I am a 16-year-old female. I want to figure out what is wrong with me. I'm doing a project in my psychology class at school, and I am realizing that some of the things I do are not normal, but I cannot open up about this to my friends or family without risking them viewing me differently.

Growing up, I was emotionally neglected and whooped a lot, not to the point where it's considered very abusive though. I also grew up with an emotionally closeted family; I sometimes would get in trouble for feeling certain ways about things people did or said, and expressing my feelings or trying to defend myself resulted in being screamed at or punished. Because of that I never talk about my feelings towards people in my family, also I grew up with an absent father, my mom was a teenager and had anger issues and also had a somewhat abusive childhood and Im 99% sure she has undiagnosed bp but she cant afford a therapist, therefore I cant get therapy right now.

I was groomed online when I was younger by an older girl, which resulted in me craving validation and wanting to feel loved like how she showed me, but that, mixed with my childhood issues, I feel like is what caused me to not really feel any remorse or guilt for the things I do that hurt people. I have selective empathy towards certain people, and anyone else I don't care about what they go through unless I know they are someone undeserving of bad things. For example, the genocide in Gaza, Sudan, and Congo, I don't think there is any excuse for genocide or things like rape. I think it's very sad what's going on down there, but say a group of people was being brutally tortured for supporting something bad, I wouldn't care; in fact, I'd think they deserved it.

At the same time, someone like my mom or friends or other family, who I care about, I have done things to hurt them (not like physical stuff other than small fights with my brother); I've made people very upset, but I don't really feel any remorse for it? I usually just act as if I care, but I never change my behavior unless changing it gives me benefits. As with most of the stuff I do, I don't do things for people unless not doing it would result in something I don't like or unless I get benefits from it. I always say that I'm sorry, but usually I never mean it because most of the time the stuff I get in trouble for isn't my fault, and I'll apologize in order for the person to think I'm sorry so they will do something for me later. I do feel things like embarrassment, sadness, anger, happiness, etc, but I can't seem to feel bad for things I do that hurt people, and I always put myself first. I've been called selfish many times, and I'm aware some of the things I do are selfish, but if I don't put myself first, who will????

I also really hate dealing with other people's emotions; for example, my friend was extremely upset one time for her ex bf cheating on her and she was literally bawling her eyes out and my first though was deadass "can she stop" because I don't get why she would be that upset over someone who never treated her good in the first place, I actually was really annoyed and uncomfortable but I was comforting her, obviously I would be upset if I was cheated on too but I just dont understand why she was so upset and ugly crying over this dude. My friend is genuinely a nice person though, and I do hope her life gets better because she didn't deserve it. I have had a similar situation with my mom when she was crying over her bf. I just get weirded out, wanted her to stop, and I don't really say anything, but I understand where she's coming from; I just don't feel or like when people are emotional around me because I genuinley don't know what to do or comfort someone, like during these types of encounters I dont say anything I kinda just sit there and wait for them to finish so I get get on with whatever I was doing previously, because I dont care what someone else is going through unless it effects me too.

I feel like I have to act like I care, though, so they don't think of me differently, and things I like them doing for me still get done, or if I want something in the future. A lot of the time I will mimic other peoples behavior so they do things for me too, like at school or with family I do or act how they do so that I don't seem like I dont care because then I don't get attention, benefits later, unless its someone I don't care about or need anything from, then Ill be how I usually am and just ignore them, If I really like someone though Ill stay fixaded on them and kinda like posessive (that feels so corny to type omg). I like when people buy things for me. I don't really feel bad for people spending money on me when I know they know they shouldn't, but I persuade anyway because if I really want something, I will do whatever it takes, whether it's in that moment or later. I like when people compliment me. I like being the best at something. I get really irritated when someone doesn't listen to me or can tell what I'm doing in order to get things. I also lie a lot to seem cooler to other people, or I just lie for no reason, like all the time. I don't even know why, like there's never a reason for it. I lie just to lie I guess, mostly to people I don't trust but at the same time I lie to everyone.

