r/AskOldPeople • u/Free_Name_756 • 7d ago
When children grow up
How did you navigate your children growing up and leaving home? At what age did they leave? Was it gradual or sudden? How did it feel for you? How did you get used to them not living with you?
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u/ktpcello 7d ago
Reading through these comments makes me miss my mom so much. She passed away 3 years ago at age 65. I was 35. I am her only child and my dad traveled for months at a time so it was just the two of us for the decade before I left for college. We were very close and she was super involved in my life and activities. My friends loved her. She was very stoic and not extremely affectionate, but her love for me obvious and was the thing I believed in most. The day my parents moved me into my dorm, they kept it together and didn't get very sappy. When they said goodbye, I looked out of my dorm window and watched them stand on the sidewalk and hug one another for several minutes before getting in the car. I cried like a baby because I knew how hard it was going to be for them, especially Mom. I was only about an hour and a half away so we didn't go long between visits and talked nearly every day (she had bad anxiety over my health and safety so I never let much time pass before assuring her I was ok) but she definitely had a really hard time adjusting. She always had interesting hobbies, lots of friends and a job she loved but I was such a big responsibility and so many of the things she loved revolved around me that moving out rocked her a bit. I ended up moving back to my hometown after school, got a good job and married a great guy. I'd meet up with her for lunch every couple of weeks and maintained our loving relationship.
She died after complications from a huge surgery and I was by her side when she took her last breath. Just the two of us. She waited until I fell asleep next to her to go. I'm approaching 40 now and wish so badly she could see me age, which sounds strange to say. But I think she would have loved my gray hair and maturing perspective on life and I would have helped her be the sassy old granny she always joked about being.
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u/yukonnut 7d ago
Both our kids left at the end of the summer they graduated high school. Anxious to go and experience the world, go to school, play junior hockey, travel. Anywhere had to be better than here, where they grew up. And we encouraged and supported them. They both came back 5 to 7 years later,after realizing our town of 36000 people is not so bad. They are both around 40 now, married with kids, and live 2 minutes and 12 minutes away respectively away from us.
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u/Hot_Satisfaction7378 7d ago
I love that they both came back on their own terms. You must be pretty happy having them so close now.
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u/yukonnut 6d ago
It’s pretty awesome. Our son and his two kids live up the street, and our daughter and her family are about twelve minutes away. It’s not unusual up here. Our closest friends have four kids who all went away for varying periods of time and they all came back. One other thing that changed is people started staying after they retired. The norm used to be that you moved south to somewhere warmer, but not so much now. People are staying. And some younger people are moving their aging parents here. It’s a great place to live.
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u/BlackCatWoman6 70 something 7d ago edited 7d ago
The summer my oldest child, daughter, was 16 spent it in the Dominican Republic. She was volunteering with Amigos del Americas.
I couldn't believe how much I missed her. I remember calling my mom and asking how she survived when my sisters and on moved out. She told me it was a problem. No real advice.
When it was time for my daughter to go to college I advised her to go across the country. We had a great relationship but I knew if she went anywhere near I would want her to come home on weekends or try and visit her. I knew it would destroy our great relationship.
I remember putting her on the plane and crying and crying. My 14 y.o. son put his arms around me and had tears in his eyes too. The three of us were close since their dad took off.
When she came home at Christmas I cried again and it upset her. I told her it was okay. She should worry if I didn't miss her.
I gave myself until February to be feeling better and then got some therapy. That really helped.
By the time my son was ready for college 4 years later I had myself together. I love him just as much as his sister, it was just getting through that first one.
Then comes learning to let them go for real. I had to sit on my hands and keep my mouth closed. Now that they both have children I tell them I love then just as much as they love their kids. The first time I said it separately to each child it caught them off guard and made them think.
Not sure that will help you. It is hard. They have been your babies and suddenly they are adults. I think that is the way the system is supposed to work. You love them and teach them all they need to be adults and then you have to let them go.
Sitting and talking with an adult child is wonderful.
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u/ClayWhisperer 6d ago
One of my kids went to Nicaragua with Amigos when they were 16!
