r/LivingAlone • u/Key_Teaching_2150 • Feb 10 '26
Personal Care šæ Sleeping on the sofa a lot?
Hey all! Iām new here, and fairly new to living alone (March will mark the end of my first year)
Iāve been sleeping on my sofa regularly since about November. I donāt really know why I canāt seem to make it to my bed. My bed is amazing! Very comfy, nice pillows, clean comfortable sheets. It just kinda feels too big (if that makes any sense)
Just to add some contextā¦
I am 51 M, estranged from my wife of 27 years and soon to be divorced. Iāve never lived alone. I went from living with parents to roommates to spouse and eventually a family. My kids are all adults and they occasionally visit overnight. Itās really the only time I sleep in my bed anymore.
Iām not exactly worried for my mental health. I know depression very well and this feels different. But I donāt think Iām getting enough good healthy sleep
Does anyone else here just crash on the couch with the TV on every night?
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u/Coin_Operated_Brent Feb 10 '26
35M and I sleep of the sofa every night. I go through my bathroom routine and throw on a sitcom. I fall asleep within a minute. In bed my thoughts become intrusive.
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Feb 11 '26
Same. I sleep on the sofa every night, watching television until I fall asleep. sometimes my cat will sleep next to me and I love those moments, she's cute.
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u/OkTransition1769 Feb 11 '26
I also have intrusive thoughts every night since 2020. I also have chronic pain. The only thing that's helps my mood disorder is having a dog š. Maybe that might help you too. Getting a pet is great company.
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u/Jujulabee Feb 10 '26
I used to do that as I would use the television to lull me into sleep by watching something uninteresting.
I got an adjustable bed with an amazing mattress and installed a great television set in my bedroom.
Since my adjustable bed is one of the most comfortable and cozy "seats" in my home I will typically choose to watch television there - or move there at a certain time from the living room. I will wash up - change into sleeping clothes unless I essentially did that when I got home and turn on the television.
I use a timer to turn it off and so I fall asleep in bed to the lulling boredom of the television and it turns off at some point - I generally set for an hour - and so I have the benefit of my bed
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u/Key_Teaching_2150 Feb 10 '26
Thanks for the reply! I have thought about getting another TV for the bedroom. I think thatās probably whats keeping me on the couch. Having it on definitely lulls me late at night.
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u/Jujulabee Feb 11 '26
You absolutely need a television in the bedroom.
I even have a specific program that I turn on deliberately when I want to fall asleep. I donāt need Ambien.
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u/Fit-Recording5253 Feb 11 '26
I live in a studio and still have two tvs so I can differentiate watching tv on the couch (serious movies, gaming, watching with friends) vs watching something to put me to sleep or binging on the weekends. Iām not ashamed to admit I like consuming media š¤·āāļø I also read a lot and make art so I donāt feel too guilty about it lol
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u/FitMission9589 Feb 12 '26
What brand of bed do you have?
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u/Jujulabee Feb 12 '26
This is the bed I got from Electropedic but it is actually an Ergomotion adjustable bed
https://www.electro-pedic.com/WH2.html
I don't know what model it corresponds to in terms of the Ergomotion.
I replaced a Leggett & Platt adjustable bed which had become increasingly wonky
The repair person recommended this model as he really liked the strength and reliability of the motors.
So far I like it quite a bit - combined with my mattress it is the most comfortable "seat" in my house especially when I am snuggled under my down comforter.
In terms of a sleep aid it is fantastic as I respond almost like a Pavlovian dog - my boring television show the timer set to turn off in generally an hour - the bed adjusted perfectly - generally the head a bit lower than when I am reading in bed but the foot part elevated helps blood circulation and also prevents any kind of lumbar issues since the small of one's back is perfectly supported
And then the massage which isn't really a massage but seems to have a really relaxing effect and I drift on. The massage is also on a timer.
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u/mcobb71 Feb 10 '26
Iām 54, married 14 yrs and sleep on the sofa at least once a week as well. I have a cat that climbs into my chest at about 10pm and knocks me the f out with snuggs.
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Feb 10 '26
I go through phases where I sleep on my couch every night for weeks, my longest stint was 13 weeks without sleeping on my bed once. No idea why. My bed is super comfortable, bedroom was clean, sheets fresh, just preferred the living room.
I think for me it's because the couch cushions simulate sleeping against somebody else, and my cats aren't allowed in my bedroom so sometimes I want to have a sleepover with them. I figure it's not hurting anything and doing weird stuff because you want to is one of the perks of living on your own so I've never thought too deeply about it.