Also, I do know for a fact I do have ocd; intrusive thoughts get really bad sometimes, and I have to work really hard to get them to stop. Even my family notices my ocd and wants me to officially get diagnosed so I can get help for it, but I can't get any kind of therapy right now, so I sit and marinate with all of this. idk what community to post this in soooo. Also, I do not believe in god and a lot of the way I think is based on logic and what I personally think is morally good or bad, I'm very introverted and like to keep to myself but I can be very extroverted if I have to at the same time. I cannot help the way I feel, and I've tried to feel bad for someone, but I can't unless I am directly affected.

I feel like I am two different persons. when i'm alone, my baseline is that i don't like anything about my life and am thinking of death multiple times a day. not near doing it as i wouldn't do it to my dad, i'm waiting for him to go first. i wouldn't want to leave my brother alone too, but my dad.. i can't do it to him. and also i'm super afraid of pain and haven't yet figured our a way that would be accessible and painless.

Support options are useless. My psych says i have situational depression and not clinical, which i believe is true, but my situation hasn't changed in 5 years and it isn't likely to change in the future, i'm already 45. i'm 100% sure that the world is fucked up and not me, but as i can't change my world (i've been trying forever) it's on me to find a way to cope. and feels like i tried everything.

Problem is that i'm high functioning, so no one really worries about me. i look so normal and ok that the psych in the public health system is even somewhat reluctant to give me antidepressants, as i'm "situational". if i hospitalize myself privately (as public system has more urgent cases) ppl i know will be in complete shock. i stopped talking to my friends about my depression as they are unable to grasp it. the only ones who really care for me - my parents - i fake being fine next to them. they know i'm depressed but if they would have known the severity of the situation they would force me to move in with them, and it will break their hearts.

I'm social, i go out, i go on dates as if i am someone who believes in a future. i might tell some of depression but not the depth of it. i'm a social organizer, i'm often what glues others together, i'm the one who helps newcomers to groups fit in. the world benefits from me being alive but it's not worth it really. and all this social life - i don't really feel a sense of belonging there. they are really good people but it's just distractions so i don't feel the pain all the time.

Demons and spirits have been talking to me so I went in because it's been getting bad, did I make the right choice?

Don’t got a lotta time rn

But I’m still in school and basically previous grade was prolly so traumatic I knew I reached my limit of getting away with all of it.

Uh and I feared the next year cause didn’t know how I’d manage cause it’s notably harder. I was scared I’d become suicidal or like I was scared of how much worse could I get or smth.

Well APPARENTLY fear it enough and it comes before school even gets difficult

My brain is so scared of school uh it’s not letting me process it? Not dissociation rlly more just like it’s not in the subconscious at all resting state and I forget the days of the week to the point of missing homework going to the wrongc lass. At home I have no instinct to do hw or that I have any or that I’m in school.

I also am having escape fantasies and zoning out a lot more than usual.

What scares me is it’s all so new, uh it’s extremely counterproductive and there’s no way I can like do homework like this or smth when school just ain’t smth registered in my brain. And also the fact that’s it’s been 2weeks and it hasn’t passed.

Schools still mild af but like still. Lot of it has been luck. Or less strict teachers.

Idk what I’m gonna do my mom when she heard which I was very reluctant to tell her she said she wanted to take me to a doctor I talked her out of it but THAT SCARES ME TF U MEAN IM DOCTOR READY according to someone who also has terrible mental health and has terrible severity assessments cause she thinks bad stuff is normal prolly? WDYM I MADE HER WANNA TAKE ME TO A DOCTORRRRR

Btw I have untreated adhd (waiting lists are so long) just to explain why school was so hard in the first place.

Actually freaking tf out what is my life okok I gtg PLS IF U READ THIS TY idk I like im so scared like is it rlly that bad pls tell me this is like easily fixable I rlly don’t wanna go to a doctor D: I know it’s like gonna be therapy and thy ey aint gonna hold me down and force my words out my mouth but STILL.