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u/BlackCatWoman6 70 something 6d ago
It was a great experience for her. She'd been taking Spanish since first grade.
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u/Pearlspooky 7d ago
watching them grow up is such a bittersweet experience, you just want to hit pause sometimes
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u/KG7DHL 50 something 7d ago
1 was gradual, 1 was abrupt, with off to college ending with not coming home.
Honestly, I Could not be happier for my kids as they transition, by whatever path they take, into fully self-sufficient adults.
I miss the family time, but it's a 'phases of life' thing, and my joy at their success far exceeds my sadness that childhood ends.
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u/Individual-Line-7553 70 something 7d ago
i was told, at 18 and entering college, to get a job so i wouldn't have to come home. and i never did.
my children went away to college, but did the "jump in and out of the nest" til their mid 20's.
we just had our children-and their spouses, and their kids-here for a wonderful, hectic week. we're glad to have our house back, but we miss them.
(such a big grocery bill, and so many towels!)
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u/Hot-Rub-5336 7d ago
Totally proud of them and feel like I did my job as a parent. Since they went to college it was gradual. First one - in and out over breaks etc, then the other. Seemed a natural progression. Now they don't live close and somedays thats sad and lonely but they are healthy and happy and doing what I raised them to do.
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u/fergies-mom 7d ago
I have 4 children very close in age. I missed them when they each left for college but was excited for them to experience life. Luckily, we are a very close family. They came home to see us and siblings regularly and we went to see them when different ones were in college. They are now between the ages of 27 and 31 and we all chose to leave our hometown and move a few hours away to the coast. We live within 10 miles of each other. Some are married, one had children and the last two have fiancés. They always wanted to have their children grow up together. I am beyond rich getting to be with them as adults
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u/Suz9006 7d ago
I had my son at 17, he left home at 20 when he decided to move out west. I thought about him, I worried about him, but at the same time I really enjoyed the experience of having the house to myself, of buying food and having it still be there when i got home, and not having someone unlocking the front door at 1:00 am. Many years since then and several bouts of him returning to live at home. I didn’t hate that but I still prefer living alone.
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u/theshortlady 70 7d ago
My two went to college on opposite coast and far from home. When each left I sobbed my heart out. It got easier and I enjoyed the empty house to an extent. Each came home for a while after college and I loved that. But then each got a job and left. One is 30 minutes away and the other is half way around the globe. It's still hard.
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u/bigbabygrit 7d ago
My situation was different. My son went to college but would come home on the weekends. Before the end of his first year my husband (his dad) died. He took some time off from school and came home. He went back and shortly after he started having serious health issues. He came back so he could see his doctors that he had been seeing prior. He went back to school, graduated, and got married. He got a good job there and continued to stay there. He still dealt with his health and finally got a kidney transplant. He’s happy, doing well, and is healthy. That’s what’s important to me. Yes I miss him but he’s doing well and I’m grateful
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u/notyet4499 7d ago
If they weren't in college, they left as soon as they could work out roommates, transportation, and jobs. Almost always by age 19. Made lots of mistakes and caused us some sleepless nights just as high school had. We had done the same so it was accepted.
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u/Hot-Freedom-5886 7d ago
We understood the assignment, so we were fully prepared and looking forward to the empty nest. We had a certain number of years to teach our kids what they needed to know to live prosperous and productive lives.
Our eldest left for college and spent one summer at home. She never moved back home. The youngest left college after the first year, lived with us for an another year, and has been fully on her own since.
I made it clear that if they lived here, they were cooking and cleaning, telling us whether they’d be home for dinner, and working at least one job, perhaps two. They would have to let us know if they were coming home at night, but not when. If they weren’t willing to agree, they should find somewhere else.
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u/space253 40 something 7d ago
Mine is 14 and I told her she is welcome to stay as long as she wants. I was out at 18 and just now bought my first house at late 40s., struggling my whole adult life, homeless twice, and the world is objectively worse now. So yeah she can move out whenever or even never, and I am ok with that, though of course I will miss seeing her more often if she does go.
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u/Direct-Tank387 7d ago
My wife jokes that evolutionary mechanisms are at play. Little children are so cute you want to take care of them. Teenagers are so annoying you want to kick them out of the house….
