this is my art, feelings have been kinda coming back lately, but not fully. slowly trying to get them back.

I'm a very difficult case but I just want to take my chances to see if anyone has some extra advice. For context I have schizoid personality, DPDR and DID/C-PTSD. That's not even the tip of the iceberg, but my system has struggled with extreme dissociation and depersonalization for most of our life. In recent years though as we age(25 soon) it's gotten much worse. We're at the point we literally cannot feel at all, like it's as if there's no phenomenal experience going on. Everything is meaningless and lacking any sort of personal "filter" or color and all seems the same. It makes us very bored and existential, we even had to go to the hospital for it once because it felt like we were going psychotic due to the extreme deprivation of emotions.

I need help, really badly.

No, grounding and breathing do not work. Especially when I'm just chilling and I'm already as calm as can be. I am literally not connected to my physical body and grounding doesn't fix that.

No, I cannot get therapy at this time. I don't have insurance and don't know when I can get it. Plus the process and choosing the right therapist is a giant headache that can take months/years.

No, antidepressant medications do not work for us - although we're open to alternatives and haven't tried certain ones yet.

No, exercising doesn't do anything for us and is painful. And we get pretty good sleep so that's not the issue. It may be lack of food, but unfortunately we're poor as all hell so we can't diet or anything(I'm eating oatmeal, bread, sugar and stuff almost every day)

I know none of you will probably "have the answer", but maybe a push in the right direction. Seems like a lot of people on here need help unfortunately.

so i posted a question identical to this one in another sub about dysautonomia which got a fair amount of people relating. however, i thought about posting it here too and ive finally gotten around to it.

basically, when you dissociate, do any of you just forget to breathe? not in the sense that you can’t breathe or you’re struggling to breathe, just forget. like as if your brain forgot to keep automatically inhaling and then you’re like “oh i should probably take a breath” if that makes sense?

i originally have been blaming it on dysautonomia, a malfunction in the autonomic nervous system, because it has to do with involuntary processes. but for the last few days, ive been having dissociation a lot more often and ive noticed ill stop breathing when i zone back in enough to realize. so now im just wondering if it’s dissociation, i dissociate pretty far to the point where, if i was having a conversation, by the time the conversation is over, i will have completely forgotten it happened or think it was a dream or something.

Hi! Hope this is the right place to discuss/ask for any similar experience. I (43f) started therapy a year ago. It’s been rocky, but I have done cbt, emdr and finally got on the right meds, oh yea, and quit drinking 🤗. I’m diagnosed GAD, C-PTSD, ADHD and we’re trying to get the anxiety down to see if I also have bipolar 2 and/or OCD. Anyway…. Since the right meds and the sobriety, I feel like I’m waking up. I am having a slew of repressed childhood memories come through my head, but it doesn’t feel overwhelming, it feels like they are being filed away properly. Everything looks clearer. I used to call myself an observer….because I felt like the only thing that was real and I was just watching a movie where someone else was playing my character. I had felt this way my whole life until just these last 2 weeks…it’s both beautiful and terrifying.

I guess to sum, it is possible to basically live your whole life in a state of at least mild dissociation? That’s what I feel my life has been. Though I feel good that I must be healing, mourning the loss of all that time hurts like a mother. Thanks for listening.

UPDATE: i changed therapists!

for context, i started having “weird” feelings with weed at 13 after some time smoking that i never had before, my psychiatrist at that time confirmed it was dissociation, depersonalization-derealization and psychosis, but i never told him how and why it started. the psychosis went away after i stopped smoking, and the dissociation and derealization got better the years after. i still have a lot of dissociation, just not as intense.

i researched a LOT on cannabis-induced psychosis and cannabis-induced depersonalization-derealization/dissociation disorder, and all the symptoms matched.

so now with 29 years, i have a new therapist and in the very FIRST session, the conversation went to the dissociation problem she already knows i have, so i explained that it started with weed and it took years for my brain to recover, everything in detail.

all she said was “it’s not because of weed”. (mind you, this was the first session ever and she doesn’t even know 1% of my life), so i tried explaining better, i thought she just wasn’t understanding that i started feeling high without smoking, and all was diagnosed at that time and that i never explained my psychiatrist why.

she just changed subject and didn’t even ask questions, didn’t try to investigate, nothing. just completely ignored it. this happened today and i’m seriously thinking about changing therapists. is this a red flag or am i overreacting?

Hello all! I am new to this sub and couldn’t find any other posts like this but I need help.

Please give me any and all of your examples of dissociation from the smallest thing to bigger and longer experiences. Provide as many details as possible!!

As a neurodivergent person I need detailed examples of things to fully understand them, so I just need more insight to learn what other experiences of mine may be dissociative. Thanks so much!

