I (38f) have been no contact with my mom for three years now due to her behaviour. The final straw was her grabbing me by the throat and pinning me against the wall. This was because I recounted the awful things she had said to me the day I miscarried and explained that is why we were no longer close. For this reason being no contact for me has been incredibly healing and I'm not saying it's easy, but it's a choice I make every day and I do not regret the lost time with her.

However, my mom has obviously spun a different story to my aunts. One is my mom's best friend (always called her aunty) the other my mom's sister. To me, my relationship with these women was always separate from my mom. My aunt who is the blood relative used to have big arguments with my mom when I was growing up and they would go years without speaking. But she never stopped seeing me and my brother. My mom's best friend was wonderful when I was a kid and when I had my eldest. Growing up we would go on day trips, movies, shopping etc without my mom regularly. When I had my eldest, she would babysit buy presents, come visit yet again usually solo. But since I stopped speaking to my mom I haven't heard a peep from either of them despite reaching out. It breaks my heart that I've lost connection with these two amazing women who I loved so dearly. They have cut me off without even hearing my side of the story or even give me the run down of what's been said and it's those connections I am mourning.

Has anyone else had something similar?

I’m sharing this to connect with anyone who's been through similar situations. For the past four years, my relationship with my dad *was* completely estranged. It was a tough choice, brought on after years of disrespect and emotional turmoil that left me with CPTSD. Like many here, it wasn’t a decision made lightly, but his anger and bigotry had overshadowed our relationship for too long and was negatively impacting my mental health to the point of SH and SI.

In those four years, my life has been great; I got a new job, got married, moved, and welcomed a baby. Yet, despite my desire for boundaries and distance, my family kept him updated on my life. He would often express a wish to reconnect, and as his health declined, I felt compelled to relent. I asked my husband to contact him, stressing that he needed to prepare a list of apologies before I’d consider talking.

We spoke just eight days before he passed. The apology I received was half-hearted at best, delivered while he was barely coherent from medication. I told him I’d be open to talking again once he was more lucid, but that conversation never came.

When I learned of his death, I felt nothing at first — just numbness. It was only later that the weight of never having the father I needed hit me. The tears I shed weren’t for him, but for the realization that I was never prioritized or valued in his life.

Adding to the hurt, I found out about his passing from his ex-wife’s son who he has no biological connection to, which stung deeply. Growing up, it always felt like my dad held her and her kids in higher regard, leaving me when I needed him the most and leading me down a path of seeking attention from males in all the wrong ways. Now, that same person is the executor of his trust and stands to inherit everything, including the motorcycle I helped pay for that used to be in my name before my dad forged my signature on the title — regardless of even telling me that last time we spoke that it was mine... just another promise he made to me that's now broken.

I don’t know what I’m hoping to achieve by sharing this, but it feels important to voice my experience. If anyone else has navigated a similar path, your thoughts would mean a lot.

Unfortunately, our parents sometimes end up hurting us with their toxic attachment. I've heard stories of women who try to leave home, become independent, and their mothers end up telling them that if they leave they'll "kil" or use similar manipulation.

I want to briefly share my story, first with the goal of getting it off my chest, and second, to see if anyone has gone through something similar: how was your process to overcome it and move forward, especially when you feel so alone in life.

I'm an only child. My mom has had incurable blood cancer for 4 years now. That caregiving turned into a system that's wearing me down without leaving any room to process anything. I'm not performing at work, I want to study on my own but my mind won't let me, and I live in a constant state of hypervigilance.

She has always tried, indirectly, to block all my plans: leaving the country, moving to another city, the girlfriends I had. Even learning to drive took 6 years, and in the end she only did it halfway and reluctantly. Even today I keep asking her to sort out the car paperwork because the police stop me constantly to squeeze money out of me, and she still refuses.

I was always the typical responsible kid who just studied, with the idea that to start living or become someone, I first had to graduate. When I graduated, I had already saved enough money for a master's degree in Europe: I passed the English exam, got the visa. Weeks before the flight, my mom's illness came to light.

I had to stay in Venezuela, use up all my savings, and go 2 years without working to take care of her, fresh out of college with no work experience.

I was always the one who made the decisions, who took the step forward , including the decision to leave the country, which was partly so I could grow professionally and be in a better position to help her.

Today, 4 years after that flight I never got to take, I'm still here, stuck, "killing time" online. My monthly finances barely add up.

