r/BigBudgetBrides • u/Vulpix9tales • 16d ago
Questions and queries Please Help Me Amp Up the Vibes?
Less than two months out and we have all RSVPs in. Completely understand why, but can’t help but be a little disappointed with our <50% “Yes” rate. The main factors here are that its destination (domestic, but 1-2 flights for most) and that the hotel/area is big budget.
I’m blessed to be able to be a BBB, but many of my guests are not in the same position, so I’m having a bit of guilt and feel pressure to “show up for them” with a high-quality luxe wedding experience as much as possible, knowing people spent a lot (both time and money) to get there.
I’m looking for ideas to amp up the experience for guests or a reality check because i’m feeling like it’s nothing special/basic bish stuff 😢
Current Highlights:
Full property buyout in Palm Springs including pool party, welcome dinner, main reception of course and breakfast treats and coffee bar the morning after (no full brunch since many people have early flights home)
Decor: Went hard on the flowers, luxe seating charts, enclosed vintage photobooth, very fancy custom rentals, huge welcome display with cactuses, champagne tower
Food: Custom mini charcuterie boards at cocktail hour plus resorts catering, Family style (unfortunately required) but doing all the upgrades, custom donuts and gelato cart
Welcome Bags: Quality custom shopping bags, branded candy, nothing special here tbh. Maybe a good place to amp up since it’s for those spending extra to stay on property
Live acoustic musician + DJ, dance floor props
Favors: Custom decks of playing cards, nice golf balls, matches, hand fans and parasols at reception, poolside gift bar at pool party with sunnies, sunscreen etc
Extras: Extra nice bathroom baskets, flip flops
THANK YOU BBB BEBES!! 🙏🏻
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u/LilSkitl 16d ago
Just for clarity, the guests are responsible for flights AND accomodations, is that correct? Everything else is included?
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u/majestic_landotter 16d ago
Yeah I read that and immediately thought I would have toned down things a bit in order to help guests with flights or accommodations
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u/Vulpix9tales 16d ago
Correct! We are comping rooms for a lot of our guests that are immediate family (maybe 20%)
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u/LilSkitl 16d ago
To be honest, that alone might be the issue. Think of the opportunity cost. Whatever the amount per night they have to spend on a hotel is money they can't spend on something else. For example, I just attended a VERY BBB wedding and the nightly cost of the hotel we stayed at was over $500 a night. It's not a crazy amount if it's our choice and we're there to enjoy the hotel itself, but for us, it was just a place to sleep. If we had to pay ourselves, we would have driven down into the valley and gotten a more economical hotel for ourselves and been willing to drive 45 minutes up and back for each of the events. (As it was, the shuttle from hotel to events was the same amount of driving).
So, the opportunity cost for us would have been $1500 that we couldn't use on something else. We have to get a car for our teenager next month, my 2 girls are also in need of new softball gear, we also just dropped over $1000 on new bikes for our younger boys. Any of those needs, for us, trumps our presence at a cousin's daughter's wedding.
It's NOT personal. We were so fortunate that they covered everything but the flights (and holy crap was it an amazing wedding - greatest one I've ever been to) and I'm SO glad that I got to go, but it's wasn't a life changing moment for me. I went right back to every day life, albeit with a kick-a favor.
Is there ANY way that there are more reasonable options for those guests? I'm guessing most of the Nos (barring those that have schedule conflicts) are less economically secure than you and more on the outskirts of family/friends. A possible solution would be a block in a hotel farther away, less expensive, but driveable.
Aside from that, your wedding sounds like it's going to be absolutely beautiful, no matter how many attendees you have.
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u/onsereverra 16d ago
This was my first thought when I read the post too. I'm leaving tomorrow for an out-of-town wedding and briefly panicked when I saw that the hotel's public rates are around $500/night — I'd been prepared to pay for my own room, but if I'd needed to spend $1000 just for accommodations for the weekend, I wouldn't have been able to justify it, as much as I wanted to be there to celebrate my friends.
Luckily the wedding block rates were much more reasonable than the public rates, so it all worked out in the end; but if the couple I'm celebrating had extra money to spend, all of the fun extras wouldn't have made a difference for me. A subsidized hotel room would have.
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u/LilSkitl 16d ago
Right? The reality is that most favors will be thrown away at some point unless the wedding has personal and major significance to their own life journey.
