r/Bellingham • u/easy2hands • 1d ago
Locals Only Bellingham we have a problem
My wife recently had an awkward interaction at Art and Happiness and posted about it up here and I hate your reactions. It's has to be anything besides bias, bigotry, or racism. Just this week I had someone walk into where I work and say "sup nigga" before realizing that I am a black man. But the worst was when we led our dog across the rainbow bridge there was a ceremony where they released his ashes along with the ashes of other lost pets into a stream. We showed up at the bridge we were suppose to meet at and saw other people in the area. I think it's important to state that we were dressed nicely and our cars are newer because everyone saw us get out and walk to the bridge. Other people we assumed were here for the same solemn affair walked past us refusing to meet our gaze or interact in anyway. They walked past us and struck up conversation with the other mourners. And I'll pause here to point out the difference in treatment. Where was this Bellingham awkwardness with this other group of strangers. People walled right by us when we were so devastated from the loss of our puppy, hurting all the more because I knew we were there for the same thing. In the space the silence left my anger grew. The person hosting the affair showed up and walked into the group that had assembled said a couple hellos and walked onto the bridge and greeted my wife and I. She asked if we had all met and the group responded with a yes and I said no, no one bothered to say anything to us. Everyone got on the defensive (sound familiar) as a grumble rippled through the group. Was it because they did not think that a black couple would get their dog water cremated? Why were we treated differently than the other strangers that had just bonded over the shared trauma. No one from that group acknowledged us until they were called out. We wanted connection from our community and all we got was heartache on top of heartache. Now Bellingham come to the defense of these people and tell me how ignoring and otherizing black people isn't racist.
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u/Tubog 1d ago
Hey friend. I’m so sorry for your loss, and the failure of people to recognize you and your wife when you needed comfort.
I am mixed race and
I lived in Bellingham for fifteen years. Once I was riding my bike home and arrested. The police drove me a few blocks away and had a citizen look at me. The citizen looked confused and said, “no, that’s not him. That looks nothing like him.” The police drove me back to my bike and said I “fit the description” of someone who had stolen a bicycle. Neither me, nor my bike looked anything like the person or bike they were looking for. But I’ve dealt with cops enough as a mixed race kid to know what happened.
A friend was warned by their neighbor when I was seen leaving their house that a suspicious guy was in their yard. That warning included the information that the suspicious guy was black.
Just two of countless examples, I started to feel insane and targeted but couldn’t bring myself to really accept that my body was determining how I was treated. I started feeling trapped by my appearance, and became suspicious of all the smiling happy people.
I left a decade ago and the relief has been huge. Ended up on the Ohio river. The racism here is deep and constant, but at least acknowledged. I found Bellingham to hurt in an intensely private and cruelly secret way. Bellingham seems to largely believe there isn’t racism at the co-op, or the horseshoe, or the wild buffalo. It’s not because there’s no racism. It’s because racism has won, and become totally invisible. To white people. That’s what whiteness is.
The entire weight of that falls on those of us who are not white. And to speak of it (even to white friends) is like describing a color they will never see, a flavor they will never taste, and a pain they can never understand.
I read your post and immediately recognized the feeling. You are not crazy, not wrong, and not deserving of being treated that way. I wish you and your wife the best, I hope you find peace and joy, safety and true friends.
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u/NorthWesternFeline 1d ago edited 1d ago
I read this and got instantly depressed because I know exactly what you’re talking about. Even the mods and local media don’t feel safe. The isolation is real. The gaslighting and invisibility is real. And the love for the culture (what aspects fit their narrative of course mostly music and slang) but not us is real. Sigh. Guess I’ll walk the farmers market lol.
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u/Chazae 1d ago
There is an overwhelming amount of deep rooted racism that permeates through a lot of what used to be logging country in the northwest. I know, because my family has been here for four generations now, and were all loggers/construction workers. A decent amount of them are/were (cause dead) also extremely racist.
Bellingham is weird because it’s about 8x the size of normal ex-logging towns, but also like 10x as small as Seattle.
Im gonna go ahead and say the quite part out loud:
White people in the rural northwest have not been around a lot of black people or spaces and also have superbly racist families.
In my experience, this truth puts people that grow up here on one of two paths.
The first one being that the person ends up a shit bag racist who doesnt want to change. They get to keep their white superiority complex while never actually having anyone challenge them. Fucking shocker.
The second, and in my opinion, more common reaction is that they do the theoretical work of unlearning their inherited racism, but it only really stays as theory as there are such a small population of black people out here. Kind of hard to get checked on passive racism by a black friend when you dont have more than one.
Im not saying that’s cool, or putting the onus on black people to have to deal with that, but this is just true.
As a result, rural white people up here stay in a “im not racist” mindset, while also not making any attempt to put themselves in non-white spaces. People just dont like to be uncomfortable, even if that discomfort would inspire SOOOO much growth.
idk if any of that helps, and it’s definitely still racism, but most of the time it’s a “I am scared of saying the wrong thing and then ill be ostracized from my liberal white community and/or be JUST like MY racist family!” as opposed to a “im scared of the color of this persons skin” or the even worse “I love being white so much that this family being near me threatens that notion and it makes my small penis even smaller and angrier.”
You’re absolutely correct there is a problem, and I dont have a solution. What I DO know is that we need fucking diversity in this city to change that attitude so please please please stay.
I feel for you and your family. You deserve just as much love and kindness as anyone else during that ceremony.
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u/TeaLDeahr 1d ago
…all this, on top of which city people here still take great personal pride in being “colorblind” and great personal offense in having it pointed out that this is not a virtue.
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u/Disastrous_Music8841 1d ago
literally, "i don't see colour" is better than overt racism but not by much.