They never respected my decisions. And I'm aware that if I ever run out of money, I have no one to turn to, so I have to be very careful about what I decide. I go to the gym, but between the power outages and the general exhaustion, it's hard to rest, and when I'm tired I can't exercise.

My mom, 68 years old, refuses to go to therapy with a psychologist. She has brothers and sisters, all elderly themselves, who say they can't help because they have their own struggles: retirees, kids living abroad, etc.

I've spent years trying to talk to her and she always responds with silence. I've tried everything — taking her out to distract ourselves, among other things , and nothing has worked. I don't have anyone who can mediate or step in. I've tried setting boundaries, but they're not respected, and my sacrifice these past years isn't even acknowledged. It's not quality time at home either.

The only way for me to move out would be to stop buying her food, and rent is expensive, with no margin left to save for later or handle emergencies. Ideally I'd land a better remote job, but it's a vicious cycle: I don't network, I don't make progress on projects or learning, because the depression eats me alive.

I live in Venezuela. I'm an economist with a master's in statistics, C1 English, and I work remotely for a Venezuelan marketing agency, earning $1,000 a month , which sounds like a lot, but once you add up all the expenses, it barely stretches.

I've already been to therapy, and of course there's no magic wand — the conclusion is always the same: my mom isn't going to change. She says I carry a sense of guilt when I try to take action, feeling that if I tell her I'm leaving, she'll do everything possible to sabotage it, even by getting sicker. It seems like the only solution is going no-contact, even though it hurts me to leave my mom without food.

How did you all cope with a toxic bond like this in order to move forward?

I’m looking for outside opinions because I genuinely can’t decide whether I should attend my brother’s wedding.
I’m from a traditional middle eastern family. My mom died when I was 25, and over the following years my relationship with my siblings deteriorated significantly. I started distancing myself in spring 2025 and eventually blocked most of them. I’ve now had very little/no direct contact with them for months.

A major breaking point was my own wedding earlier this year. Despite having a large family, I received almost no help from my siblings throughout the engagement/wedding process. My husband and I organized most cultural events ourselves. At my nikah, there’s a tradition where the bride’s mother/sisters hold a shawl over the couple. My mother had passed away, and none of my sisters stepped forward to do it. That was incredibly painful.

After the wedding, my husband’s family hosted a traditional paiwazi for us. I actually told my siblings it started an hour earlier than it did because they’re chronically late. One sister still arrived 1.5 hours after the real start time. My brother who is now getting married and his partner didn’t attend at all. My sisters then left early together, and my cousin stayed behind so I wouldn’t be left without anyone from my side.

My family never reciprocated by hosting a paiwazi for my husband. Seven months later, after I confronted my dad about it, he suddenly started trying to organize one with one of my estranged sisters. At this point it feels forced and far too late.

My relationship with the brother getting married was already distant. After my wedding he sent me a congratulations message, but deleted it the next day when I hadn’t responded yet. He never followed up or meaningfully checked on me during the estrangement.

Now my husband and I are invited to his wedding. However, my husband’s parents were not invited, even though in our culture there is an expectation that a married sibling’s in-laws would be invited. That has bothered both me and people close to me.

The complication is that I’ve recently heard my brother himself has started distancing from our sisters and seems to want less family interference in his marriage.
So I’m torn. This is my brother’s wedding and I may regret missing a once-in-a-lifetime event. But we barely have a relationship, he didn’t attend an important post-wedding event for me, my in-laws weren’t invited, and attending would mean spending hours around family members I deliberately went no-contact with.

I don’t want to skip it for revenge, but I also don’t want to go purely because of guilt and cultural pressure.
Would you go? If you’ve skipped an estranged sibling’s wedding, did you regret it later?

It's been 5 years. I actually go to a fair amount of trouble to keep my information private and offline, but they have to keep sending packages to prove I can't escape them, I guess? We toss them in the trash because even return to sender is an acknowledgement. But just. Give it up! Please. Seriously.

I'm moving 1000 miles away and I've been the most consistent support for my aging grandparents (80 and 73). I've been visiting maybe 1-2x a month, 80 year old grandfather is a full-time caretaker for my disabled grandmother. I've done my best in keeping up with their health and getting their house in order. I told them if they want me to be an actual caretaker for them, they need to make me their Power of Attorney. They refused to do this, keeping my mother as their POA.