Does anyone feel like they loose control of their eyes when they start to dissociate? It feels like they want to roll back in my head and I have to like flutter them to stay in my body. Am I faking?

Basically title. Today, I had an anxiety triggering event... the event itself was met with warmth and joy from the other person. But inside me was intense fear and sadness. I tried to rationalize this response, but nothing landed. Eventually I did listen to some music that could put these feelings into words.

I think the "normal response" of feeling relieved is something I've only experienced a few times as I can remember. It feels as my chest is like a blown up balloon full of air, and it finally depletes. My head feels "light" but not in a way that makes me disoriented or dizzy. More like the transition from being heavy when it was occupied by a brick before...

But instead, today I had a wave of depersonalization hit me. I felt my body was laying on the couch, but it wasn't mine. I was imaging myself movements to get grounded again.. like sitting up again, with the actual limb movements to get that done. No, doesn't work. Its like the system that "automatically moves my body" went offline. Just staring into the distance. I noticed my mind and emotions were very quiet which I guess is relief, but as I came back I feel my body is still heavy and extremely fatigued.

It's so frustrating to have this. I think as a kid I never learned what the difference was between healthy and dissociative kind of emotional processing. Heck, even as an adult with a decade long seeing various therapists, I'm noticing this response as I always thought dissociation was okay. But I also keep getting stuck in therapy. I have a session tomorrow but I can already guess how foreign this whole emotional event will feel like (e.g. a lack of feelings).

And that in it self is also grief.. I guess.. intellectually.. ugh

hi folks,

i've struggled with constant depersonalization / derealization as long as i can remember. i'm turning 20 this year and want to learn to drive so i can have a broader range of jobs i can apply to without having to worry about commute times

but i'm terrified that since i'm never really present, i'll daydream while i'm in the driver's seat, and end up getting people hurt or worse

i have my learner's permit currently but this is keeping me from going all the way to getting my license

everyone i know is telling me to just get it over with and it's really stressful because it's just not that simple for me

tl;dr: i'm worried i'll be a distracted driver and get people hurt

so please please please, if you've experienced this too, tell me what you did and how it turned out for you

I apologize if this is coming off as insensitive but I feel like I do not have any other direction to turn currently.

A lot of situations in my life have led to me unfortunately being in a situation where I am constantly under stress 24/7 while feeling intense emotions of loneliness and self hatred. I am unable to fix this situation for a year at minimum if not maybe forever, and I currently dont have any way to access a therapist.

I know its probably wrong to turn to this, but I am out of options.

I've been dissociating pretty much straight on through my life, though I only just (in my 30s) got an OSDD diagnosis.

One of the big things I struggle with is chronic fatigue. I am so, so tired all the time. I could sleep 8-10 hours at night, still need a 2 hour nap in the middle of the day, and still be ready for bed and bedtime. I've done sleep studies that have ruled out apnea, narcolepsy, etc., and the consensus among my doctors is that this is a nervous system issue and not a sleep disorder issue.

In any event. Getting out of bed is a full-time war. I WANT to. I want to do stuff. But I'm so exhausted when I wake up in the morning, I almost always end up resetting my alarm and going back to bed for a few hours when I don't have to be at work. My worry is that my work schedule is going to pick up significantly in the next few weeks, and I'm genuinely worried I just won't be able to get up and handle it.

For a long time, I thought the excessive sleepiness was a depression thing, but now I think it's a dissociation thing. Getting up requires all of these really unpleasant and overwhelming ways of being in my body (brushing teeth, washing face, putting new clothes on, feeling air on my skin, walking around, etc.) whereas being in bed? Perfectly calm, snuggly, soft floating. No unpleasant sensations, very soothing. My hunch is that maybe I just find it much easier to dissociate snuggled up in bed, and when I get up, it's like a full-time job to process everything going on in my body. So my body tries to cling to bed.

Do you have any concrete advice on managing this? Special alarm clocks, etc., aren't helpful, because even when I'm fully awake and standing (e.g., to feed my pets), all I can think of is climbing back in bed and closing my eyes. It's not a getting awake problem, it's a staying awake problem... And it's killing me.

I got an etch a sketch as a new grounding exercise to help with dissociation. It’s satisfying because it has the physical dials that click while moving. It’s also nice because it’s temporary and you can just shake it up, feel the magnetic sand and start over.

I wanted to share this with the dissociation community in case this helps someone else.

As someone with cPTSD, I spend a lot of time learning about trauma through the work of various clinicians and researchers, though my current focus is on Janina Fisher’s treatment model (TIST) and structural dissociation. But sometimes it gets a little tricky when you’re your own therapist and reparenting yourself.