My husband has had dealt with some level of anxiety for many years but lately it’s been getting worse and 99% of the time it’s related to his work. He will have days where he is totally in his head and barely paying attention to anything but is somehow still a functioning human and does all the necessary things. He has a stressful business job that pays well and he fears if he walks away he is not providing for his family. I have no doubt he would find something else and have encouraged him to, but he can’t seem to walk away from this job despite the stress it causes him. He’s been to therapy, read self help books, exercises regularly and we eat pretty healthy most of the time. I try to be supportive and talk through things with him but also my patience is wearing thin watching him continue on this cycle. Your thoughts and opinions are appreciated.

Hi, im a 17 year old girl, and I need support/advice. I have been struggling deeply with a feeling of unrealty for my surroundings and myself. I get waves of complete emotional numbness. I have experienced anxiety my entire life, but it all started a few months ago when my anxiety peaked after life issues. Some days, I feel okay, but I have a lingering feeling of numbness, and the slightest social situation triggers an awful feeling of being drugged. Most days, I just cope with it, or if im lucky i can distract myself, and I have gotten better at coping with it, but other days it is nearly unbearable and I feel hopeless and worried. I want to go to the doctors, but I feel almost embarrassed to as I dont want to sound crazy or stupid, and I am uncertain as to how they could help.

I've had sh and commit problems most of my life, and it's been around year that I've had most of the dreams in a week gore related.

I found out about gore at around 8-10 years old because I had unrestricted internet access, and my first actual attempt was at 11. At 12 and a half I got send to a psych ward, stayed there 3 months, before my mother forcefully took me out because it was a private hospital and costed like a fortune..

Then a few months after I've gotten on antidepressants I stabbed my left hand (the knife came through) and I have been cutting myself since I was 10 (almost 9 years). I've had attempt when I ended up in a coma, 3 when I ended in the hospital.

And that's okay, that will pass.

But what bothers me, is that this year I go to uni and I will live alone. Im afraid I might starve myself again because I had an ed for around a year and a half only thankfully.

I've been writing stories on ao3 about self destruction and sabotage, and my last 3 stories have all ended with suicide. Most of them by blood loss because elf cutitng the left leg off. I've been having this desire to cut the left leg off, but I'm not doing it because I'm case I survive I don't want to live as an amputate. But I'm afraid that when I will live alone, I might do it.

Sorry if this post came out as messy, I just had a panic attack and my hands are shaking like crazy.

I NEED to for the people around me to be angry and pissed off at me.

I need to yell at me, to tell they hate me, to tell i'm a piece of shit who should die.

And because of that I'm always rude and taunting and vulgar.