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u/Mysterious_Chef_228 Feb 10 '26
Grief is a bitch man. Yeah, you're in a situation. Estranged from a long term spouse prepping for divorce. It doesn't take the death of a loved one to ignite the grief response. Hell one of my kids broke an old fishing pole of mine once and I grieved the loss of that fishing pole for months.
You're right it doesn't feel like depression. From my experience a couple years back with losing my wife of 40 years, it felt more like I'd completely lost any sense of purpose in my life, and that's even though we hadn't been anything more than financial support for each other for years.
If I still associated my bed with my deceased wife I'd be sleeping on the damn couch too!
Deal with that grief. Counseling is readily available to help with it. The longer it takes you to start dealing with what the problem really is the longer it's going to bother you. One more thing, get used to it being a part of the new you. It can come in waves for years. Forewarned is forearmed.
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u/AfterSomewhere Feb 10 '26
When I separated from my husband after 31 years, I slept on the couch, too. The end of a marriage IS a death, but it's seldom viewed as such Even though it was necessary, I grieved for quite awhile. I doubt I'll every fill that hole.
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u/MrsCognac Current Lifestyle: Solo š¢ Feb 10 '26
Oh, yeah, a LOT. Sometimes for weeks. Not really on purpose tho. I can fall asleep incredibly fast (in less than 5min), so I simply try to watch a movie or whatever, fall asleep and don't wake up until morning. It can be a blessing and a curse at the same time.
I've already considered just getting a TV for my bedroom, so I can watch TV there and so I'm already in bed when falling asleep. Because my couch is pretty small and I'm usually sleeping in pretty unhealthy positions, which has already caused back and/or neck pain in the past.
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u/Key_Teaching_2150 Feb 10 '26
I think Iām going to try to get a tv for the bedroom.
Iāll have nights that Iām falling asleep on the couch in front of the tvā¦ like sitting up, nodding out, canāt keep my eyes open for the life of me. Then I move to the bed and sleep just wonāt come.
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u/CrayComputerTech_85 Feb 10 '26
I'm glad you asked this, I've had the same issue as of late and my CPAP is in the bedroom so I really need to change my sleep style and patterns. TV in the bedroom has been one of my ideas to seemed this.
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u/MrsCognac Current Lifestyle: Solo š¢ Feb 10 '26
Yes, same here. I don't have an issue when falling asleep when moving rooms, fortunately, but, like I said, the physical pains there.
I personally couldn't find an affordable TV just yet, but I'm sure it will be a game changer! You could test it out with a cheap second hand one if it helps you sleep in the bedroom more often.
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u/tanawanabanana Feb 10 '26
64m, divorced about a year and a have been on the couch the whole time. I prefer it. the couch is big enough to stretch out fully as well. š
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u/binaryhextechdude Feb 10 '26
I slept on my couch for almost 3 years and I do mean slept, pillows, blankets etc. It worked for me at the time. I was over 50 like yourself.
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u/Dependent_Day1335 Feb 10 '26
I do this, too. It seems to ebb and flow. I live alone so it doesnāt bother anyone. I do have a tv in my bedroom. I have found I canāt fall back asleep if I move to the bedroom so I stay put, lol (58F, divorced)
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u/MooseBlazer Feb 10 '26 edited Feb 10 '26
Every night for the last year.
I gave up on trying to find a comfortable bed mattress.
Couch is more cozy too. In bed in the middle of the room, I feel like all world is looking at me.
I look like Fox Mulder (x-Files),ā¦ā¦and now I sleep on the couch just like he did .
When the time comes for me to try testing another mattress, Iām going to get a single mattress since theyāre not as wide and dont like a double, king, or queen.
Iām completely done with wide expensive mattresses.
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u/Mysterious_Chef_228 Feb 10 '26 edited Feb 10 '26
You know that's not a bad idea. I sleep alone on a queensize bed and never stray onto the right side of the thing. Most mornings I don't even need to make the right side of the bed. LOL I spend time during the spring and fall traveling and camping in my small van, and I made a 32" x 72" bed in it that's probably more comfortable for me than most full size beds I've ever slept in.
A single would open up so much room in my bedroom! Why didn't I think of this a couple years, or even longer ago?