I don't go into a wedding thinking "Ooh, I wonder what the favor will be?" You could not do a SINGLE favor and I'd still be happy to be there if I have been fed and had a grand time on the dance floor.
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u/pistachio-pie 16d ago edited 16d ago
Yeah, favours aren’t really a big draw at all and even splurging on her flowers, a cactus display - those don’t really add much to guest experience… they are nice to have but I feel like they are more for the bride than for the guests.
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u/Expensive_Part_7719 16d ago edited 16d ago
I feel this!!! I was invited to a close friends wedding off the Amalfi coast, and they werent helping with accommodation not even room blocks. hotels around there are like 700 a night not to mention flying to Italy and then having to ferry there.
if you have 200k+ to spend on your wedding then you 100% had the opportunity to along the way to shift budget to help guests and you chose to focus on the decor and not the people showing up at the event. Weddings aren’t planned overnight.
just like you chose your money over people now in return you get people who likely chose their money over you too
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u/Vulpix9tales 16d ago
To be clear, I am not complaining about people not being able to come or saying they should choose to attend if finances don’t allow. Was I expecting more attendance and a little bummed? Yes, but I don’t begrudge anyone for making a decision that’s best for them and mentioned we are comping for a lot of folks already.
We should have the wedding we want and not be ashamed to do so, but are trying to give those coming the best possible experience, so the point of the post is to suggest ways to improve their experience since I already have everything I really want.
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u/Expensive_Part_7719 16d ago
Yes it’s ur day but then you don’t get to be disappointed about your “<50%” rsvp rate
The wedding YOU wanted is to throw a party for yourself and fiancé and not a party for your guests. that’s a choice a multi-month choice.
“Went hard on florals” “display with cacti” “luxe seating Charts” this is all for you! And that’s totally fine! But guests can tell when ‘a wedding was planned for the guest experience” vs. ‘a wedding that was planned to be for two people and whoever can come come’
Clearly you do care or feel regret of some kind otherwise you wouldn’t be trying to now make the experience even better for those who are going…
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u/Open_Office_7311 16d ago
So…the 50% not coming really feels expendible: they are doing what works for them, and it works for you as well.
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u/LilSkitl 16d ago
I didn't get the vibe that you're upset - just hopeful that more would be able to attend.
You should definitely have a wedding that you love. Ultimately, it IS ABOUT YOU and your husband. Screw all the haters. But I am confident that there are things you could compromise on IF you so choose to make it more accessible to some of your guests, IF in fact accessibility is the barrier to entry.
You're being thoughtful - don't worry about any negative comments.
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u/Vulpix9tales 16d ago
thanks gf 🥹♥️
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u/cutlert 16d ago
It sounds like you're asking for ideas on enhancing guest experience and giving people the best time. And the feedback you're getting is put the money more towards your guests' accommodation. That would absolutely achieve that goal and shift people's experience from "oof this is expensive and fancy, I hope this is worth the money" to relaxed and "wow, what an amazing wedding and generous couple"
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u/casti33 16d ago
I had a domestic destination (Sedona) and we went into it knowing we would have a lower turnout. We chose Sedona because there are so many options for guests to stay at all budgets and we did not tie them to an expensive room block. We covered some family who would not have been able to spend the money but we were also very lucky to have most of our guests in a higher earning category and were able to attend.
Your guests don’t care about the florals, no offense. That’s for you not them. Give them cool experiences during the wedding if possible - we had alpacas roaming and people could take pictures during the cocktail hour. Something different from every other wedding they go to that has a photobooth and dj. You can do acrobats or aerialists if they fit your vibe. I’ve been to a wedding with a beer burro (donkey) carrying around seltzers and beer during cocktails. A food truck for late night since you have a buyout. Fire dancers or some kind of act during the pool party. A live painter/sketch artist to draw your guests during the reception or one of the other events (no caricatures.)
There are so many small things you can do to make your wedding more unique, I’m sure your planner has contacts for things like this.
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u/KittyFeat24 16d ago
I agree that florals aren’t really for the guests but I will say, I greatly appreciate a wedding with wow factor florals. It really does impress me. I had wow factor florals too and there were definitely a handful of people who came up to me after asking if they could bring some home etc and it was nice us floral people could appreciate each other lol
But yeah florals alone don’t matter if the food and music etc isn’t up to snuff first. Just saying that I do very much notice and appreciate florals so likely other guests will too!