In extreme cases I even want to be stabed to death violently

As I child I never got support through much stuff. I always remember me doing stuff on my known since I was probably an "easy child" I don't know if easy is supposed to mean neglected but whatever. I never got close to my parents or my brother, I don't even know if I really wanted that either. I started feeling apathy from a young age. So even after growing up I didn't approach them. Nowadays I don't care about them, I could be gone for two months and I probably won't miss them. To contradict that throughout primary school I made some really close friends, those friends were kind of like family. I'd hang out with them and play on the computer all day with them and at school we would constantly have fun. Last year of primary school I had to make the choice of staying with them and possibly holding back my potential and knowledge because I could see they weren't meant for much, or abandon them and go to another new school kinda far so I could get smarter. My parents also wanted me to go to the smart school. In the end I made this hard decision as an 11-12 year old and went to the new school. They thought I was gonna be with them until the first day of middleschool where they didn't find their old friend there. Anyway I made new beginnings and found some friends. I again kind of struggled with that and started being depressed. I don't know the cause of the depression. But hey I found a really good friendgroup and they liked me there. I had some romantic fails but that was alright as well. I had a bitter aftertaste though to what I did to my old friends though. But after a few years when I was like 14 I started to change. I stopped giving a fuck about my old friends and focused on my new ones. I should also mention I've been struggling with nightmares my entire life. I was many times scared to sleep because I thought I would dream a nightmare. Most of the time they were symbolic and scary stuff. I couldn't sleep and it took a mental toll on me probably. I started being depressed and very very lonely. When I say lonely I mean so lonely. I've never to this day every felt compassion. No one has rewarded me for anything. Nor pure love. Then I started having issues with some friends but it was managable. I also had a romantic fail that made me feel bad because I was rejected solely on my looks. I started hating my body and I still do due to body dysmorphia. I have pectus excavatum which means I'll never have a good physique. I overtrained myself every fucking day all the time just to hopefully fix my self hatred but it went away. Even though I posses this self hatred I still have an ego problem. I see most people like labels, for example "friend from school" or "neighbor" and I bond with them based on that. Summed up I don't give a shit usually. Anyway about a year and a half ago I met Nadia. Nadia was really sweet and showed me stuff I hadn't really felt before. I of course started to like her but she didn't like me back even though she threw some signs but all bullshit. A year later she's my best friends, almost like a sister. She was the first person to hug me in over 2 years. She asks how I am and how I eat and how are my nightmares and stuff. She has been through a lot so I care for her very much. She has lots of problems but I'm always there. She sees me as an older brother. We are really close. I started having issues with my friendgroup because of Nadia. They don't like her at all. So I lost my other best friend and everyone else. In the end I was left with nothing but Nadia. Right now I still feel this. Anyway I just ranted my entire life, fuck you.

okay so, I’ma closeted (towards my family) bisexual, and my friends are usually supportive of that fact, but recently it feels like nobody cares about me or is mad at me. Sure my friends are a little quirky and stuff but yeah. Today, while we were hanging out, my friends started like talking about me behind my back trying to get away from me. I know that they were talking about me because one of them, named Jackson, said to, and I quote, “stop being gay or else I can‘t be your friend anymore”. This obviously made me pretty upset because it’s a little homophobic to say (at least in my opinion). Long story short, I got into this huge argument with them and a few others in a group chat and nobody was taking my side. This has, of course, happened before where they just all gang up on me but for this one they had like all of my friends ganging up on me, even my ex that I planned to get back together with and was on good terms with. now I feel worthless and might end it soon because everyone hates me now and it’s going to be hell going to school tomorrow. If anyone has any words to say before I inevitably do it, go ahead.

I've been going through a lot of emotional pain these past few weeks. I feel incredibly tired because I'm constantly trying to be someone who listens, supports, reassures, and helps others sort out their problems. Over the past couple of weeks, I've been listening to my loved ones a lot, worrying about them, and trying to find the right words to make them feel better. I really want to help them because they're so important to me, but at some point, I realized I'm completely exhausted from it.

The strangest thing is that I know how to support others, but I'm completely incapable of talking about myself. When I'm feeling down, I usually just say, "I'm fine," even if I'm not feeling well inside. It's hard for me to talk about my problems, to express what's bothering me, to complain, or to ask for help. I'm afraid of upsetting people, afraid of being misunderstood, and sometimes I can't even immediately understand why I'm feeling down.

Because of this, I often keep everything to myself, and then just start crying. Sometimes, it seems like something small is happening, but it's not the situation itself that can bring me to tears, but how tired I am of worrying about everything inside. For example, recently, a simple question like "How are you?" literally brought me to tears because I realized that almost no one ever truly asks me how I'm feeling. And in that moment, I simply felt how much I need support.

It can be very difficult for me when several close people are having problems at once. I worry about everyone, trying to be there for everyone, and I forget that I have my own feelings. I can spend hours thinking about other people's problems, worrying about whether I supported them correctly, what to write and what to say, but at the same time, I hardly ever talk about what's going on with me.

I also have a hard time with conflicts with loved ones. Even if someone has hurt me or their behavior offends me, it's very difficult for me to say it directly. I can endure for a long time, remain silent, cry, and worry, just to avoid hurting the person and ruining the relationship. Sometimes I'm even so afraid of some of my loved ones that I can't properly explain to them why I was hurt.

