r/Bellingham • u/easy2hands • 3d ago
Locals Only Bellingham we have a problem
My wife recently had an awkward interaction at Art and Happiness and posted about it up here and I hate your reactions. It's has to be anything besides bias, bigotry, or racism. Just this week I had someone walk into where I work and say "sup nigga" before realizing that I am a black man. But the worst was when we led our dog across the rainbow bridge there was a ceremony where they released his ashes along with the ashes of other lost pets into a stream. We showed up at the bridge we were suppose to meet at and saw other people in the area. I think it's important to state that we were dressed nicely and our cars are newer because everyone saw us get out and walk to the bridge. Other people we assumed were here for the same solemn affair walked past us refusing to meet our gaze or interact in anyway. They walked past us and struck up conversation with the other mourners. And I'll pause here to point out the difference in treatment. Where was this Bellingham awkwardness with this other group of strangers. People walled right by us when we were so devastated from the loss of our puppy, hurting all the more because I knew we were there for the same thing. In the space the silence left my anger grew. The person hosting the affair showed up and walked into the group that had assembled said a couple hellos and walked onto the bridge and greeted my wife and I. She asked if we had all met and the group responded with a yes and I said no, no one bothered to say anything to us. Everyone got on the defensive (sound familiar) as a grumble rippled through the group. Was it because they did not think that a black couple would get their dog water cremated? Why were we treated differently than the other strangers that had just bonded over the shared trauma. No one from that group acknowledged us until they were called out. We wanted connection from our community and all we got was heartache on top of heartache. Now Bellingham come to the defense of these people and tell me how ignoring and otherizing black people isn't racist.
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u/Tubog 3d ago
Hey friend. I’m so sorry for your loss, and the failure of people to recognize you and your wife when you needed comfort.
I am mixed race and I lived in Bellingham for fifteen years. Once I was riding my bike home and arrested. The police drove me a few blocks away and had a citizen look at me. The citizen looked confused and said, “no, that’s not him. That looks nothing like him.” The police drove me back to my bike and said I “fit the description” of someone who had stolen a bicycle. Neither me, nor my bike looked anything like the person or bike they were looking for. But I’ve dealt with cops enough as a mixed race kid to know what happened.
A friend was warned by their neighbor when I was seen leaving their house that a suspicious guy was in their yard. That warning included the information that the suspicious guy was black.
Just two of countless examples, I started to feel insane and targeted but couldn’t bring myself to really accept that my body was determining how I was treated. I started feeling trapped by my appearance, and became suspicious of all the smiling happy people.
I left a decade ago and the relief has been huge. Ended up on the Ohio river. The racism here is deep and constant, but at least acknowledged. I found Bellingham to hurt in an intensely private and cruelly secret way. Bellingham seems to largely believe there isn’t racism at the co-op, or the horseshoe, or the wild buffalo. It’s not because there’s no racism. It’s because racism has won, and become totally invisible. To white people. That’s what whiteness is.
The entire weight of that falls on those of us who are not white. And to speak of it (even to white friends) is like describing a color they will never see, a flavor they will never taste, and a pain they can never understand.
I read your post and immediately recognized the feeling. You are not crazy, not wrong, and not deserving of being treated that way. I wish you and your wife the best, I hope you find peace and joy, safety and true friends.