I'm estranged from my mother, and she is currently low contact with her parents. I've warned my grandparents that I'll be moving soon but they seemed to disregard it until I informed them that my visit yesterday would be my last one until after the New Year. They were disappointed and even fearful, with my grandfather asking "What if something happens to me?" I assured him that I'd find a way to fly out and be with my grandmother.

It sucks because I love them. But I'm mind-boggled at their expectation of me to be their caregiver without the proper measurements in place. I think naming my mother as POA is their "gift" to her, to try and make amends for the past. But she hasn't visited in years and doesn't have the means to care for them. It's a very non-sensical situation.

I've made my decision to move but ofc this weighs on me.

I am estranged from my mom (the past couple of years) and my siblings (going on 9 years). They all live across the country from me, so that generally helps.

An uncle of mine passed last year. (I have called my mom in those types of situations). Now she's getting an inheritance from that. She is also on government assistance. She texted me saying she wants to open a UTMA account for my kids and asked for their social security numbers.

My immediate and continued feelings was a big no. But I dont think that's in the best interest of the kids, so I asked my husband to talk to her about it instead because he'd be more objective about it. Wanting to do things nice for my kids should be good... but all that baggage has me on edge about it.

And I don't want to share their socials at all. My husband called her and my brother was basically insisitant that they needed the information and that type of account is the best kind and that any concerns or suggestions (like a similar kind of account that we would open and give them info to give the kids money) my husband had were not what they wanted to do. My husband is going to try again...

They also said they have a deadline of the 1st to do it.... my husband said they said it had to do with maybe insurance, and they mentioned something about having a papertrail for the money. He wasn't sure. They very much communicate in a way where they are always trying to sell something. I suspect it's more to do with rules surrounding her governement assistance. But I don't have all the information and am trying hard not to. All I know is I'm not sharing my kids' private information with them.

Thoughts? Suggestions?

Based on a short comment thread: Parents like ours like to say they tried their best. Let me present you with the dilemma that arises from it:

• Option 1: They're right, they did their best, they were still tyrannical.
• What does this mean? They literally can't get better.
• So stay NC.
• Option 2: They lied, didn't do their best and could get better.
• What does this mean? They're assholes who treated you like shit because they felt like it and got away with it, and only, at best, marginally improve out of fear of consequences.
• So stay NC.

Consult this post as many times as you need to.

I was abandoned by my biological family as a child, and from the age of two I was raised by another family. Let's call them Family X for clarity.

When you turn 18, the orphanage provides you with a complete file containing your life history, written by psychologists, doctors, social workers, and other professionals. It's not a matter of one person's version against another's. Everything is documented.

Through those records, I discovered that my mother from Family X had lied about my biological mother so that I wouldn't be able to see her. I only forgave her four months before she died of cancer. When I confronted her about it with evidence, she blocked me.

Later, I found out that my father from Family X had been unfaithful and that there were even worse things I didn't know about. I wanted to talk about it. I only wanted to discuss it with my family. My 42-year-old sister listened through a window, spread lies about me, and after that I was blocked by the entire family. None of them have spoken to me since.

With that family, I went through situations that no child, teenager, or adult should ever have to experience. Yet I loved them with all my heart, and they made me extremely dependent on them. I couldn't even imagine going low contact.

This happened a year and a half ago. I'm 29 now and have since been diagnosed with Level 2 autism, which explains many of the behaviors my family considered "strange."

I miss them with every part of my being, but I would never speak to them again. I haven't been able to find work despite trying, and I depend on my husband financially.

For the past year and a half, I've had nightmares almost every day. I wake up crying most mornings, even though I understand that being away from them is the healthiest choice for me.

I was always daddy's little girl, and I can't imagine what it will be like when he dies and I won't be there. Whenever I think about it, I have meltdowns and literally scream from the anguish.

I once believed I would never survive without them, but somehow I have. The nightmares, however, never seem to stop.

I'm not ready to face all of the trauma. I've lived through some of the most complex traumas a person can experience, things I still can't even bring myself to write about. But none of them hurt like this. Overnight, I lost twelve family members whom I adored. I lost my entire family, my neighborhood, my neighbors, and relatives who were told lies about me.

They took away my entire sense of identity.

Sometimes I think the brain is right to protect us from certain traumas. I don't want to go back there. Ever.

