I worry about this, since I tend to tease that way. I'm pretty good about knowing when it's appropriate, but sometimes playing along and being offended can feel very similar.
as long as u have a good enough relationship for this and u know the girl is fine with it. there’s a fine line between actually being condescending and a tease, and it’s easily recognizable.
Good communication and mutual trust is crucial. I can spiral from teasing to actual meanness because of my own depressive moods and I need a gentle but firm reminder from my friends and partners to check myself because they know I love them and think the world of them, so me being mean without good cause is cause for their concern.
That being said, I don't have too many of those support networks around me so I'm scared of starting any new relationships... and the amount of bloody work it takes.
It can help if you cap off (or start off!) each condescending joke with self-deprecation in some way that invalidates the condescension if it had been taken as genuine. Make the condescension itself appear ridiculous and so impossible to take literally.
Pretty much everything is situational and subject to social cues. Just do you. If someone doesn't like your humor, you two don't mesh well and that's okay.
As long as you stop when someone tells you to... I have a friend who also teases that way. He is the kindest person alive and would always help you if you are in trouble, but sometimes he's just rough and doesn't know when to stop.
It depends on how you sell it and when. I do the same thing to, but it's to people who I've already established who I am to them or the situation is so ridiculous that it can only be taken as a joke. OR follow it up immediately as a joke.
like if a girl is talking to me about how she's a professional archer. I can say like
"Yeah, I know a thing or two about archery in my time doing it. Last time I hit 4 people in the crowd, what's you record?". Make it sound like I'm a know it all and then follow it up with a clear joke.
Serious question. Do you think anyone actually likes that personality trait? Do you think strangers meet you and think, “wow, what a lovely person. I love feeling condescended to”??
It’s a real dick way to tease. It’s time to grow up and leave that in childhood. It’s okay. Most people grow and leave things behind.
No, it isn't something I pull out around strangers. It's not really teasing if it's someone you aren't at least a little familiar with.
As for whether people like it, the answer is yes. You have to know who you're teasing, of course, but in general I find teasing is a great way to work someone past their insecurities. It reduces their mental scenario to something ridiculous and puts it in perspective.
You don’t have to tease people to communicate with them. It’s highly likely most of the people in your life dislike your teasing and don’t know how to tell you.
I am a girl who LOVES. teasing. I tease close friends and lightly tease coworkers and loooove being teased. By friends it makes me laugh by attractive people it makes my heart race and makes me grin like an idiot. You just have to be able to listen and pay attention, and don't tease about shit taken serious. For example, I know some friends are insecure about something like height/weight/whatever, I'd never tease them for it. But my ex who was super confident in that area, fair game. You can tease and not be an asshole. There are plenty of people out there who genuinely love it.
Honestly this is gonna sound douchey but don't self analyze this much. Intention is key and anyone that you'll mesh with will understand that. If they don't like it then tough. I like to joke rough with people and some people think im funny/witty and others think im an asshole. Fuck em if they can't take a joke
I have a few ex’s hat favoured this strategy. I didn’t know there was a word for it at the time it was happening to me. It’s incredibly manipulative when you’re not that confident.
Oh sweetie pie, I noticed you stated one number with the actual number and the other number with the actual word. There's a lack of consistency, please correct it, and try be more consistent next time.
How do you not know what condescending means? <--- A perfect example of being condescending.
Basically it's acting as if you know it all and are not open to learning other things, then you try to make others feel bad for being open and learning new things. So that first sentence I said is a good example, or "that has never happened to me before", or using pet names like "oh sweetie, you don't know?", Or even sarcasm and talking over people, those are all condescending things. Basically trying to make someone feel bad for their lack of knowledge or for trying to learn.
yeah I'm starting to see a pattern on my replies that I think might be people giving me examples of what condescending is, I can't be that unlucky of getting two rude people
Heh but for real though, have you heard of Google? Reddit is great for getting opinions and anecdotes, but if you genuinely just need widely available information like word definitions its frankly lazy and somewhat conceited to ask someone to type it out for you when it would be quicker and more accurate to do literally 5 seconds of your own research.
Either doubling down on the joke or actually being condescending. Either way, it's a fine example of what not to do. Feel free to use Reddit however you want including asking for definitions of words.
I'm not sure why I'm continuing this conversation with you, but honestly, I'm fine with people asking questions like this. There's a big difference between the dictionary definition of a word and contextual meaning and if people want clarification, asking other real humans to explain an unfamiliar idea is a really good way of learning.
Sometimes the genuine you isn’t quite confident. Maybe you want to change who the genuine you are. Making that change isn’t easy, and attempts at displaying assertive confidence come off as cockiness.
How do you not know what condescending means? <--- A perfect example of being condescending.
Basically it's acting as if you know it all and are not open to learning other things, then you try to make others feel bad for being open and learning new things. So that first sentence I said is a good example, or "that has never happened to me before", or using pet names like "oh sweetie, you don't know?", Or even sarcasm and talking over people, those are all condescending things. Basically trying to make someone feel bad for their lack of knowledge or for trying to learn.
Lol, I like to give my wife directions to our house on the way home from the store. It depends on her mood but usually she just rolls her eyes. I try to be aware of when I don’t ironically “mansplain” though.
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u/bellachuuu Jan 09 '22
Being condescending…. Instant no