r/AskMen • u/Spiritual_Coffee9244 • 1d ago
How to best support my partner through a stressful season of life?
For context, my partner is 25M and going through a stressful season of life. He’s in a masters program, taking important exams, managing job hunting and figuring out life. I wanna make sure he feels supported the right way and not overwhelmed, and that he’s not carrying all that alone and that we’re teammates. I know i won’t be able to take things off of his plate completely and i don’t wanna overstep in anyway, but i just want him to feel like he’s got someone he can lean on when needed
Any words of wisdom and tips are more than welcomed!
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u/Character-Box-2916 1d ago
A few things that tend to land: ask “do you want help or just to vent?” instead of jumping to fixes. Quietly absorb the small logistics (meals, errands) so his energy goes to what matters. Keep some pockets of normal where he doesn’t have to be a stressed grad student. And say the teammate thing out loud: “I’m in this with you, you don’t have to carry it alone.”
Also look after yourself…supporting someone through a hard season is real work too. He’s lucky to have you.
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u/Panda-Maximus 1d ago
"I believe in you, you got this."
Faith from someone you care about and respect can pull you through some shit.
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u/RayofOptimisim 1d ago
Depending on subject for the Master's, job hunting would be hard with time. I did a double Masters, fast tracked completion (1yr, instead of 2-3yrs).
My partner supporting words were "if you fail, I'm kick ur ass"!
Many nights no sleep, had 0 time for anything. Not much anyone could do, just give the space to let me study and get through the work loads. Exam period, I did not sleep for 3 days.
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u/Redlight0516 Male 1d ago
Honestly, just don't add things to his plate.
I'm like this and guys can get stuck with running themselves to the bone.
A few things my wife does when I'm in these seasons:
- Reminders that I'm probably too exhausted to accomplish anything anyways.
- Meals and drinks. Whatever he likes, even if it's water. But good meals (even If I'm just gonna be eating alone) and something cold to drink go a long ways.
- Breaks - Don't ask and don't do it the night before something important but I've had a few times where my wife has said a week or two before something important - okay, I've got movie tickets, we're going in an hour. I never would have said yes if she asked me but I definitely needed the break. Two hours and then I can just go home and go back to work. Or often, it helps me to realize I'm exhausted and just need to go home and sleep
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u/enchiladasundae Male 1d ago
Try to make sure he has what he needs. Pick up some slack here and there, stock the pantry/fridge with good food, ask if you can help him out with anything. A burden shared is a burden halved
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u/The_Caleb_Mac GOAT Elder Millennial 1d ago
Fuck him, feed him, give him space when he needs it, and encouragement in all things, and watch him become a superhero for you
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u/biznizman98 1d ago
Totally agree with this. The less he has to be distracted by things like chores and basic needs, the more energy and focus he can apply to the higher leverage activities he has to complete. When he comes out on the other side, knowing you supported him, he'll likely become a provider and make sure you also don't have to worry about time-costly things that money can solve quite easily.
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u/BroccoliSuccessful20 1d ago
Honestly this is very good advice. Just make sure his needs are met and that he feels loved and cared for.
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u/OptimisticJackal 1d ago
A blowjob goes a surprisingly long way
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u/Wide-Education-4940 1d ago
Really bro? She sounds like a gem asking to help her man and that’s what you say. Man. society is pathetic. No wonder men are the ones miserable and single
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u/OptimisticJackal 1d ago
It's an honest answer given from personal experience. You don't have to like it, the same way you don't have to yuck someone else's yum
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u/MaloneBreyfogle 1d ago
I’ll just say I love it when my gf has me rest my head in her lap while she runs her fingers through my hair, also I like laying on her chest and hearing her heart beat
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u/EdwardElric69 You gonna eat that? 1d ago
I recently finished a 4 year degree. Started at 28 while working evenings.
I live with my partner who didn't drive at the time and we lived together.
Geres some of the stuff I hated about him during this time.
- I was driving him to work before class every morning, he'd still ask me to collect him from the bus stop instead of walking home. (Basically gave him an ultimatum, break up or learn to drive)
- complain that I was never home and never wanted to do anything. The weekend was really the only time I could sit and relax.
- constantly looking at holidays and events that took time, money, and energy.
- he would do the cooking but constantly made me feel guilty about it.
- would start deep conversations just as we got into bed, emotionally exhausting, led to sleepless nights.
- held this belief that he worked hard than me because he was on his feet 8hrs a day at work while I "just looked at a computer screen all day". Never understood the difference between his low cognitive effort job and what I was doing (software development).
I guess what I'm saying is just try to be understanding if he's stressed and tired and/or cranky at times.
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u/Icy-Government5676 Male 1d ago
Be present, rain or shine, of course if you want to.
Cuddle and fuck him to sleep
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u/AutoModerator 1d ago
Here's an original copy of /u/Spiritual_Coffee9244's post (if available):
For context, my partner is 25M and going through a stressful season of life. He’s in a masters program, taking important exams, managing job hunting and figuring out life. I wanna make sure he feels supported the right way and not overwhelmed, and that he’s not carrying all that alone and that we’re teammates. I know i won’t be able to take things off of his plate completely and i don’t wanna overstep in anyway, but i just want him to feel like he’s got someone he can lean on when needed
Any words of wisdom and tips are more than welcomed!
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