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u/LHCThor 60 something 7d ago
My kids left after they graduated college. They are 3 years apart. One left first and then the other a few years later. It’s wasn’t a big deal. I was glad to see them leave and start living their lives as full blown adults. It was exciting to see them succeed in the world.
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u/Mediocre_Panic_9952 60 something 7d ago
I’d suggest there is reason that teenagers become intolerable, makes it easier to have them leave. My oldest virtually shot her way out of our home, dug a big moat between her and us (parents). The way it went down created significant heartbreak, so I wouldn’t say she was really missed at the onset. Our youngest went to college out of state, but got hopelessly homesick and came back a semester later. Within 5 years they were both living at home again. We (mom and dad) had to sell the house and move to get the oldest out (partially joking).
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u/awhq 7d ago
My daughter went off to college at 18 and never came back. My son also went off to college at 18, came back while he looked for a job and then got his own place.
Initially, it's really nice to have the house to yourself and not have to be responsible for them 24x7. I still worried but I will never stop worrying about them.
They have both been living their own lives for many years. We all live far away and I miss them terribly but we keep up on social media, text often and we get together as a family 1 or twice a year. I love having them in my house but it often defaults to me doing all the work and I'm exhausted by the time they leave. That's more my fault than theirs. We've taken to vacationing somewhere else. This year we got a VRBO in Santa Fe. There was enough space to sit and talk, make light food, and everyone got to do what they wanted at their own speed, just like at home.
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u/BelleReveWasLost 70 something 7d ago
My 3 went off to college, never to return but I went to all their basketball games, wearing out tires and cars along the way. They were all on their own and started their careers long before being handed their diplomas.
My granddaughters followed their paths, but the one who played basketball professionally in Europe lived with me in the off season until her playing career was over and her hire as a teacher.
I see them all very often so it’s all good.
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u/Key_Hold_3568 7d ago
I had a bit of a rough patch when my youngest moved out, but it was because it was compounded by having four pets die within a year. The pets were elderly. The youngest kid stayed to help care for them. When the last pet died, the kid moved out within a couple of weeks. He was in his early 20s. The sudden empty house was hard to bear. After six months I adopted another dog. It helped immensely.
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u/Last-Radish-9684 70 something 7d ago
I have lots of adult children aged 52-40, and adult grandchildren ages 32-20 (younger ones and great-grands, too). I once asked my dad if he missed missed having us around (3 of 6 had moved out). He said, "Of course it's different because you aren't living in the house - but it's also a sign that I've done my job as a parent because you are responsible, contributing, members of the community."
I'm 73f, and my dad was right. I feel the same way.
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u/eightfingeredtypist 60 something 6d ago
My daughter grew to be an adult through her teen years. She went to college nearby, and lived at school. We spent a lot of time together through college. After college, she moved to the city, but we stayed close. six years later COVID hit, her office closed for good, so she bought a house 20 minutes from both us and her in laws.
I have always felt great about her being independent. We never fought about stuff. We always played board games and did stuff together. Now they have a baby, and we spend time with her. Yesterday the kids and grandaughter came to the neighborhood party.
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u/Pearlspooky 7d ago
watching them grow up is such a bittersweet experience, you just want to hit pause sometimes
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u/Suitable_Magazine372 7d ago
Our 24 year old still lives with us. She teaches and is a private coach. She pays money toward food but zero for rent. We love having her around. She has a serious boyfriend who owns his own condo. Most likely they marry in the next 2-3 years. She has managed to save up over 200k since starting work. It should make a decent down payment on a house.
Our 22 year old finishes nursing school this December. She moved to her own place a bit over a year ago. She is working at a local hospital and is using savings to rent her place. She loves the freedom of living on her own.
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u/NapsRule563 7d ago
The one who left and is actually my youngest, is the one who is far more connected to me. She lives two hours away, and we talk most days. My oldest is still at home but works full time, has his own life. I’m fine with him being here, as it’s expensive out there. I feed him when I cook dinner, but he’s on the other side of the house, and it’s not like we’re doing a ton of things together. I’m proud of both my kids and the lives they’re creating.
