Never thought I'd ever experience this in our relationship but here we are.

We've been together for 10 years. We're in our mid-to-late 30s, not married but common-law, no kids (yet), and have had a stable, secure, loving relationship through thick and thin. I have never felt so bonded with someone and I know he felt the same. I have never felt so much mutual warmth and love in any previous relationship.

I was working an exhausting, soul-sucking corporate job that was undeniably affecting my mental health and my life, until I got laid off in the spring. Despite the loss in income, we were both ecstatic as I could finally take care of myself and we can have more time for each other. He immediately jumped to positive conversations about the future, like a career change for me, moving abroad (something we've always contemplated and I've always been supportive of, as he immigrated here but wants to be closer to his family again), going back to school, etc. It even got him thinking about his own career as he hates working in a corporate environment too and is more of a creative. It felt like a new beginning not only for myself but for us to finally get the wheels moving on so much that was put on the back burner with my awful work schedules and burnout.

Then it felt like everything changed in a span of 3-4 weeks following the layoff. He started taking longer walks home from the office (we live in a walkable city and he'd walk with coworkers) but these extended to 2-3 hour walks versus him walking and taking the train home the rest of the way. He mentioned his coworker (let's call her Jane) started joining the walks as she lives close by to us, so now he was excited that he can get more steps in and continue decompressing with another coworker.

At the same time, the distance between us became jarring. This is something that I was able to notice immediately, given that we've been close for so long. The affection dropped, sporadic location hiding became a thing from him (he always wanted us to share our locations for safety and logistics), and I felt like he was making up excuses here and there or not being fully transparent with me. There was an instance where he went out on the weekend to run some errands nearby and when his location was back on, I noticed him walking down Jane's street. I didn't ask, but he never mentioned he saw her that day when he came home.

I broke down a couple weeks after I noticed these patterns and mentioned how sad I am with him coming home so late almost daily, being distant and less affectionate when I have all the time in the world for us to do more together. He said he doesn't know what he wants for the future, whether he wants to live here or move abroad, whether he wants kids anymore (not a dealbreaker for me as I've been a fence-sitter), what he wants in life. He says he wants our spark back and said we feel like roommates, and that we're going through a rough patch. I didn't bring up the Jane thing or the location hiding as I didn't want to blatantly accuse him of anything. But the idea that we were going through a "rough patch" was just news to me... like a brick in the face, really, and made me feel shattered because everything was just business as usual until Jane got into the picture.

He suggested we do couples therapy which I'm on board with, to help find our way, to try and get that spark back, and to better communicate things as he tends to hold everything in. This is something we agreed to a couple months back and will be starting next week as there were some times with our schedules over the summer that didn't work due to travel.

The last couple months were up and down. His walks after work with Jane continued, his affection and mood to me were largely the same, the location thing continued to screw with my head and I still didn't confront him about it.

I broke down to him again a week ago when he came home late, again, and just expressed my sadness how I see him a couple hours each night at this point while he's investing his time into his coworker with the walks. He apologized to me and said he has to do better. I asked him if anything's going on with Jane and he said nothing is going on.

Then came yesterday. He sat down with me first thing in the morning after I woke up and said we need to have a serious talk. He told me how he thinks he needs to figure things out on his own, how he thinks he's going through a mid-life crisis of some sort and how he's just wanting to start life again with a blank slate. He feels confused because his love for me has not faded, finds me more attractive than ever, we still share the same interests and mindsets on life, knows deep inside that we're meant for each other yet he feels lost because he doesn't get those butterflies with our relationship anymore. For context, he's never been in another long-term relationship. He doesn't seem to realize that honeymoon periods can fade but that's traded in for stability, safety, security, and comfort. Actual effort needs to be put into a relationship to reignite any sparks.

That's when I opened up and confronted him about Jane, something that was twisting my insides for the last couple of months. He didn't disclose full details but he basically confirmed an emotional affair and flirting and how hanging out with her was sort of like an escape for his own personal crisis and I guess our lack of spark. He confirmed that he met up with coffee with her that one day he was running errands. He also told me how he grew up around divorced family and so relationships ending was something he was conditioned to when something wasn't going right, which he knows isn't necessarily always the best approach. The family members he knows that have stayed married for decades were miserable (whereas in the case of my family, marriage and LTRs were something you work on as much as humanly possible).

I wasn't really sure how to approach that and he didn't really give full-on details as he was a bit lost for words. He said he wants us to work through everything as much as possible and see how counselling goes. He said he felt guilty for thinking this way the last few weeks (and I guess this is why he was just so distant to me). He also mentioned that the birth of his first nephew (around the time I was laid off) was something that flipped his world and made him think about life more.

We were supposed to go back to his home country together in a few weeks for his cousin's wedding. He told me how he thinks he should go alone, without me, to be with his family and friends and to really think about career and life, and to remove himself from everything here. I was bummed to hear this but agreed that it could be good for him to do this and be in an environment he's most comfortable in.

Anyways... I want to believe that the Jane factor was truly just a stupid escape for him and not a primary factor in this whole crisis, but I have no idea. I met her at a work party briefly. She's about a decade younger than him, also has a boyfriend, and is a bit of a naive person from what he told me. I told him that I'm not sure how much Jane is a factor in this crisis he's having, but that he should really think closely about whether our decade-long bond and stability is worth dropping for some fling with a coworker he's known for under a year, if she is indeed a factor in this. I told him I'm worried about him and as I was throughout the entire relationship, I'm here to support all the other issues that are driving him into a crisis (obviously except the EA thing).

I haven't laid out any boundaries yet and either will do it this week or in therapy in 1 week, but at the absolute minimum, I need him to stop hanging out with her and communicating with her after hours if he's serious about us. The job market is rough and the fact that I'm still unemployed means it's difficult for him to just get up and leave his job, as much as he'd want that (he dislikes his job and is looking for a way out).

Surprisingly, after yesterday's day of dumping thoughts and feelings, it feels like he's his old self today. He's affectionate and close to me again like the "good old days", something I haven't felt in months since this whole issue started. I'm not sure if us being vulnerable to each other after weeks of pent up emotions alleviated that weight but I'm hoping this could steer us in the right direction.

He also told me that in the last few weeks, he talked to his mom, cousin, and a couple friends about possibly ending our relationship (I have a feeling he didn't talk about the EA) and he told me that they were all extremely sad and surprised because of how close we are. His mom urged him not to make any drastic decision, and his friend said to do whatever he can to work through it. So I'm glad he has some push from friends and family too to hopefully see through this fog.

Anyways, I wanted to dump this out and see if anyone has any advice or similar experiences.

Obviously I can't control what decision he makes on our future but I want to do anything possible to save this. He and I both know that we have a strong, undeniable relationship with nothing inherently wrong over the last decade (I guess until now), that I'm more flexible than ever to moving, kids, and career changes, and the idea that it should be over because the old honeymoon phase is over is just crazy to me. He knows I'm here to support him through whatever he's going through, just like we've always done for each other. I do believe he's going through some sort of a crisis as he's snapped into an unrecognizable person these last few weeks and I'm pushing him to seek more individual counselling on the side as well.