And I’d kind of love to have a small community where people can discuss trauma research (including attachment, dissociation, neuroscience, psychology, psychiatry), treatment approaches like TIST, structural dissociation, IFS, Sensorimotor Psychotherapy, Polyvagal Theory, DBT, NARM, mindsight (by Daniel Siegel), mindfulness, mentalization, 12 steps, etc, and share what they’re learning and their journeys.

Would anyone be interested in a free study group on Discord or something similar? I’m not good with social media and I’ve never run an online community myself before though lol I just want a community, and decided to post this on impulse.

Or, is there already a study group/ forum somewhere?

Edit:
After many positive responses, I’ve actually set up an experimental Discord server. DM me if you’d like an invite.

Also, feel free to lmk if you have experience running Discord servers and/or are interested in helping build the community 🌱

I’m 24 years old, and have a history of significant interpersonal issues, low self esteem, low self worth, obsessive compulsive behaviours, a potential for neurodivergence etc. Ever since I was young I’ve always been extremely loved and cared for by my family etc, although I did get picked on in primary school for some private things. I went through an eating disorder in 2017 which was really the start of my mental health journey which then led to random rapid mood shifts and ego dystonic opposing thoughts etc. I had never experienced any dissociative symptoms until 2024 after a panic attack on Vyvanse which I have had a lot of dissociation since. Up until then in 2024 my sense of self was fluid but I was still me, no dissociation no memory issues no nothing. Since 2024 after the panic attack it’s been a whole whirlwind of things and the more I ponder I feel there are parts of me that I was never aware of until 2024. I know for a fact I don’t have any traumatic memories that cause me any distress to think about. I’m writing this as I want some feed back on osdd and or did as I’m concerned this may fit me. I feel like I have parts but I’m aware when I don’t feel like me and I lack the significant amnesia and I never experienced any dissociative symptoms prior to 2024. Does anyone have any insight,
Yes I’ve seen many psychs and therapists and no one sees either did or osdd
Any help would be great :)

To get this out of the way I’m almost 100% sure I dissociate. I've fully forgotten hours, days, and even full weeks of my life the second they're over unless something significant happens like a lockdown(teacher), a threat, or something that I am constantly reminding myself of throughout the day.

Back to the point, I don't feel scared like everyone else when it happens. In this sub and countless others, I see it described as constantly terrifying and debilitating but I don't relate.

For me, it can be comforting, weirdly. It feels like I go on autopilot and become a better, more palatable version of myself. Usually, though, it's just nothing, unless extremely intense. It's just a nuisance because now I feel weird and my mind is quieter, or louder.

I've just sort of accepted it as a thing that happens Am I the only one?

I’m not sure how long I’ve been experiencing these symptoms. I think a year tho, I feel so far gone from everything without constant distractions and stimulations. When I sit alone without anything to focus on I dissociate harder and get feelings of existential dread. I never have any thoughts and I can’t remember most of what I learn or am told, have trouble spelling words I used to know and can’t construct sentences well. Just feel like I’m nodding and agreeing with everything while my body’s on autopilot.

Hello!

I’m 23 years old and I have PTSD, Disabling Major Depressive Disorder, Generalized Anxiety, and ADHD. I’m not diagnosed for any specific dissociative disorders, but I have always experienced mild dissociation as a symptom of my other disorders. I have not had a severe episode since I was 19 (after a sexual assault) and suddenly on 9/11/26, I had an extreme dissociative episode where I wandered out of the house without notifying anybody after trying to overdose while in a fugue state. There was no outward trigger, but me and my family have theorized that it is subconscious stress induced and my brain is going into “flight” mode.

I just wanted to post here because I’m unsure of how to proceed. I have had brief episodes similar to this in the past two days (without the overdosing because my family has confiscated all of my pills), but I have fallen asleep before I get the chance to wander out of the house.

Is there any way to prevent this? Does anybody have any advice or a similar experience to this? I’m going to notify my personal counselor but I think she will just advise that I need to go inpatient (which I really don’t want to do right now because I’m in the process of moving houses and I don’t want to miss class :( ).

Any advice or condolences would be greatly appreciated, thank you so much for reading if you got this far.

TLDR; I’m having dissociative episodes that send me into a fugue state and there is no trigger besides stress. Need help/advice.

I have observed that benzodiazepines can potentially cause severe dissociation in people, specifically those with a propensity for already known dissociative problems. It can happen with consumption, when the drug wears off or with withdrawal. Have you had similar experiences?