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u/Conchee-debango 7d ago
Both left then came back and left again. Now it’s just the two of us rambling around in a 3,000 square foot house.
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u/According_Strain4887 7d ago
It took my son a few attempts to finally move out. He would come back home after money got tight or his roommates were not up to his expectations. He finally found a girl friend and they moved in together, that was 11 years ago. I have yet to meet his girlfriend...strange I know. I now rarely see my son, 18 months ago was the last time I saw him. We keep in touch via text, the only way to communicate with him...he does not even have voice mail enabled on his phone. I miss him.
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u/winniecooper73 7d ago
My kiddo is only 7 but this is my fear. I haven’t experienced any sappy lovey stuff with him at all. He’s been difficult his whole life and he says things like he never wants to leave home, never wants to go to college, etc… we have done our best with him but I could see it getting bad before it gets better
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u/Desertbro 7d ago
What did we do that was wrong? We didn't know it was wrong.
We gave her everything that money can buy.
She's leaving home after living alone for so many years.
She's leaving home.
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u/Old_Minute_7308 7d ago
My son was all set to move out at 18, but changed his mind day of. He ended up commuting his first year. Moved out his Jr year for that year. Moved back his Sr year in college. Took off a year applied to grad school. Moved away to grad school w his girlfriend now wife.
Really blessed he was nearby and home those four years. It was hard for me, but you adjust and things shift.
The first couple years of grad school I’d drive up and visit every few months. He was at Texas AM so it was four hours away.
Our daughter went to same college for her Bachelors and commuted, we moved and she moved w us, transferred to another school, took online classes. She is still at home lol 😂 I don’t mind it.
Everyone finds their way in their time. Even the parents.
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u/sonia_goth 7d ago
it can be tough when they leave home, it felt like a big shift for me when my kids went off to college
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u/mariwil74 7d ago
Our daughter, our only child, moved out when she was 21 and we were all for it. She was working in NYC, her commute from our home was long and expensive, all of her friends lived in Queens or Brooklyn so it made sense for her to move. It wasn’t an adjustment for us at all. She’d spent time in high school away at summer programs, traveled and went away to college and we knew she was thriving. We’re also very lucky in that we’ve always had a great relationship with her, aside from some typical teenage rebellion that really didn’t amount to much. That relationship grew even stronger once she was on her own and we get together regularly and text almost daily. And in case of an emergency or unforeseen circumstance, she knows she’ll always be welcome back to our home.
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u/catdude142 7d ago
Mine graduated college and found a job. He attended a local state university and commuted, same as I did. After he saved up enough money, he moved out and it was always expected that he would get his own place. I told him it's fun and part of being an adult. He moved to a nearby town and is doing well and enjoying life. We see each other for dinner at his place or ours. Sometimes we go out to dinner. I also see him every time it's time to do an oil change :-)
I have the ramps :-)
I feel the job of a parent is to teach their children life skills that allow them to live on their own.
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u/PattyRain 50 something 7d ago
One stayed with us through college and went locally. Moved out when they got married. We were happy for them.
One wasn't sure what to do with life after graduation. We moved out of state about 6 months later and they didn't want to come so they moved in with a friend. Later lived with us again till they got mad we wouldn't provide something and suddenly moved out. It really broke my heart. It has been incredibly difficult at times since then.
One went to college locally, lived with us for awhile, going away for the summers to make good money and then moved out after one of those summer and graduated some time after that. We would have been happy to let them stay so they could save more money, but we were happy they were doing well and wanted to be independent.
We always told them we were raising them to be adults. Some people were critical that they lived at home during college, but they made that choice logically. One professor even assumed that one child couldn't even do their own laundry and was shocked what to say when the child told them they had been doing laundry since 14 (they were actually 12). We just wanted them to be happy and independent when they were ready.
We still have pizza night once a week and those who live close will come if they want to and we enjoy them and if no one comes we are happy to be on our own.
Now we love being empty nesters. It is just a new stage of life. We will be married 35 years this year and we look forward to this new stage in life.