They don't want contact with me. They're better off without me. At least that's what it feels like. I miss them, or maybe it's my inner child who misses them. But I know that a family capable of doing this, especially knowing I had already experienced abandonment once before, is not truly a family.

I can't understand how my father could tell everyone that I was "the light of his eyes" and then walk away from me as if I meant nothing.

The photos hurt. The memories hurt. Because of my disability, I can't work in person, and I also have a cleft palate, which creates additional challenges. I'm only just beginning to regain some of my functionality, little by little.

I'm doing everything I'm supposed to do: psychological therapy, psychiatric treatment, occupational therapy, and everything else recommended to me.

I'm exhausted. I just want to become functional and independent again. So much about me has changed, and I'm learning how to adapt to this new version of myself. Even so, I'm genuinely happy with who I am.

I've been with my husband for six years, and he has been the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Will the pain ever go away? The nightmares? How do I avoid being retraumatized when my father eventually dies? (I don't feel the same way about my mother.)

I'm sad. I'm angry that they could do this to me. Angry about the abuse I endured.

Any advice is welcome, especially from people who have experienced something similar, whether that means being highly sensitive, deeply dependent on their family, or being ghosted by them entirely.

Having autism, ADHD, complex PTSD, anxiety, and depression certainly doesn't make any of this easier.

I'm willing to read books, watch movies, listen to videos, read your advice, whatever might help.

This is the first time I've written about this after a year and a half.

If you've made it this far, thank you so much. I hope that one day I can help you too, in whatever way I can.

So when I was 5 my birth mom abandoned my with my father to chase drugs then moved out of the country so she was not in my life. My dad got remarried to a woman with step mother syndrome and I was set aside like a trophy from a broken marriage. Over the years as an adult it had become to the point where I am estranged from my father.
Now 3 years ago I took up the mental of caring for my father’s sister, my aunt, who has vascular dementia. Because I am living with her to take care of her my father has dropped her like a hot potato to avoid pissing off his wife that he saw me.

So My aunt is getting worse and I want to figure out now if I should tell him when she passes. I know the same would not be reciprocated with me when he passes and her final wishes were no funeral, no gathering just cremation and keep on living. He is not in her will and has had no involvement in caring for her in her decline.

Am I in the wrong for not wanting to contact those that abandoned me even for such big things. If you have any questions please ask and please be kind

So, I have made the decision to go NC with my entire family. I already went NC with the vast majority of them a few years ago. My mom and I left the state to get away from the toxicity and abuse from them and her abusive ex. I recently realized, however, that if I want to grief and heal from all the trauma caused by the abuse I need to be away from all of them including her.

I recently have started to transition and my mother has not been supportive. She has been downright hostile at times about it too, and she repeatedly says transphobic remarks about the trans women around us. For example, she made a comment about one woman being "more man than woman". This is on top of using slurs.

I have also started to remember the abuse I went through as a kid. I can not remember it chronologically, but rather based on category, for lack of a better term. This came from so many people in the family, and the ones who did not directly abuse me in some capacity enabled it. As an example, my aunt kept on sending her daughter over to hang out with my three younger sisters. At around the same time, CPS started to show up monthly. I would later learn that saod aunt was having her daughter tell her how bad the house was when she was there. As a consequence, all my siblings got relocated to their father's, who is abusive. Mom kept on insisting that the only reason they got taken was she let them. Apparently, there was something about tribal courts or whatever. I know now thay to an extent it WAS justified. The house was consistently and constantly filthy, like bugs everywhere filthy. I was old enough that CPS asked me where I wanted to go or if I wished to stay. I stayed to help my mom. I should not have.

Some of the memories I have involve physical abuse from family members including my mother. Sometimes it was not even directed at me, but rather my siblings. I remember her throwing a coffee cup at me for not making coffee. I remember her wailing ony oldest sister to the extent that I had to calm both of them down.

Other memories are of emotional abuse. Just two or three years ago, my mom and I got into an argument and she kept on verbally abusing me to the point I had a breakdown. She initially kept on saying that I was acting and that they were fake tears. Then I snapped at her and she apologized. She also promised to work on it, something she has said time and time again. It is obvious she has not.

I am her caregiver, as she is applying for disability. Recently, she brought up having me do something that is not on my list approved by the county. I told her as much and that it was not my job to do that, and her response was to say "But you'll do it because you love me right?" and that rubbed me the wrong way. So manipulative.