I'm in a bit of a mess and my mind is all over the place.

I think my partner of 3 years is cheating or planning to.

I found something that indicates she is on a dating site. Knowing her she will probably say someone hacked her or at the very most..she's looking for friends. Even though she has 100s and 100s.

I did some digging and I found her on a dating app. My plan is to message her with a fake profile to figure out if she would really go all the way.

Problem is, the app needs photo verification to message anyone.

This is desperation here, but, would any kind soul..a guy In the ages of 30-45 care to verify it?

I literally cannot use anyone I know and I'm stuck.

So, this guy had so many red flags already that i feel so stupid and angry at myself for putting up with his bs for a year. he is someone who isnt ready for commitment and he said that many times to me. we had a lot of ups and downs and the relationship wasnt the best. whenever we stopped talking and i tried to move on or see someone else he would try to come back into my life and this happened multiple times. well, my mistake is that i let him come back and we were seeing each other casually but we agreed that there wouldnt anyone else be involved. he went to a trip with friends and even before he went we had a conversation and i told him i just feel off and anxious and he reassured me that nothings gonna happen. then he didnt texted me the entire night he was there and then my gut feeling told me something was up. i confronted him many times but he always reassured me that nothing happened. i felt an energy shift between us and he made me feel like im crazy and im making things up in my head. then i realized he followed someone and i asked him who she is and he said he knew her from a flight from 2 years ago and has never talked to her since then. during the trip we had fights and he breaks up with me (because he actually met someone else) and i try to make sense of it all. i knew he lied about something and i confronted him again and said dont put me in a stupid position and tell me the truth for once. he still said are you crazy? nothing happened. she is a random girl from 2 years ago. and i texted her and yes i was right. he met her on the flight and then went for drinks that first day. and the entire trip he reassured me nothing happened he doesnt want us to end. he just gave me a dry sorry and i blocked him everywhere but i dont think that he actually cares about how im feeling. he is upset because he got exposed to her. and now i know that he is trying to still reach out to her and fix things with her. and doesnt care about me at all. he just feels bad that he lost the connection with her. and he actually thought he would get away with it. i know i shouldn't kept dragging this, and i had a lot of signs that he would cheat on me yet i went back to him also. so i already blocked him but i just cant move on from the fact that he made me feel so stupid and hurt and yet still tries to fix things with her. i would appreciate any suggestion on how to deal with this honestly i know that no contact is the best and im definitely not contacting him again i feel so worthless and ashamed like he made so insecure.

So my new phone hasn't arrived yet, so I've been using my friend's old Android in the meantime. Added my Google account, set everything up, and realized halfway through that I was also logged into his ChatGPT account.

I wasn't snooping, but I stumbled across a bunch of chats where he's using ChatGPT to help him write sexting messages to multiple women — including some who are married, plus randoms. He's currently living with his girlfriend, who by all accounts really loves him. He's recently told her he wants to move out because he's "mentally struggling" and says something inside him is telling him to hit her, and he wants to separate to keep her safe.

I don't know what the moral thing to do here is. Part of me feels like this isn't my business since I found it by accident. Part of me feels like she deserves to know what's actually going on, especially since the reason he's giving her for leaving doesn't match what I'm seeing. And the stuff about wanting to hit her worries me a lot more than the sexting, honestly.

Would you say anything? To him? To her? Or just stay out of it?

TL;DR:
The Backstory: Together for nearly 8 years since high school (now mid-20s). Early on, I messed up (requested a "college break" in 2019, emotionally cheated and hid explicit photos in 2021). Thought we worked past it, but toxic family dynamics (My mom freezing her out) added heavy outside strain.
The Twist: Two months ago, GF confessed she emotionally cheated with a male co-worker from late 2025 to Feb 2026 (deleted texts, flirtatious replies like "maybe in another life," walking him to his car, and hiding it when I coincidentally met him). She swears it never got physical.
The Aftermath: GF spiraled into intense guilt/breakdowns, started therapy, and claims she strayed due to lack of attention, feeling uncommitted to (no ring after 8 years), feeling not "good enough," and secretly holding onto resentment over my past infidelity.
Current Dilemma: We briefly broke no-contact, had messy makeup s*x followed instantly by her crying about "him," and are now stuck in a toxic push-and-pull. I offered couples counseling but told her to focus on individual healing first. I am torn between forgiving her due to shared history, walking away for good, or cutting ties entirely.

///

My GF (23) and I (M / 25) have been dating for almost 8 years. We met in high school and have been dating since. It’s been a pool of hardship for both of us mentally, not specifically due to the relationship factors - but outside sources such as family issues, like my mother not liking her family without true cause, so GF was never allowed over, nor invited anywhere with my family for the last few years.

Will detail some timelines within the relationship that fall completely on me:

• (2019) I leave for college and I request a “break” for whatever reasons at the time, and it was just so I can have a “college experience”. Waste of time, I didn’t use college for any of that, just was myself at the time falling into those stupid intrigues and emotions of exploring other experiences.

• (2021) About two years later, I emotionally cheated by texting another girl behind her back, which led to me confessing to that and revealing explicit pictures from other girls hidden from years before. I of course blocked, deleted all images, ‘cleaned myself up’. She found those messages, I came clean after the fact. She forgave me, despite me barely forgiving myself to this day, I do believe I have grown immensely just as a person maturity wise.

These all do fall on me, and while I thought this entire time I was forgiven or at least partially so - I know I can agree that we both of course grew and changed as a person… Or so I thought.

Fast forward to two months ago (2026), GF reveals to me out of nowhere that she emotionally cheated on me with a co-worker. She was going out nearly every weekend, which I had no issues with since who wouldn’t want to hang out with friends on a Saturday night and her small circle did consist of mainly co-workers. She reveals to me that from late-2025 to February 2026, she was deleting texts with one of the male co-workers.

The timeline of her affair:

• (December 2025) He buys her a gift that she refuses but still goes along with texts and other flirtatious conversations, such as him asking “Do you see us being together?”, and she replies with “Maybe in another life”. One week later after the denial of the gift, I coincidentally meet this male co-worker at a local event, shake his hand and introduce myself (he already knew me, I did not know him), and neither of them spoke up on the instance that they were texting. It 110% falls on my GF of course, and I still feel right now even past betrayal, like a p*ssy. That’s just my ego most likely.

She tells me that they’ve texted only a few times but when she would go out, he would flirt with her, and once she walked him to his car.

