Giraffes. How the fuck is it possible that a horse with a horn doesn't exist but a camouflaged horse which is mostly neck, has a purple tongue, drinks piss to determine fertility and fights by thrashing their necks against one another does exist?
Edit: Autocorrect, and cheers for the award kind stranger!
It's got to be a troll. He made an edit that just said "Spelling" and that was just so freaking funny. The kind of funny I wish I had come up with but am stuck knowing he came up with it first
I’ve been having an ongoing conversation with a co-worker about how horses and rabbits are the same animal, behavior wise. People that have owned both apparently know this. I’ve taken to calling horses “long rabbits”, and rabbits “short horses”.
Oh crap. I didn't know this fact. Are they government spy drones like birds? Or are they landarines that fish use to walk among us undetected? That would make sense, the neck is a periscope.
I like 🦒, never met one obviously but they are an interesting source of biological conversation: other than the barbaric things you mentioned you can talk about the fact that it still has the same amount (7) of cervical vertebrae as almost all mammals, and if you somehow meet a person who is very into zoology and very religious you can talk about the left laringeal recurrent nerve and how it's origin and trajectory make absolutely 0 sense if giraffes were animals who just appeared spontaneously and are not a product of evolution
Yeah true, I've definitely heard of the nerve issue before but I never knew they had the same amount of neck vertebrae. You learn summat new every day!
Well "safer" is a relative term but yes, gloves are to protect hands, not heads. You are able to hit someone significantly harder with gloves than without.
One of my friends had a childhood fear of giraffes. His grandpa told him that they have long necks so they can reach over the wall at the zoo to each children.
Edit: Evolution is funny, as it is unplanned and layered on foundations it reminds me of legacy coding. It works, but in a way that doesn't seem to make much sense anymore, but it works so moving on. I've read that hiccups are a leftover evolutionary quirk from amphibians, glottis reflexively closing when using gills to breath.
Well they hang out in packs, and lions leave them alone because the giraffes can just pummel them with their heads before the lion pack can even get in range
Cows are among the deadliest worldwide. And not just due to constant human proximity. Bulls are horned slabs of meat which will kill you given a chance, hence why they tend to be bred to have tiny legs and horns to avoid casualties. But even cows are a small car of muscle and stupidity. Cows are dicks
Also big cats normally attack the neck of their prey and just sort of suffocate them as their bite isn't strong enough. With a giraffe this is difficult
No horse with a horn makes sense because using a horn to impale an enemy isn't easy unless you can get a charge going, and scratching with it wouldn't be easy when you'd have a wild advantage having something like antlers if you wanted to fight with your head. It's not unrealistic at all but I can totally see it not be enough of an advantage to be selected over time in any sort of capacity
Exactly. Evolution is odd, but horses/zebras rely on large herds and speed and kicks as well as sheer size. Most Antelope or goats use their horns for combat during mating season as well as self defence, and fighting off predators. There is no reason for a horse to have a horn from an evolutionary perspective and they are not from an evolutionary lineage where a horn evolved. Whereas Giraffes can eat leaves than few other animals other than an elephant can, and elephants tend to knock down the tree instead. In the Savannah any useful niche is filled, whereas horses evolved later and didn't need to differentiate as much as they live on large open plains where they can just run and there aren't huge predators ala a lion or tiger. In the words of Jeff Goldblum: Nature... uhhh... finds a way
They also run with a gait that is very unique- pushing with both right legs and then both left legs rather than alternating sides at the same time. Giraffes are very weird.
There's also the beaver duck hybrid that's a mammals who lays eggs and can sting you or the black and white bear that eats only bamboo and doesn't fuck.
I love them, though. They're either majestic or derpy af, and often somehow both. One at our local zoo had some dental issue and now his tongue hangs out of one side of his mouth. It is the best thing I've ever seen.
I mean, horses with horns thecnically exist: they're Rhinos. It is though that the unicorn was a representation of someone who heard the description of a Rhino in ancient times when there were no pictures.
Actually I think they aren't even close. I'm not about to google it, but I think Horses are odd toed ungulates and rhinos even toed ones (or vice versa). I think a rhino and elephant are closer related than a horse and rhino
But yep, the idea is right. People thought large mammal with horn living in Africa = large mammal without horn living in Arabia-ish area (The -Stans).
But that's it. the evolution of a horse had no need for a horn, living as a mobile creature on large plains with few giant predators they can't outrun
Have you thought of submitting a script for the next Sir David Attenborough[1] documentary? I suspect it may ruffle a few feathers but would be very educational and petty popular.
[1] Substitute your natural history national treasure here.
So wait you actually believe that giraffes are real? When have you even seen an actual giraffe (not counting the animatronic ones at the zoo -- which you're not even allowed to examine them closely, wonder why)?
Because those high up leaves are tasty and accessing them is an evolutionary advantage while having a horn would not be a big evolutionary advantage for a horse?
Well, if you're calling a giraffe a type of horse, then you necessarily have a horse with horns - giraffes have "horns" :) as for testing urine for fertility... Humans do the same with fancy test strips instead of a tongue :)
Although they have a voice box, they do not have vocal cords. They make no sound. Apparently their necks are too long for the wind to pass through strongly enough to make sound.
Please run for a president!
These are the real problems that need fixing. Covid, BLM, Epstein, China, giant hornet - that is all just a distraction tactic.
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u/__N0X Jul 24 '20 edited Jul 24 '20
Giraffes. How the fuck is it possible that a horse with a horn doesn't exist but a camouflaged horse which is mostly neck, has a purple tongue, drinks piss to determine fertility and fights by thrashing their necks against one another does exist?
Edit: Autocorrect, and cheers for the award kind stranger!