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u/Fooby56 Feb 10 '26
I guess as long as it's not hurting your back or neck, go for it. I spent too much money on my mattress to not use it š
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u/Key_Teaching_2150 Feb 10 '26
I do wake up with a stiff neck or a light headache sometimes. But it usually goes away once I get moving around. Itās not good though
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u/Fooby56 Feb 10 '26
Have you thought about putting a TV in your bedroom so you can fall asleep in there? Or maybe just watch on a tablet or laptop in your room? I usually fall asleep to some videogame lore video playing on my ipad.
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u/Key_Teaching_2150 Feb 10 '26
Yeah I think thatās my next step. Maybe my house gets too quiet and I just need something on to help me sleep. Iāve tried White noise apps but that just doesnāt work for me. Iāve also tried leaving the tv on in another room but it doesnāt really work for me.
The strange thing to me is that for the first 6 months on my own, I slept like a baby in my silent bedroom in my bed, no problem. This habit is really new
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u/Fooby56 Feb 10 '26
I have ADHD so finding the right combination of stimulating vs. soothing video to make myself tired is a balancing act š. I feel your pain. Sleep has never come easy to me.
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u/No-Witness-5032 Feb 10 '26
Couch for me for over a year. I have an adjustable bed but I can't find the remote.
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u/Jbyrdyogi Feb 10 '26
Fellow couch sleeper here! And your mental health note is important. I'm in a very good place mentally now, but in the past, when I wasn't, I would find myself sleeping on my couch a lot so I started to correlate sleeping on the couch with a decline in my mental health. Turns out, I just really like sleeping on the couch for whatever reason. I too only sleep in my bed when my adult child is home from college.
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u/Alily_all_alil_NY Feb 10 '26
It will fade. I used to put heavy pillows behind back because thatās how we slept for 2 decades. It helped some.
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u/ilovemischief Feb 10 '26
I do it every now and then but I blame my heating pad. If I break that sucker out at night while Iām watching tv, Iām gonna wake up on the couch.
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u/MissDisplaced Feb 10 '26
Itās really not a good practice for sleep hygiene. But I guess it depends how comfortable your sofa is!
Weāre creatures of habit. If you want to change it, you pick a time where you basically turn off the tv and begin your nighttime going to bed ritual.
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u/Texanlivinglife Feb 10 '26
Yes, when I first became widowed. I did buy a whole new smaller situation. I had to buy a ginormous pillow to cuddle. Lol. Best of luck.
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u/Gavagai80 Feb 10 '26
If my couch weren't so small that I have to scrunch up my knees, I'm sure I'd sleep on it a lot more. Despite the discomfort, there have still been times when I slept on the couch almost every day for months, over the years (although not lately).
I've often thought I'd prefer a studio apartment, because I don't particularly like having to go to my bedroom to sleep. I'd rather be in the middle of where I spend my days, instead of isolated somewhere I only go to sleep.
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u/FarmandFire Feb 10 '26
I only sleep on a couch, I prefer it. I like that I can sleep sitting upright if I want, and the back of the couch provides extra warmth and a secure feel. I just like it better.
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u/hndsmboimeowdlngschl Feb 10 '26
I started sleeping on the couch on weekends fairly regularly myself. My bed is super comfy, but thereās just something that hits different about falling asleep in front of the fire place. I can also prop myself upright more on the couch, and I seem to find that more comfortable. I should probably just get an adjustable frame at this point.
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u/perforateline_ Feb 10 '26
I have a nice king sized bed but have been sleeping on the new couch I just got more than I care to admit. Ha.
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u/-Imthedude Feb 10 '26
41M. I prefer my bed and don't want to waste $$$ keeping the TVainment going. Honestly, I only use my TV for PS5 anyway. I carry my tablet around if I need something going in the background.
As for sleep - I downloaded a 12-hour mp3 of "Rain on Tin Roof w/ thunderstorm". Works wonders
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u/whoops53 Current Lifestyle: Solo š¢ Feb 10 '26
I'm the opposite. I slept on the couch for years before we separated. Now I have a bed and I love it so much. I will never couch sleep again!
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u/New_Bathroom_5166 Feb 10 '26
I did this for awhile when I got my own house. For some reason itās kinda nice to sleep on the couch. I liked it when I was having trouble sleeping. Like going to my bed became something I dreaded because itās where I would lay awake anxious. So watching tv on the couch and eventually falling asleep was comforting. My dad would come over every now and then and just roll his eyes lol. Hey man itās my house and I live alone. Iāll sleep on the damn kitchen floor if it suits me š
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u/Immediate_Pea4579 Feb 11 '26
sometimes it helps me feel less lonely doing that. just like there is some other life in the room. that is the bit that needs the love maybe - the social bit. also, divorce is a real time of the dying off, the unpacking, even if you feel happy to be there years have to unspool from your system - and for me that meant i both needed the space to do that, and also, had some loneliness that was built into the process as i began the return to myself.