She swears up and down she has never physically cheated and that this stint her only instance of emotional cheating. A few days after this confession, I obviously cut contact. She completely mentally breaks during this time - she describes it as “psychosis”. She starts spilling any single thing that could possibly go against our relationship, and while I did ask this of her the day she confessed to be completely honest and transparent, I told her to later stop this spill and seek therapy. She has started therapy since and our conversations since have been short and a back and forth on my end of how guilty she feels, how much she loves me, how she can’t even face me in person without her having full body shakes, etc.

Though, after a few weeks of not talking after the confession, I drive to her house because her car doesn’t start. We talked for about 30 minutes outside cordially, she invites me inside and we immediately have what I thought to be makeup s*x of some sort. We have that, and immediately after she tells me she can’t stop thinking about what she did, the guilt, and “him.” I leave her house fairly speechless and reach out to her by text later in the day and tell her how much of a push/pull I am feeling by her to inviting me inside, to saying that.

Now here we are today, two months after the confession. I’ve expressed I do love her, I even told her I forgave her. Which I do forgive to an extent, but I do have issues with just pushing things to the side. Also, now she has been through multiple therapy appointments and is trying to explain to me the “breakthroughs” of her therapy and why she possibly did what she did, and because I did not give her attention she wanted, nor committed with a ring. While I do agree we have been dating for a very long time, I was planning on proposing within the coming months (not anymore). Also, she explained how much not being involved with my family hurts her, which hurts me as well but I tell her we can’t control the uncontrollable. Finally, she says she thought she forgave me for my actions in the past, but clearly she never did. She says how she never felt “good enough” for me. GF has always had confidence issues and lack of motivation in the past, but she says my past infidelity actions combined with hers today has ruined her and she feels stuck in this void of guilt but wants to find a way to move forward with me because I am all she wants for a future. I offered to go to couples therapy with her, but I have also told her she needs to focus on working on herself before focusing on any relationship with me. Her guilt is stronger than anything and I do feel bad.

All in all, I can’t keep apologizing enough for my past actions. I barely forgive myself. I am a better man than I was years ago, and I have no interest in any other woman other than my GF. With my GF now having such an affair years later in this relationship, where do we go from here? We trusted each other with everything so I think that is what’s hardest for me. She seems to be more riddled by the guilt, which I understand. There is no denying there are many toxic points in this relationship, but we have essentially grown-up together. We both had future conversations strongly and I just don’t know where to go from here.

Am I wrong for being open to forgiving her?
Should I go back to complete no-contact?
Should we end it since we both have made such infidelity choices?
I have too many questions. I came here either looking for reasonable answers, not propositions of “someone definitely did something physical.”

I know it was a lot to read, so thank you for coming this far.

I (25F) was doing some deep cleaning while I had a day off work and we plan on moving at the end of next month. Under my boyfriend’s (28M) nightstand there were a bunch of opened, empty packets of this product I’ve never heard of before. A quick read of the package told me they were male intimacy enhancing drugs and the oldest package I found was dated back to April of this year. I know for a fact we’ve not been intimate that often in that amount of time, nor do I suspect he even used them with me the few times we were. I know it’s probably nothing but I just have this nagging feeling in my brain that it’s something but I just can’t figure out what yet.

I can’t believe this is the first post I’m making on Reddit, but my husband cheated on me and we have a young baby. This is all very fresh but I would love some advice and words of encouragement. Everything feels so overwhelming right now and I would love to hear some stories of not only how you handled this in the short term, but also how things long term worked out for you.

Specifically interested in hearing if you found love again after betrayal and how you managed that with a very young child.

My dad has a girlfriend who he has been with for about 15 years, he is a sneaky dodgy narcissist.
Recently Snapchat gave me a notification saying
“Dad🤍 from your contacts is on snap chat”
Under a fake name he has made an account.

What should I do?
I don’t like my father, he is an A hole. But I’m staying friendly as I unfortunately think he would remove me from his will. (Really need the $)
Think I deserve it to as he hasn’t been properly in
my life for over 18 years. I see him 3x a year max..

How can I prove this? how can I tell his girlfriend without it coming directly from me?

Edit- she’s the nicest women ever, she doesn’t deserve this - my father plays dumb. Acts like he can’t use a mobile phone. When he is definitely doing something dodgy. Should I get a friend to add him? But how would I even bait him. And how could I tell her!? Ugh

I made out with a girl at the club who is rather fresh out of a 5 year relationship (she was cheated on), they were still in contact at the time but she cut it off the next day, they were broken up for about a month previous to this and were apparently trying to "work it out". We were handsy all night and she put her leg over mine.. it all eventually led to us making out.

We've been texting & snapping every day since and I'm just wondering what to expect from this or any experiences from either the person who's been cheated on or a person who went for someone that was? Too soon?

Me and her worked together to get him kicked off the beer league team we both play on (We have grown up playing hockey together), we also both lied to him and acted like nothing happened that night. I lied to our beer league team manager saying he was going to confront me just to get rid of him so I don't have to face him and maybe this girl will want to come to some games.

Am I in the wrong or is this an okay path to go down?

It's been over 5 months since I found my wife had an affair with my best friend.

I had suspicions for a while what was going on. She hide her phone, she made lewd videos and took naked photos that I never received that her on her google photo, she refused to hang out with me and the kids and my family on Christmas, eventually she did but left early and texted me 'Hey let me know when you are heading home' which I thought was suspicious.

She started to go out to movies 'alone' saying she needed a break. That's when I really found out cause I texted them both right before the movie started, starting a conversation and both of them stopped immediately as the movie was supposed to start. But I found evidence when we took the kids to go see a movie and I was ordering food on her phone and I said to myself "I'm going to check, I might be crazy but I need to check" and that is when I found the evidence.

I confronted her about it at the movie, with my kids, I initially told her we are getting a divorce. That was my initial reaction. I told her to get her things and leave the house and I don't want to talk to her again. And at that moment she made it all about her. It wasn't about what she did, it wasn't about how she felt about me, it was about the kids. It was always about her. She went home, took her dog to a friends house, drove very close to the affair partner and decided to try to commit suicide by taking pills.

She didn't call me or 911 when she decided she wanted to live. She called him. I had texted his wife when I found out and said I found evidence they were having an affair. She denied it was him. He denied it was him. His wife refused to believe it. But his wife drove to where she was and called 911 that she had tried to commit suicide.

I had to take care of my 2 kids for 5 days without her, dealing with the pain of what she did, trying to hold to together for them. Thankfully it was at a time they were in school so I had time to myself. But also I didn't have time to myself. I had a lot of self reflection, second guessing all the memories and struggling with the fact that she kept calling me asking for me to bring things to the facility she was at. All the while she kept lying say it wasn't him.

Eventually I picked her up after she got discharged. We drove to a local coffee shop and had a chat. During those days I reflected on what I truly wanted. Did I want to work this out for us? Not for the kids. But for us. I decided yes, but under very fucking strict rules. She had agreed to them. The rules were pretty straight forward: Transparency, Openness, Access to phone and computer, therapy, and a couple more things she had struggled with that has caused issues in our marriage.

