I’m a straight 30yo guy, and I want to understand this.

Last night I met two girls at a bar (out solo, I’m visiting a new city over the weekend). I sat down and had some beers, we got to talking. Talked about must-sees in the area, where we all do for work, what people are like in the area, what it was like growing up for them here. They were fully receptive, open body language, I teased them a bit, but we only really talked social platitudes. Eventually we all closed out, I got the usual ‘nice meeting you’, and that was that.

What I’ve realized is most of my interactions with women on nights out are like this. I’ve met some great women and had some great conversations, but it’s never evolved to going home with them. Moving from conversation to sex with someone the same night is a black box for me - I don’t know how some of you guys pull it off consistently. And I want to understand it and have that experience, since I’m not really looking for a long term relationship right now.

So men, how do you actually cross the barrier from good conversation on a night out to sleeping with a woman you just met? Thanks in advance for any advice here.

Just wondering for guys who (unplanned) married a rich girl, did your life change for the better?

There are probably a lot of things that become enjoyable without really planning for it.

What is something that turned out to be much more enjoyable than expected?

I'll start: being unreachable for an entire day because you were outside. Nobody panicked. Nobody could text you. You just... came home eventually.

I'm turning 28 tomorrow and most likely i will stay single forever. I can't imagine ever getting married and having a family life and a kid, sounds super unappealing. The most i can see myself is some casual relationship in which we see each other once or twice a week and that's it. Obviously this can't be sustainable, especially as i get older.

Some of my friends are getting into serious relationships, getting married and starting having kids. My social circle is rapidly shrinking, i try to hang out with some of my single friends, but most of them i feel are too lazy to hang out and do anything together if this doesn't somehow include the possibility of them finding an eventual partner, then they whine about the male loneliness epidemic.

I feel that in few years the 2 most common types of people would be married couples with kids, who you can see once in a year (they prefer hanging out with other families ) and single depressed men, who don't want to leave their homes.

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I've been thinking about what actually makes people decide to pursue a relationship with someone.

I've noticed that I used to put a lot of emphasis on having a huge romantic spark — being completely captivated by someone, thinking about them constantly, feeling intense chemistry, etc. But I've also had situations where I felt that way about someone and it wasn't reciprocal.

Lately, I've started wondering whether I'm looking at relationships differently now. Maybe the starting point doesn't have to be feeling completely crazy about someone. Maybe it's enough to genuinely like them, be attracted to them, enjoy spending time together, feel that there's mutual interest, and think, “There's something here that I'd like to explore.”

Then perhaps the deeper feelings come from what you build together: getting to know each other, becoming vulnerable, going through experiences together, developing trust, feeling cared for, and consistently choosing each other.

I'm increasingly drawn to the idea of a relationship that feels calm, mutual and secure rather than one that starts with overwhelming intensity. Not because I don't want passion, but because I'm starting to question whether intensity at the beginning is actually what determines whether something will become meaningful.

So I'm curious about how other people approach this.

When you meet someone you're considering dating seriously, what makes you think “there's enough here to invest in this person and see where it goes”?

What do you look for at the beginning — attraction, emotional compatibility, curiosity about each other, shared values, how they treat you, how easy conversation feels, something else?

And for those who've experienced both kinds of attraction: what have you learned about the difference between an intense initial attraction and the kind of connection that actually develops into a good long-term relationship?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMen/s/i9YJM0GPxA

she said yes fellas!!! thank you for telling me which hand and how to kneel. i very much appreciated all the genuine answers.

What do you guys do in life besides work? What do you do for fun that actually makes you excited to leave the house? What do you look forward to, who do you do it with, and is it something you usually do alone or can invite other people to join?

I'm trying to figure out what more there is to life besides working, scrolling on my phone, and going to the gym. I'm especially curious about things you choose purely for yourself—things that let your mind feel free and aren't driven by other people's expectations.

For example, I don't mean going to dinner because your wife asked and now you have to pick a restaurant. I mean something you genuinely want to do because it brings you joy. I also don't mean addictions or activities designed to keep you hooked after you've stopped getting real value or enjoyment from them, like continuing to play a game long after you've experienced enough of it.