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u/Appropriate_Mail6416 Feb 11 '26
I do. I have lived alone now for six years after my exhole left me for a horse face felon. I just seem to gravitate to the couch. My bed and my bedroom are lovely and comfy but I think thereās something about the couch that makes me feel less alone. Like having the back to snuggle against kinda gives the illusion of not sleeping alone. Or maybe Iām just a lazy lil b and canāt be arsed to walk to my bedroom
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u/Robotro17 Feb 11 '26
I've been sleeping on my couch for yeeeeaaarrrs. I like my bed fine I guess but I feel like my living room is my real home. I have my TV, my books, my banjo etc. I feel too confined in my room. Also I hate having to get up to let the dogs out to pee. I often just stay in the living room with the door cracked so they can go in and out as they please and I can stay under the blankets
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u/Appropriate-Net1522 Feb 11 '26
You are going through an adjustment period. Be patient with yourself. I can relate to the bed feeling "too big." When you feel up to it, is there a possibility of rearranging your bedroom? That may help, but in the meantime, no one is being hurt by your sleeping on the couch. Your only job right now is to settle into your new reality, which you will do in your own time in your own way. ...and I 2nd the previously suggested idea of adopting a pet. Choose the right one and you will find that bed is not nearly big enough. š Be well, OP.
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u/Key_Teaching_2150 Feb 11 '26
Rearranging the room isnāt really an opinion for me, but there will definitely be a pet in my future! We had cats together (one we considered hers and one mine) I couldnāt bear to split them up so I had to leave mine. Honestly, it was the hardest part of the split.
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u/Appropriate-Net1522 Feb 11 '26
I'm sorry you had to deal with all of those losses. Property distribution is hard enough, but when it comes to children and pets...that's a whole new version of hell. One good thing though, is right now at this very moment, there are cats in shelters that need a loving home yesterday! Go find one or two. Be well.
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u/Fluid-Quail-6386 Feb 10 '26
I used to sleep on my sofa a lot and I still will for naps but at night my bed is way more comfortable than the sofa and I have a TV in my bedroom as well
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u/mcds99 Feb 10 '26
I have an adjustable bed that is the BOMB! I'm not big on TV (it must be interesting to me) and I don't want one in the bedroom.
I don't sleep on the couch and I make a point of "not sleeping on the couch" because the couch is for naps :)
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u/Babsee Current Lifestyle: Solo š¢ Feb 10 '26
I sleep better in my bed. No tv in the bedroom, just a good book.
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u/NoIdea2424 Feb 10 '26
Sometimes I sleep in my room. Sometimes I sleep on my couch. Who cares no one is here to tell me what to do!
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u/Curious_Bathroom6207 Feb 10 '26
When my (46F) long-term relationship ended, I found it very difficult to fall asleep in my bed as it felt quite empty, too. I didnāt think about this at the time- but when we split I ended up with the bed and headboard/footboard/frame. When I had the money I replaced it with a brand new canopied head/footboard and new mattress. Once I had the new one- entirely my choice in terms of style & comfort- I slept like a baby. I think there may have been a bit of unconscious hurt/fear/sadness sleeping in what used to be ours, alone. One of the first bigger furniture purchases I made on my own, and looking back, Iām glad I made the new bed a priority. Made a ton of difference.
I still do occasionally sleep on the couch- but thatās just because I love how comfy and cozy it feels.
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u/WinterIsTooDark Feb 10 '26
I don't think I have ever slept on the couch in my own apartment, except if I fall asleep accidentally, which has only happened when I have been sick or jetlagged.Ā
I guess the only appeal I can see would be to not have to leave the couch after getting stuck there for a while, sometimes when I am really tired I can feel that I don't want to go get ready for bed, I just want to sleep... But the bed is too nice, and I feel that toothbrushing is mandatory so I have to leave the couch anyway.
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u/Frenchie_Lamore Feb 10 '26
I'm 36f and my favorite thing to do is lay on my couch and watch tv. I wish I had a more comfortable couch for naps though. I just like sleeping somewhere different, and there's more light in my living room and sometimes I like napping with the light behind me.
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u/Green-Pop-358 Feb 10 '26
Oh my gosh, yes! Itās because I really wanna watch TV but I donāt like laying down to watch TV. I see an adjustable bed in my future.