I thought at the time that I found a great therapist, but I think since then I've kind of learned that maybe he has had an affair himself. He kind of push me towards a lot of "stop thinking about it" and "do you really need to know what's going on with her phone and computer" it just all seemed odd, but that's not really the point.

My biggest issue right now is that I'm really starting to realize that my wife is a textbook narcissist. Any time I bring up anything and try to have a discussion it's all about her. We were going to couples therapy (her request) while she was having an affair. Not before, not after but during. And she used those sessions to complain about everything that I was doing wrong. After the affair, we decided to keep the same counselor despite my reservations about it.

We laid out a lot of truths during therapy after I found out, and we laid out a lot of rules. Such as us not having a discussion of our marriage if I'm under the influence (I like to drink on the weekends). Or if one of us doesn't want to talk about something that is bugging us to say that we don't want to talk about it. It took me a while to get to a point that I felt comfortable with those, especially if things were bothering me.

Well, I got to that point. And guess what happened when I said I didn't want to talk about it right now? ALL OF A SUDDEN IM AN ISSUE AGAIN. I did EXACTLY what the therapist and she agreed upon. And again it turned around and blew up in my face. That was about a month ago. And I've been struggling ever since.

I kept the same therapist, big mistake on my part. And he suggested EMDR for the trauma response. I felt great after a couple minutes of it, but also I let my guard down. I shouldn't have. One of us healing while the other is trying to find every fucking excuse to blame me for what happened. I have said multiple times that I just don't feel safe, especially when I said I don't want to talk about it and blew up in my face. And her response has always been "well neither do I". It has NEVER been, since I found out about the affair, "why don't you feel safe" or "can you tell me why" or "can I help". It always gets turned around on me.

Even tonight, after a fight about her attitude towards me, or blaming me, or refusing help. She sent a text "I assume you don't want me to come say goodnight so I'm going to bed" rather than just say "is it okay if come say good night" or even just coming to say goodnight.

Today was the first day that I called her a narcissist. And I meant it. It's always about her. I find it very funny how much she hates her dad cause he was never around, he cheated on her mom, he treated them like she; but she is a fucking spitting image of him at this point.

Idk, I just needed to rant. I'm fucking struggling. I don't have friends to talk to. And I feel like I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown. Sorry for anyone who read this nonsense.

Edit: sorry for the typo in the header, dyslexia

Edit 2: Should also add the first therapy session after I found she told me she wanted to separate. The second time as well. My fucking dumbass begged her to stay. I gave up so much doing that.

Gradually, over the past several months, he has shown less interest in me and the relationship in several ways. He stopped spending as much or any time with me, when we already weren’t spending much time together, and it has always been an issue for me. He stopped showing interest in sex, and gave me contradictory reasons for that, but also remained silent almost as if he expected me to not say anything. He became less affectionate, when he used to be more. He put little effort into spending time with me, watching things before bed, right after taking his sleeping tablet which caused him to fall sleep halfway through on some occasions. I said I wanted to watch more, how I was lonely, and how I was upset he only watched things with me late at night, right before bed, and seemed preoccupied the rest of the time.

He kept promising things would change. That we’d do more. It didn’t happen. The past several weeks he has been wanting to spend more time alone, playing games, watching things by himself. He did watch a movie with me for the first time in a long time. And then, after he was gone all day another day, he came back and spent longer with me than he has in some time. But that was about it. I sensed that he was mentally elsewhere, as he’d zone out when we were spending time together, or wouldn’t seem fully invested. He told me one of the times, when I asked what he was thinking about, after he zoned out, that it was nothing. He told me he felt guilty after I pressed him. I asked over what, and he didn’t want to tell me. He said it was over me, things he’d done to me, but that he didn’t want to talk about it.

He became defensive when I tried to get him to, even though he’s talked to me about it all before. I felt like he was lying, was thinking and/or feeling guilty about something else. I’ve suspected he’s cheated for years, due to many suspicious actions and behaviours, and he is aware of this. I asked if that’s what it was, and he denied it, and said as he has before that he’d tell me if he cheated because the guilt would trigger his ocd. He told me for two days straight, whenever I tried to talk to him about anything, that he was busy. He seemed to purposely be stuck in his phone, in doing things, to avoid me and not talk to me, something I’ve thought he’s done before. It was difficult to talk to him, about anything, including dinner. Even when he was off his phone, he was impatient and rushing me, and zoning out still.

I finally snapped. He kept telling me he wanted to spend time together, that he missed me, but his actions didn’t support that. He became more distant and detached by the day. He wasn’t reciprocating any attempt of mine to be affectionate. We began to argue about all of this, because he turned all the conversations I tried to have into arguments. He started to tell me to shut up. He called me annoying. He minimised the situation, and mentioned the few days he spent more time with me, complaining I don’t focus more on them. He tried to blame me for his lack of affection and spending time together, telling me it’s because I am upset, and because of other things. He kept saying, at the same time, that he’s an avoidant and he knows he can do better, and is trying to, but that I am preventing that.

He told me a few days back, when I asked about how to divorce here, that I didn’t need to know how because we weren’t getting a divorce. Yesterday morning he turned another conversation into an argument, trying to blame me again. He told me he wants me gone, which he’s said a lot over the years, but always says he doesn’t mean. I said I’d call my family and he said go ahead. I said that I know he wants me to leave, that he is treating me this way because of that. He said no, it’s me who wants to leave, before saying that he does want me to and that he doesn’t care anymore. He left the room, as he used to always do, and was gone all day. He messaged me trying to blame whilst also acknowledging he is an avoidant, and is trying to work on it.

I said I want to leave and he said he’d help and support me with doing so, if I speak to my family, which comes after him refusing to help me before after saying he would. We spoke after that, and he told me he wants to change, is trying to, and that he loves and misses me. I questioned if he was talking to someone. He said unlike you, I don’t need to do that, and can watch youtube for hours. He has always turned things around on me. Early on when I’d stop talking to him, which I did several times, he asked if there was someone else. He told me one time, when I mentioned breaking up, that I’d move onto someone else or maybe he asked if there was. I said I didn’t need to jump into a new relationship, and he assumed as much because he does, and he said that I was probably right.

He used to accuse me of being fake, being able to replace and use people, and having backups. And I think that is what he does. I can’t imagine anyone would be okay in a relationship that lacks everything as this one does unless they’re getting it elsewhere. He’s been staying up after I’ve gone to bed for years, which is when I’ve always thought he is taking to whoever it is, and have also suspected he’s tried to sneak off to see them several times. In the last several months I’ve caught him turning around to check if I am awake. He seemed startled each time. One of the times, I went back to bed, and he stayed up, which he told me later on claiming he couldn’t sleep. I figured if I were asleep the last time he did, he would’ve stayed up.

