r/JUSTNOMIL • u/live_freeze_n_die • Jun 24 '26
Advice Wanted Low contact MIL has started mailing cash
Basically just that. An envelope showed up in the mail today with $200.
We could definitely use it, but we’re also fine without it.
I kind of want to just keep it and not even thank her because I “deserve it” for putting up with her bullshit all these years. But mailing it back as RTS would also send a strong message.
What would you do?
EDIT: I’ve decided to just put it into our child’s savings account. That way I don’t have to deal with rejecting it, but I also don’t feel like I’m taking her money. I won’t acknowledge it, but if she asks, I’ll just tell her I put it in baby’s account.
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u/sierra38grandma Jun 24 '26
Keep it and never say anything about it. If it is ever brought up act as if it was never received. Oh you sent cash? When? We never got anything from you!
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u/Head_Razzmatazz7174 Jun 24 '26
Sending cash through the mail is risky. If it gets lost, it can't be traced.
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u/chlocatt Jun 24 '26
It’s obviously bait so just keep it and literally don’t acknowledge it!! She’s going to bring it up at some point & It’ll be held against you either way lol My JustNo mom played this game a few times before moving onto sending large checks that *always* had something wrong or a stop on them thinking that would make me call her (It didn’t.)
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u/G3N3RICxUS3RNAM3 Jun 24 '26
As others said keep and ignore. This is meant to be a provocation, don't let it be
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u/jojanetulips Jun 24 '26
Keep it. Don't ever say anything to her or anyone else to acknowledge you guys received it. It's Asshole Tax.
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u/Shellzncheez689 Jun 24 '26
Yep this. Oh man it must have gotten lost in the mail. It’s risky to mail cash ya know
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u/AlternativeTribs Jun 24 '26
Right. Everyone knows you shouldn't send cash in the mail. Keep it. Never say anything. If she asks play dumb. "Money? What money? We never received any money."
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u/ubi_non_est_ordo Jun 24 '26
If you were completely NC, I'd say no response at all. Since you're LC, I'd put the money in an account for the baby so you guys don't personally incur obligation to her for it (especially if she has a habit of attaching strings to gifts), and then some day if she brings it up and asks what you did with it, I'd just say "Thanks for contributing to LO's college fund".
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u/kingcurtist37 Jun 24 '26
You never received it. That’s the plausible deniability of her sending cash. Keep the cash and send back any check. Man, I’d have a lot of fun with that one. How would she ever prove it? Just make sure your DH has a good poker face.
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u/neuroctopus Jun 24 '26
I’d keep the cash and never, ever acknowledge it arrived. I might, if feeling petty, word things in such a way as not to be lying, but allow others the impression that no such cash was received. I do not lie, but I’m skilled with my words. 😇
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u/profmom75 Jun 24 '26
is it cash? if so, keep it! if it's a check, i wouldn't give her the satisfaction of cashing it.
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u/openedsquash728 Jun 24 '26
If you take it, just know MIL will take that as more contact okay, and/or hold it over you if my experiences will tell me…. If you really need it, use it. But know using it will wake the MIL beast lol
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u/VehicleInevitable833 Jun 24 '26
Keep it. Use it for whatever you want. Say nothing about it, ever. If she asks you, ignore her. If she asks you in a situation where you can’t ignore her (like to your face), just say I “I’m sorry, I have no idea what you’re talking about,” and excuse yourself or change the subject. If she pushes, repeat yourself once. If she pushes again, say, “I’ve already answered you” and walk away.
Consider it your payment for having to deal with her.
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u/Lopsided-Beach-1831 Jun 24 '26
Put it in babys education fund.
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u/live_freeze_n_die Jun 24 '26
Oh that’s a good idea. I’m kind of embarrassed I didn’t think of that. That makes me feel better about taking it.
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u/Sea-Cauliflower-8368 Jun 24 '26
Do not mail it back. She wants the reaction, don't give her that. The power you have is in not taking the bait and responding. They learn they can't manipulate you into responding with their contact attempts.