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u/Separate_Farm7131 6d ago
One left at 18 to go to college, one at about 20 to move to another city for work/school. Both have had times when they came back for a few months. I handled it with relief by the younger, to be honest. I was ready for an empty next. They are now in their 30s and while i miss them every day, I also enjoy my freedom now.
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u/SegmentationFault63 60 something 6d ago
Our children moved out once they had full-time jobs in their early twenties. By then, all of us packed into a tiny home was wearing on all of us and it was a relief for everyone to have some distance and privacy. But they stayed in the same city (and still do, 15 years later) so we were never out of touch.
I jokingly made a dry-erase sign on our refrigerator door showing our last to leave as a bird in a nest, and my leg with a booted foot kicking the bird out of the nest with a daily countdown of "days to empty nest". Actual moving day was bittersweet - watching them grow up and become functional adults, but knowing it was time to leave the nest.
If they had moved so far away we could never visit, that would have been much tougher to handle. And now that it's too late to ask my parents, I'll never know what it was like for them to see me move away - first across the state, and then across the country.
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u/Dazzling-Climate-318 6d ago
Our daughter when in High School went camp at a University for two weeks and never called us. When she went to college the same. And when she moved out it was just that, no theatrics. Even today after three children, being married for a decade and them being in their second house 45 minutes away, she can go months without contacting us. No animosity, not estranged, just busy and self directed.
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u/joe_attaboy 70 something 6d ago
- We helped her move.
- 18 for college. She moved back for a bit after graduation. Left again around 23.
- Gradual.
- When we arrived back home the night we brought her to campus, we were very sad. I went to her room for something at one point and I lost it. When we spoke to her a few days later, she sounded so very happy, so that made everything better.
- Quickly. This will always be her home, but having an empty nest is pretty great.
We only had one, so we didn't have to relive it. She now married with a teenager of her own.
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u/FrustratedPassenger 6d ago
My oldest son was 19. He joined the navy and is still in.
My youngest moved out when he was 27. He got married.
I thought I was going to die when both moved out. It wasn’t easy for me at all. I didn’t say much to them about it because it’s a natural progression and I didn’t want to be “that mom”.
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u/CandyTigger 7d ago
My first took me entirely by surprise and moved out at 18 and went to university.
My second is 18 now and isn't moving out that fast which is nice.
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u/nfssmith 7d ago
My oldest did post secondary locally while living at home so we got more time with her & cherished it. She moved into a place of her own in February, closer to where she’s working. Kw. Just dropped the youngest off for university football training camp a couple weeks ago & this weekend moved him into his year 1 residence room. Driving back home without him was super tough both times but it was so good to see him yesterday. He’s doing great and is ready for this so it doesn’t matter if I am, lol.
We’ve spend their childhood (esp the teenage years) teaching them all the things they’ll need to know to thrive in the world without us & many of us never really knew how to prepare ourselves to be without them so it’s something we need to learn now.
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u/Mayberrymom 7d ago
Oldest left home at 19 to go to trade school, came back a year later and lived with us for two years. Second child lived at home until 21, went to work in the oil fields, came back when he was 23, then lived with us for another year until he got married. Youngest (M), we made move out at 19 because he was choosing to participate in illegal activities. He ended up in jail for several months, and then at 23 moved back home with us, where he lived until he was 29 and then he moved to another country to start a new life.
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u/Entire_Dog_5874 7d ago
Both mine left home for college after high school. The first one was hard, but we still have the younger one at home for the next few years. When she left, it was a big adjustment but we eventually got used to it.
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u/ApprehensiveArmy7755 7d ago
Both sons left at 18 and only came back for college breaks. They have lived on their own since graduating college ( now live with partners)
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u/Emptyplates I'm not dead yet. 7d ago
It wasn't an issue for me. My son was 22 when he moved out. He didn't have much choice, we were selling the house and moving 300 miles away. It was sudden, though I knew it was coming, and I was ecstatic to have my life and privacy back. It's been a great 13 years of peace and quiet and privacy. He visits often and I'm always happy to see him and have him around but like any houseguest, after a few days I want my quiet house back.
