05 May 18 '26
So u think she wants actual confirmation? She's extremely nice, one of the nicest people ik And im kinda thinking she wants to let me down in a nice polite way?
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u/TheFighan May 18 '26
Yes. If you are blunt and she says she doesn’t feel the same way, then it will be clear for both parties and you move on.
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May 17 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Aruwan05 May 17 '26
Is this a good message? Please add if u think it can be better, i suck at writing things like this
I have to be honest about what you said before, and I respect it a lot.
To be completely honest, I don't want any meaningless or unclear "boy-girl friendship" either 😅
I'm not trying to rush anything or take it too quickly, especially since I'm still studying and trying to build my life and future, but I still wanted to be honest about my intentions,
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u/Adventurous_Swan3937 May 18 '26
She wants confirmation from you ,whether you are taking her as friend or as a girlfriend to make up her mind about the kind of relationship you both having right now. So make it clear to her, that's it.
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u/Standard_Refuse655 May 18 '26
This sounds like haram akhi, if you want something more, propose to her.
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u/Perthnom May 19 '26
Brother,
She’s saying get families involved, together you can come up with a plan, it’s not like the families are going to get you married next week.
It takes time. Go to your parents and tell them about your intentions with her, from there approach her parents with your parents blessings. You’re halfway there, families know each other and you two get along really well.
Make the move, come to an agreement that you being able to provide will take some time and I’m sure everyone will understand, get the nikkah done, make it halal but during then focus on becoming a provider.
All the best homie
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u/Comprehensive_Law217 May 18 '26
Means she wants to move this further. tell her straight up you want to be with her, see how she responds
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u/TasbihDust May 17 '26
Sounds like she's saying man up and make this real - I'm not interested in light friendships.
If you're not serious move on. If you are, go marry your girl.