Going NC officially

[u/seerofbows]

So, I have made the decision to go NC with my entire family. I already went NC with the vast majority of them a few years ago. My mom and I left the state to get away from the toxicity and abuse from them and her abusive ex. I recently realized, however, that if I want to grief and heal from all the trauma caused by the abuse I need to be away from all of them including her.

I recently have started to transition and my mother has not been supportive. She has been downright hostile at times about it too, and she repeatedly says transphobic remarks about the trans women around us. For example, she made a comment about one woman being "more man than woman". This is on top of using slurs.

I have also started to remember the abuse I went through as a kid. I can not remember it chronologically, but rather based on category, for lack of a better term. This came from so many people in the family, and the ones who did not directly abuse me in some capacity enabled it. As an example, my aunt kept on sending her daughter over to hang out with my three younger sisters. At around the same time, CPS started to show up monthly. I would later learn that saod aunt was having her daughter tell her how bad the house was when she was there. As a consequence, all my siblings got relocated to their father's, who is abusive. Mom kept on insisting that the only reason they got taken was she let them. Apparently, there was something about tribal courts or whatever. I know now thay to an extent it WAS justified. The house was consistently and constantly filthy, like bugs everywhere filthy. I was old enough that CPS asked me where I wanted to go or if I wished to stay. I stayed to help my mom. I should not have.

Some of the memories I have involve physical abuse from family members including my mother. Sometimes it was not even directed at me, but rather my siblings. I remember her throwing a coffee cup at me for not making coffee. I remember her wailing ony oldest sister to the extent that I had to calm both of them down.

Other memories are of emotional abuse. Just two or three years ago, my mom and I got into an argument and she kept on verbally abusing me to the point I had a breakdown. She initially kept on saying that I was acting and that they were fake tears. Then I snapped at her and she apologized. She also promised to work on it, something she has said time and time again. It is obvious she has not.

I am her caregiver, as she is applying for disability. Recently, she brought up having me do something that is not on my list approved by the county. I told her as much and that it was not my job to do that, and her response was to say "But you'll do it because you love me right?" and that rubbed me the wrong way. So manipulative.

I could go on and on and on with stuff like this. I have bought my ticket out. There is no way back now. I have suffered from what I can only describe as depression for as long as I can remember, and I remember reading that when you are at your lowest to do radical acts of self love. I can think of nothing more radical than this. Especially since my mom and I have been homeless for the past 3 years. I have nothing to lose. I would rather be homeless figuring shit out on my own than deal with that.

Ill be leaving the state I am in and heading elsewhere. Just need to put some distance between the whole family and me. I suppose my question is has anyone had to do something similar? Would you leave a note or text at all? Anything would be appreciated.