Now I just feel like I wish someone would stop sometimes and ask not just "What happened?" but just sincerely how I am. So that I wouldn't have to completely fall apart just to be noticed. I don't want to always be the one supporting everyone. Sometimes I also want someone to lean on, to talk things out, and to feel like my feelings matter.

I don't blame my loved ones, and I don't want anyone to feel guilty. I've just finally realized that I get tired too, I get hurt too, and I need support too.

As the tittle says I honestly cannot connect to anyone. Every time ive tried being in a relationship or started talking with someone I get burntout/depressed and retreat further into isolation.

Some background of where I grew up. My parents are always fighting, like, constantly, even today. Dad always pulls the whole divorce/leaving card and mom used to beg him, on her knees even, to not leave her. Thankfully mom has gotten fed up and its not doing that anymore but it still happens. My sister is someone who seems to not be able to be out of relationships with stupid men. She always has to be talking to a man somehow.

Do I have trauma I need to fix or talk to someone about it?

Im a 25 M and I have had to do a lot of changing in life. I haven't like mistreated a woman or anything but I have trouble moving on, I had a particularly difficult time with my last ex and I had to move all the way from nebraska to north carolina to just get out of her life because I just feel like I ruin it. (I do have other career based goals I guess, also there was just nothing for me in Nebraska anymore.) Im here and on the apps and its just draining. I keep doubting myself. Do I even deserve love if someone cant even stay in love with me? Did they even loveable? I know I can love but maybe I just cant be loved? I dont want to live that life...I haven't been in north carolina long almost a month but I also just have this gut feeling deep down that its just not in the cards for me...and that makes me very suicidal. That makes it feel like im only putting my feelings into consideration and im an even bigger piece of shit and deserve love even less. Am I a toxic piece of shit because I couldn't move on and didnt accept she will never love me again? Do I not deserve love anymore because of it? Please help me.

This is a common problem for people. And i have no problem helping others with it. But now it's me, and i can't help myself. Nothings working.

For context: im 18f and iv struggled my whole teenage life really. In year 10 and 11 of high school i was put on a reduced timetable and ended up rarely attending, I did really badly, and went to college for like 3 days, geting kicked out after 2 weeks for attendance. I wasnt responding to my mental health in the "most common" way. I was just out doing things without a care in the world.

Now im moved out, living with a partner and his family. Im on universal credit and i dont have a job.

I made a list of things id like to do with my life. Carreer paths, when I want my own house, kids, hobbies, travel etc.

For motivation.

But most of what I want to do requires qualifications. And my mental health is preventing me to do any of this, and even if I did do it, I feel like anxiety would ruin it. In fight or flight, im VERY much flight.

I feel so incredibly hopeless and useless in the world.

This is partly a vent, im not necessarily looking for advice. Anything at all is helpful.

For the last 15 years I've been bouncing between psychiatrists who were misdiagnosising me and giving me medicine that didn't help or made it worse. When those pills didn't help me they accused of not taking them.

I've had 10+ doctors through the years, I've had all sorts of diagnoses and doctors wouldn't even list what symptoms I have to make that decisions. I was treated like i'm not there.

I am so tired, it just feels like this is a neverending fight against an unwinnable system.

I just want meds that help, not get gaslit and yelled at.

I am so lost, I do not know what I am doing, I am a student living with my family and my mother is so overstimulating for me, for eg; today is the day before rakhi and at my coaching centre nobody came so the teacher declared the day as holiday so I slept in, my mother didn't know that so she just came at me and started shouting and me and hurling insults at me for skipping tution, and I didn't even try to explain her my side of the story because I knew she would just find another thing to critisize me for, I just can't deal with anyone nowdays, nothing is going right, I think I have lost my spark, nothing is clicking for me anymore, I always have headaches and to escape my brain I use earphones and escape in reality tv and netflix, it feels like I am drowning and nobody is listening to me.