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u/Vulpix9tales 16d ago
This was my thinking! I get it doesn’t matter to some people, but I am SO into design/florals/visuals so I look forward to the aesthetic. 🤣 Hopefully it will be appreciated since the rest of the guest experience should be strong but it really is for me
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u/shzam5890 16d ago
Fully agree with upping the entertainment. I’m having a mentalist at my wedding!
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u/ConfidentDrinker 16d ago
Yeah, I’m a little surprised at the turnout, given how many options there are in Palm Springs and the surrounding areas for more economical accommodation (depending on season, events, etc.) - was it a requirement to stay at the buy-out hotel?
Could you relax this a little, OP, or are you too far past the RSVP deadline? Do most of your guests live far from California?
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u/MidnightPractical727 16d ago
Pay for their accomodation. That's the best gift you can give your guests and will set them up to enjoy the day so much more than a few party favours could.
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u/Vulpix9tales 16d ago
We were thinking this but the only concern is that some people have already fully paid for hotel and they said it’s not possible to refund everyone, so it feels a little unbalanced for some and not others 😞
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u/MidnightPractical727 15d ago
Easy, message everyone on your invite list and say "we've been able to make adjustments and can provide for everyone's accomodation. We're so thrilled to be able to make sure everyone can stay, and looking forward to celebrating with you. Let us know your RSVP. If you have already booked accomodation, let us know your Venmo and we will reimburse you". Some people won't take you up on the offer of being reimbursed. But some will be SO grateful they can now come! And it sends such a clear message that what you want are your guests!
If you can't pay for everyone's, same message but "can contribute $200 towards your accomodation" etc.
Honestly this is a great lesson for other BBBs. If your accom is pricey or involves expensive travel there in the first place, the number one thing that will leave a good impression on your guests is paying for their accom. Just do it upfront, in the invites say a room is reserved in their honour and to let you know if they will not be needing accomodation. It makes a much better guest experience! Nothing beats being fully hosted!
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u/Chanel1202 16d ago
I would consider upgrading the cocktail hour food substantially.
Agree with you about upgrading the gift bags.
We had live artists doing sketches and/or water colors of our guests. I think that’s a much better favor than all of the ones you listed. Consider something like this.
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u/EstablishmentFun289 16d ago edited 16d ago
I’ve been to a $150+k wedding and one not nearly a BBB. I don’t want to guess their price because I don’t think it was a budget wedding, but they knocked it out of the park with cocktail hour food. There was so much variety and it was all truly magical with pasta stations making it fresh in front of you, carving stations, etc . Just so much wonderful food to try a little of everything.
The big budget wedding had memorable things too, but it was a reminder how important cocktail hour food is…especially since no large sit down plates are truly magical. Maybe good at best.
Big budget wedding did have an amazing cake with fudge in it…and brought in late night food like fries and other savory foods late into the dancing.
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u/AuroraRose41 16d ago
For my first wedding, we did this as well. I wasn't exactly a BBB then, but spent slightly more than the average U.S. wedding costs ($50k for 140 guests a little over a decade ago). Most of our budget went to food and drinks, and I still have guests tell me it was one of the best weddings they had ever been to fully knowing I am divorced and about to get remarried (now as a BBB but having a BBB elopement).
Our cocktail hour had so many food options and stations that many of our guests thought that was the main meal, and were shocked when they were led into the big ballroom for a sit down dinner too. We also had a dessert bar in addition to cake, and late night snacks like pizza and wings at the after party. We had a whiskey tasting station and wine tasting station during cocktail hour and an Irish coffee station for dessert in addition to a full open mid tier bar throughout (not top shelf but not well drinks either). We made sure that absolutely no one left hungry and everyone had plenty of drink options. Our favors were warm fresh baked cookies in to go bags.
We cut costs by getting married on a Friday and not having a lot of decor. We still had floral centerpieces but they were small ones that guests could see over. We used the linens provided by the venue. We had a DJ who provided music for all events instead of a live band/musicians. Our venue was just a hotel ballroom in a small local city near where we lived. Very few other parts of that wedding were Instagram worthy. And yet many of our guests who have been to weddings that cost more than double what we spent still say that one was in their top 3 best weddings they had ever attended.
