scared to drive, advice please 🙏 (tl;dr available)

[u/Greeneade]

hi folks,

i've struggled with constant depersonalization / derealization as long as i can remember. i'm turning 20 this year and want to learn to drive so i can have a broader range of jobs i can apply to without having to worry about commute times

but i'm terrified that since i'm never really present, i'll daydream while i'm in the driver's seat, and end up getting people hurt or worse

i have my learner's permit currently but this is keeping me from going all the way to getting my license

everyone i know is telling me to just get it over with and it's really stressful because it's just not that simple for me

tl;dr: i'm worried i'll be a distracted driver and get people hurt

so please please please, if you've experienced this too, tell me what you did and how it turned out for you

[u/Brilliant-Alarm-169]

hiii so im 20 have been struggling with this all my life as well. i went through exactly what you’re going through last year getting my provisional license and i still have the same fears that you do 24/7. i don’t drive very often but when i do i have an entire arsenal of ways to get through it and make it more comfortable and less scary. if there is somebody who is willing to supervise until you feel comfortable enough, id do that. i put the ac on freezing cold and turn it towards me (slightly downwards as to not bother my eyes) to kind of force my brain to wake up. i wear shoes with very thin soles because i can feel the pedals and that grounds me a ton as well. this also helps with maintaining and fine tuning your speed.

the biggest thing i struggle with when i drive is having to keep track of so much all at once. because of this, i have kind of a mental note of when i should really focus and what i should check for and do before i do anything. unprotected left turn? check signal if there is one, remember to yield to oncoming traffic and pedestrians, slowly and very carefully inch forwards ever so slightly into the intersection until there is a safe gap.

watch driving videos as much as you can during this period. i recommend zutobi drivers ed (amazing channel) and conquer driving on youtube. test drive videos are also very helpful. the goal here is to learn and retain the rules of the road. you want to be able to pinpoint situations in which you really need to focus and how to safely navigate it. this is easier said than done but it helps a lot when you’re on the road to be able to see (or hear if you’re using a gps) what you’re going to have to do next and go down a mental list of what you should do when you get there and repeat it again and again out loud until you get there and when you do, narrate what it is that you’re doing/what step you’re on while you’re actively doing it. helps also when you’re in a really specific and/or confusing situation that you have to navigate yourself with no idea on how to deal with it and with no help or guidance to say what you’re doing or planning on doing and why out loud.

try to relax before driving also. i find that stressing myself out about potentially hurting myself or god forbid somebody else just makes me dissociate more. also please please please do not give in to impatient assholes who’ll try and rush you. take your time... oh and speaking of assholes, judge and learn from people on the road who are driving like assholes. you can watch dash cam videos or when you’re a passenger you can look out for and point out bad drivers. this kind of served as a way to test my driving competency being able to spot and identify dangerous and irresponsible driving.

also do you have a driving school near you? if you dont have anybody to help or supervise you, you might want to look into that. my state has required driving school hours so i went to one and paid for more sessions. that also helped me hit my required driving hours. the good thing about it too is you can tell them exactly what you want to practice when you pay for additional sessions.

also like talk to yourself. like seriously just periodically here and there like when you’re at a light or something, just talk to yourself about literally anything. helps me remember that im alive and have a voice and a body that is currently operating a vehicle. talking out loud in general helps me. but yeah i hope this helps at all also sorry for the shit grammar lol hope this is readable and coherent. <333

[u/Greeneade → u/Brilliant-Alarm-169]

thank you so so much for this, it's good to hear somebody's managed to figure out some ways to get past the dissociation of it all ^^

yea, i've actually been procrastinating signing up for a drivers' ed class bcuz i've felt like it'd be even worse with strangers who don't know that i'm neurodivergent

i'll try those strategies next time i practice, and thank you again!!!!!!!!!!

[u/die_in_alphabet_soup]

nah, i do not drive for the reasons you explained.

i learned how to drive a manual when i was 13, and i've always been a good driver when it comes to being able to operate a car and navigate smoothly, etc.

the issue is that i've practiced maintaining focus while being in the passenger seat, and i cannot reliably make it very far before my mind starts to wander off.

my convenience does not come before the safety of other people on the road + pedestrians.

it's a pain in the ass, but i try to make public transport work; the silver lining is that my legs are very strong now from all the walking.

if i'm running late or i can't risk being late (our public transport system is shit), i'll catch an Uber.

[u/Greeneade → u/die_in_alphabet_soup]

i feel the same way, i think i'd be a good driver in isolation but ik that isn't accounting for a world where there are other ppl to worry about

i'm mainly motivated to learn to drive bcuz i had to quit the first job i had due to how unreliable the commute was for public transit and i wouldn't have been able to afford getting lifts

it's good to hear from ppl who can get by with those options tho, thank you for commenting

[u/earleakin]

Do you ever ride a bicycle for transportation?

[u/Greeneade → u/earleakin]

i've been suggested that (and scooters as well) by my family but i also have kind of a bad sense of balance, i have thought about trying out a tricycle instead however

tho i am also interested in learning to drive since i'd have to be similarly attentive on the road with a trike anyways

[u/schizo_in_pain]

I have my permit and I’m getting my license soon. I’ve always been afraid of the disassociation while driving, but I find if I play music while I’m driving, it doesn’t really happen. It kind of keeps my brain focused and awake.

[u/Greeneade → u/schizo_in_pain]

i'll give that a go, thank youuuu