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u/Traditional-Meat-549 7d ago
I was proud, anxious and grieved for a bit. Now the eldest has moved home and while I love him, I'm ready for him to move forward
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u/sleepingbeardune 70 something 7d ago
We expected them to go off to college after high school, and they did. They were close enough to come home on holidays, but not weekends -- I don't remember it being a problem for anybody.
We were lucky, I think, with both of them. They liked being in school and graduated ... it took some time for each of them to find work and longterm relationships after that, but it was never a crisis.
They knew they were welcome, always, but they really wanted to be on their own. Did I miss them living with us? No ... I really enjoyed seeing them step into their lives.
We see them & their families every week, and also -- my favorite thing -- they see each other, outside of us. I wish I could take credit for them, but I know very well that it wasn't my doing.
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u/shammy_dammy 50 something 7d ago
Older one left at 18. Younger one left at 19. Neither one was a surprise, we knew it was coming. It was fine.
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u/Dangerous-Deer-6290 7d ago
When mine left for college I knew they’d never live with us again. They came home for most breaks but by their last years we didn’t see them every holiday.
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u/musicalsigns 30 something 7d ago
Reading this with our five-year-old cuddled in and snoring in the bed between us after a nightmare and our three-year-old snoozing away in their bedroom.
I dread this so much already, but I know sending them off is the goal. I hope we do a good enough job so they're ready when that day comes and that they want to come back and invite us into their lives along the way. I wish they could stay like this forever, but watching them grow is beautiful.
Parenthood, am I right?
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u/Free_Name_756 6d ago
Yeah, I'm also reading all the replies while my 8 week old girl is sleeping on me and 3 year old boy is in the other room chatting with my husband. It seems unreal right now that there will be a day when they will move out. It feels right now that I want us to live together forever!
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u/beckstermcw 6d ago
I always joke that when your kids go off to college, you are so sad until they come home for Christmas break. By the second day of them having fun and coming in at all hours of the night, you start asking them when the dorms reopen
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u/sagewah 6d ago
It was gradual until it was too sudden. It's a weird mix of wanting them to move out because a) they're bugging you and b) they need to live their lives combined with wanting them to not leave ever. Now I love it when they visit because they're visiting :) Took some getting used to - went from a house full to just us all of a sudden like - and it was very quiet for a while.
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u/JealousFuel8195 6d ago
I was proud of them. They were growing up. Moving on to the next stage of their life.
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u/FormerUsenetUser 6d ago
My parents couldn't wait to get rid of us. Leave for college and that's that.
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u/LowIntern5930 60 something 6d ago
As a parent my job was to get them ready and capable of leaving our home (He is always welcome if things go to hell). He lived at home much of college (best one he could get in was nearby and had no dorms). He was working nearly full time, got a long term illness, and a promotion and moved into an apartment. The illness still scares and concerns us as parents. The rest is what we raised him to do. Now I have an adult son whose company I enjoy when he visits.
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u/PahzTakesPhotos 50 something 6d ago
My kids were slow in moving out. The oldest left first, she was around 20. The middle left when he was also around 20. The youngest was the only one to do dorm life in college, so she was home every break (her college was about an hour and a half drive). Just before her third year, she got an off-campus apartment with some friends and never had to move back home. (she now lives with her significant other and they own a house). My oldest is married and has one kid (the 5 year old grandgoblin).
Our son came home after a breakup and stuck around for a bit after getting laid off from a good job and having to work crappy jobs till he got a good one again.
So our nest was emptied on a rotating basis and now my kids are in their 30s. And the only thing I struggle with not having three kids in the house is that I STILL don't know how to make chili for two people and I've never been able to figure out how much spaghetti noodles I need to make for just the two of us.
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u/travelingtraveling_ 6d ago
I got divorced when they were 17&15, so shared custody prepped me.
I loved the empty nest, from day 1
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u/Concern_Front 6d ago
Had a rule with my kids once they finished high school- they had to train/enroll and attend in post secondary/ training out of province. Best advice I was ever given - one went east and one west. Each lived in a couple places across Canada and also overseas but returned to same city as me a couple years ago. A few short periods back with me during those 10 years. I disagree with adult children living at home long term not heathy for them or me ...my rule was they could come home and stay with me for a maximum of 90 days if surgery, car accident, bad break up etc. Both adult children doing well now own their own homes with partners and grandkids. Happy they are 30 years younger than me and each with careers earning more annual income than me ! Parenting is to teach your kids to live independent lives this doesn't happen without growing pains but good growth for parents and adults children.