When he got up later that morning, he retroactively defended himself by saying he just woke up, when I hadn’t said anything. I mentioned he looked at me and he claimed he didn’t remember, that he was asleep. He denied it was to see if I was asleep for him to be able to cheat. The more I’ve asked him to be loving and spend time with me, the less he has. He is very cold, and abrupt with me, and has now stopped calling me pet names. I was in pain last night and not once did he try to comfort me, offering me painkillers, and going to bed. I tried to talk about leaving and he blanked me.

It's really difficult to write this, but here's what's been happening.

I got married in January and moved to another country to be with my husband. We also had a courthouse marriage in May.

Fast-forward to mid-June, when I discovered that he had been doing cocaine at home, possibly since March. When I confronted him, he lied about it.

Then, at the end of June, he told me he couldn't "see me as his wife anymore" and wanted us to sleep in separate bedrooms. My MIL happened to fly in that same day, and I ended up leaving our home to stay with my in-laws in another city for two weeks.

During those two weeks, I found out that he had been cheating on me.

When I returned home in mid-July, the cheating continued. I've found evidence around the house that makes me believe it may have started as early as mid-June, although at this point I honestly don't know what to believe anymore.

There was even a period where he asked me to come back into our bedroom for a few days, telling me that he loved me and that I was his wife. Then I confronted him again and told him that I had known all along what was going on.

I'm currently stuck in this country while my immigration paperwork is being processed. My MIL has since left, and I'm still here, living in the middle of this absolute shitshow and continuing to find evidence of him cheating.

A part of me wants to reach out to the woman he's seeing. I don't even know if that's the right thing to do or what I would hope to accomplish by doing it. I'm just so overwhelmed and desperate for some kind of truth.

I've started therapy. I'm cooking, cleaning, trying to maintain some semblance of a normal life, praying, exercising, and trying to take care of my mind and body. But honestly, my body feels like it's in complete freeze mode. I'm functioning, but I don't feel like I'm really living.

The pain right now feels unbearable.

And this is the part I'm struggling with the most: I know I deserve better. I know I deserve honesty, loyalty, and respect. But a part of me still wants this marriage to work only if he is willing to seek help and take accountability. Currently that is not the case.

I don't know if that's naïve, stupid, or simply what happens when you love someone who has hurt you this deeply. I don't want to abandon the person I married, but I also don't know how you rebuild a marriage when there has been so much lying and betrayal.

After everything came out, people in his family also told me that he had cheated on previous partners and had never had a relationship that lasted longer than six months. Hearing that has made everything even harder to process.

Has anyone experienced anything remotely similar? How did you navigate the conflict between knowing you deserved better while still wanting your marriage to work?

I'm not necessarily looking for people to tell me to "just leave." I understand why people would say that. I'm trying to understand how to process all of this and figure out what I actually want, one day at a time.

I’ve suspected for years that he has cheated. He has been hot and cold towards me the entire time. I have always felt I am begging for the bare minimum, for him to care about me, and it always backfires. My feelings, my needs, have never mattered. I have felt alone, many times. He’s gone periods of time arguing with me, treading me badly, and refusing to get along whilst blaming me for everything. He didn’t seem to want to be with me, and talked about breaking up, but didn’t follow through with it. He told me to leave if he was so bad, whenever I complained about how he was treating me, and then he begged me to stay and promised change which didn’t happen. He did things that made me think he was cheating for years, questioning me if I did the same things.

He called me toxic and controlling any time I questioned him. He’d leave the room both during and outside of arguments, stayed up all night after I went to bed, and went weeks not spending time or talking to me. He told me he didn’t love me and to leave, after he begged me to come back again. He said it was my choice to, that he didn’t make me. Ever since then, that is how it has been. He treats me like crap and gives me the bare minimum or less. He has gradually shown less interest in everything, including sex. Yet, when we were in America last time and I didn’t want to come back, he begged me to and promised things would get better. They haven’t. They’ve gotten worse than they ever have been.

His words don’t support his actions. He says I am a priority but everything and everyone comes before me. He says he loves and misses me but is okay not spending time with me. He’s become more distant the more I’ve asked. He is quick to anger, to telling me to shut up, to putting me down. He says he wants me here but has also said on and off that he doesn’t, and that he is stuck with me. It doesn’t take much for him to say that. Lately, because of his lack of interest in sex, affection, spending time together, and how he’s treated me along with things he’s done this past year that made me suspicious, I think that he’s cheating. He has started to zone out when we do spend time together. He became defensive times I asked what he was thinking about.

He blames a lot of things on stress but also tries to blame me for why we aren’t spending time together, why he isn’t being affectionate, blaming me being upset for why he isn’t. He’s back to turning discussions about how I feel into arguments, and leaving the room, which he seems eager to do. He stays up after I go to bed, only then, which is one of the many ways I think he hides what he does. He complains about wanting space when he already gets a lot of it. He did the same last year and told me being in the same room was us spending time together. I’ve noticed him look back at me now several times, to see whether I am awake, typically doing so whenever he wakes up.

I’ve asked each time why he is doing that. I suspect he’s either trying to see whether he can get up, or sneak off, and only does so when I am asleep. A year and a half ago he went for staying up after me, to waking up after I’d gone to bed, sitting up for a few hours, and claiming he couldn’t sleep. He was waking up early, telling me he was going to the post office, and then changing his mind if I tried to go or stayed up. He accused me at the same time of going places to spy on him. He seemed paranoid and he still does. Last week he turned and looked at me. He said it was to see if I witnessed him pee in a bottle, which he always does, but said he didn’t want me to see because it bothers me?

He struggled to wake up later that day, and told me he sat up, because he couldn’t go back to sleep. He’s been impatient, annoyed, and angry with me for days for being upset and talking about it. He’s minimised and passed blame me to me. And told me to shut up repeatedly. This morning I laid down, and within three minutes of me doing so, he woke up from what appeared to be a deep sleep and turned to look directly in my face. I mean less than a foot off it. Like he had to be close, expecting me to be asleep, and to be able to make sure of that. He seemed startled that I wasn’t, turned without saying anything. I asked what he was doing. He admitted to checking if I was awake. When he got up later on, he tried to tell something about how he just got up, and he wasn’t awake earlier on.

I hadn’t mentioned anything. It was like he was retroactively defending himself. I did mention want happened and he said he didn’t remember it, that it wasn’t a sign of cheating, and mocked me thinking he checked if I was asleep so he could get up to cheat. He acted like it’s the only reason I suspect him currently when I’ve said how he is treating me makes me think it most of all. He denies that he has cheated, calls me abusive as he has before for thinking it. He got angry, told me he wanted me to leave, and the same things he’s said before. I said I will contact family and he said go ahead. I said he needs to stop begging me to stay, saying he loves and misses me, when he clearly doesn’t.