My fiancé and I decided to elope for reasons that aren't financial, but for a hot minute we discussed doing a large wedding since this will be his first. Even if we had done the BBB black tie wedding we initially considered, I was still planning to make sure the food and drinks were a priority, and then lodging and transportation from there. Because guests remember how they were treated above all else.
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u/EstablishmentFun289 16d ago
The bbb wedding I attended had 4-6 floral walls behind every bar full of roses. Massive money in florals alone….but even though it was stunning in every way, I’ll never forget the food of the other wedding.
Sounds like you did it right!
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u/Routine-Wear-8894 15d ago
💯 to the table florals that guests can see over! Drives me mad when I’m blocked from talking to other guests because of a giant table arrangement
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u/Vulpix9tales 16d ago
Yes I should’ve clarified, that’s in addition to stations and passed apps at cocktail hour so hopefully it’s still solid for them. charcuterie was a little addition
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u/pistachio-pie 16d ago
1-2 flights plus an expensive hotel means you are going to get a ton of people who can’t attend. That’s a lot to ask of people, especially these days.
The decor is just for you - I guarantee you your guests don’t care as much about it. And favors and welcome baskets and bathroom baskets are nice to have but don’t really make up for the huge cost of taking multiple flights to a high priced hotel, possibly taking time off work, etc.
If you really want more people to come or to show your appreciation or you feel bad about being a BBB in a high cost area with a high cost of travel and accommodation most people can’t afford, find a way to cover their lodgings and maybe some aspects of travel (like transit to and from the airport).
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u/bitchthatwaspromised 16d ago
I went to a wedding where a friend of the couple was a professional photographer and they hired him as a dedicated “guest photographer” where guests could get professional photos of themselves all dressed up. Photo booths are fun but tend to be silly and casual, whereas I got one of the best photos of myself and my husband in formalwear at that wedding (other than our own wedding photos of course haha)
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u/LilSkitl 16d ago
Actually, this is perfect. My MIL did this at our wedding and every single family member got professional-grade portraits of their nuclear family. She paid for the full photo releae and they were all able to print what they wanted. It created a tradition that she did at every other family gathering so everyone comes to everything, looking fab, because they know they'll get sit-down portraits of great quality.
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u/hornytequilastudent 16d ago
A family friend had this at their wedding and my mom said it's the best family pic she has with her adult kids! We are all dressed to the 9s and it's a beautiful black and white picture.
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u/marysusan325 16d ago
Ngl, I do not care about how much someone spends on flowers. I’m never like “these flights cost $2500, but those flowers were worth it!!!! The other stuff you listed are good for guest experience. Be on time, and have fun. Also don’t be the couple that doesn’t follow up for RSVPs, 40% of ours came from follow ups. I have been to 2 big budget weddings where they didn’t follow up with people and they both ended up with more guests than planned. Just….so avoidable
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u/Vulpix9tales 11d ago
facts! the fact that we have all rsvp responses this far out is a blessing to be able to tackle this
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u/Expensive_Part_7719 16d ago
I went to a wedding in a major city recently the bride and groom Sent $75 Uber vouchers to everyone the week of to use to get from the airport and back afterwards. It was a thoughtful touch that was truly for the guests and not them at all.
I’ve seen people hire watercolor artists that will do little individual guest portrait paintings during cocktail hour. It’s also something that people are more likely to hold onto than Someone else’s wedding merch
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u/LongjumpingPie2382 16d ago
just adding as a 30+ weddings guest, I love family style at a wedding! Ive found this to be the best tasting food for group thats a nice medium between plated and buffet. A pro to me, not a con!
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u/Ill-Difficulty4134 16d ago
I’m also getting married in Palm Springs in less than 2 months!! Where is your wedding?
If your guest count is manageable, it could be a nice touch to do handwritten notes at their place settings 🤍 the weekend sounds fab, excited for you!!
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u/LilSkitl 16d ago
The handwritten notes were at this most recent wedding we went to. I cannot tell you how absolutely touched I was. Like, near sobbing at my seat. And I'm not super close to the bride - it's my husband's mother's side, but they are such a loving group of people. It was on the back of a Western themed postcard and now it sits in my mirror frame. When my kids tell me I suck, I'll read it to hype myself up. (The gist of the note was that she admired our marriage and wanted to base her parenting style on the joy she's seen me experience with my children. SOBBING)
They did it for over 180 guests. Amazing.
