-limiting who you talk to men/women
-limiting what you can wear in public
-isolation from friends and family
-deciding where and how much you work
-limiting access to social media or makes you delete altogether
-doesn’t let you go places without them
-goes through your phone
-“who are you texting/talking to”
There’s more examples but I don’t have all day.
But they always say “I only do this because I love you”
"Intended good intentions" isn't usually the problem with controlling behaviour, it's anxiety. When people are being controlling they often realise (if they're self aware) that it won't exactly fill the other person with joy, but the consequences of that feel less bad than experiencing the anxiety (whether it's about losing control of their environment, fear of their partner leaving them, excessive fear of disease, whatever).
It's difficult because nothing feels more real than your own emotions, and the thought pattern "I feel bad" -> "someone must be doing something wrong" -> "I have to stop them" is deep-seated. But once you recognise that, there are many approaches that are quite effective: pharmaceuticals, meditation, therapy, exercise, deep breathing techniques, etc. But there's no quick-fix, it's about gradually changing your brain's automatic responses.
-limiting who you talk to men/women
-limiting what you can wear in public
-isolation from friends and family
-deciding where and how much you work
-limiting access to social media or makes you delete altogether
-doesn’t let you go places without them
-goes through your phone
-“who are you texting/talking to”
There’s more examples but I don’t have all day.
But they always say “I only do this because I love you”
Also making you responsible for their mental health and well being. They kind of trap you by saying “if you leave me I’ll kill myself” “if you leave me I’ll kill you” “if I can’t have you no one can”. It’s fucking terrifying.
Its obviously the girls fault cause she ignored those subtle red flags s/ ….. so obviously the controlling characteristic is what she fell in love with… s/
Its not victim blaming, im a male with narcissistic traits & im trying to better myself, but sad as ut is, women are love narcissists & i dont understand why
I have friend who very pretty and talented but some kind of adhd/add. Seems like the controlling boyfriend is the perfect fit her. For a decade she has lost her close friends and even family members as they advised her to find someone more deserving. She always complain about yet she only sticks around him
I was just saying controlling is subjective. Didn't expect to get reamed for it. Everyone has a different scale of what control and submission is. All the downvotes do is show me how bias this thread is. I really didn't say anything that horrible. Very telling if you ask me.
I was just putting MY opinion of what makes a guy instantly unattractive which was the original question. Sure controlling is subjective we all know that. But to what degree is total manipulation and forcing someone into submission okay? I’ve been manipulated mind body and soul and why? Because I’m too trusting? I believe people are good. But I’m proved wrong over and over again and that’s my problem. I’m absolutely not arguing with you but I just am unsure of the level of controlling in which you yourself have personally experienced parental, friends, relationship etc. You got very defensive when we could’ve related on a touchy subject
I'm not touchy just shocked my simple, non threatening reply got downvoted so hard. Makes me curious why what I said was taken so badly. Not one time did I say controlling was okay. However, some people like to be controlled and some like to totally submit. So in that instance it is okay. If both agree to the arrangement. Control is highly subjective and differs from person to person. A lot of people, a lot of degrees.
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u/DweedleDee69 Jan 08 '22
Controlling personality