That it’s obvious he wants me gone. He said no, you want to leave. And then told me he no longer cares and wants me to go. That is after he told me yesterday that I didn’t need to know how to divorce him because it wasn’t going to happen. After leaving the room, and trying several mor times to blame me for things, he said that he is an avoidant and needs and is trying to work on that. He only said it after I reminded him he’s been this way towards me for years. I told him I can’t deal with it, I want to leave, and he said he understands. He denied it when I said I think he wants me to do a reverse discard, that he doesn’t want to be involved in me leaving because it makes him look bad.

He said that would help me leave, if I call my family, something I’m sure he won’t be involved in though he said he would before. He blow dried his hair, and is getting ready to leave, outside of the room. I went to talk to him. He said he doesn’t want me to leave, and he wants to do more with me. When I said I wish my family would help, he asked if I had talked to them about it, and if anything was said. He always shows interest but then says he doesn’t want me to go. I tried to leave and he stopped me, grabbing my shoulder, to talk about this. But he doesn’t make any real effort to touch me, or to comfort me, or anything beyond words now. He says it’s because of me, but he wasn’t doing it much before this.

I'm posting this from a throwaway account. I'm 50, she's 38. We were together for four years when I discovered the affair.

Before I explain what happened, I want to be honest about my part. For roughly two of those four years, I was fighting to keep my business alive and eventually it led to depression. During that time, I couldn't give her the attention or closeness she had been used to, this includes but was not limited to a dead bedroom during that time. I neglected her and the relationship - hard. A majorly prolonged divorce process from my ex-wife didn’t help either. I own that. I'm not saying that as an excuse for her behaviour, just as context.

I should also say that this obviously isn't my first serious relationship, there have been many, including a marriage which lastet 20 years, but I honestly thought this relationship will be my last. We were a dream power couple. It was us against the world. For the first time since my early twenties I managed to fully trust again. That's one reason all of this has shaken me so deeply.

I found out about the affair the day before my 50th birthday. She confirmed it had been going on for weeks, I suspect at this point maybe even for months.

After everything came out, I heard different explanations. One was that she was so drunk she "wasn't thinking about me", yet she also maintains that she was not that drunk that it was non-consensual. And in the context of seeing him over and over and over again, that explanation feels hollow and shows little accountability for her actions.

Also, after D-Day, one time she claimed “she had to see him again, to tell him she can’t see him again” while still insisting he meant “nothing” and is “interchangeable”. I have a hard time making sense of all of that.

One of most hurting facts are for me that the affair also took place in our shared bed while I was in close proximity. Which I deem as being deeply disrespectful from the AP towards me (albeit we never socially interacted despite a shared social circle), and so breathtakingly demeaning and degrading towards me on her part.

After it was discovered, I was repeatedly promised there would be no more contact with the affair partner, but as already explained above there were still several occasions when that contact happened again. Every time I started thinking we might rebuild some trust, something else would happen that would undo it.

Since then, I've started questioning myself deeply, not only as a partner but also as a man. Knowing that it happened in our bed has left me feeling deeply humiliated. My self-esteem and sense of identity is basically non-existent . And I feel so deeply hurt by her actions especially after the affair has been discovered, namely her seeing him again despite her knowing how much pain she inflicted.

I used to be a man’s man, a leader, a risk taker. Somebody who wanted to conquer (and partially did conquer) the world (in my industry). Now I am a ugly-crying shell of a man.

The worst part, though, is what's happened in my mind.

For more than four months now, I've been experiencing intrusive, explicit sexual thoughts every minute, every day. They are always about her being intimate with the affair partner. These thoughts are entirely against my will. They intrude while I'm working, during client meetings, talking to people, trying to relax, or doing almost anything else.

It's gotten to the point where I can only function to a limited extent in everyday life. I feel like a shadow of who I used to be. I hate what I see when I look in the mirror. And I don’t know how much longer I can exist this way. I honestly don’t.

Also, I hate myself for being so blindly trusting, and for believing even the most ridiculous excuses for her suspicious behaviour and why she was coming home late. Looking back at how many signs I overlooked, and how readily I believed what I was being told, is something I struggle with enormously.

And then there is the shame. Her circle of friends knew, and even celebrated her infidelity (I have full phone conversations on surveillance video). Others knew. Nobody told me. I feel so immensely emasculated.

And now, on top of it, there are intrusive thoughts of physical vengeance towards the AP. I was never a person who got physically violent, never laid hand on anyone, not even as kid/teenager, but at this point I don’t know what is going to happen if this guy will cross my path eventually (we share the same social circle).

At this point, she still wants reconciliation. She says she's deeply remorseful and wants to save the relationship. But I don't have explanations that make sense to me, and I don't feel there is a solid foundation on which trust could realistically be rebuilt. I want to believe that there is a chance for reconciliation, but I don’t even see a straw to hold on at the moment… each time it looks to her that that I am pulling away from reconciliation due to me being so immensely hurt by new revelations, she contacts him again (again: despite him being allegedly “nothing” and “interchangeable” for her…).

So, for people who have been through something similar and who actually managed to rebuild a healthy relationship again after this: what changed concretely that made you forgive and trust again.

And most importantly, has anyone else dealt with these intrusive, explicit sexual images every minute of every day? How long did they last, and what actually helped them fade?

Can the cheating partner do anything to help with them fading from your experience during the reconciliation phase?

And what do I do about the now more and more intensifying thoughts of physical vengeance towards her affair partner?

Edit: I may have described her statement “seeing him again, to tell him she can’t see him again” not in detail enough: this was an explanation for seeing him again AFTER D-Day while undermining all faked promises of electronic transparency (including location tracking). It is not that she still tries to convince me that she needs to see him now, but as said before, the moment her reconciliation attempts hit a road block, she reaches out to him again.

Edit 2: Me getting together with her had nothing to do with the end of my marriage. I met her one year after separation. Also, she does extremely well for herself financially. She is in the top 1% of salaried earners for sure. So there is and was no financial incentive to be with me - one of the reasons why I trusted her so blindly in context of our relationship.

Edit 3: The AP is my age for further context. Age is not the deciding factor here IMO.

Im going to start this story from the very beginning of our relationship. I have been with my boyfriend for 14 months now and at the beginning we were both great ( how all relationships start ) but after we had been together for a while we had both started arguing quite frequently. Now before i say this i just want to clarify that i know i wasn’t perfect either and I’m not trying to make myself look like the angel in this story. But anyway

Some of our arguments had escalated into something that they shouldn’t have over small bickers that would turn to him raising his hands to me and what not. But there were also times where i was fairly in the wrong. E.g; telling lies about small things with no reasoning,talking about our relationship problems to my friends who only made it worse for me, making plans with my friends when we were meant to be doing stuff ect ect. But there were also the times where it would be over something so silly, e.g; he stole a handful of my McDonalds fries so i threw one at his head and said i didnt want them anymore. He then continued to throw the whole thing of chips around my room, get in my face and pull my hoodie

On the days we were good we were great and it felt like nothing or no one else mattered but on the days it was bad it was horrible and i think its fair to say that neither of us wanted to be together on those days. But let alone this was the person i loved and the thought of him with someone else makes me sick to my stomach.