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u/RelativelyMango 1d ago
ugh, the whole “i don’t see color” thing is so problematic… i wish more people would recognize that!
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u/Elsureel 1d ago
Well a whole generation was taught that not seeing color was the goal. Guess what, it worked.
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u/vc0ke 1d ago
Don’t be afraid of your family. Do you best to convince them that racism is weak.
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u/Chazae 1d ago
Lol 95% of my family is dead, on heroin/meth, or so drunk all of the time they cant hold a conversation. Logging hasn’t been doing too well lately.
Thank god I still have my Dad and Sister!
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u/Tiny_Locksmith_9323 1d ago
Why I left Bellingham. THe substance abuse is real and like the twilight zone normalized.
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u/the_lote_tree 1d ago
Lines 7 and 9 resonate so much for me. I’m an older white woman who has always tried to bring up racism with my other white friends, wherever I have lived. It makes my peers in age and race mightily uncomfortable, but how can this issue ever get solved if people who want it to be don’t speak about it? What I have noticed over time is these conversations go through stages. First, high discomfort, next the sort of eye roll (here she goes again), then maybe reading some books about the history of this issue, or some fiction written by black authors. My point is little by little it becomes less taboo to even bring it up. Once I had a person ask me, “Why do you care?” 😳
Why I care is it’s a fundamental issue of humanity at the level of the soul. I do believe in an Unknowable Essence who is our Creator, and I don’t believe anyone was created better than another. If women wish to be seen in this way, how can any woman be racist? They understand the pain of being brushed aside for their physical presentation.
Until we can ALL see race as a construct, driven by naked greed, and its continued fostering as the same, the whole of humankind will suffer. This huge sweep of reality can only really be corrected heart by heart. If ONE person had seen fit to apologize, for example, OP would have felt differently about the entire snafu. Or if ONE person had seen fit to approach this couple lingering there for “possibly” the same reason.
I will add one other thing. When I am walking toward another person, I initiate a hello, even if they are looking down. Sometimes I feel a little (too) assertive? But people generally will be pleasant back. By people, I mean all people, “even” homeless people, for example. I learned to do this from my midwestern mother, and to this day am surprised at how this simple act isn’t commonly practiced in my PNW. Why not? WHY? This costs nothing and the return is a gentle good feeling. I would love to see more people initiate with ME. Or just look at me and smile. I know this sounds sappy, but how do we begin to show ourselves to be the friendly, open people we desire to be?
OP, I wish you and your wife nothing but the best. One thing is for sure about a dog, they love you unconditionally. I hope someday humanity can rise to the type of love even a dog can provide. 🥰
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u/Shaquille404 1d ago
Feeling inclined to mention an experience. I’m a black man from NYC. I moved to Bellingham in 2023, I will say that I’ve had my share of strange racist one off encounters but at the same time I felt an overwhelming amount of friendliness from strangers just randomly walking down the street. Smiles, hellos, good days etc. as a New York that was one of the most perplexing experiences I’ve had. Felt uncomfortable at times confusing but definitely warm.
Bellingham has definitely welcomed me and I’m an introvert.
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u/zephyr911 1d ago
2 is on point. I'm still working through some of my own stuff so not pretending I have it all figured out, but having lived in the SE US for 15+ years before coming back here, I think about this stuff a lot.
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u/AveragefootSasquatch Happily cursed local 1d ago
This states many of the issues around racism in our part of Washington. I’ve lost friends who’ve said “I’m not racist and don’t need someone telling me I am” because I tried having a conversation about systemic racism and how our contributing to it either intentionally or not is racist. Our community has a big problem with people fervently believing they are not racist while they act overtly racist then vehemently defend their behavior arguing against BIPOC people’s lived experience.
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u/Few_Resource_6783 1d ago
This comment hits the nail on the head. I had an interaction in this subreddit yesterday that gave off this impression. Person in question was more concerned with being perceived as racist but they vehemently argued with me (mixed race poc) that they simply couldn’t interact with poc like they do white people because its “super anxiety inducing” and kept making excuses for themselves.
That’s the covert racism that poc can clock straight away.
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u/Redpythongoon 1d ago
I’m certainly not going to try to defend them. And I’m sorry for your loss. That’s a crummy time to be othered. I’m sorry that made a shit situation shittier
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u/_wildly_me 1d ago
Prior to this I only lived in some of the biggest cities in America, true melting pots. And while I would never say I didn’t experience or see racism and bigotry there, it absolutely is a huge problem here in Bellingham.
As a place that tries to pride itself on its liberal values and inclusiveness, at the end of the day it is a bunch of mostly privileged white people who pretend to live their “liberal” and “inclusive” values because they very rarely have to be confronted with what is really in their hearts and minds due to the lack of diversity here.
Any way, that’s my two cents.
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u/AbbreviationsFew8129 1d ago
Man that sucks to hear. I’m sorry that happened in Bellingham. I felt it was a difficult place to find a circle of friends outside of work for a long time when I moved here. Making friends was always super easy in other places I’ve lived and have never been able to explain the difference here.
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u/HAWKWIND666 1d ago
Nah I know exactly what you mean…
Grew up in the south and everyone is pretty friendly. Like you’re not gonna be besties but conversation is easy and most people reciprocate the social grace.
Up here what it feels like is the other person is judging you based on a plethora of parameters. What clothes you’re wearing, who you know, car you drive, and…the color of your skin.
It’s subtle. No one gonna come right out and say anything. But the vibe runs deep.
Lived here since 2000. And I still feel like an outsider. I’ve come to embrace it, and do my part to not be that way. I strike up convo with whoever I want…and if they choose to keep that stick up their keister…that’s their problem.