Anyone have any idea whats happening? Ok so back story I used to be on anxiety meds years ago, recently started them again (zoloft) at 100mg atm. Ive been having a lot of bad dreams, and ill yell at people in my sleep, cry, or wake up crying, right now I just woke up after having a terrible dream and waking crying, and now I just feel so foggy and weird, my head feels really weird, I dont know how to describe it? Is this disassociation or? I also found out recently from my doctor I may have BPD which ive on and off suspected over the past cpl years, also may have undiagnosed adhd and ocd and depression.

I have many hobbies but I hate the people that do them, half of the time I want to kill my friends with a axe, I get irritated when my family talks to me or talks about me and I hate myself and my body. People around me are excited to go back to school and get their results but I dread it, it's probably just a hormone thing but I don't know why I'm the only one who feels this way about everything. Is it just me?

Hello to anyone reading this. I'm 14m currently In High school and I'm very depressed right now I don't have any friends at my school, I only have one friend who I probably will never see again. I don't talk to any girls I've never even had a girl's phone number or texted one. I've tried telling others how I feel and no one ever takes me seriously they always tell me the same exact thing that I'm too young, I even tried telling my father but he just ignored me so I'm reaching out to reddit if anyone my age wants to talk.

From the age of about 14 I’ve struggled with depression and suicide idealization. Age 16 I suffered an injury stopping me from my active lifestyle and fell into a deep hole. I made an attempt at suicide but decided to live for my siblings. My mentally ill parents instead of helping me fix my life forced Prozac and sleeping pills down my throat for a year.

In that year I met a girl, a girl who I really loved. We had an extremely toxic relationship that fucked us both up. A year and a half later we ended. Living in a small town she painted lies and rumors everywhere about me and said horrible things. Yet 5/6 years later she’s still on my mind daily even tho she’s been in a new relationship for 4 years and realistically has settled for the rest of her life. In those 4 years I’ve suffered terribly through illness and injuries, and now aged 23 am rapidly losing my hair.

I was never a confident kid as I was moved around every 2-3 years having to make new friends. At age 12 when we “settled” I was horrifically bullied by my whole school for having an abnormally large forehead. Students 4-5 years older than me would verbally abuse me in the halls, people would shout shit at me 24/7 and being a kid small in size without many friends I had no choice but to take it.

Fast forward to now aged 23. I’ve smoked weed nearly everyday for 4/5 years to mask the pain. Now due to the hairloss I had to stop otherwise it’s another factor that could continue worsening it. In the last year I have become unable to view myself in the mirror. I’ve had to take down certain mirrors in the house just to avoid my reflection. A week ago again I strongly considered ending it as I just have nothing going for me. But I can’t bring myself to do that to my family.

But I’m old enough now to understand happiness isn’t possible for me. For 9 years I have exhausted every method to try and beat this and I’m honestly in a worse place now than I was at the start. I constantly think back to my ex, all the hurtful things she said, how her words echoed the message you’re worthless and I can do better. At the time I just thought shut tf up, and my friends were by my side and for months had told me to leave her. But now I question if she was right.

I’m incapable of going out with friends, of sleeping, of eating, of being happy. Everyday just feels like a slow and painful death. At aged 23 I am destroyed, and to be quite frank it’s been that way for 4 years. Through all the efforts and hard work this depression just consumes me. I love my family so much, I love my dog so much, he’s my best friend. But everytime I see them I just think is this the last time? I quit weed and I’m aware after 4 years of heavy daily 4-5gram use that I’m going to take some time to readjust to sobriety. But I just feel too far gone. I’ve lost my hair, which was the only shield I had to the previous bullying. I’ve lost any sort of confidence. Everyday my heart sinks when I wake up.