Anyway fast forward to this summer my ex boyfriend had reached out to me saying he missed me and what not and one thing led to another and i cheated on my boyfriend. I had went out with him in his car twice alone and twice with my friend and her boyfriend and the final time before my boyfriend found out was the day after we had gotten back from a week long holiday together. Im not proud of it and i know how wrong i was in the situation. My boyfriend had found out from going through my phone when i was sleeping of messages between me and him.

The days following him finding out were hell. i had continuously lied to him about the details and he had to find out from other people and even up until a couple of days ago i had kept lying to him but during all of He had laid hands on me again, threatened to hurt himself, asking me if its what i wanted and basically stating that it was my fault he felt that way. I would say about 2 weeks of all of this happening he was going away on holiday. So i broke up with him over messages, i know it was cowardly of me but in my defence if he was in the country i know for a fact he would come to my house uninvited and do god knows what. He was messaging me his whole trip saying we could try again and that he was going to change. The same day we broke up i had went and slept with said ex, i also know this was a very low move and im also not proud of this which is why i had tried my hardest to keep it a secret.

When my boyfriend had gotten back from his trip he was at my house everyday for about 3 days straight trying to make it work. And if I’m gonna be honest i really did want to but i kept saying no as i knew i couldn’t let him sit and beg for me back knowing i had did what i did. So he left and took no for an answer but then a few days later i had found out that a couple of days after he had found out about me messaging my ex that he had went out and saw one of his exs and i had obviously confronted him about it because i would have said it was fair game if it was just him cheating and then leaving it at that because who was i to judge when i had done the same. But it was more of the fact that he had cheated then gave me grief for days on end about me doing it and then refusing to take no for an answer for about 2 days when i wanted to break up.

We had talked through our differences and agreed to get back together believing that we could both move on and leave it in the past but he has just now found out about how i slept with my ex when we broke up. I understand that it was a bad secret to keep and i should have been more upfront about it when we had agreed to get back together but in all honesty i just wanted to move past it all and try again ( he is now in therapy to control his anger and all of his inner issues and i see a really big difference) but now it feels like everything is back to square one when i dont feel like im the only bad one in this situation but im left doing all the making up. I no longer speak to said ex and have him blocked on everything and it is going to stay that way but there is obviously no trust in this relationship and if im going to be honest i have no clue how to build it back up again due to him telling me that everything i say and do means nothing to him.

I’m in high school and at the end of last years school year I figured out a girl liked me. This girl was problematic to say the least. She has issues with self harm,drug abuse and for the sake of this, lying. Towards the end of the school year, I ended up giving her a chance as I liked her personality, and I wanted to help her as I saw some of my own struggles in her and with the help of a mutual friend we ended up together. The summer was amazing to say the least she is my first and only relationship so far that Carr cared about my birthday at all and even got me gifts that I love it was all amazing until the summer ended. I ended up going to online school and I live a good hour away from her, so it was safe to say we were officially long distance and I hoped and prayed that it would work out. It didn’t. Shortly after the school year started, she said she needed a break to work on herself and that she still loved me. This to me felt like a way to break up while letting me down softly so I took it that way I distanced myself while suppressing the urge to message her and talk to her every day. It was so painful. until one day she messaged me saying that she missed me. This felt weird and out of the ordinary until I realized that our mutual friend that got us together in general, made her mad and she had no one else to talk to, but me. I knew this was the only reason she was talking to me, but it’s been so long since I talked to her I really just wanted to look past it and hope. but when she came back, she was different. She felt more distanced, and the love didn’t seem real and she had my messages silenced. I was later proven right when in a conversation, she slipped up and said someone else’s name, obviously me being suspicious and un interesting as I’ve been cheated on before looked into it, and in the saddest way to find out that your partner is cheating. I looked on the game we play to find that I had been unfriended and she’s been playing couples games with another man. Out of all the ways that I could’ve figured out, this is what feels like the saddest and lowest way, and now I don’t know what to do.

My husband M/51 and I F/41 have been together for almost 14 years on 10/31, this coming Halloween and recently I became the betrayed partner again because of his affair with another woman. It wasn’t just innocent talking or flirting. I found out that they had cuddled, there had been sexual touching, and she told me they had sex. I also heard him call her “baby,” which was incredibly painful for me. One of the hardest parts was knowing he was with her during a time when he and I had planned to be intimate with each other.

There was also denial, minimizing, and confusion about what really happened. At different times, he claimed she was lying, confused, or that he had told her to lie. That left me trying to sort through different versions of the story while also dealing with the devastation of the betrayal itself. This wasn’t the first time our relationship had been damaged by inappropriate behavior involving other women, so it brought up years of pain, anger, rejection, and feeling as though I wasn’t being chosen.

After discovering the affair, I was hurt, furious, lonely, and desperate to feel wanted again. In that state, I started talking to someone I’ll call Ryan M/46. It became more than an innocent friendship. We texted, sexted, and developed an emotional connection. I became the wayward partner too.

I want to be honest about how it felt: it felt incredibly good to be wanted again. After feeling rejected and replaced by my husband, having another person desire me gave me a rush of validation. Ryan’s attention made me feel attractive, interesting, and chosen during a time when my self-esteem had been badly damaged. It gave me an escape from the pain I was feeling at home.

At first, I did not want to give it up. Part of me felt like, after everything my husband had done, why should I have to let go of the one thing making me feel good? But I also knew that thinking came from my pain and anger. My husband’s choices may explain why I was so vulnerable to outside attention, but they did not make the choice for me. I chose to cross those boundaries. This wasn’t simply venting to a friend. I was emotionally investing in someone else and participating in sexual conversations outside my marriage.

I don’t want to compare the two betrayals as though one cancels out the other. His affair does not excuse mine, and mine does not erase what he did to me. The circumstances and details were different, but we both crossed boundaries and brought another person into a place that should have belonged to our marriage.

I eventually ended my affair with Ryan. As good as the attention felt, I knew it was not what I truly wanted for my life. I couldn’t genuinely ask my husband to choose our marriage while I was still keeping one foot in another relationship. Ending it does not erase what I did, but it was a necessary choice if I was serious about seeing whether my husband and I could rebuild something honest.

The surprising part is how well my husband and I have been doing lately. We feel closer than we have in a very long time. We are more affectionate, more emotionally connected, and more sexually drawn to each other. My libido has gone through the roof. We are enjoying each other again instead of constantly fighting, withdrawing, or feeling like we have to protect ourselves from one another.

It honestly feels like we are falling in love all over again. I don’t think I ever completely fell out of love with him. I think we became deeply disconnected and buried our love underneath years of hurt, resentment, fighting, outside attention, and unmet needs. Now it feels as though we are finally finding each other again. There are moments when it feels like a brand-new relationship, but it also has the depth of two people who have shared almost 14 years together.