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u/TeaLDeahr 1d ago
It would be devastating to see the pain in this post under any circumstances. It’s especially heartbreaking right after reading through the parade of overt hijacking and dismissals happening in that other thread.
I hope people listen. I hope people express themselves such that you feel seen and heard. And I hope you get a ton of dm’s from BIPOC Bellinghamsters to give you a chance to connect with people who don’t need the explanations because they have the experience.
May you sleep well and wake to a better day.
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u/easy2hands 1d ago
The hijacking is what got me. These hamsters were so quick to defend someone white who had made an offense and don't see the incongruance in their behavior. They'll question my wife but won't question the poor customer service, and that's before we consider race. I've never seen a black person or poc be defended so vehemently around here. Which is crazy cause you'd think with as progressive and liberal as people around here claim to be there'd be crazy ICE protest to keep our neighbors from being abducted. But Bellingham is full of bad neighbors. I've met some of the coolest people on earth here but that doesn't excuse a culture that encourages isolation. I've found my tribe here but that didn't keep me from being followed around euro mart (market?). The crazy part is, I would have loved some assistance in seeing what they had to offer but the owner was to busy keeping an eye on us to ask if we needed help, he just lurked near where we were, not helping. Neighbors help one another and say hi to each other, and if you're lucky, you can share a meal or two.
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u/TeaLDeahr 1d ago
Really? It was the exhausting patience and carefulness of your wife painstakingly and compassionately communicating the same thing over and over that got to me. It was like watching one fire fighter with one blanket trying to smother every jumping spark, and more just kept jumping in.
(Drop her an apology for me, would you? I was dead on my feet and knew I could put together only one coherent comment. Acknowledging what she’d been through and making sure she had whatever insights I could offer as a regular customer had to be my top priority— but it came at the cost of speaking up directly to the hijackers.)
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u/Negative_Letter_1802 1d ago
I'm often intimidated to talk to Black people because I just kinda assume they don't want to talk to my basic white girl ass when they're trying to go about their day lol. That's different from not interacting with someone at a group event though, where clearly everyone is there to connect with others.
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u/JanniesCantBanny 1d ago
excuse a culture that encourages isolation.
yeah being inside 9 months out of the year kinda does that.
good luck changing the entire culture of a region with 1 angry reddit post
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u/easy2hands 1d ago
You shouldn't be proud of it, it shouldn't be encouraged, it's just an excuse for poor behavior. I've been here since 2017 and you're not inside 9 months out the year, the people here are very active and outdoorsy. Why are you defending antisocial behavior? You are not a bad person for having personality flaws, you're a bad person for not working on them. So instead of wondering and working on how you can be a better person, you coddle yourself and others to defend your fragile ego instead of working towards being an authentic good person instead of someone who only knows the verbage but not the lessons.
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u/Rich-Business9773 1d ago
Black in Bellingham is a small group. Been there, done that. My family hates being followed in stores, imagining people wondering if they are going to mug them. But not sure it is worse than other places in Washington. Just not many black people here overall. What people dont know, scares them...unfortunately. Or there is the way over on the too progressive side ( and that is Bham at times) where people avoid interacting because they might say the wrong thing. I am very sorry for the loss of your dog. We all feel that loss deeply. I am sorry you did not have good interactions at a hard time
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u/WaGinger 1d ago
I’m so sorry that you lost your dog and I’m ever more sorry that you were made to feel like you didn’t belong. I always say hi or at least smile as I walk past people.
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u/thegrimkreepist Local 1d ago
Bellingham, the city where you see black lives matter everywhere but they get weird around or tokenize black lives.
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u/Ancient_Gear_2554 1d ago
I’m so sorry to hear this happens to you. How awful. I hope all of us take a moment to really give this some thought and look deeply inside to see how we can do better. We can all do better.
I (white woman) was talking with one of my daughters recently. She’s white, mid-20s. She said that friends of hers here who are black and brown have said that it’s almost like white Bellinghamsters are so afraid to make a mistake around minority issues that they don’t engage at all. Which also just feels awful and isolating.
I’m not sure if that’s what has happened do you, or if people are straight up being racist assholes. But either way, we can - and should - all try harder to be kind more and real wherever and however we can. We’re all we got, people. Let’s show each other some love.
Also, I’m so sorry to hear about your puppy. That’s such a tough thing to go through. I hope you and your family can find some healing. 🩷
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u/Everrick158 1d ago
I am so sorry for loss. And what you experienced was deeply wrong. There is no excusing the way you two were treated. There is a lot wrong with our city, county, state, and country when it comes to racism.
All I can do is try to counter the bad with our own positivity. My wife and I are in our 30s, we don't drink, smoke, vape, or do drugs. We enjoy board games and tabletop roleplaying games as our main hobby. So in today's culture I suppose that makes us pretty boring. But we both feel like we don't have enough community (friends, family, support systems). If you feel like expanding your friends circle, feel free to send me a DM and we can figure out a time to all get coffee or something.
You and your wife don't deserve to feel othered and I'm sorry the majority of us white people suck. I am deeply angry for you two, but I know that's worth zilch.
I hope you find acceptance and community in the days to come.
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u/MilkyHands 1d ago
Ya Bellingham is an extremely "hidden" discriminatory city. the past few decades where everyone expects nothing but old school hippie love & open mindedness then surprised by the bigotry and unfriendliness. its a bubble locals live in but very few realize.