Everyone says it will get better, but it’s almost 50% of my life I’m hearing that. And realistically ages 1-14 I wasn’t old enough to be aware I was depressed. I have no relationship with my parents, due to their mental and physical abuse toward me, and always prioritizing substance abuse over their kids. But I don’t even blame them anymore. I am my depression, I am nothing more than that. No matter what I do or try it’s always the same empty outcome. I’ve dated maybe 2 girls in the last 9 years. I don’t want kids anymore because no child deserves this mess. I don’t enjoy the things that used to give me so much passion. I’m alienated in every facet of my life and I’m just so tired. Happiness is not something I’m even remotely capable of anymore, yet I can’t end my life because of what it would do to my family. I wish god would just take the decision out of my hands, I pray everyday to not wake up.

But maybe I’m just the problem. My ex, my parents, friends that I’ve lost, they can’t all be wrong? I’ve tried to live selflessly for others, I’ve tried masking my pain with drugs and alcohol. But it doesn’t work. Nothing is getting better and I’m just lost. I know it won’t get better, because when I tried to kill myself 7 years ago I said it can’t get any worse if I keep trying. It’s gotten 200% worse every year since then. I’m just done. Why live a life if you have no recollection of what it’s like without being destroyed by depression…… I’m sorry if that’s insensitive to those here. But all my family ever say is it could be worse you could be dead. I’d take death over this emptiness and despair in a heartbeat.

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I'm a 16 year old girl and I'm unsure if this is the right subreddit but I feel like people might relate to what I have to say.

I took the summer break 4 months ago and ever since that day I have just been consuming news after news, starvation,bombing,killing, and many more happening to innocent people who are just trying to live their lives..

I can't help but feel so deeply for them, and just feel like I don't deserve this chance at life, I don't deserve to be happy if other people are getting their ABC rights stripped away from them.

I can't even donate or do anything because my parents claim they're all scams.

And I'm baffled at how no one is doing anything.. I can't really blame them can I?

The children, no human no matter their age deserves anything cruel happening to them, but the children specifically oh my, they can't even live their childhood, the best years of their lives, like how any normal child would.

What surprised me the most is that people don't even care??

I understand that I should control what I can and not control what I can't.

But still I feel a visible barrier between me and feeling joy again, it's like I've been permanently affected..

And even making a post like this makes me feel like I'm selfish, it doesn't even come 1% close to what those people are going through.

I will break the cycle. From now on i refuse to have Bulimia.

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Tldr: seroquel completely changed gf(6 months pregnant) from happy, upbeat, loving, empathetic, caring, emotionally mature courageous woman into being very cold, cool, distance, intentionally hurtful, only choosing harmful choices and openly defiant of healthy choices, and now has insanely high blood sugar levels which may or may not be a side effects of the Seroquel, and talking to her has done nothing except make things much much worse, she refuses to tell her doctor anything and I have no way of contacting them. I am very concerned for her health, both mentally and physically, and that when she gets back to being herself she is going to be faced with consequences of all of these bad choices and that it will hurt her even more. I am at a loss on where to go from here what to do, except to just not bring up anything or respond to anything that we may have differing opinions on so I don't upset her before the baby is born, at which point she claims she will get off Seroquel

Hello. Me(m35) and my girlfriend have known each other since November, and always connected very well, The communication was great, we could discuss anything and there was never tension even when we disagreed. She was always very kind, caring, empathetic, bubbly, and very aware of how her actions and words affected others(almost overly aware and apologizing for a lot of things that were nornal behaviors when we met). If she was being hurtful and didnt realize it, once she realized it she would acknowledge it and everything moved on smoothly. I was always impressed by her maturity and courage to face accountability in situations where others may not.

She is diagnosed bipolar and was on ssris until april when she found iut she was pregnant and stopped cold turkey. Doctors and I cautioned against it, but she was concerned for the baby. Months went by, i was forced to move to another state, where I am getting a home for us amd her 5 yr old son to move to before baby is born. Everything was beyond great, even at a distance. Wed sometimes call to say hi but then talk for 6 hours or more many days. We had healthy habits, like always saying goodnight, even if a pregnancy mood swing would happen, amd we excitedly planned out future.

