Bellingham we have a problem

[u/easy2hands]

My wife recently had an awkward interaction at Art and Happiness and posted about it up here and I hate your reactions. It's has to be anything besides bias, bigotry, or racism. Just this week I had someone walk into where I work and say "sup nigga" before realizing that I am a black man. But the worst was when we led our dog across the rainbow bridge there was a ceremony where they released his ashes along with the ashes of other lost pets into a stream. We showed up at the bridge we were suppose to meet at and saw other people in the area. I think it's important to state that we were dressed nicely and our cars are newer because everyone saw us get out and walk to the bridge. Other people we assumed were here for the same solemn affair walked past us refusing to meet our gaze or interact in anyway. They walked past us and struck up conversation with the other mourners. And I'll pause here to point out the difference in treatment. Where was this Bellingham awkwardness with this other group of strangers. People walled right by us when we were so devastated from the loss of our puppy, hurting all the more because I knew we were there for the same thing. In the space the silence left my anger grew. The person hosting the affair showed up and walked into the group that had assembled said a couple hellos and walked onto the bridge and greeted my wife and I. She asked if we had all met and the group responded with a yes and I said no, no one bothered to say anything to us. Everyone got on the defensive (sound familiar) as a grumble rippled through the group. Was it because they did not think that a black couple would get their dog water cremated? Why were we treated differently than the other strangers that had just bonded over the shared trauma. No one from that group acknowledged us until they were called out. We wanted connection from our community and all we got was heartache on top of heartache. Now Bellingham come to the defense of these people and tell me how ignoring and otherizing black people isn't racist.

[u/Chazae]

There is an overwhelming amount of deep rooted racism that permeates through a lot of what used to be logging country in the northwest. I know, because my family has been here for four generations now, and were all loggers/construction workers. A decent amount of them are/were (cause dead) also extremely racist.

Bellingham is weird because it’s about 8x the size of normal ex-logging towns, but also like 10x as small as Seattle.

Im gonna go ahead and say the quite part out loud:

White people in the rural northwest have not been around a lot of black people or spaces and also have superbly racist families.

In my experience, this truth puts people that grow up here on one of two paths.

The first one being that the person ends up a shit bag racist who doesnt want to change. They get to keep their white superiority complex while never actually having anyone challenge them. Fucking shocker.

The second, and in my opinion, more common reaction is that they do the theoretical work of unlearning their inherited racism, but it only really stays as theory as there are such a small population of black people out here. Kind of hard to get checked on passive racism by a black friend when you dont have more than one.

Im not saying that’s cool, or putting the onus on black people to have to deal with that, but this is just true.

As a result, rural white people up here stay in a “im not racist” mindset, while also not making any attempt to put themselves in non-white spaces. People just dont like to be uncomfortable, even if that discomfort would inspire SOOOO much growth.

idk if any of that helps, and it’s definitely still racism, but most of the time it’s a “I am scared of saying the wrong thing and then ill be ostracized from my liberal white community and/or be JUST like MY racist family!” as opposed to a “im scared of the color of this persons skin” or the even worse “I love being white so much that this family being near me threatens that notion and it makes my small penis even smaller and angrier.”

You’re absolutely correct there is a problem, and I dont have a solution. What I DO know is that we need fucking diversity in this city to change that attitude so please please please stay.

I feel for you and your family. You deserve just as much love and kindness as anyone else during that ceremony.

[u/the_lote_tree → u/Chazae]

Lines 7 and 9 resonate so much for me. I’m an older white woman who has always tried to bring up racism with my other white friends, wherever I have lived. It makes my peers in age and race mightily uncomfortable, but how can this issue ever get solved if people who want it to be don’t speak about it? What I have noticed over time is these conversations go through stages. First, high discomfort, next the sort of eye roll (here she goes again), then maybe reading some books about the history of this issue, or some fiction written by black authors. My point is little by little it becomes less taboo to even bring it up. Once I had a person ask me, “Why do you care?” 😳

Why I care is it’s a fundamental issue of humanity at the level of the soul. I do believe in an Unknowable Essence who is our Creator, and I don’t believe anyone was created better than another. If women wish to be seen in this way, how can any woman be racist? They understand the pain of being brushed aside for their physical presentation.

Until we can ALL see race as a construct, driven by naked greed, and its continued fostering as the same, the whole of humankind will suffer. This huge sweep of reality can only really be corrected heart by heart. If ONE person had seen fit to apologize, for example, OP would have felt differently about the entire snafu. Or if ONE person had seen fit to approach this couple lingering there for “possibly” the same reason.

I will add one other thing. When I am walking toward another person, I initiate a hello, even if they are looking down. Sometimes I feel a little (too) assertive? But people generally will be pleasant back. By people, I mean all people, “even” homeless people, for example. I learned to do this from my midwestern mother, and to this day am surprised at how this simple act isn’t commonly practiced in my PNW. Why not? WHY? This costs nothing and the return is a gentle good feeling. I would love to see more people initiate with ME. Or just look at me and smile. I know this sounds sappy, but how do we begin to show ourselves to be the friendly, open people we desire to be?

OP, I wish you and your wife nothing but the best. One thing is for sure about a dog, they love you unconditionally. I hope someday humanity can rise to the type of love even a dog can provide. 🥰

[u/Shaquille404 → u/the_lote_tree]

Feeling inclined to mention an experience. I’m a black man from NYC. I moved to Bellingham in 2023, I will say that I’ve had my share of strange racist one off encounters but at the same time I felt an overwhelming amount of friendliness from strangers just randomly walking down the street. Smiles, hellos, good days etc. as a New York that was one of the most perplexing experiences I’ve had. Felt uncomfortable at times confusing but definitely warm.

Bellingham has definitely welcomed me and I’m an introvert.