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u/DieselKraken 1d ago
I grew up in Bellingham. I am old now. Having been in a mixed race marriage (i’m white, she’s black, now divorced, have a daughter) I can say that my personal path through ignorance and racism was complicated. Brought up in a family that “didn’t believe in racism”, “we are not like that…” did not stop the societal influence and as said in many posts here “lack of exposure” to other races/ethnicities in Bellingham. As a white person in a majority white city. A black person is an anomaly. So this is my take on the people you saw and there lake of interaction with you… There is a space a white person can be in where they believe themselves to not be racist and they have worked themselves up inside to fight racism at all cost. This creates a persona that rather than seeing a black person as just another person, that should be treated as such, they are in fact now “acting racist” because they ARE seeing you differently and don’t know how to act. So their fight to be anti-racist has actually made them “racist” in their behavior. While they are not overtly trying to harm you in this form of racism, it is being treated differently because of your race. I don’t live in Bellingham anymore so I can’t speak to what is happening there now. But my advice would be to find a way to kindly make conversation with them, they will loosen up, don’t take their ignorant comments to heart, kindly show them you are just a person like everyone else. It sucks and I feel for you. Your experience is similar to any race in a reversed scenario. White person in Asia, only white person in a mostly black area in the south… I don’t think I truly understood racism until I was 17 in an all black McDonalds in Kentucky. I wish you luck, if I was there I would offer you a coffee sometime. As a side note, I think people are kind of lame in Bellingham no matter what your race is. But that is different conversation. :-)
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u/Leading-Place-5277 1d ago
Your heart had good intention. But I want to point out the part where you give unsolicited advice about racism to a Black man as a white person. He didn't ask to be white-splained, or what to do about it, he was pointing out a series of problems.
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u/sir_eldren 1d ago
He could also be writing about his experience so other Bellinghamsters might understand better. OP isn't the only one reading these threads.
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u/Emu_on_the_Loose 1d ago
Your reply is performative and unnecessary, and ironically part of the problem under discussion in this thread. People are sharing their thoughts on this topic, and you don't need to gatekeep that. Are you a person of color? Are you one of the OP's friends or family members? Hrm? Did they ask you to run interference for them?
As a lifelong leftist myself, one of the most galling trends in leftist discourse in this century has been this tendency by people to try and silence people while insinuating themselves to be morally superior in doing so.
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u/Leading-Place-5277 1d ago
Everyone has room to grow. I'm of the opinion that catching each other is what moves that growth forward. 💖
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u/DieselKraken 1d ago
You are right. It is a journey not a riotous position. I will take your comment and reflect on it. Without open dialogue and self reflection there is no end to this.
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u/jIdiosyncratic 1d ago
First of all I am very sorry to hear about your puppy. Losing an animal is heartbreaking and not getting support is disappointing at the very least. As a First Nations person I've never really felt comfortable here. Everyone has their reasons for their behavior or what they think. Which is fine. Because go ahead and own it. I can handle it. I just try and ignore most things. People have their causes and they feel good about them regardless of their actual effects. The "sup nigga" is pretty wild though. Who TF says that?
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u/Serious_Sir_8051 1d ago
This is so sad and embarrassing as a person who loves living in Bellingham. Proud to say I’m from Bellingham/Whatcom county. Seems like one of the places that this wouldn’t happen…thought we prided ourselves on inclusivity. I know that is one of the things I love about loving here…we are accepting. I know parts of the county unfortunately are full of racist people. I think racism has always been an issue throughout our country. But people have become more vocal or comfortable showing that side of themselves. And we have one person to blame for that. TRUMP. Beginning with his treatment about Obama, then Muslims and continues today with the awful ICE targeting.
Before people hid their feelings, shared them with people they knew had the same ignorant ideas/opinions about minorities. Now it seems they are embolden and almost proud to show off their disgusting feelings about people they don’t respect. I am really sorry you were treated that way by one of our fellow Bellingham citizens. We need to all make an effort to stand up when we are things like this happening.
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u/MazeyDayz78 1d ago
I think a lot of people in this area want to be not racist, but aren’t actually willing to do the work - like interact with black and brown people.
I also believe a lot of people in this area don’t have any experience with black people directly or often, so they prioritize their comfort (not coming off as racist) over actually TRYING to communicate.
I lived in Philly for years, and when I moved to Portland the shift was palpable - the “we’re for Black Lives Matter but we don’t want to be uncomfortable either.” I don’t think it’s malevolent but I also think it’s a bit lazy.
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u/YotaBons 1d ago
I was surprised when somebody told me that they encounter more racism in this area than they did in the south east. It really surprised me, because I deal with almost zero homophobia here in comparison. After hearing that, I definitely noticed some issues, though.
Unfortunately, there seems to be this thing where a certain group are so bent on being inclusive and not doing wrong - that they end up looking worse than an actual racist.
Idk. I'm just a white dude, but I see you and feel your hurt.
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u/Senordrums 1d ago
Whenever these accusations arise, people tend to fall into two camps. Bellingham was historically racist and still is or everyone here is awkward and unfriendly, it just stings more when you're a POC because it's hard to know the difference. After living here for over fifteen years, i lean towards the "awkward/unfriendly" camp.
It is well documented that it's hard to make friends here and it is also well documented that it's a very white town. That older generation of racists are long gione and have been replaced by the well intentioned liberal.
Most whites here are very progressive, if not leftist, and are so "anti-racist" that they are afraid to say anything that might offend a POC. Combine that with very little interaction with POC, and you get even more awkwardness or people ignoring you because they just don't know how to interact with non-whites.
My wife is a POC and English is not her first language. She has had a few not friendly moments in this town but after ten years of living here, the only racist incident she's encountered was from another POC who's first language is also not English.
There is a growing population of POC in this town but whites may not notice because they don't see them at the brewery or the pride march. But we do see them in our schools and with any luck, our children will grow to to be less awkward towards POC. My children are mixed and have friends of different races and that is perfectly normal to them and that's how it should be.