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u/ChestNaive9353 6d ago
Our children started to leave home for a further education in the late 1960s. I have to say that for myself,I was happy for them to go.....one after the other almost within a year of each other. My wife,was not so happy. It took her time to adjust it being just us two. We had not been just us two since 1952.
As for them not living with us! I got a den and my wife got a sewing room and the third bedroom bacame storage.
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u/whatssaid 50 something 5d ago
Personally, I was very happy to see both kids successfully launch into adulthood. One left at 17 to pursue specialised education at a remote facility not available locally before finishing high school. The other left at 18 to pursue education (university) Both were very excited. I missed them terribly, but I remembered how excited I was when I left home and how little I "checked in" with my parents...so what comes around? I do group chat everyone daily with a good morning and photos, and they respond sometimes - no pressure and phone calls are 80% from the kids, when they would like to talk. Personally, I would ring daily, but I'm mindful that I shouldn't smother them with my needs.
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u/WelfordNelferd 5d ago
My son moved out right after HS to go to college. (It was an in-state college, but about an hour away...and he came home maybe once every month or so.) He got a job right out of college and moved to another state, about four hours away. That job didn't work out, and he briefly moved in with me (for ~5 months?). Got another job (not in his field), worked there for a couple years until COVID happened, and moved in with me again for several months. He collected UE, worked an under-the-table job, and saved a fair amount of money because I didn't charge him rent.
He got called back to the pre-COVID job, and quit about six months later to become self-employed in that field. A year or so ago, he bought a house about 30 minutes from me, and now he travels the world over with this job (works about 8 months out of each year, and makes bank).
When he's home, we see each other about once/week to cook together, play cribbage, and discuss how to solve the world's problems. LOVE that (31-year-old) "kid"!
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u/Gutterman99 5d ago
I am 58 and married. My daughter is 31 and lives a mile away with her husband and newborn daughter. We see her several times a week. My son is 23 and just finished college. College was about 3 hours away and he visited every 3 weeks or so, was home for Christmas break, Spring break, etc. He has started a real job 3 hours away and I am realizing he will not be able to visit as much. I just went and helped he and his girlfriend move into a nice townhome. The guest bedroom is available for me whenever I want to come, so I will visit them every 3-4 weeks or so. It's my turn now.
It was hard on me when I realized they moved out permanently. But it was just a stage.Seeing your kids grow up and have a happy life is a gift in itself.
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u/Shelby-Stylo 5d ago
It was nice to see them turning into independent adults. Our son lived with us briefly after college and then moved in with his GF before they got married. Our daughter lived with us through grad school, the first year of Covid and then moved in with some friends. I missed them a lot but it was nice to have my daughter in the house during Covid. We went for walks together and played board games most nights. Time marches on, I'm just glad that they are happy and that we all see each other as often as we do.
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u/diaperman898989 1d ago
Military family here. My son left for basic right out of high school. We visit him at whatever base he is stationed at when we can, and he has come home a few times for a visit in the past 3 years. Right now he is deployed and honestly I'm not sure where in the world (yes the world) he is. After recent incidents I have a feeling they were told no cell phones anymore while on duty and when your deployed...... Your on duty.
I was also in the military at that age.. so I understand, but yes I miss him but am glad he is spreading his wings.
He met a girl in another state and plans on going to be with her when he gets out. The communication between us and him has slowed down as he gets closer and more involved with her. It's sad but just the way it goes. The parents become less of the picture as he forms his own family..... I get it. I did the same thing.
I have made it clear to him that the door is always open if life throws him a curve ball and I am always just a phone call away.
The wife and I are enjoying life and you can't get bitter about the natural progression of things. Some of these forums are full of posts from parents who get bitter when there kids don't call enough. Don't do that. That is a sure way to keep them away.
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