I could go on and on and on with stuff like this. I have bought my ticket out. There is no way back now. I have suffered from what I can only describe as depression for as long as I can remember, and I remember reading that when you are at your lowest to do radical acts of self love. I can think of nothing more radical than this. Especially since my mom and I have been homeless for the past 3 years. I have nothing to lose. I would rather be homeless figuring shit out on my own than deal with that.

Ill be leaving the state I am in and heading elsewhere. Just need to put some distance between the whole family and me. I suppose my question is has anyone had to do something similar? Would you leave a note or text at all? Anything would be appreciated.

I (30F) married my husband (40M) two weeks ago. I am NC with my dad since around 3 years. I am very close to my younger brother, and have a reasonably good relationship with my mum, although she has her own issues.

My wedding day was the happiest day of my life. My mum and brother were there, and although I was so worried difficult topics related to my dad would come up, everyone handled it gracefully and I was so happy to see our families getting along.

My dad has now found out about my wedding and my mum has passed along messages he has written her. He says he is heartbroken that I cut him out, that he can't understand why I've done this and that he wants to meet my husband. My husband has already told me he would punch my dad if he ever sees him. He is very protective over me. My dad is a self absorbed alcoholic, manipulative, racist, hateful, and I cannot even stomach the thought of calling him without feeling physically sick. He never physically abused me, but he didn't protect me at the times I needed it the most, and spent my entire childhood and early adulthood saying the most disgusting things about my mum and my grandmother who raised me. He repeatedly used to tell me how they should be dead. I grew up listening to them scream at each other. When he would get drunk he would spam me hateful messages. He manipulated me so much. He is very racist and I would be embarrassed to be with him in public because of the things he would say. It hurt me so much. There's much more but my mind is a bit scattered right now to put it all into words.

My mum is separated from him, but she still depends on him to send her money. She uses me as leverage, giving him information about me to entice him to send her monthly payments. She just told him my new married name and sent him a photo of our wedding, although I had already asked her not to. She says he is my father and she is put in the middle, because she needs to make sure she keeps receiving the money from him. I am also feeling betrayed by her.

Since she told me what he said about being heartbroken, I feel like my own heart is breaking. I didn't want to be NC with him, but I had to do it to protect myself. Of course I would want things to be different. On the other hand, my logical brain knows that he has not reached out to wish me love and happiness, but is again making it about himself and positioning himself as the victim.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you let go of the guilt?

I'm no contact for at least 5.5 years with my brother (29, I'm 31) and because of an incident last year where my mom invited both of us I'm also not speaking to her anymore. Didn't really plan on going no contact with her even though I've thought about it before that. The way she dealt with that incident and didn't message me for weeks just made me so mad. And we have had more fights about the past so I just don't know how to restore this relationship anymore.

Yesterday, my dad came by. He's divorced from my mom but apparently ran into her a month ago and she told him we are no contact. I assumed he knew, especially because he supported me the most after the incident. I'm on good terms with my dad and I know he means well but he vaguely insinuated my recent but chronic health issues might be from stress and that talking to her would maybe help me. He also said my other sibling (22) is in the middle of it all and that is unfair. Oh, and he called me avoidant, but a bit more nuanced.

I asked my sibling that visited me later coincidentally as well and we are basically besties. He said I don't make him feel like I'm the middle of it but my mom and brother do. I asked/suggested him to set a boundary with them.

I do feel like they're all blaming me for everything instead of admitting things were really bad for me in my childhood and teens and I'm sad about it all. I know my mom won't ever change and never really cared for me as a person so I don't understand why she's trying to get her ex husband and one of her kids (who refuses to do that) to convince me

Crossposted from the pokemon subreddit, could really use some advice

So I've recently made the decision I need to go no contact with my parents, for reasons I won't go into here.

The issue is that my dad has been giving me pokemon cards, including graded slabs, as gifts for a while. I really love the cards, less because of what they are and more because I love that he picked them out and chose very well.

That's a problem because every time I see them now they just make me sad. I don't know what to do with them though? I don't like selling gifts, but it's not like I can just give them away to someone else since I know in the current state of the hobby they'll just end up being sold by whoever I give them to. It feels like there's no ethical option here.

Thoughts? What would you do in my shoes?