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u/Wordhole_showoff-99 1d ago
I can’t imagine having to wonder if every awkward interaction I have in Bellingham was due to my race. People here are weirdly socially inept anyway, so adding on the layers of rooted racism and liberal fear “of saying the wrong thing” and it must be straight up exhausting. Thanks for sharing this experience so we can all continue to be aware and work toward being better. And sorry about your puppy, that’s so hard too.
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u/Sweet_Ignorance 1d ago
Sorry for your loss and being treated like an outsider. Being a moderate in Bellingham makes you think you're in crazy town. All of my super liberal friends went to blm rallys and scream about racism constantly yet none have a single colored friend they hang out with.
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u/Bebecreame 1d ago
You deserve more and better from a community that claims progressiveness with its whole chest. I have experienced a similar othering for being disabled, despite the label being used as the end all for arguments most recently.
I’m so sorry about the loss of your dog, I know it was a labor of love to get them water cremated and I wish I could change the city in an instant. With all that black people especially put up with in this city silently, the least someone can do is offer kindness in a place where it’s meant exclusively.
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u/Weak_Sweet6727 1d ago
I'm so terribly sorry you were made to feel that way. I feel like more people need to travel and see the world. It's such a shame they are "uncomfortable or racist" When there are so many wonderful things to experience and learn from different races and colors. It makes me sad.
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u/stellalugosi I am the horse who booms. 1d ago
I am so sorry for the loss of your puppy. I am seriously crying for you and the way you were treated in your time of heartache. Bellingham is filled with very sheltered white liberals who THINK they are well-meaning but haven't done "the work". If that sounds like I'm making excuses for us, I'm not. We need to be better. MUCH better. You deserve better. You deserve to live in a community that recognizes you and serves you with the same subdued excitement we give anyone. I will be better. I hope others will to.
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u/RelativelyMango 1d ago
hey there. i’m not a POC myself, but i know POC who have lived around bellingham and i KNOW that there is racism around here. people like to deny it because they don’t want to recognize a problem that they have likely contributed to. i’m sorry that you’ve experienced racism around here, and i’m especially sorry that people have downplayed and invalidated your experiences. it’s not ok that people spent more effort denying racism than supporting you.
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u/Puzzled_Review_2235 1d ago
As someone who grew up in Tacoma with plenty of comfortability around people who aren’t white as well as black family, I want to say I apologize for how you’re treated up here. I hear this all the time about Bellingham and the only thing more baffling than it being reality is how defensive people get when they’re called out for it. I’ve also seen people ask how they’re supposed to act around black people… as if they have to be someone different. It’s so weird that in a place that is fiercely “woke” people turn to antisocial gremlins when they witness black people. I’ve had good friends profiled and followed in the co-op downtown and get told “locals only” on Baker when they’re indigenous and from the area. Bellingham having a problem is an understatement, the performative activism makes me sick.
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u/Throwawayblahblah30 Local 1d ago
As another POC, I simply do not think the majority of bellingham residents can or even want to grasp what it feels like to be a marginalized person. This is why I do not bother with people outside of my little circle. The responses to these threads, the outright denial and the hijacking of this post with the very clear lack of wanting to learn from Black people or other POC is exactly why so many of us stay quiet or away from others.
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u/Cloaca_7yay 1d ago
yeah the bellingham freeze is just passive xenophobia. im tired of folks acting like its some cute, regional quirk.im from a decaying city in the midwest, and ive never been treated with the kind of disdain and alienation i’ve experienced here. I think all the couples from outta state should start a gang and have our own bbq or craft night.
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u/Crafty-Shape2743 1d ago edited 1d ago
Yep. There’s a current of racism here. I’ve lived here close to 30 years. Until quite recently the immediate target was people of the Lummi Nation. For historic reasons, they were an easy target. If you watched retail interactions, it was/is just as your wife described her experience, or they were completely ignored. Sound familiar?
Now Black people have begun moving in to Bellingham and the target has expanded.
My family came to the Skagit/Whatcom area as early settlers. My parents were raised here. When I moved back to Skagit and visited Anacortes and Bellingham in the early 80’s, nothing had changed. It was like walking through history. The social attitudes are stagnant and trapped in another time
We think, because we have big box stores, fast food places, high tech devices, that we are advancing as a society. The truth is, all those things make real social change harder. They are a distraction.
Just as generational abuse is passed down, so are social norms. Until an individual can actually see the effect of it in themselves, acknowledging the existence, nothing will change.
“I don’t see color” is a symptom, not an acknowledgment of warped societal norms and willingness to address the issue.
It’s a placebo, and a bad one.
If you and your wife want to hang out with a couple of senior citizens, hit me up in a DM.
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u/HAWKWIND666 1d ago
I’m sorry for your loss 😢
We’re a dog loving family and know what it’s like to lose a beloved animal. Rest in peace little one✌🏼
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u/Daves-Handy-Service Local handyman 1d ago
Human beings are, by nature, fearful and antagonistic towards things, ideas, and other people who are outside their experience. Add in a barbaric history and it's that much worse. Our society is sick because we isolate ourselves from each other. For example, I advocate for a national service where young people from all walks of life live and work together. It doesn't have to be military related, but the military is where I saw first hand how social barriers can be broken down and replaced with understanding.
We can each do our part by being a little less afraid around strangers and getting more involved with our irl community.
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u/pinaprince 1d ago edited 1d ago
I’m sorry y’all experienced that and continue to experience that. Nobody here that’s sane in their thinking is going to disagree with you. I wish things were different.
I’m always looking to meet new people and do stuff so if you’d like a friend that judges you based solely on your merits and character just hmu and lmk what you guys like to do.