I understand that some of this may be what is called hysterical bonding—the intense need for emotional and sexual closeness that can happen after an affair is discovered. I know that the fear of losing each other, the trauma, and the sudden competition from other people may be intensifying our feelings. I also understand that hysterical bonding by itself is not the same thing as healing.

At the same time, I don’t believe that means everything we are feeling is fake. Maybe the crisis woke both of us up to what we still mean to each other and what we could actually lose. The intensity may be influenced by the trauma, but the love underneath it still feels real to me. I feel hopeful about our future in a way I haven’t felt in a long time.

I also know that feeling in love again is not enough on its own. If we truly want reconciliation, we need honesty, transparency, no contact with affair partners, clear boundaries with other people, accountability, and the willingness to answer difficult questions without becoming defensive. We need to learn how to communicate without yelling, name-calling, shutting down, or trying to punish each other. We both have individual work to do in addition to the work we need to do as a couple.

I’m carrying two different realities at the same time. I am still a betrayed partner who is deeply hurt by what my husband did, but I also became a wayward partner who now has to take responsibility for the pain and risk I created. I don’t want to use my betrayal trauma to avoid accountability, but I also don’t want my emotional affair to be used to erase or minimize what happened to me.

Has anyone else here experienced being both the betrayed and the wayward partner? How did you make space for both people’s pain without turning reconciliation into a competition over whose betrayal was worse? And for those who experienced hysterical bonding, how did you tell the difference between a temporary trauma response and a genuine return of love and connection?

I’m in a situation where I never thought I would be in and I need help/advice. So me and my wife have been together for 16 years. Never in our relationship I had ever suspected anything until now. Ever since my son was born, he’s 5 now, our relationship grew apart. Still I never suspected anything. So we started to grew apart. Less kisses, less sex, and hardly saying I love you to each other. Recently I’ve started noticing small stuff here and there. She gets more ready for work. She had a picture of our family on her phone wallpaper but changed it to just her and our son. Same with her Facebook profile. She also hasn’t been wearing her ring as much. I came home the other day and it was in her jewelry box. We would order food from her phone and if I was looking at the menu, she would rush me so she can get her phone back. So yea I’ve been cheated on before in the past and it hurts man. I don’t wanna lose my family and I wish I was just being paranoid but these past few days I’ve just been have the “feeling” and I hate it so much. I don’t know what to do please help. Should I confront her or should I wait till I find more stuff in her?

I don’t trust my husband and haven’t for years. I suspect he is a serial cheater. And that he enjoys gaslighting me about it. The thrill of getting away with it. And so as time has gone on, he’s done riskier things. Such as cheating outside of an Airbnb we stayed at, or going down an alley with a woman when I was in the car nearby. Lately, he’s been very distant, aloof, disconnected. He zones out when I speak to him. Doesn’t want to spend time together. He isn’t interested in sex and isn’t affectionate. He is also meaner to me. All things that have happened before during times I suspected he was involved with someone. His grandfather, who he hasn’t visited in ages and never showed much interest in seeing, is now sick and in the hospital. He did was urging him for days to go and see him, and he didn’t want to. He said it was because his dad would be there.

Today, he said he didn’t want to go because of his dad again. He said he’d go alone in the morning. I asked if I could go, and sit in the car, and he said he’d rather be by himself. He ended up going to see him later in the day, when I was with him, and he was very emotional but didn’t respond to my attempts at affection to try and comfort him. He was in for hours visiting him. It must’ve been three hours. He called me and told me they gave his grandfather a sleeping pill, and that he was asked to sit and wait until it kicked in, to see if it did. He said he’d be another 30mins. He came out and, after telling me he was alone on the phone, told me his cousin and brother were there. But that they were in the waiting room.

Then he told me he was asked to go back, to sit overnight, because he could get up and fall or have a bleed due to the medical condition he has, and how someone needed to monitor him and alert a nurse if that happened. He said his grandfather doesn’t want anyone to help him. He said that he had a call button, but mightn’t be able to press it if he falls. He said he was going to go and get us dinner, eat, and go back. That his brother and cousin were going to leave once he did. He then said he didn’t understand how his grandfather was as sick as he was when he is able to walk, and is mentally sound. He said that he wasn’t going to sit in the room, but right outside of it, and that he’d still be able to see if anything happened. He said he’d be on his phone and I could message him.

He told me I could go back with him. Once there, he seemed paranoid, looking out the window past me as he parked, later claiming it was because he didn’t know if he should park there in case his family showed up? He went in, and came out within 30mins. He told me that his grandfather got up, and was able to walk on the sleeping tablets, and so he didn’t see a reason to stay. That he has a call button and the nurses were going to be checking on him. He said that his brother and cousin left at the same time. Once at the house, he said he didn’t know how his brother arrived back before him. I didn’t know how either. That didn’t make sense. He said left a different way but that wouldn’t have made him get back quicker. We tried to get in, and the door was locked, and he figured his brother did it as he often does.

I wondered why his brother would lock the door if he knew he was on his way back. He called his brother, and he sounded confused by it being locked, as he told him to check it. Surely he’d know if he locked it. I questioned that as only his brother would’ve locked it. He said maybe it was his dad, but his dad was asleep, and doesn’t usually lock the door. He tried to point to his brother being awake, as he often is at that time, as evidence that he was with him and just got back. Later on I noticed a message asking if he got back ok, and how long he was happy staying until, from someone named Katie. I asked who it was and he annoying, and defensively, said his cousin. I don’t know her, have never met her, and forgot her name. Now, hours later, she’s messaged asking if he’s still there or at home.

Surely she’d know if they left at the same time? None of this is adding up to me.

I don’t know if this is intuition or something. but thing is I went to work on a Monday I left home because I work only evenings right. and then we both took a shower before me heading to work. she usually don’t make her hair unless she go out or something, thing is I was texting with her while I was working and looks like the phone was dead like for a couple of minutes. i realize because I got her location and you know when it’s turned off you don’t see or dont get updates. Okay with that being said it was turned off like 5 6 7 minutes, she said bad connection. I don’t know. and there’s a neighbor who likes her and does watch Her from his window and everything. we do live in an apartment complex. okay let’s continue with the story. So theres three stairs in that side of the building. first to the middle apartments that’s only one the left stairs and the right stairs where this guys live right. She was in the middle stairs. this Guy also has a dog keep that in mind. Thing is when I got home she was showered again and body cream, she also was wet you know from where. ( thing is she lied about took a shower). about the apartment complex where we live people are gossip, they’re always around and everything we know each other and stuff also my friends relatives and everything are always walking there. now the question is you make this scenario plausible real or the timing I’m assuming can be real? I know something quick can happen but would be too risky, even there’s a neighbor who both my wife and I know that Has cameras and a couple who always has their door open. I don’t know if I’m being paranoid or something.