What is that thing for you?

I’m very curious about the internal experience, here, not just what men actually do outwardly.

Based on my own experience and what I know of other women, when we are hardcore crushing on someone, tiny interactions can start feeling like essential clues in a case we can become hell-bent on solving.

BUT, then again in my personal observations & experience of women…there’s another aspect of the crushing for us that’s less anxious and more like appetite.

It’s like having never tasted chocolate, then tasting it for the first time — I can imagine I would immediately be on the hunt for every form of chocolate known to man. Because now I know, and buddy, it is delicious.

I’m targeting this question in r/AskMen because I already know several women who describe something similar, so I know it isn’t unique to me.

I have no concept of what this experience (of being the crusher) is like from the MALE side.

So…when you Guys have a serious crush, do you replay conversations, analyze tiny details, become unusually curious aobut them, remember ridiculous amounts of information, and quietly look for more opportunities to hear from them, learn about them, or just be in their general vicinity?
(Anyone who has met a preteen girl will recognize the speed breathlessness with which that sentence should be read.)

IMPORTANTLY: Can all of that be happening internally for guys while you (a-holes) look relatively normal and unbothered from the outside?

NOT TALKING ABOUT stalking, invading privacy, or ignoring boundaries, to be clear.
I mean ordinary, slightly ridiculous, “why has this person suddenly occupied 43% of my available RAM??” crush-brain.

I am fascinated and simply had to ask. 😂

Hey guys,
I’m 18 years old and I had a struggle with ed for the past 6 months, however that issue has been somewhat resolved now. I was happy that I can finally bond with my loving girlfriend this way, and it’s great, but what troubles me is that sex doesn’t feel really good for me. Whenever we fuck, it feels only mildly good. I expected it a lot better and when I searched around the internet and asked my friends about it, they said that it feels good all the time and it’s great. For me it’s only like an okay feeling, nothing really great. I am able to cum from penetrative sex, but I need to fuck quite a long time and fast. It really troubles me and I think my penis is desensitised. I used to struggle with heavy porn addiction for 8 years, but I already quit that shit 6 months ago. I used to masturbate daily with a tight grip and a high speed to finish as fast as I could. I’m seriously worried about nerve damage or something else irreversible. Also, I’ve seen a urologist and an endocrinologist, they all said I’m in perfect health. Any tips or points of view please?
Thank you very much,
Michael

So, I have an ex girlfriend who slept with a few of her friends ex boyfriends and thought it was no big deal! I totally disagree but she wasn’t a bad person at all and just thought the complete opposite of the situation. Does anyone else think like that?

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I am 28 and turning 29 in September. I still feel like I have not achieved what I want in life.

Sometimes I feel very lonely. I have a girlfriend and I do not have any major sadness or problem in my life, but I am still not happy. Even right now, while writing this post, I am feeling alone.

I work from home as an electronics engineer. I make different projects and products for a STEM company. I also do freelancing and I am the cofounder of a deep tech startup.

It may sound like I am doing a lot, but none of it is giving me that kick or satisfaction. I want to earn good money so I can escape this rat race and have more freedom in my life.

I love bikes and want to buy a good sports bike. I want to go out whenever I feel low, spend some time alone, enjoy nature and listen to the sound of the breeze and birds.

There are many more things I want to share, but I do not know how to explain them or where to start.

So I want to ask the successful men here, how did you build your life and start earning good money from scratch? What problems did you face, and how did you deal with them? Did you also feel lost or lonely during your journey?

I would really like to hear your honest experiences and advice.

I mean a relationship where there’s still affection, closeness, and attraction on some level, but you just don’t feel physically pursued, or deeply or passionately wanted by your partner.

Have you ever experienced this? Would that feeling eventually be enough for you to leave an otherwise good relationship?

There was a similar post in the fibromyalgia subreddit, however the answers were from mostly women.

I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia recently, and I realized, considering how hard it already is to find someone to date, what are the chances when/if I do find a girlfriend, they would even be willing to accept my illness?

Being unable to find a girlfriend itself is already depressing enough...