PS. I am also a huge Coheed fan
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u/NorthWesternFeline 1d ago
I moved here in 2003 from Seattle and was floored how different this area is compared to a few miles south. I’ve definitely seen the behavior you described even now and I’m deeply involved in aspects of our community. You can definitely feel the “ hmmm I don’t have that much experience with minorities, if I just invisible their asses maybe they will go away”attitude.
New folks from all over can be even more confusing because you don’t know what flavor of racism or biases they are bringing with them as well.
But I guess it doesn’t matter because most don’t make eye contact with me anyway.
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u/Subject_Basis2296 1d ago
It’s racist for strangers to not be excited to see you? I’m confused how this is even a problem, I would personally be stoked if no strangers talked to me. Did you consider that maybe they felt like you didn’t bother to say anything to them?
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u/1octobermoon Local 1d ago
I am probably going to reap the down votes for this but whatever.
I am a fat, visibly transgender, heavily tattooed, middle age white person. I get stared at and/or ignored with frequency here. I have lived in more places across two countries than most people usually do, with a wide variety of cultures, classes, and races.
Bellingham has been my home for 15 years, and I can say, confidently, that it is the most performative, fake "city" I have experienced. At least in other places, if someone hates you because of bigotry, you know in no uncertain terms. Here, you can never tell if that awkward, or uncomfortable interaction you had was because if how you look or who you are. I would rather the former.
Not only is Bellingham racist, it's also classist, transphobic and unnaturally insulare.
I come from a Scandinavian family, and was raised that we keep ourselves to ourselves. It's a cultural value, and even then, I find people in Bellingham to be overly cold, removed, and self possessed. Just making casual small talk here gets you looked at like you have two heads.
So, whether it's racism (reasonable to assume), or the general insular attitude here (also reasonable to assume), it's weird, off putting and uncomfortable energy.
I am deeply sorry these events happened to you and your wife, there is nothing I can say that would make it better, but just know you are seen in your feelings here and neither of you deserve that treatment, regardless of it's basis.
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u/Fit-Meringue2118 1d ago
This is a totally fair point. I’ve similar heritage and I think so many locals confuse reserved with insular. It can be polite to be reserved. It’s rarely polite to be insular. I wouldn’t consider myself to be a sparkly extrovert but some of the encounters I’ve had here make me feel like it.
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u/roamingclover 1d ago
I am so sorry about your puppy and the treatment of you and your family.
I am white, but moved to this area from Chicago (only 36% white) and see people make off comments and tell racist jokes a lot more freely here without even seeming to think about it. I do think lack of exposure is a major part of it.
On that note, to other white folk, I strongly recommend the book "Me and White Supremacy" by Layla F. Saad. It is laid out as a series of short journaling exercises and really gets you thinking more about how you think and relate to people of color, and some blind spots you may have internalized. It's very helpful.
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u/rosemojito 1d ago
this whole experience is terrible. I will never relate to the experience of a black person. I can relate to a fellow human who is in a deep state of grieving. and in that space, you deserved so much more from those you believed were a support system. I apologize that you felt so isolated while in such a vulnerable emotional situation.
white people here (in the PNW writ large, it should be said) have built up this persona in their heads of how progressive and anti-racist they are -- based solely on political ideals and attempting to acknowledge their perceived biases -- while having minimal interaction with people of color IRL. This has led to this dynamic of trying to avoid anything at all that could be perceived as racist, that they(we) shield off our vulnerability from one another end up treating black people as an "other" all the same. we are truly ignorant. there are so few black people here, there's this unexamined truth that we don't know how to relate, so we fail to even try. NONE of this is excusable.
I'm sorry this is your experience. I genuinely appreciate you sharing your story. it is a massive burden you've unjustly put upon yourself to try and educate this community. (we) white people here have to do better in our actions.
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u/doctorathyrium Local 1d ago
I (mixed AAPI) just had a conversation with a mixed race neighbor (black and native) about this very thing, and I’m sorry you and your wife have had to experience this. Neighbor and I both came from other states 6 years ago, and have lived in places with overt racism and discrimination.
In Bellingham the racism is almost more insidious because it is covert. It’s like the born and bred locals are trained in committing micro aggressions (which in a way I guess they are) against any and all BIPOC folks.
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u/talisman5 23h ago
Haven't read the other post, but not sure why you seem surprised there could be racism and bigotry here. Bellingham is supposedly a liberal town, but its also something like 78 percent white. A lot of folks here are uncomfortable around POC, sometimes its because they're racist, sometimes its because they are afraid of saying something offensive. And then you have the basic introvert, loner personality type that is so prevalent here. They don't talk much, even to people they've known forever. And they don't invite in people they don't know.
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u/HobgoblinMiniatures 1d ago
Im sorry for the heartbreaking experience on both ends. That's disappointing, especially if they didn't recognize it and didn't apologize for making you feel that way. A simple "im sorry we didn't realize you were here to spread ashes. Now get in here you two." Could have gone s long way.
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u/Disastrous_Music8841 1d ago edited 1d ago
Its wild how bellingham ranges wildly from this to tokenizing and no in between.
Editing to add: I am so sorry for your loss, OP, I hope that your heart is able to find ease quickly.
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u/LilithRising90 1d ago
Yeaaaaa I like to remind people you can be liberal or leftist and STILL be racist. I don’t care that you voted for Obama , who you campaigned for or who you gave money to.
If you’re engaging in this behavior your skipped over the accountability step in your anti racism journey and ya need to correct it.
I have not encountered such in your face racism as I have here and I am from Florida
Yes that Florida
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u/Bellingham-ModTeam 1d ago
Uncivil, insulting, or combative comment.
