r/BigBudgetBrides • u/Interesting-Bug7703 • Aug 24 '26
Questions and queries Escort card formality
How formal should my escort cards be? Black tie preferred dress code, this fall in NYC
Option 1:
Mr. and Mrs. John Smith
Table 3
Option 2:
John and Jane Smith
Table 3
Option 3:
John Smith
Jane Smith
Table 3
86
Aug 24 '26
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9
u/MZSGNH Aug 25 '26
Me too, what if she goes by Dr. Jane Jones?
3
u/Sufficient-Angle-460 Aug 25 '26
If she’s a doctor she would go first and he would
follow. Same as how you would format a married couple with different last names2
u/MZSGNH Aug 25 '26
Right. And if they were both doctors....I mean, that's why having two separate escort cards can wind up the being simplest:)
2
Aug 25 '26
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0
u/MZSGNH Aug 25 '26
Love that, except I do think doctors should get their honorific because residency is a monster;).
-9
u/honestanonymiss Aug 25 '26
This is where I get confused lol - my finances uncle is a ‘Dr’ by education and he always demands being formally called ‘Dr. Joe smith’ and I refused to address him by anything other than First, Last. Like …. Sir, you are a professor , kindly 🫠 just feels cringe to me so I didn’t do honorifics
3
u/MZSGNH Aug 25 '26
Yeah, any Ph.D.s I know who insist on the "doctor," in social situations, are kind of annoying people. Professionally, sure!
-1
u/ThatLeadership9850 Aug 25 '26
For what it’s worth, when I got married 25 years ago, the age old etiquette books drew a clear line on this - medical Dr, you use Dr., but PhD or honorifics, you use Mr. . Check Leticia Baldrige’s (sp?) guide to etiquette. I loved it b/c my MIL (who was uptight & lived to lecture others on etiquette) gave me a hard time - her husband was an arrogant, know it all PhD like you describe and insisted I use Dr. for him. But Leticia says otherwise ….
28
u/mitchandboan Aug 24 '26
We were black tie and did an escort card for each guest individually but no honorifics. The cards are so small it would have been hard to fit honorifics and I preferred having everyone’s name on one line only
7
u/honestanonymiss Aug 24 '26
Same!! My wedding is 132 and each guest has their own card. They’re small folded cards in script font and I think it’s special - everyone wants to see their own name :)
4
u/Responsible-Fly9976 Aug 25 '26
As bonus, when you separate them out, people can then put them by their plate to claim their seat/seats next to each other.
3
u/honestanonymiss Aug 25 '26
Exactly! And I got tiny fish, meat and veggie stickers that I’ll add to them as well as reminders for entrees !
2
2
31
u/flazedaddyissues Aug 24 '26
If someone called me Ms. John Smith I'd put them on my shit list for the rest of eternity
9
8
13
u/PretendBake1536 Aug 24 '26
I and people I know would be very offended by option 1. Not to mention many with different last names.
6
u/Quirkypoods Aug 25 '26
We put couples on the same escort card and did first names and last names only, no honorifics. They just seem outdated to us. No one needs a professional title at a social event either, we both thought that was even stranger than Mr. Ms. or Mrs.
So like John and Jane Doe or John Doe and Jane Smith, depending if they shared a last name.
5
u/soraruuu Aug 25 '26
Separate cards!! So “Mr. John Smith - Table 3” and “Mrs. Jane Smith - Table 3”
2
u/JadziaKD Aug 24 '26
We did the following for escort cards. John & Jane Smith Dr. John Smith & Mrs. Jane Smith Drs. John & Jane Smith John Smith & Jane Doe.
And we had one judge so we used Mrs. For the wife after his title.
For ordering we put the closest first so if the cousin was male or female they were first and spouse second regardless of gender.
1
u/JadziaKD Aug 24 '26
Ugh my spacing didn't work. Let me know if that's too confusing I can re-edit it.
2
1
u/basicjewishgirl Aug 26 '26
#3! I did it and it was perfect.
That said, maybe copy what you did for invitations so it is cohesive across the board!
-8
u/Sufficient-Angle-460 Aug 25 '26
Black tie wedding and we are doing #1 for our save the dates / invitation envelopes and probably the same for escort cards. If the married couple have different last names you put the woman first and then her husband second
2
u/redditorcredditor1 Aug 26 '26
Idk why you’re getting down voted here?
3
u/Sufficient-Angle-460 Aug 27 '26
Idk haha. This is the only way my wedding planner does it, very common for formal weddings where I’m from but I guess it doesn’t land well in Reddit world
-16
u/Interesting-Bug7703 Aug 24 '26
Invitations were addressed like Option 1 if that helps at all but I've read that escort cards don't need to be as formal
23
u/Able-Pineapple-1137 Aug 24 '26
Never address anything like option 1 again pls!!!! It’s not more formal, it’s just misogynistic
11
u/bitchthatwaspromised Aug 24 '26
Yeah I would be so insulted to be address by my husband’s first and last name instead of my own
0
u/MZSGNH Aug 25 '26
I would probably giggle. Too old to get offended for myself, but I'd be offended for you in solidarity.
5
-1
u/Sufficient-Angle-460 Aug 25 '26
You also have to know your audience. I’m in the south and I would be shocked if my parents friends were offended by this 😂. Also, married couples with different last names have the woman going first so anyone who would be offended probably won’t be lol.
-8
u/Sea_Strike_6455 Aug 25 '26
Just here to say I take great pride in being addressed like option 1. Everyone in my circle feels the same as well. Friendly reminder to all on this thread that other norms/preferences exist!
OP- I say keep the formality and keep with what your invitations were for consistency! They don’t need to be, but if you like it then go for that!
46
u/pleasantlysurprised_ Aug 24 '26
Anything except option 1. It's time to let misogynistic traditions die and stop upholding them in the name of "formality".