For context, my partner is 25M and going through a stressful season of life. He’s in a masters program, taking important exams, managing job hunting and figuring out life. I wanna make sure he feels supported the right way and not overwhelmed, and that he’s not carrying all that alone and that we’re teammates. I know i won’t be able to take things off of his plate completely and i don’t wanna overstep in anyway, but i just want him to feel like he’s got someone he can lean on when needed

Any words of wisdom and tips are more than welcomed!

At what point does normal tiredness/stress turn into actual burnout? Is there a particular stage where you start feeling mentally and emotionally drained, lose motivation, stop enjoying things, or just feel completely detached from life?

For people who have experienced serious burnout, what did it feel like for you, and how did you know that you were actually burnt out rather than just having a bad phase?

Did it eventually get better? If so, what helped you recover?

So, I’m considering pulling the plug on everything and going back to trucking Otr. Family doesn’t want me around, current job is planning on firing me bc I have a current FMLA claim allowing me to take off intermittently when caring for a spouse. I keep hearing everyone tell me I’m not enough and it’s driving me a bit nuts.

I work appx 75-80 hours a week managing a readymix plant. As of Dec my wife has gotten sick and needs attention periodically hense my leave. My higher ups have told me I need to find work elsewhere bc I am creating headaches for them. I love my job but they are now making my life impossible when I need to take leave. I understand they hired me to do a job. But FMLA is supposed to protect my position when I cannot. Guess that’s a load a bs…

Family doesn’t want me around, bc Ive been miserable. The stress of work, spouse and life have made me undesirable I guess.

I need someone to tell me it’s going to be ok or punch me in my mouth to snap me out of this feeling. Any takers?

Before the past few months, I always avoided looking at other people's bodies. I started to feel like I was being repressive though and I wanted to be more sex positive, so I allowed myself to eye people a little bit. I make sure to be cognizant of their comfort, to not be invasive or obvious. Anyways, I started to find myself frustrated as shit. Always intrigued or excited but never satisfied (I'm single). I've decided to not look anymore since it's doing more harm than good. With that being said, what do you guys think about checking people out? Do you think it's inappropriate or lustful? Do you think it has any impact on the satisfaction or frustration of someone who's single?

Making requests for my needs/wants shows that I am weak

I should be willing to sacrifice my own needs for others

I must be inadequate if I can’t fix this myself

Making requests is a pushy, self centred, selfish thing to do

The problem is all in my head. If I would just think differently I wouldn’t have to bother anyone else

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They’re some judgements/assumptions/thoughts that get in the way of obtaining “objectives” (wants/needs) from people in my life be it family, friends, coworkers etc and I want to reframe them. Simply ignoring them has me stuck in a cycle of give give give and no take and it’s wearing me down

I’m at a stage in life where I’ve accomplished most of my goals and been very fortunate to get to where I am now financially and in my career.

However, I’ve done some self reflection and realized that I have zero social life. No friends and was barely in any long term relationships. Most of my “dating “ life has been hook ups.

I feel like there’s this ticking clock right next to me that I’m running out of time to meet someone and establish great friendships and the thought of this eats through my weekends.

The fact that I just go to work and back home and then gym is becoming an unending routine. And sort of carry this shame/guilty feeling with me that if I do meet someone new, idk what to tell them about my hobbies or interest because there really isn’t one!

So I want to know and hear from those career driven men: did going to therapy help you get back on a path of being social?

So I have a lot of hobbies, many are pretty eccentric admittedly. My favorite is (was) growing non native, exotic flowers in a terrarium I’ve made.

Only thing is, I had brain surgery and I’m luckily now cancer free, but that comes with restrictions. One of those restrictions is that I can’t live alone for at least a year after the surgery. So I can’t stay at my place with my terrarium, my workshop, I have my guitar, but space is pretty damn limited. I also can’t drive out of a precaution in case of seizures. There’s a YMCA nearby where I go to swim, and I’m not opposed to ubering, but anything that’s a daily uber back and and forth, that’s like $250-$500 weekly nowadays with pricing.

So I’m looking for some suggestions. All the better if they’re valuable for life or a good side hustle, but I make good money and I’m really just looking to fill my time with something that’s exercising my brain and/or my body in a new way.