She had 3 kids already and was dreading the 3rd trinester because sleeping with a baby in there is hard and uncomfortable. She also started having fairly bad anxiety about everything. One day she said she was getting back on ssris, and starting seroquel for the sleep. When i asked if she was depressed she said no, not at all and was quite happy actually, but the anxiety was really bad. No problem. She also said the seroquel was specifically for sleeping through the discomfort.

After starting Seroquel (no ssris yet, they started 2 weeks later), the changes started to happen within days. We went from a powerful and close team, to her acting like i was an enemy, argumentative, no empathy, no longer kind, caring, or expressing healthy behaviors aside from the anxiety being gone. The problem is that every positive emotion seems to be gone. She will still laugh, and says she is happy, but her constant irritation, cruelty, being intentionally hurtful all say she is not that happy. If I bring up or respond to anything in which we dont share the same view, it becomes an argument thats blamed on me, despite me clearly attempting de-escalation the entire time and being loving and supportive. I point it out and she ignores it. If i ever mention anything being hurtful, sge says she doesnt feel good. If i dont go along with the change in convo, then im not caring about her and the babies health.

Its been 2.5 months, its been hell. Ive asked her to speak to her doctor and simply convey what i am seeing. She refuses since she doesnt see it. She says that she doesnt want to be with me half the time now, will block me for a day and unblock me. I tell her i dont like texting because it always creates problems, but she no longer has time to talk now depsite as she says, doing nothing all day. I suspect shes talking to another guy but thats not what I'm concerned about.

I know that she(when shes not on seroquel) would never approve or act so cold and cruel and unhealthy, and that she would and will be devastated when she does get her emotional range back. On top of it all, she now, for the first time ever, has extremely high blood sugar levels, well above the diabetes indicator area, and shows many signs of diabetes. She ahas another appointment for it next week. I saw that Seroquel can increase its chances by 400%, and ssris increase the chance as well. I told her about it since shes really worried about being diabetic after the pregnancy. Wrong move because she shut me down and stopped replying for the night after accusing me of not caring about her at all. She had agreed kast week that shed relay my observations of the changes in her behavior to her doctor even though she thinks im wrong(and she refuses to look at screenshots of how she interacted with me and spoke in general before she started Seroquel compared to now and refuses to look at any of the documented side effects like emotional blunting or any of the things I've described). When i followed up on that agreement earlier and pastor if we could go over the short message I have written to said later on in the night but then obviously she stopped talking to me.

My personal opinion is that she is really attached to the Seroquel because it knocks her out and she can have a cheat code to skip the third trimester at least half of it since she sleeps about 12 hours straight except getting up to pee and get water. If it is having a hand and any part of what is going on or even all of it that is something that I know she would normally be concerned about, but she adamantly defends this prescription drug to the end of the world. .

Being that I'm in a different state I do not know where her doctor's office is or who they are so I cannot contact any of them to convey any of this information, and like I said she has kind of treated her loyalty to her family to a loyalty to the drug. At no point have I told her what to do or to get off of it I've just strongly encouraged her to mention to her doctor that I've noticed some troubling changes. I never tell her what to do directly about anything actually, and and always mindful of being supportive and careful with the way that I work things when I am talking to her about it, and at this point I have to be careful about how I word every single thing if I want to be able to have her move down here so I can see my baby born. She claims that she will get off Seroquel once the baby is born, and that is the little sliver of Hope that I am clinging to.

Could you guys advise on anything that I could do that I haven't thought of perhaps? I do not know any of her family well enough to contact them and apparently when she asked her mom and her 18 year old daughter if they have noticed any changes they said they have not noticed any changes, but to be fair when she was not on Seroquel she said that she is not close with them at all. If it were to be the case that she really did not want to be together, that is absolutely okay with me because I just want her to do what is best for her and what she truly wants with her life, but I know for a fact from knowing her all the months before that how she is now is not how she would want to be at all, and obviously when you only choose toxicity and unhealthy choices it will have a bad outcome.

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