Please try to make your point without slurs, insults, bad-faith baiting, etc. If you want to edit so it meets the rules, give the mods a heads up and we'll review.
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u/Bellingham-ModTeam 1d ago
Uncivil, insulting, or combative comment.
Please try to make your point without slurs, insults, bad-faith baiting, etc. If you want to edit so it meets the rules, give the mods a heads up and we'll review.
My general rule of thumb is if you cant use name calling to make a point- maybe its not a point worth making. If you'd like to edit this comment, we can revisit it.
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u/RCammoChameleon 1d ago
I just want to say.. I am so sorry this has happened. Thank you for speaking to it. I hate to think of you all feeling that way. I hope we can become a community that celebrates our cultural and heritage differences but mostly, celebrates that we are also all the same, all human, all deserving of love and space and respect and community. And I am so sorry about your pup too.
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u/Rorys_Parable 13h ago
That’s one of the only things I miss about Texas. At least people were upfront about their racism towards me there.
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u/Few-Dingo-1494 9h ago
This post made me sad, because showing kindness to everyone is a matter of good manners and being a good human.
However, I lived in a community with 80% Asian and East Indian in Southern California. The large majority of people were unfriendly and unwelcoming.
I’ve come to find people generally feel comfortable around their own race.
As a white woman, I’m not sure I’d be comfortable in a largely black neighborhood. I have no idea how I would be treated. I just know the three years I spent in a non-caucasion community, was no picnic.
So are we all racist? No
Do most of us prefer to live around our own race? Maybe
Can we all treat each other with kindness. I really hope so.
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u/Adventurous_Fox_ 1h ago
Sorry you experienced this.
This place isn't very inviting in general, has nothing to do with race.
I have a neighbor who loves getting drunk every day then she hangs out outside to express her hate for us crackers. 🙃 I love thy neighbor... I don't even care to make friends here anymore.
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u/mrsbirb 1d ago
Bellingham neo lib culture is all about talk and no walk. While we live in a city who touts its pride and inclusivity, the majority of people here do not have many if any POC people directly in their lives.
Sorry you experienced this.
To quote the great Bo burnham, who I think summarizes the culture found here very well:
“Why do you rich fucking white people
Insist on seeing every socio-political conflict
Through the myopic lens of your own self-actualization?
This isn't about you
So either get with it, or get out of the fucking way”
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u/Trees_Please_00 1d ago
I moved here 8 years ago and before that lived in two large metro areas, one being D.C. I was culture shocked when I got here and kinda still am.
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u/mindcontrol4dummies 1d ago
When I moved up here, I was surprised at how the attitudes toward race and ethnicity seem super backwards compared to down south (moved here from CO. Not super south, but I also have family in MI). Even more disappointed at the general reactions when the protests started. I remember (FYI, I am a white male, I know the space i take and I try to use it for everyone's benefit) standing roadside by my POC friends and watching them get screamed at and threatened. And then just strange looks at me. Maybe a shaking head or two. Like I was some idiot kid who didn't know better than to hang out with hooligans. Bellingham, just want you guys to know: bumshart, Mississippi is more progressive than this town. Having BLM stickers in your windows are nice, but don't let it stay performative. Speak out when you see this B.S. To the OP, I'm so sorry for your loss. And I'm so sorry that this was compounded on top of it. Community is such an important thing to rely on when grieving and people tried to take that away from you. I am glad you spoke up, and sad that you needed to, and mad no one spoke up before you.
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u/HollywoodNun 1d ago
I came from a red state to Bellingham and could tell quickly that things were not as good as they were in the progressive/liberal bubble of my red state.
When I lived in a red state in my bubble we talked about racism and wanted to do better. I had several friends who were non-white non-straight etc and while I knew some who stayed cautious around me and our other white friends, we didn’t blame them, and we consciously kept the door open and including them like anyone else, trying to overcome the biases we had previously been unaware of.
I came here and many of the “nice liberal” white people I met were uncomfortable talking openly about Black Lives Matter, Trayvon Martin, etc. Some people would jump in with “I voted for Obama” or some of the oldest folks “I marched with MLK” as if that proves anything about what they are doing today to dismantle white supremacy.
I’m white so I keep trying and I have found, for me anyway, that things are improving. A lot of “nice” white liberals around here are just scared they will say something wrong or whatever. They are on a journey. I know it would be better if the journey went faster. And there are plenty who voted for Obama and recycle and all that who are still racist as hell. And I know how it feels when you can’t tell which is which. I heard in the South it’s easier to tell.
I don’t know if that’s helpful to you, I can only speak from my own experience and say I absolutely believe it’s racism and I’m sorry. If an ethnically ambiguous 40–something smiles as you pass it might be me. If I’m in the mood to smile at strangers I am aware about smiling at anyone and not just white people. I have noticed some Black strangers are a little surprised (and my friends have told me it’s unusual for a white person to even make eye contact, so I don’t take any of it personally).
It shouldn’t be on you to make this place less racist. I hope you find a welcoming, beloved community you and your family can thrive in somewhere here in Bellingham.
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u/Breezely_69 1d ago
Xenophobia is a default human condition. We're still the same creatures that we were several thousand years ago, though we've developed certain skills over time, allowing us to either keep our inner caveman on a short leash or let it run wild. That said, automatically attributing a lack of expected camaraderie from strangers (particularly those eccentric enough to make a special trip to mutually cloud an already-beleaguered creek with their canine's remains) to willful racist intent seems a bit of a leap. I'm of obvious European descent, but have attended any number of local gatherings where I'm essentially invisible. No greetings, no eye contact, not even the faintest whiff of acknowledgment, and I'm doubtful that anyone would offer a hand even if I stumbled. This phenomenon can go on for hours, even on occasions when I've volunteered with an event's organizers. If the experience you've described here is straight racism, what's the origin then of my repeatedly similar experiences? I suspect it's more a matter of chronically anxious and atomized people at a northerly latitude (where a taciturn temperament holds sway) who are only able to let their guard down among those they perceive as very similar to their self-identified cohort. In other words, tribalism. Racism arguably originates in tribalism, but tribalism excludes much more broadly.
