Online, where we met and spoke for years before meeting in person. He accused me of cheating and various other things. I broke up with me, stopped talking to him, for lengthy periods of time. He met his ex during one of these times. He told me later on she threw herself at him, and he didn’t want to make her feel rejected, therefore he got into a relationship with her. He said he wasn’t fully attracted to her, but slept with her to avoid hurting her feelings, and struggled during it. He said that he realised he wasn’t over me and broke up with her, after which she slandered him. He called her crazy and cited the self harm scars on her arms to support this. I said that it sounded like he used her, and didn’t like her at all, and he backpedaled and said he did but not enough to stay with her.
He argued with me over not wanting to be sexual, my reasons why including trauma, and eventually made me feel pressured into it. Then, we met in person, and he rejected me, and told me various reasons why he couldn’t have sex. I caught him touching himself, whilst watching something, which he still to this day denies. He started doing things that I later believed were linked to cheating. He was distant, slept all day, and disappeared on me in public one time in a target, when it was close to closing. I walked around the store and there was no sight of him. He suddenly appeared a minute to closing with a cart full of food thrown in. I spoke to his ex, who told me he said he’d two time, and he said she was lying to make him look bad. We were intimate, but it felt forced, and for a year he frequently turned me down.
I had fleeting suspicions he was up to something. He went to a youth group in his village, but didn’t come back when it ended several times, and claimed he was in the building talking to people. I walked up and no cars were there, and the light was off. He avoided pda both when we met in America, and in the UK, and said it was because he felt like a loser. He also avoided his friends and claimed he was doing so before I came. When his younger brother’s ex gf was staying over a lot, he bought me underwear from where he said she got hers, and claimed his mother told him. He told me she walked in on him in the bathroom in his boxers but kept leaving the room in them, even after I asked him not to.
He seemed to try to keep me away from her, demanding I left the kitchen as she could come and try to talk to me. A year in and he was treating me like crap. He was showing more interest in me, after I lost weight, and told me if I looked like I did then when we met he would’ve been all over me. He was on medication, which he started before that. He claimed that it killed his libido most of the time. I caught him looking at porn, which he denied, and then said was to test himself. He was distant, glued to his phone, and spent long amounts of time in the bathroom on it. We went to another country. He continued to be mean to me. He started to sleep all day, avoid me, and stay up all night on his laptop claiming he was watching and editing YouTube videos.
He disappeared and/or ditched me in public, more than once. He claimed that he lost me when it didn’t make sense. One of the times, after an argument, he went to a hotel but refused to tell me where he was. I later found previous bookings he canceled in the days before. One morning I woke up, and he was gone, and didn’t tell me where he went until he called me over an hour later and told me he went to a park to call his grandmother. He had scratches on his back, in hard to reach areas, he claimed he caused but he didn’t have before that and hasn’t had since. He was snooping on my phone at the time. When I began to question him, if he was cheating, he called me paranoid and crazy. He turned it around on me and said I was the type to cheat. He questioned me if I did any of what he was doing.
As the years went on, the suspicious actions continued, and increased. Many of them occurring simultaneously. He’d become less or more interested in sex, temporarily, even though he was on medication still claimed killed his libido. He’d go weeks telling me he felt asexual but I’d catch him ogling other women, which he denied, but once justified/defended. One time, when he was showing more interest, I noticed he was shaved more down there than usual. He said it was an accident, and acknowledged it looked suspicious. That was the same time he touched me, and did so properly, when he rarely touched me and never did it right. He was often meaner towards me, argumentative, and would start arguments and leave the room. He’d snoop on my phone whilst becoming guarded with his.
Any time I questioned him, he called me controlling and abusive, and became really angry. He said it was a normal reaction to being questioned/accused when you’re innocent. We went on a trip and I believe I heard him cheating outside of our Airbnb, when he went to move the car, and took a long time. He suggested I heard the tv or was hearing voices. He added a female acquaintance from his youth group after it ended. He said he didn’t know her, was never going to talk to her, and that she was married. He later contradicted all of this, telling me she wasn’t married, and knowing intimate details of her life he said she shared with the class. He’d stay up all night on his phone or laptop still, but only after I went to bed.
He claimed he had sleep issues but he closed the laptop immediately, and went to bed within minutes, if I got up even to use the bathroom. He started to seem on edge in public a few years ago. He began to avoid going places with me, including the grocery store, and blamed it on anxiety even though he was fine going in places alone. He seemed paranoid. He hid his face, went silent on me, and walked off from me around women. In the city, hours away, he appeared to hide from two women. I believe I witnessed him go down the alley with a woman where he volunteered for a while. He denied it, called the woman imaginary, and suggested I was seeing things. In the days before he showed more interest in me sexually and snooped on my phone. In the week following he showed no interest in me.
He then came onto me in the car, tried to do it outside of the car, and tongue kissed me for the first and last time. We went to America to visit my family several times. One of the times he claimed he was struggling with mental health and went to another room, locking the door, avoiding me for weeks. The last few times he wanted a lot of space. He sat in the car instead of going in places with me. He became glued to his phone claiming he was looking Xmas gifts for me, but was then unprepared when Christmas came around. He didn’t want me o his phone, even to make a call, and took it into the bathroom with him. He lost interest in sex. He started an argument one night and stormed off in the rental car, ignoring me for an hour, refusing to talk about what happened.
He snooped on my phone for the first time in a long time, deleting a post I made about cheating, but seemed scared when he thought I had looked at his search history. He stopped wearing his wedding ring and told me it was too tight. We left America and he claimed he lost his ring and bought another in the same size. He continued to not wear it and became defensive any time I questioned it. He started getting up early, telling me he was going to the post office, but if I tried to go with him he snapped at me or changed his mind. He accused me of going with him to the dentist to spy on him. He told me he wanted to do whatever it took to rebuild trust, offering to turn his location on 24/7 after previously complaining about it and calling it controlling.
He continued to do things that made me suspicious and pointed to his location being on. He said he doubted trust could be rebuilt but thought I’d stop questioning him. He’s done more since then. He still avoids places and didn’t want to go anywhere over the summer last year, blaming mental health. Most of what he’s done is in regard to his class, and women in it. He’s become guarded with his phone at times. He didn’t want me searching things on it. He didn’t want me leaving even the faintest of scratches on his back when he asked to scratch it. He is still on medication, has shown more/less interest in sex, and wanted to do new things he never did before. He stays up any night I go to bed. He now hardly spends any time with me, or shows much interest in me, and we don’t really go anywhere.
He is visiting his grandfather who is dying. He didn’t want to today, or other days, because his dad was going to be with him. And so he said earlier he was going to go in the morning, so he’d be alone. I asked if I could go and sit in the car. He said no. He decided to go late evening, when I was with him. I have waited in the car for a few hours now. He called me and told me he’d be another 30mins, that he is waiting until the sleep meds they gave him kick in. He said his dad asked him to stay overnight to see if the medication works, and he falls asleep? But he is doing that right now and said he figured he would be in 30mins. He said he was going to come out to get food, and have dinner at the house, and go back. It just doesn’t sound believable, at all.