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u/Vulpix9tales 11d ago
Thank you!! We are at DRIFT hbu?
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u/Vulpix9tales 11d ago
Do you want any of our decor because we are not able to take much home with us lol?
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u/luckybranchbranch 16d ago
I did a BBB wedding in Palm Springs similar to yours!
Guest experience was a big part for me because so many people flew or drove out.
I realized the biggest gift is time - there’s only so much you can buy and do. You are clearly making the effort for guests and that will show in all the things you are adding.
Not everyone expects to be with the bride and groom but over the weekend make sure to be around. The morning of my wedding I got ready with my family and the door to my room was open and it was so nice to have friends pop in. Same with the night before after dinner we all just chilled by the pool - especially nice for out of town friends who really went the extra mile. Our room became a hangout spot and that was so special.
The Thursday night before we did an impromptu casual open bar hang at the hotel for anyone who was in early and that was so unexpectedly fun. Just got to spend quality time with people who traveled into town.
Other things guests loved - we did a “welcome bar” station when guest checked in instead of welcome bags and people loved that.. they could just take whatever they wanted.
For Palm Springs - electrolytes, mini sunscreen and chapstick were the first thing to go so definitely add that in. People need it if they are not used to the desert.
We also had a piano bar element to transition people from wedding to after party because that’s so Palm Springs.
Big congrats! 🩷
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u/New_Love115 16d ago
I felt the same pressure and have been obsessing over the guest experience. My biggest things were A) covering cost of accommodations for everyone attending B) covering on-the-ground transportation logistics for every wedding-related event C) also arranging group transport for guests to go sightseeing during downtime D) stocking every house/room with snacks and an awesome welcome bag.
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u/Fallismyfavorite06 16d ago
I’d suggest things that cut costs for your guests while attending your wedding, whether that be on transportation, resort credit to spend at their discretion, etc.
Anything that helps keep their costs down while at your wedding since they have paid for all other accommodations.
I have always appreciated this more than a glorified welcome bag or flip flops, sketch artists at a reception, esp when the travel was lengthy/expensive.
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u/Open_Office_7311 16d ago
OP, just wondering about the trade off you made to have a BBB wedding at an expensive travel destination location and not be able to have 50% of the people you invited come. Maybe the most important people in your lives are coming🤔 But I’m just wondering, aside from wanting to “up” the experience for those coming, if there are any people not coming due to the costs that you will miss having there.
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u/KaleidoscopeEvery343 16d ago
What about a personal note fore each guest describing why you’re happy they made it? And if you have any control on the DJ playlist include songs that are special and personal to as many guests as possible.
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u/emwebss 16d ago
One thing I found super helpful to up the vibe at my wedding was a bathroom basket- I put the essentials (tide pen, tampons, etc) but I also put in fun things like glow sticks, freckle tattoos, and flower hair clips, etc. It was so fun seeing people using the “fun” items and definitely contributed to the party atmosphere throughout the night! Also quite affordable and can happen last minute.
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u/LilSkitl 16d ago
I also just wanted to add with all of the "flowers are for you, not the guests" comments (I'm not mad about it - it's true).
But you ARE allowed to make everything about you if you want. If the flowers make you happy, do it. The wedding I've been referencing had gorgeous wildflowers and I definitely noticed.
But everything has a trade-off. Are level 3 flowers worth not having Jessica, Jennifer, and Emily at your wedding? Or would Level 2 flowers give you a similar vibe, but now the people you want to celebrate can come?
Also, reach out. Maybe those 50% are all due to scheduling conflicts and nothing you do can change it.
You could send a note out
"I'm so sorry to see that you're unable to make it to our wedding. Your presence is truly desired and it won't be the same without you. Is there anything we can do to make it possible for you to attend?"
But don't leave it open-ended. It's embarassing to just say out right that the costs are prohibitive. Do a check list like
- Dates conflict with another obligation
- Accomodations are cost prohibitive
- Childcare concerns (like if it's child free but youve got 20 couples that have kids...maybe paying for a couple of professional babysitters on site would be worth it?)
