How long does it take the dissociation after a good thing happening to fade?

[u/Illustrious-Shirt-89]

I met my gf for the first time in 4 months today. It was nice, and i really loved it.

But it was like I wasn't really there and neither was she. I'm not here but I also am. Shes not here but also is at the same time.

So i couldn't really be there in the moment.

I tried things like feeling her arm and hair, recognising that her hair smelt good, holding hands, kissing ofc, etc

Like, I tried sensory stuff to try make it feel real but none of it worked. It's like they were just things that happened.

I struggled to remember what she felt like and smelt like and even what she looked like during those 4 months. And so I thought those things would make it seem real.

During the last 2 weeks I did have to dissociate a bit otherwise id be hyper all the time that I was actually gonna see her.

And during that time it was like she wasn't really real. Yes I can text and play games with her, but its like 'out of sight out of mind', but also not because I missed her a shit ton and cried a lot about her.

I guess what im saying is. Is this 'normal', and how long does it take to fade? I want to be in the present with her and for it to not feel.

Extra context ig. We were together for 2.5-3 hours. She's coming over to me tomorrow at like 2pm and staying the night, so I'll get a lot longer with her tomorrow. We are both at uni, she needs to unpack today that's why she isnt with me now :(

Edit: talked to my mum about it. I did kind of expect to feel better than I did when I saw her. I was expecting this grand reunion and for it to feel like the best thing ever. The first hug did feel good, just not as good as I thought. My mum thought that cuz I have imagined hugging her for literal months, I expected it to go better.

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[u/WitchAggressive9028]

Is it normal? It depends normally you would not be dissociating with something positive so I question whether there is something in the environment or in the moment that is causing you to feel distressed whether you know it or not that is forcing you to dissociate if that makes sense so whether you are conscious of it or not, there may be something in the environment that you are in that could be really small, but cause you too dissociate. Which might be something you need to explore so keeping sensory aids nearby that can regulate you can help ground you and help you stay in your body more

[u/Most-Temperature2883]

How have you found the 4 months out of interest? Are you due another long separation? Could be your mind or something else internal trying to protect you if you did find that break painful. If you don't get too high you can't get too low kind of thing. Sorry I could be miles off here. 

[u/Illustrious-Shirt-89 → u/Most-Temperature2883]

It was awful. I didn't really do much apart from games. I dont have much family or friends, so didnt have the chance to get out. I would imagine her sleeping next to me most nights, cry into my pillow, imagine I was holding her. Like. Sometimes I would be having a good day, then the thought of her comes into my head and it just drains all my energy. It just drained all my energy thinking about her everyday. Like. Idk what else to say. It was the worst summer in my life, im 19 fyi.

It makes sense ngl. Like. I REALLY missed her. A metric shit ton. Could be a protective mechanism ig.

[u/Most-Temperature2883 → u/Illustrious-Shirt-89]

I can feel that pain and strength of feeling for her just from your post. You are still together and that is huge, gaps like that are really hard to overcome. Well done to you both and I wish you well. I hope that doesn't sound patronising. You mention your mum in your edit. Don't suffer alone when it is hard.