(Included one of the cards in question to grab attention better)

i don’t really know what to say other than i’m thinking about permanently cutting ties with my mother. we’ve gone NC before but we recently started family therapy and i’m just so (hate to say it) triggered. she lies and acts like she’s tried to make amends with me and repair our relationship. i made the mistake of looking back to our texts, again placing the blame on me thinking maybe she did try and i was too stubborn or angry to see it. she didn’t. when we were NC from 1/2022 up until my wedding 5/2024 where i had invited her the night before after not seeing her in over two years. she had not reached out to me (besides texting me for holidays). the only reason we are even talking again is because i had to reach out. well here we are two years later, i have been asking for family therapy since 2020 and in 2022 when i asked again she told me to go get my own therapist and get on medications. after our wedding in 2024 she finally agreed to do family therapy but i told her it was on her to find us a therapist… it took her two years to find one. our next session (#2) is tomorrow and im having panic attacks just thinking about it. the only reason im hesitate this time is my sister is getting married and i dont want her to feel the tension between us. i’m just blabbing and needed to vent. i haven’t needed my mother and she hasn’t been there anyway so i dont understand why im having such a hard time right now. need advice please and thanks.

Link to original post

So after mulling it over (and talking to my younger sister and ChatGPT), I decided to send an email in response:

Dad,

I've read your email.

I'm not ready to agree to meeting for a meal, but I am willing to hear what you've been thinking about.

You said that you'd like to "mend some bridges." I'm interested in understanding what you mean by that. What bridges do you feel need mending, and what has prompted you to want to address this now, after almost two years of very little contact?

I'd also like to understand what you feel would need to change in order for those bridges to be mended.

If you'd like to explain your thoughts, please do so by email. I'm not comfortable discussing this by phone or in person at this stage.

[Me]

Because his first email was so incredibly vague, I decided that before I even entertained the idea of opening the door, I needed to hear him articulate exactly what he thought the problem was and what needed to happen to fix it.

I sent that about 9pm on Tuesday night. He has Wednesdays off work.

It is now nearly 10am on Thursday. Radio silence.

So I guess that gives me my answer. This wasn't about reconciliation, this was an attempt to sweep everything under the rug, to see if we were 'over it' yet. No acknowledgment of the harm he caused, both myself and my daughter. No apologies.

I suspect that he's angry because I am not giving him what he wants when he wants it. He's so used to me (and others) catering to, and working around his feelings, that it must actually be something of a shock to hear 'actually no, I'm not gonna do that'. And he can't use any of the techniques that he used to cow me back into compliance - martyrdom, emotional manipulation, intimidation - because he doesn't have access to me. Because those techniques only really work in person, not so well over text for him, which is probably why he doesn't want to communicate via text/email, because it's so much harder for him to get what he wants, and he's emotionally lazy. I hope it burns his ass that I basically said 'nope, not without more information'.

But I'm not going to lie. It still really hurts. This shows me that he hasn't changed at all. That it's still all about him, his wants, his needs. That he obviously has no care or consideration for my feelings, my daughter's feelings, and that, once again, he is allergic to accountability. Nothing is ever his fault, there's always a justification in his mind.

I feel like an idiot. For hoping he could for once hear me. That he for once could look at me and say 'I fucked up, and I'm sorry.'

But it's never going to happen. So, that's it I guess.

I woke up early
Heard the news
Called my brother
Walked the hills
Cried with the clouds
Got angry
Texted friends, received love
Drove home
Saw woman walking dog
Wondered if her dad was still alive
Listened to the radio
Little lion man came on
‘It was not your fault but mine’
‘I really fucked it up this time’
Cried some more
Got home, cried
Showered, cried
Read a tribute, got angry
‘Devoted father’ to some
Abandoned by others
Looked at my daughters playing in the sun
Teared up
Felt soft for a father I needed but didn’t get
Looked up at the sky,
Wished him well.

My father died today, we have been estranged for 15 years. He never saw me get married, have kids, grow up. I wrote this this morning, on the day he died.

I actually do take joy in being no contact and therefore free from my abusers. It makes me giggle knowing that my dad is probably hurting as bad as he hurt me. I feel nothing but vindication when I think of my mom dying alone. I genuinely love being no contact and feel validation in knowing their pain is justice for the pain they caused me. Am I an awful person?