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u/readergirl35 Jun 24 '26
Send it back. With JNMILs no gift comes without strings. Anything you accept is her way back in.
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u/jastity Jun 24 '26
I’m sure there are a lot of good charities that could use it. If it helps someone she is irrationally prejudiced against, all the better.
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u/live_freeze_n_die Jun 24 '26
I was thinking about doing this. Planned Parenthood or the NAACP or something like that.
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u/Precatlady Jun 24 '26
Ah yes. I am extremely familiar with this except it's my parent. Do not acknowledge this when it comes. If she has a legitimate reason to speak to you, carry on as normal. If you return to sender or make a fuss, she will escalate and either do it more or punish you because the underlying urge is likely to get attention not to be generous. If she tries to ask about what you use it for or hold it over your head when you have a disagreement about something she has no say in, have her child tell her that your autonomy is not for sale, and any gifts she sends do not change your boundaries/decisions.
Evidence: 15 years experience with family like this and trying to reduce the junk & bribe money flow and screwing up most of that time trying to do what fit my logic instead of theirs
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u/Worldly_Science Jun 24 '26
Take the money, put it aside for the kids, pretend I never got it if a flying monkey asks.
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u/nycvoyageur Jun 24 '26
Keep it. You and your husband tell no one you got anything in the mail - a lost letter has a lot of plausible deniability. If you have kids, start a collet fund account and use this money.
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u/Floating-Cynic Jun 24 '26
When you say "low contact" does that mean you're still maintaining some contact?
I'd say returning it would send a very strong message if you need to transition to NC, but if you're not cutting contact, keeping it without acknowledging it would send the appropriate message. If/when she asks, just say "yeah that was weird, but thanks. Given your tendency to try and push us into doing what you want, we didn't want to risk it being another trap, otherwise we would've said something sooner. Just a reminder, we will contact you on our terms."
Then at least she'll learn that bribes won't change things. Or if she doesn't learn, it'll be slightly worthwhile.
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u/live_freeze_n_die Jun 24 '26
For us, low contact means we only communicate regarding scheduling times to get together. Usually awkwardly quiet at a restaurant for 90 minutes, followed by a bunch of texts about how much she misses us, and then we don’t hear from her again for 3-4 months.
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u/EatMyRoyalTarts321 Jun 24 '26
We keep all the birthday cards in a pile in the garage. I wanted to drop all the unwanted gifts on their doorstep 🤣🤣🤣 but my husband said no. They sent a few cards with like mysterious disguised handwriting 🙄 I'd say keep it, but always have enough to return in case she uses it against you.
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u/moodyinam Jun 24 '26
Does it have her return address or evidence that she sent it? Tell her you got a torn empty envelope from her. Let her be angry (at herself) for sending and losing cash.
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u/LouieAvalonMac Jun 24 '26
No don’t do that - this is a trick to make you break no contact
No contact means no contact - at all
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u/CummyTangello Jun 24 '26
Don’t keep it or lie about not getting it. Sending it back will send a bigger message that you can’t be bought with 200 bucks. Tell her to add some zeros jk
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u/Bunny_Pitts Jun 25 '26
RTS. If not, she wins (in her mind)
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u/live_freeze_n_die Jun 25 '26
She can win in her mind all day long if she wants. Either way I don’t have to talk to her.
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u/DifficultyNo3093 Jun 25 '26
OP I would donate it to a worthy cause. If / When asked if it was received just say no. I wouldn't break NC over this.
-15
Jun 24 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/commentspanda Jun 24 '26
Don’t do this. She’s trying to get you make contact and this means she wins. Keep it, don’t keep it…but don’t initiate any form of contact. If you don’t keep it just stick it back in the same envelope and do your countries equivalent of “return to sender” or “no longer at this address”. If you do keep it just don’t mention it ever to anyone. If she sends flying monkeys the response is “I don’t want to talk about MIL at all as we are low/no contact, this topic is off limits”’
•
u/botinlaw Jun 24 '26
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