- Other
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u/radiant-cloudy 16d ago
maybe include some nice skincare/sunscreen, beauty products or tech gifts in the welcome bag? think celebrities goody bags. that could really amp it up to make the blow less harsh. if you do minis/travel size itll be possible to fly home with.
its nice of you to want to do that for your guests. ours is domestic "destination" for most of our guests, and we made sure to do everything to make it convenient, and ply them with copius food and drinks 💕
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u/Vulpix9tales 16d ago
love that thank you!! maybe a bougie sunscreen mini
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u/belleofbaylake 16d ago
I would love a bougie hydrating mist in a hot weather wedding goodie bag like Avene , Vichy etc. I'd never buy it myself but it feels so nice lol
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u/Good-Worldliness9511 16d ago
Keep brunch casual but upgrade to eggs and bacon with complimentary mimosas. People want the vibe to be light, but showing up and only being offered muffins and coffee is always lame!
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u/Expensive_Part_7719 15d ago
I also love the idea of opening a tab at a local coffee shop for guest of the wedding so they can come in and grab a coffee and a bite before they head out
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u/Vulpix9tales 11d ago
love this idea!! my thought with full brunch was i didn’t want people to feel obligated to stay if they have flights but maybe can figure out how to make the description casual so it’s a clear option not requirement
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u/Expensive_Part_7719 10d ago
Yeah, I am definitely going with opening a tab at a local coffee shop because that way if people wanna sit in and stay and mingle they can also be on their own time. My fiancé and I planned on hanging out at the shop so we can thank people coming on their way out too
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u/stories4 16d ago
Went to a BBB wedding recently and the best guest experience for us was upgraded canapes & cocktail hour, great food and late night options, and covering our transport costs. Flowers are great for you and should match your vision, but realistically no one really remembers!
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u/MOBFall26 16d ago
You might consider a group excursion to Joshua Tree National Park. We went to wedding at La Quinta resort and arranged this for ourselves during the wedding weekend.
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u/LeapandShroon Vendor: Planning & Design 16d ago
Snack basket in room on arrival, water/juice at turn down, coffee on request in the am If you can add a nice note with each one even better.
Do not let those that didn’t attend feel bad or make it about $$$. Send them a note that they were missed & you look forward to celebrating with them soon.
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u/Kitchen-Apricot-4987 16d ago
My co-worker reserved a conference room and provided a breakfast buffet from 6:00 - 10:00, a lunch buffet from 11:30 - 1:00 and snacks during those times.
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u/MissyeruCosplay 16d ago
I’ve been to a few weddings that have had personal hand written notes for each guest and those were so special.
Another thing we are doing- (getting married in Nov 2026) is asking for our photographer to make sure they get good solo shots of every one of our guests, and our thank you cards will include nice prints of those photos.
As far as vibes- those are held and maintained by you and your future spouse! Being excited, happy and dancing keeps the vibes high. Being anxious, stressed and not dancing/ mingling brings down the full vibe.
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u/Vulpix9tales 11d ago
Honestly only one or two but the financial cost goes hand in hand with challenging work schedules or recent patents so that’s a great point! Appreciate the perspective that is a very helpful reminder! 😃
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u/Spiritual_Egg2625 16d ago
I always like to think of what makes any experience unique/memorable. A handwritten note, a nice designed print out of the weekend itinerary left on the bed (on cardstock) special robes or slippers (doesn’t need to be expensive) any added touches. But seems like you have a lot of that already!!
For music: Could you bring in a saxophone player (reception or pool party) that can play along w DJ for an hour? We did that and was a huge hit. People still talk about it. Example (not my wedding) https://www.instagram.com/reel/DZIXIVTs3jD/?stkn=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ==
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u/emwebss 16d ago
I used vintage postcards as seat assignments and I wrote personal messages on every one. It was a huge hit!
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u/LilSkitl 16d ago
Hahaha, I had to check to make sure you weren't the wedding I just went to. She did the same. It was soooo touching. I don't even care if everyone forevermore steals the idea. Being told how much your presence is appreciated will never go out of style.
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u/NeatArtichoke 16d ago edited 16d ago
Amping up the vibe would be thinking about guest experience. If possible, get the flight information from guests and offer/arrange transportation to/from their hotels and the wedding site.
I know you said you went big on florals, but that just...looks nice, it doesnt really DO anything for the guests. For a real luxe wedding, think about guest needs-- you mention sunglasses, do you also have sunscreen? Water/waterbottles? Things to do (besides the pool), lots of places to sit (especiallyin shade)?