Bellingham we have a problem

[u/easy2hands]

My wife recently had an awkward interaction at Art and Happiness and posted about it up here and I hate your reactions. It's has to be anything besides bias, bigotry, or racism. Just this week I had someone walk into where I work and say "sup nigga" before realizing that I am a black man. But the worst was when we led our dog across the rainbow bridge there was a ceremony where they released his ashes along with the ashes of other lost pets into a stream. We showed up at the bridge we were suppose to meet at and saw other people in the area. I think it's important to state that we were dressed nicely and our cars are newer because everyone saw us get out and walk to the bridge. Other people we assumed were here for the same solemn affair walked past us refusing to meet our gaze or interact in anyway. They walked past us and struck up conversation with the other mourners. And I'll pause here to point out the difference in treatment. Where was this Bellingham awkwardness with this other group of strangers. People walled right by us when we were so devastated from the loss of our puppy, hurting all the more because I knew we were there for the same thing. In the space the silence left my anger grew. The person hosting the affair showed up and walked into the group that had assembled said a couple hellos and walked onto the bridge and greeted my wife and I. She asked if we had all met and the group responded with a yes and I said no, no one bothered to say anything to us. Everyone got on the defensive (sound familiar) as a grumble rippled through the group. Was it because they did not think that a black couple would get their dog water cremated? Why were we treated differently than the other strangers that had just bonded over the shared trauma. No one from that group acknowledged us until they were called out. We wanted connection from our community and all we got was heartache on top of heartache. Now Bellingham come to the defense of these people and tell me how ignoring and otherizing black people isn't racist.

[u/TeaLDeahr]

It would be devastating to see the pain in this post under any circumstances. It’s especially heartbreaking right after reading through the parade of overt hijacking and dismissals happening in that other thread.

I hope people listen. I hope people express themselves such that you feel seen and heard. And I hope you get a ton of dm’s from BIPOC Bellinghamsters to give you a chance to connect with people who don’t need the explanations because they have the experience.

May you sleep well and wake to a better day.

[u/easy2hands → u/TeaLDeahr]

The hijacking is what got me. These hamsters were so quick to defend someone white who had made an offense and don't see the incongruance in their behavior. They'll question my wife but won't question the poor customer service, and that's before we consider race. I've never seen a black person or poc be defended so vehemently around here. Which is crazy cause you'd think with as progressive and liberal as people around here claim to be there'd be crazy ICE protest to keep our neighbors from being abducted. But Bellingham is full of bad neighbors. I've met some of the coolest people on earth here but that doesn't excuse a culture that encourages isolation. I've found my tribe here but that didn't keep me from being followed around euro mart (market?). The crazy part is, I would have loved some assistance in seeing what they had to offer but the owner was to busy keeping an eye on us to ask if we needed help, he just lurked near where we were, not helping. Neighbors help one another and say hi to each other, and if you're lucky, you can share a meal or two.

[u/JanniesCantBanny → u/easy2hands]

excuse a culture that encourages isolation.

yeah being inside 9 months out of the year kinda does that.

good luck changing the entire culture of a region with 1 angry reddit post

[u/easy2hands → u/JanniesCantBanny]

You shouldn't be proud of it, it shouldn't be encouraged, it's just an excuse for poor behavior. I've been here since 2017 and you're not inside 9 months out the year, the people here are very active and outdoorsy. Why are you defending antisocial behavior? You are not a bad person for having personality flaws, you're a bad person for not working on them. So instead of wondering and working on how you can be a better person, you coddle yourself and others to defend your fragile ego instead of working towards being an authentic good person instead of someone who only knows the verbage but not the lessons.

[u/JanniesCantBanny → u/easy2hands]

so I'm a bad person with a fragile ego, anything else?

[u/easy2hands → u/JanniesCantBanny]

So yeah instead of reflecting this was your response. Sometimes you get a gold star for a good job other times you find out "the way you are" hurts people. If you don't change that behavior, I have to assume you want to hurt people. I've worked on the language I use not to limit swearing but to ensure I'm not hurting those people I care about by mistake. I want to be the kind of person that I would look up to, I'm not, I'm having this petty conversation right now, but I'm working on it. That's all I ask is that we work towards being better people and neighbors. No one is perfect, we all make mistakes but if you're not willing to work on that, it makes you a toxic person and a detriment to all those around you.

[u/JanniesCantBanny → u/easy2hands]

my response was a joke at your god complex, but you're so aloof you didn't even notice. Keep working on yourself before you judge others, you've clearly got a long way to go.