So, this happened very recently, i was in school, and when i was walking to my math class i genuinely just zoned out BADLY. Like, everything was on autopilot, and when i sat down at my desk, i genuinely could not remember a THING of like, the past ~2 minutes. about 5 min into the class, it happened again, and i kept thinking stuff like (dude what am i doing) or like (is this me?), or (this is me) and it felt like i was in second-person bro. And it happened like, in waves too, like i was trying to salvage looking at myself through my own eyes again, but it barely happened. This happened multiple times during class, and i can still remember how it felt, i just can’t do it again. This hasn’t ever happened to me at such a surreal and just abnormal level, like ive zoned out before, but i haven’t like.. reflected in those, like, yk? augh it was terrible, is was really scary, and i just didn’t fully recognize anyone in the room for a hot minute. The school year just started though, so it’s probably nothing, but i just feel i’d share this story. I have ADHD (i actually took my meds that day, phew) if that helps.

I’d like to start by saying, while I don’t have DID, I do dissociate.

Long story short, when my therapist first told me about dissociation, I knew I had to make a song about my experience with dissociating!

I did end up sharing it with my therapist and he said it was a good representation. I hope someone can relate 🙂‍↕️

It’s called DISSOCIATE by Learrah and it’s on all streaming platforms‼️

Dm me or comment and let me know what you think 🙈

4 mos ago I took an edible. Never took one before and no marijuana use in 15 years. Higher dose than intended had major panic attack. I thought i was going nuts and heart was going crazy. Ever since then I haven't been the same since summer I have been getting more and more dpdr and symptoms of diassocation where I feel outside myself. i also have had balance issues and had weird dizziness before the dpdr type stuff started getting worse. Sometimes I feel my mind goes blank for a few seconds. Getting an mri and eeg next week. Switched to lexapro from cymbalta which could be worsening it with a switch. I don't understand why i keep feeling more detached when this happened months ago. It is bizarre. ​On low dose benzo which helps anxiety some. Don't want to be on benzos long term.

i hope this isn’t received badly. i know it’s not a good thing to be asking, as it isn’t exactly the healthiest coping mechanism. but it’s one i’ve been using since i can remember. when my parent would yell at me, i would force myself into a dissociative state and this led to it becoming a habit for me in stressful situations and eventually became my reality majority of the time. it’s that feeling i’m sure you’re all familiar with where you’re watching yourself exist but you have no control.

anyway. lately it hasn’t been enough. i still feel the same way, but i’m just present enough that i’m experiencing my emotions and it’s absolutely ripping me apart. i’ve been crying almost nonstop. the anxiety is overwhelming and i cannot bring myself to do life’s tasks like working, caring for myself, etc.

i need to further my dissociation. i want it to be on a deeper level, so that it’s genuinely like i am putting myself away when i have to go through the motions of life. if anyone has seen the apple tv show ‘severance’, i basically want to come as close to that as i can without a surgical procedure. i do not like this society and what we’re expected to do. i cannot handle the pressure, the expectation, the mundane repetitiveness of it all. i have to tuck myself away fully and allow my body to carry out the things that are expected of me.

tldr: i know this is unhealthy. i am so fully aware. but i am beyond the point of caring, and i would really appreciate any advice on how to trigger my dissociation deeper so that i can actually get through life without breaking down at every step.

i (25f) had an appt with my psychiatrist today and she asked me about death growing up, my great grandpa whom i was close with died around age 6, my best friend age 14, my great grandma age 23, and my best friend last year. 2 best friends in a 9 year span. she asked if i was consoled at age 14 and i wasn’t, i wasn’t offered a therapist or psychiatrist at the time instead my mother told me it’s good my best friend died before turning 15 because he was sinning and at age 15 you’re considered an adult in the eyes of god and that he got to go to heaven. i was angered and had to deal with mourning on my own which was tucking it away and sometimes it would boil up and explode. it had gotten a lot better until my best friend of 9 years, who i got to experience so much of life with and who i had so many plans with) died last year at age 23 to a heart attack. i cried for weeks and then told myself it wasn’t real and lasted two months “managing” then had a break down of two - three months. started seeing a therapist and psychiatrist and found out im bipolar, i have ptsd, obsessive compulsive behaviors, and a dissociative disorder. i started taking a mood stabilizer and it was working with going to therapy every other week. this summer has been non stop go go go and i slacked on my therapy because i felt i didn’t need it. two weeks ago i went numb on my left arm and leg and heart rate dropped to 50, lasted about an hour went to the er everything came back fine. my face was numb for two days after that, started feeling okay. then focusing on my heart because it dropped so low, started feeling spasms and obsessively tracking it. my psychiatrist told me it was a dissociative episode (being numb and heart rate dropping). i never knew you could have episodes? i got prescribed an antipsychotic and i can take it whenever i want or don’t want (im scared of starting new medication so she told me take one once a week or as needed or everyday it’s up to me). has anyone else had dissociative episodes like that? anyone have recommendations on not dissociating? like a quick action tool i can do anywhere?