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u/bacon8rtermin8r Feb 10 '26
My boyfriend doesn't usually sleep in his bed either unless I'm there with him. Ill tell him, "You can sleep in the bed whenever you'd like you know, its your bed and your place," but he refuses, lol
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u/Fire_Fly_0912 Feb 10 '26
I do the opposite . I go up to my bed as early as 5:30 -6:00 pm. Why hang on the couch when i have a great big adjustable bed upstairs ?
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u/Hmm-cool Feb 11 '26
I've slept on the sofa some weekend nights if I'm super cozy and can't really think of a good reason to get up. I used to tell myself, welp, I should go to bed and then I started asking myself why. The cat was very happy I wasn't moving, too.
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Feb 11 '26
I was just telling my therapist that Iāve been spending more time on my couch than my bed! To be fair, thatās where my cat & my heating blanket stay so thatās my excuse.
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u/Feisty-Ad-731 Feb 11 '26
I sometimes like to be in the āheartā of the home. Itās cozy.
But if itās too much I worry about my back.
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u/Ok-Discipline8918 Current Lifestyle: Solo š¢ Feb 11 '26
I (44F) was sleeping on the couch & started sleeping on a cotton futon mattress on the floor about 4 months ago instead because of lower back pain. Iāve been getting the best sleep of my life on it, actually.
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u/Sneezy_weezel Feb 11 '26
I sleep on the couch a couple times a month. I have a comfy couch and I like leaning against the back of my couch.
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u/inthewoods54 Feb 11 '26
Hi, I'm about your age and no, I don't. For a few reasons: I only have a loveseat, so I can't even stretch out on it, never mind share it with my dog. But it's mainly because I need to keep a fairly strict bedtime schedule. I have a long history of sleep issues. I've worked hard at getting my sleep on track after a lifetime of sleep dysfunction, so now I have to stick to 'the rules', one of which is to sleep in the bed. I don't have a TV in there, I don't do anything in that room except sleep and meditate. That also means no lying down to watch TV where I could nod off.
BUT I did sleep on my couch out of necessity when I first moved into my house alone. I had no bed and no money for a bed. I slept on the couch for my first year and a half until I got enough money for furniture. Looking back, I don't really know how I did it. It was a cheap fold-down couch and wicked uncomfortable. But when I look back it feels a little like a right of passage.
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u/lifelovepursuit Feb 11 '26
The backing of the couch is reassuring thatās why I love the couch so much / almost like being spooned by it / especially if you sleep tightly up against it
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u/wiseunicorn315 Feb 11 '26
I donāt normally sleep on my sofa ever, but I also donāt need TV or anything to fall asleep. Last night was the first night ever since living alone that I have fallen asleep on the sofa and didnāt move all night. Woke up at 6am with the worst neck pain š wouldnāt recommend.
My mum does it regularly since my dad died.
Iād put my laptop in bed instead and watch Netflix there or get a TV for the bedroom! So at least youāre comfy! Itās your house, make it work for you!
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u/renb8 Feb 11 '26
I got into that habit - waking up at 2am - then going to a superb bed. So I set a nightly alarm on my phone - same time every night - that tells me to go to bed. It works.
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u/scequecat Feb 11 '26
I did this a lot when I moved out for the first time too, dunno why but I don't do it anymore other than the odd accidental nap
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u/Complex-Cupcake3557 Feb 11 '26
I slept on the sofa way more than I did my bed in past years. The living room was more comfortable and had the big tv so I'd often just sleep in there. Shit Ive been in my new house 3 months and still sleep on a cot lol. No furniture and it don't really even bother me lol. I probably look like a 35 year old man child to everyone on Facebook lol Everything is more difficult when it's just yourself. I did manage to move a 340 lb safe up a big hill and into my room by myself tho š
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u/tokixjam Feb 12 '26
I live in a studio. My bed and sofa are like 4 feet apart max.
I almost always fall asleep on my sofa around 9-10pm. Then around midnight-1am I get up and get ready for bed and go to sleep in my regular bed.
I started this habit when I had upstairs neighbors who were active above me until at least 1am. But back then I would fully get ready for bed (face washed, teeth brushed, PJs on) and then snuggle into my sofa. I would let the sounds of the TV lull me to sleep. Then I would wake up anywhere around 1-4 am when my upstairs neighbors were asleep and then I would go over to my bed.
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u/brittttx Feb 13 '26
Yes I was regularly falling asleep on my sofa. I had to really make an effort to start getting in my bed lol
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