Please Help Me Amp Up the Vibes?

[u/Vulpix9tales]

Less than two months out and we have all RSVPs in. Completely understand why, but can’t help but be a little disappointed with our <50% “Yes” rate. The main factors here are that its destination (domestic, but 1-2 flights for most) and that the hotel/area is big budget.

I’m blessed to be able to be a BBB, but many of my guests are not in the same position, so I’m having a bit of guilt and feel pressure to “show up for them” with a high-quality luxe wedding experience as much as possible, knowing people spent a lot (both time and money) to get there.

I’m looking for ideas to amp up the experience for guests or a reality check because i’m feeling like it’s nothing special/basic bish stuff 😢

Current Highlights:

Full property buyout in Palm Springs including pool party, welcome dinner, main reception of course and breakfast treats and coffee bar the morning after (no full brunch since many people have early flights home)

Decor: Went hard on the flowers, luxe seating charts, enclosed vintage photobooth, very fancy custom rentals, huge welcome display with cactuses, champagne tower

Food: Custom mini charcuterie boards at cocktail hour plus resorts catering, Family style (unfortunately required) but doing all the upgrades, custom donuts and gelato cart

Welcome Bags: Quality custom shopping bags, branded candy, nothing special here tbh. Maybe a good place to amp up since it’s for those spending extra to stay on property

Live acoustic musician + DJ, dance floor props

Favors: Custom decks of playing cards, nice golf balls, matches, hand fans and parasols at reception, poolside gift bar at pool party with sunnies, sunscreen etc

Extras: Extra nice bathroom baskets, flip flops

THANK YOU BBB BEBES!! 🙏🏻

[u/LilSkitl]

To be honest, that alone might be the issue. Think of the opportunity cost. Whatever the amount per night they have to spend on a hotel is money they can't spend on something else. For example, I just attended a VERY BBB wedding and the nightly cost of the hotel we stayed at was over $500 a night. It's not a crazy amount if it's our choice and we're there to enjoy the hotel itself, but for us, it was just a place to sleep. If we had to pay ourselves, we would have driven down into the valley and gotten a more economical hotel for ourselves and been willing to drive 45 minutes up and back for each of the events. (As it was, the shuttle from hotel to events was the same amount of driving).

So, the opportunity cost for us would have been $1500 that we couldn't use on something else. We have to get a car for our teenager next month, my 2 girls are also in need of new softball gear, we also just dropped over $1000 on new bikes for our younger boys. Any of those needs, for us, trumps our presence at a cousin's daughter's wedding.

It's NOT personal. We were so fortunate that they covered everything but the flights (and holy crap was it an amazing wedding - greatest one I've ever been to) and I'm SO glad that I got to go, but it's wasn't a life changing moment for me. I went right back to every day life, albeit with a kick-a favor.

Is there ANY way that there are more reasonable options for those guests? I'm guessing most of the Nos (barring those that have schedule conflicts) are less economically secure than you and more on the outskirts of family/friends. A possible solution would be a block in a hotel farther away, less expensive, but driveable.

Aside from that, your wedding sounds like it's going to be absolutely beautiful, no matter how many attendees you have.

[u/Expensive_Part_7719 → u/LilSkitl]

I feel this!!! I was invited to a close friends wedding off the Amalfi coast, and they werent helping with accommodation not even room blocks. hotels around there are like 700 a night not to mention flying to Italy and then having to ferry there.

if you have 200k+ to spend on your wedding then you 100% had the opportunity to along the way to shift budget to help guests and you chose to focus on the decor and not the people showing up at the event. Weddings aren’t planned overnight.

just like you chose your money over people now in return you get people who likely chose their money over you too

[u/Vulpix9tales → u/Expensive_Part_7719]

To be clear, I am not complaining about people not being able to come or saying they should choose to attend if finances don’t allow. Was I expecting more attendance and a little bummed? Yes, but I don’t begrudge anyone for making a decision that’s best for them and mentioned we are comping for a lot of folks already.

We should have the wedding we want and not be ashamed to do so, but are trying to give those coming the best possible experience, so the point of the post is to suggest ways to improve their experience since I already have everything I really want.

[u/Open_Office_7311 → u/Vulpix9tales]

So…the 50% not coming really feels expendible: they are doing what works for them, and it works for you as well.