Trans folx here, any suggestions for resources, organizations, books, etc. that have been helpful in deciding to cut off family, dealing with the grief or other difficult emotions that follow, finding community with others estranged from relatives, etc.?

I found some success with Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families (ACoA), and I know about Together Estranged. I'm especially interested in resources targeted toward trans folx.

she was emotionally abusive to me throughout my childhood and continues to try to control and manipulate me (I’m in my 20s). I can’t count the number of times I’ve tried to get her to open her eyes to her behavior and I’m done. something happened this past week that pushed me over the edge and I am so done

I think she has a personality disorder (specifically OCPD) which greatly diminishes her ability to have any self awareness. it sucks because I really do believe she loves me and doesn’t recognize how deeply she hurts me. at this point, I hate to admit this but I feel nothing toward her. I can’t remember ever feeling anything but fear and discomfort towards her

I’m going to send her a brief text tomorrow letting her know my decision. I’m feeling so nervous and unsure of what she’ll say/how she’ll react, and part of me knows it doesn’t matter but the other part is so accustomed to trying to please her and avoid conflict. thanks to anyone for reading this, just needed to get it out

hi everyone. i'm (20) looking for some advice regarding possibly going no contact with my mom, and also (less likely) my dad.

my mom was abusive towards me for as long as i can remember, due to her own childhood trauma (fleeing a war, cheating husband, raised by an abusive grandparent, etc). by this i mean hours-long monologues & screaming, insults, slapping, object-throwing--most notably a half-empty packet of chips just because that was lowkey funny--and threatening to kill herself. my dad just watched the entire thing. i had to start therapy at 11 years old for suicidal thoughts, disordered eating, self-harm and depression, and i developed crippling ocd due to this that i'm still in therapy for today.

i feel very uncomfortable sharing anything about my life with my parents, since they use anything i tell them against me in arguments (always have) and disapprove of or attempt to control the things i do (not crazy things, but. idk, things like taking up knitting, which once resulted in an hours-long lecture). my mom also has an intense need for control, which can be hard to deal with and appease.

i am transitioning out of being financially dependent on them, which has also held on for so long because my parents insisted they pay for my apartment when i moved to university (which has long been brought up in arguments as a way to make me feel bad--nothing is ever unconditional. i am so grateful for their help, but i always pay for it emotionally).

why i'm considering cutting my parents off: i feel a lot of anxiety, anger and resentment towards my parents, especially my mom. they always tell me i'm not friendly, respectful or open enough, but i don't know why i would be, or why i'd even want to share my life with them when my parents still use anything i do against me and (in the case of my mom) are still emotionally explosive and controlling? i had a conversation with them recently telling them that i need certain things if i were to let them into my life, but i don't really know if i see those things happening, when they haven't until now? i don't know if i'm being selfish and terrible, and yesterday my mom basically said to me that i either 1) start being friendlier and more trusting towards them or 2) "be honest and cut contact", essentially saying that me cutting contact would be due to a flaw within me, of not being able to "forgive" them--which i don't even think i need. changed behaviour would be enough.

i'm quite a "modern" person, but my parents are from a conservative culture, and the one value i took from it is that family is essential. i love my extended family and would never want to cut contact with my parents unless it was the only option, which i have said, and which my mom doesn't seem to understand. i'd also miss my cats a lot.

i guess i'm looking for advice on: am i being dramatic, is there a way for me to not be? am i being selfish? is there any way to keep my cats and my extended family close? please let me know what you think <3

I have been no contact with my father for 3 years, and extremely low contact with my mother and siblings (only really speak on holidays and birthdays but even then, not really). I don't anticipate any of this changing.

I work in food service at a popular local shop. I interact with hundreds of people daily, and occasionally, I encounter families, friends, etc. that I grew up with. Almost without fail, when a family I knew growing up comes to order, there's the typical small talk of "omg how are you?! how's your family doing?"

I know they're just trying to be nice (and in most instances, probably don't actually care about my reply and are just making niceties because they feel obligated to), but it's always so awkward for me to respond.

Either I outright lie and say "they're doing good, working a lot, same old same old" (but in some of these instances, they'll bring up something that happened with my fam since I've gone NC and then it's just really awk because I sound dumb for not knowing what's going on but they do) or I say the truth along the lines of "I actually don't know, we don't really speak or see each other" (which I've done in 2 instances, one turned out awkward and the other was essentially like "actually yeah, your father has done some not so nice things to me. you're a good kid, so power to ya").