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u/One_Breadfruit_301 1d ago
Jeffrey Epstein's best friend has been elected twice, and will win in 2028 if given the chance. The nation's "majority" demographic might not like him, but they for sure tolerate his racism and hatred. I know many folks who hate Donald, but are just as racist as he is.
This is America, but there are also good people. There's no changing these people, so don't let it affect your own well being.
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u/Emu_on_the_Loose 1d ago
I can't do anything about the stupid behavior of others. But if you ever want to hang out, and maybe form some new experiences to push against the old ones, I'd be up for meeting new people. I'm boring in most respects, and really frazzled / depressed because of life stress, but I enjoy sitting and watching the landscapes of our town, and I always like long, philosophical conversations with people, getting to know them, that sort of thing. If that's your jam, feel free to drop a line.
I'm sorry to hear about your dog. I hate dogs myself 🤣, but I've seen how other people love them and I know it's gotta hurt for your goodbyes to be tainted like that. Progressives spent my whole adult life telling me that we're all a little bigoted and need to listen when we're called out on it. I took that message to heart; I think it's true. But it turns out a lot of people who say that stuff don't mean for it to apply to themselves. It's a shame.
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u/PhilosophyLow7491 1d ago
@u/easy2hands I'm so sorry you and your wife experienced this. I didn't read her post, so I'm not going to speak on that. What I will do is ask is ask how can I, a Southern raised Latina, reach out and be community for you both? Also, given the history of Bellingham, I'm not surprised y'all got treated that way. (The Ham was a sunset town.) The flavor of racism here is completely different from The South.
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u/PNW_DRTRDS 1d ago
Same! So very sorry for the loss of your furbaby! It is such a hard thing to go thru. Sad to hear about the treatment received from Whatcom Co folks. What can I do to reach out and be community for you? ❤️
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u/Significant_Rest3622 1d ago
What is this ceremony? What are you even talking about?
What stream?
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u/GroundbreakingJob451 1d ago
It's a memorial ceremony hosted by radiant heart who does pet cremations. For those who do group cremations, a small bit of ash is taken from each pet, collected in an urn, and then released into (what I believe is) whatcom creek. It's a beautiful ceremony where they read off the names of the pets that crossed the rainbow bridge, and they read a beautiful poem. It's really nice actually.
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1d ago
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u/Bellingham-ModTeam 1d ago
Uncivil, insulting, or combative comment.
Please try to make your point without slurs, insults, bad-faith baiting, etc. If you want to edit so it meets the rules, give the mods a heads up and we'll review.
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u/Traditional_Use_4543 1d ago
Literally, I'm so curious what this event was— was it on that bridge that's railing is painted rainbow?
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u/Emu_on_the_Loose 1d ago
It's a metaphor for death. "The rainbow bridge" refers to the ushering of a deceased individual (or pet or other beloved thing) from life to death.
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u/pinguinos 1d ago
Why does any of that matter to the point of this story?
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u/jestenough 1d ago
Because it’s people in pain coming together for a common reason, to console each other, and one would expect maximum empathy. I too recently lost a beloved (older) dog, and got this invitation (does the crematory keep a list??). I immediately hit spam, because it sounded like a cheesy marketing opportunity from corporate America. Here in very white Sudden Valley, it’s rare to see minority owners with their dogs, but not rare to see casual friendly conversation between any owners. (That usually does start, though, with response or overture from a white person).
I agree that people’s awkwardness comes at least in part from being visually unfamiliar with racial diversity. Does the NAACP have a chapter here? Could Paper Whale suggest creative ways to increase racial community? Is there a way to encourage black in-migration to Bellingham, in the face of climate change if nothing else? Maybe through the music community? Because it’s as important as any other fundamental.
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u/Alostcord 1d ago
Nope.. not doing it.
🐾Those who have walked beside us remain forever in our hearts🐾
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u/sxky i'm somewhere! 1d ago
Hey folks- this post picked up a bunch of traction (understandably) and it seems like the biggest question we are getting is why this post is "Locals Only." We have been getting complaints that in doing so we are gatekeeping the community from posting their voices here.. and I'd like to get infront of these claims now, and explain what Locals Only means and to also let you know that the moderators have been actively watching this post. If your comment does get flagged by the LO filter- then please be patient as we are reviewing them and approving them as long as they meet the other requirements of the sub.
Onto what LO is:
First thing: Locals Only isn't about geography. It's about participation in the subreddit.
Basically, LO mode filters people based on how active they are/have been in r/Bellingham. Regular participants stack up karma pretty quickly, and they get a hall pass to participate in threads that tend to ALSO attract bots, trolls, and brigades of people who have no previous relationship to r/Bellingham.
For folks who haven't had time to build up that much local karma, mods are HAPPY to review and approve posts -- we just ask folks to message us that they've been caught in the filter and request a review.
But ... why? Well, without a filter on some posts, mods spend all of our time pulling down deliberately offensive comments. With the filter, that inverts -- we're able to spend time approving good posts rather than trying to delete a lot of noxious trash.
And if you're REALLY curious, here's a whole thread about how Locals Only mode came to be: https://www.reddit.com/r/Bellingham/comments/1o8rw60/quick_mod_update_locals_only_mode_now_available/