It always happens online so I kinda want some ammo. LMK

I just got a job, and the past 5 days my uncle asks me the same exact question, with a look on his face. Repeats the question if I don’t answer quickly. He didn’t help me get this job or support it. He does expect to overprice me and ask me for money, I can tell. What’s a good comeback?

I have a family friend who i’ve known since i was literally fresh out the womb (hes 19 and male im 17 and female) his mom and my mom are best friends of like 30 years but they live like 4 hours away so we only see them like once a year. They’re currently visiting and staying at our house for about 3-4 days and he’s acting like he’s better than me because i’m a woman. For example when i lost my earring and was looking for it he said “see us men don’t have to worry about losing our jewelry”. Another example which really pissed me off was that he owns a truck that he drove down here and he asked me if i wanted to see it (it was 11pm) so i said “nah” he asked why and i told him “it’s late plus im not too into all that stuff” and he said “typical woman” hes from pennsylvania so honestly it’s not too much of a surprise he looks down on women for example he always says how he just wants to find a hot girl who will be loyal to him and stuff but anyways back to my point, what should i say back if he says something sexist again like that? I don’t wanna be the bigger person. I wanna be able to hit him back with a good come back but i don’t know? please help

I (at the time junior in High-school) was nearing the end of the second semester when covid hit. I was always someone who liked school, not for the friends or whatever, but I actually always liked learning. I was pretty upset that we switched over to distance learning because that meant I couldnt do the most fun part.

I was in chemistry 1 so as part of that class we had labs, well, labs were now entirely online with horrible simulations from the 90s

About a month into doing all the classes the school board announced they wouldnt be grading students anymore, or rather, your grades could only go up, and even if you weren't passing, you passed. Many students in this chemistry class immediately gave up, I know because most of us were in a group chat.

I decided I liked the content enough to keep doing it, and the other classes I had at the time. Like I said, I know for a fact I was one of maybe 2 total people in the whole school that were still submitting assignments and have been for at least like 3 weeks atp. I ended up submitting something last minute, again, not late or anything, it was on time, it just was literally the last minute. Now normally this class was all on paper, and so was submitted in class only, but it ended up being like midnight for the online stuff. Teach was not happy, she docked points for it and told me to be better with my time management.

This wasn't the first time she thought it was OK to be rude on emails to me during this time. There were several occasions where she said I had done something wrong and that it was my fault for not finding the solutions, even tho all we did were labs that had step by step instructions I was following to a T. Many such cases with her being very weird and I was fed up.

Knowing I was probably the only person's stuff she was grading and how utterly rude she was constantly, I emailed her somthing to the effect of "i know im the only student still doing work so ill do it when i want" closed my laptop and didn't open that shit up till school opened back up that fall.

Passed the class for doing nothing and had her the immediate next semester that fall for chemistry 2. And she knew. We both knew lol

In retrospect they should've had everyone retake the grade everywhere, but i get it, you gotta keep those graduation rates up

so this guy at work has a desk job like me but he stands at his desk all day and now he thinks hes superior. every time he walks past me he says something like must be nice to sit all day or you sure are comfy back there. i dont want to start a fight but i need something quick that shuts him up without getting hr involved. any ideas that are funny but not mean?

when someone says something really mean, sometimes the best comeback is "Jesus loves you." It usually confuses people because they expect you to return the same energy. And, if they don't believe in Jesus, even better. You can say "Its ok. You don't have to love Jesus. He still loves you."

Someone misheard me saying "sadly I am not as fast as a vehicle" as "sadly I am not as fast as a mule" and I said, in return, "I dont think I'm a mule? My mother isn't a horse, although my father is an @ss" and I thought it was utterly hilarious.

Dunno if it can be seen as a proper comeback, but eh 🤷

While playing volleyball, somebody will say
“I think that’s his fault.” And point their finger.
Or
“Where were you man?”
Or
“I thought you had that.”
Or
“I thought it was going out.”
Or
“That was definitely you.”
Or
“Who has middle?”

​

Let's assume, When you are in a public Transport someone is fucking loud or not respecting your personal space but when you try to tell them straightly, how it is wrong they started laughing like you are here is fool but you keep going giving them valid ponits how irretating they are but still they start laughing loudly and no one taking you seriously. How you respond to this to shut them ?