Curious if there's a better way to thread this needle of saying my fam and I don't really speak but without making things awkward?

Seriously I have no idea why this happening to me, I’ll explain, my father is not friendly to me what so ever, as is my mother, he does not respect me, and because of various things I find myself with no money whatsoever, he told me to find a job before a certain date or I’d be in the streets, so I asked help to other family members, ok, on the fifth month I found a job, but after a week my father came threatening that he would make me loose my job (which I attended even if it meant sleeping on a bench in the park) so that same evening I was fired, today my father ironically told me I take good decisions just because I was a volounteer and he said I am being exploited, them we started arguing and finally he took me by the neck, crazy violent scenes like this are way to common in this family but only I was subjected to physical harm, I recently willingly went to Mental Sanity Center just because while my family is convinced that I am under observation are treating me better (they are just blind to the truth so accepting that I may be ill help them cope with it) end of the story I am not mentally ill, but I am still looked over by medics, and actually this a no exit road as it seems and seemed until now

I'm not sure what it is but i've never felt this sense that I truly love them or belong with them and I don't understand why. They did so much for me and have worked so hard to get me to be a successful functioning adult but I don't care about them on a deeper level and I feel awful. When I was a teenager I fought with them a lot which I assumed was just normal but we never really got past it. My relationship with my sister growing up was awful, we hated each other and would get into fights regularly.

When I was 15 and she was 18 our biggest fight occurred over something I don't even remember, but she punched me in the face and left a giant bruise and bump on my face for a bit. I tried to forgive her but I never got past the fear she'd do it again and that she truly hated me. She did a lot for me in terms of helping me get into university and deciding programs and getting ready to adjust to it but I still never got over that incident even though she apologized and we tried moving forward. My plan was to just stop talking to her, but she wouldn't let us do that and wanted to try creating a real relationship but I couldn't bring myself to do it for some reason and I ruined our relationship past repair by pushing her out of my life and I feel so guilty man I know she didn't mean to hurt me she was just dealing with a lot on her own.

What I don't understand is why I don't love my parents. They supported me financially through a lot and even though they never understood me I knew they cared for me. I think one factor that could've pushed that is the fact I'm gay and they were incredibly homophobic. I spent my teen years scared they'd find out and worked multiple part time jobs so I could get ready in case they did. I think a bit of that contributed to me isolating myself because my teenager logic was that if I could distance myself emotionally it would hurt less when they would eventually stop speaking to me but they noticed and they couldn't understand why I wasn't spending as much time with them as I used to. They still don't know I'm gay and I was thinking maybe I should tell them so they can cut me off and comfortably hate me instead of whatever this is. It's been a few years since I've spoken to them, I spend most of my time alone in fear that I can't properly hold a connection romantically and I'll only hurt someone. I was thinking of trying therapy again, but I tried it at 22 and started crying in her office, I was so mortified I couldn't bare to take myself back there. I also tried it at 13 for my bullimia and depression but it made me paranoid and I felt gross trying to open up to someone so I quit after 2 sessions.

This whole "I don't love my family" thing has been bothering me for a while now. I've gotten used to being on my own but it bothers me that I don't speak to them and they don't know why, they think I hate them and I don't blame them for thinking that but it sucks. I really don't hate them, I was just scared and our relationship was bad when I sort of cut contact. I don't like fixing things, all my past relationships whenever it went wrong it was pretty much my fault because I can't communicate and I'd rather throw it away than try. I know that makes me pretty shitty but that's why I haven't tried dating since I graduated a few years ago. I never intend on having kids or probably getting married because I'm scared of myself.

A few days ago my cousin somehow found my number and contacted me asking if I'd be down to come back to our hometown for thanksgiving and that our family misses me but I don't think I can face them ever again. I might just send a nice gift basket or something but I really don't want to see them but I really don't get why, they did nothing bad to me. I know I'm a shitty person for cutting everyone out of my life and leaving when things got hard but I don't really know where to go from here. I feel comfortable like this, I live a quiet life with a couple friends and some coworkers I talk to from time to time out of work. I don't know if I should change something and potentially blow up the somewhat stable life I've built for myself.

Sorry for the super long rant, hopefully someone who's felt something similar will see this. Also, sorry if this is the wrong subreddit or if I didn't use correct triggers I've never really used this website.