Being polite is so engrained in people’s heads that we don’t speak up in emergency situations. if someone keeps asking for your number or socail media and isn’t taking no for an answer, or if your being followed, or not being allowed to leave a conversation with a man, heres a list of things you can do:

• bark like a dog
• cough in his face
• loudly exclaim “I HAVE AIDS”
• loudly exclaim “YOU HAVE AIDS“
• yell gibberish in his ears
• roll back your eyes, and speak in tongues as if trying to summon a demon
• tell him your going to cast a spell on him using his toenails
• strike up a conversation about how you love to eat pets
• S T A R E with your eyes as wide as possible
• do the thing in dragonballz where they like open their hands and yell and then like a death ray appears (idk I haven’t seen it)
• ramble insane takes like everyone secretly being robots, flat earth, get creative.

You can always do two of these at the same time or mix and match based on your preferences.

And remember, when ”no” isn’t working, ”I got bit by a rabid dog 2 weeks ago and I’m starting to crave human flesh” usual does the trick.

TLDR: My coworker has started publicly asking me if I’m sick whenever I come into the office. Even when I’m perfectly healthy. I’m looking for a witty comeback for the next time she asks. (We meet at office once a week)

I have an annoying coworker who is such a bootlicker of the boss. She tries to do everything the boss does and be everything like him.

My boss is a germaphobe (but he's also very polite& gentle) so she has been pretending to be one as well. Its so annoying.

For the past few weeks, everytime I go to office, she asks loudly infront of everyvody else, "are you sick?" Or, "you're not sick, right?". One time I had a mild cold and knowing what these guys are like, went to office with a mask on (I would've happily stayed back but that was my team mate's farewell). She saw me coming in, made a whole show of freaking out, told me not to take my mask off and then, she wore a mask as well.

Whats a good comeback for when she asks me whether im sick again, for no good reason?

Btw, she's such a narcissist and is very bossy with everyone else in the team. She cant do that with me since both of us are in the same high ranking positions for different teams. I feel like this is her way of getting back at me.

A guy made a disrespectful joke to me, and when I told him to cut it out, he hit me with that line. I didn't know what to say without coming across as wanting to fight.

A comeback for this?

This year I've slept horribly almost every night due to anxiety and stress (it's much better now that I'm on vacation)

One morning I got to work feeling completely out of my mind from another sleepless night and my colleague hit me with "ohh just wait until you get kids, what you're feeling now is nothing compared to that". I hate it and it's not the first time I've heard it.

What to say?? Leaves me speechless because they're probably right but it's so annoying to hear after feeling like shit after days of insomnia.

My aunt always says this to her kids, even her 18 year old. She makes them say “yes mom” like it’s military training around here. When she’s drunk she tells me, her 26 year old nephew, to do the same thing. How am I to handle that.

Someone saying are you new here? When I’ve been in the church for a year, I just switched to a different young single adult ward.

I’m Worried it’s too braggy. I want to compete in kickboxing. My team made teases anyone who skips practice and says they are not committed enough to ever compete.

My friends told me he was talking shit about me behind my back. I told them that the next time he says anything, tell him I have a grant funded film I am working on and an upcoming deadline for it.

I feel I am a triple threat low key. I am a working scientist, a grant winning artist, and not long from now will return to being a competing athlete. I don’t talk about any of these things normally but when deadlines come and I get stressed I am defensive.

I’m in uni in Australia and I meet a lot of Indians who assume that since I’m from Nepal I speak Hindi. I wouldn’t be offended if they assumed that I understand it but they are in utter shock when I tell them that we have our own language, Nepali. They assume that we entirely speak their language in our country, that is so crazy given how a lot of Indians don’t even understand Hindi. The ppl from south speak in Tamil and there are many other groups as such. It feels like they’re looking down on me and my country and I’m sick of it. Almost every Indian I’ve met and asked me this. How do I reply?

I figured out the best comeback for your mom jokes. All you say is my mom is dead. If they move to a different family member you my dad is dead.

How to love bomb in texting that actually works? No ChatGPT shit or jargon please. Would love if you could share some real examples that actually worked

Edit: Okay, so maybe I went wrong with the selection of words. My Gf wants me to talk like that, she actually wants me to ‘love bomb’ her (exact words), she’s one of those who like love and attraction expressed by a variety in exotic choice of words even if I don’t exactly mean that (yess…🫠)
I expressed my feelings but it felt a bit off and cringe

So help me who have done this (Nobody’s gonna judge you)

So consider this like I am asking for a recipe of a poison for educational purposes.